Friday, December 30, 2011

Win Your Ex Girlfriend Back After She Left You

Ugh! Why is it that relationships have to be so complicated? One moment things seem to be going great, and the next moment you want to know how to win your ex girlfriend back after she dumped you. Before you start doing anything to win her back, you need to make absolutely sure that you really want her back. Perhaps you are just assuming you should get back together, but do some soul searching first, before you start taking action. From this point forward, we will assume that you are 100% sure about wanting to get back together.

You need a plan if you want to get anywhere. If you don't have a plan then you will expend a lot of effort getting to an unknown point, and you won't even know when you haven't arrived. Sounds confusing, doesn't it? Yes it does, and that's another reason why you need a plan; it will give your purpose more clarity. Decide what your end goal is, and then start working backwards from there, figuring out what steps will eventually lead you there.

Now, if you knew what steps to take, you wouldn't be reading this, right? There is some truth to that statement, but there also some things that you will have to figure out on your own by using some trial and error. You will probably make a few mistakes along the way, and will encounter a few obstacles. The only way to get beyond them is by being willing to do whatever it takes to win your ex girlfriend back after she dumped you.

She dumped you, you didn't dump her. Do you know why she dumped you? She may have told you, or you may have some idea, but what you need to do is dig deep to get to the root of the problem that caused her to break up with you. Chances are that the first ideas that pop into your head will only be the symptoms of some deeper issues. If you wish to get back together, then you are going to have to uncover the real problems, and also be willing to face them head on.

Once you figure out what really went wrong you can then work on solutions. You will be able to arrive at some solutions on your own, but they will be more effective solutions if you get input from your ex girlfriend. The only way that can happen is by the two of you talking about it. That means you will have to let her know that you would like to have another chance. If you have done the previous steps well, and if you are sincere, then she should be willing to at least hear you out. Things may get intense, but the final key of how to win your ex girlfriend after she dumped you is to keep your cool. It may not always be easy, but it is possible, and it will be worth it when the two of you are happily together again.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Romantic Relationships-In The Work Place Oh My

Romantic relationships happen all the time. It is especially possible that they can happen in the workplace. When you have many people working in the same place day after day friendships will develop and can possibly turn into something more. You might find that a group of co-workers will start going out on the town for drinks after work every Friday night.

This behavior is normal and romantic relationships can develop between two people who spend a lot of time together in any situation may find they have feelings for each other and the workplace is no exception. How this can influence things at work depends on if the relationship works out or not.

If you are considering dating someone at work check out the HR policy on it first, you may find you can get into some trouble if you date someone within the company. Otherwise do what you can to keep things under wraps while you are at work for two reasons.

No one needs to know your business and if there is a policy against co-workers dating then you will stay out of trouble. A third reason is that you both will not become fodder for the rumor mill.

When the dynamic changes between two people at work and they decide to commit to each other in a serious manner care must be taken to keep productivity at the same level or higher otherwise the boss will suspect something is going on and she may question you.

Do what you can to stay as productive as you were before the relationship started and you will not have any problems. Do not spend all of your time sending e-mails or calling the other person on the phone. There is a time and a place for all of that and at work is not that time or place.

Make plans to meet for lunch before you get to work. Then at lunch make plans for after work. Try your best to keep your relationship out of the workplace. You may be so excited and feel like telling some of your closer co-workers about your new love but refrain from doing so. Word will get out if you do this and this is when the trouble we talked about earlier can start.

No one needs to lose their job over falling in love especially in this economy where jobs are hard to come by. Do everything you can to keep the one you've got.

If the newness wears off and the relationship starts to go sour do your best to keep the breaking up out of the workplace as well. Do not let your productivity waver in this situation either. Deal with the break up on your own time.

Romantic relationships can be tough at any time but between two co-workers it needs special attention. If things do go sour and you work in the same department then one of you could ask for a transfer to another department to stay out of trouble. You know what they say, "Out of sight, out of mind".

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Commitment-The Big C Word

If you are tired of running away from commitment but do not know where to start to fix your problem there are many things you can do to help yourself. You can overcome your fear and learn to have love in your life.

If you are one of those people who enter into a relationship with good intentions and feel that this time you will make a commitment and then once that decision is made you turn right around and start doing all those things you used to do that will sabotage the relationship you are in.

Why you do these things you have no idea. But it has cost you the love of several women and now is the time to work things out so you do not spend your life all alone.

The first thing you need to do is some soul searching and try to figure out why you react the way you do. Maybe you got hurt in a previous relationship and subconsciously think that if you ruin the relationship that you can't or won't get hurt ever again.

That is all well and good, but where has that gotten you so far? So, try to figure out why you behave the way you do and this can be the first stepping stone in figuring all the rest out, too.

Never be afraid to ask for help. If the problem is too big for you to handle on your own go find someone to talk to, a professional if need be. A good relationship counselor can help you work through any and all insecurities you have so you can learn to have good relationships with the opposite sex.

Maybe control is your issue. If you are a control freak then entering into a relationship can be a scary thing because you have to be out of control when you are falling in love. Maybe it is the love itself that scares you. Love is scary but you can learn to revel in it and not sabotage every relationship.

Your counselor may have you start keeping a journal. Writing down our feelings can be a great help in overcoming them. When you see them on paper somehow they take on a different quality and do not seem so huge. When you write things down they seem easier to handle and may even start to seem somewhat trivial.

You may fond that you laugh at yourself when you get things all down on paper because these things will now seem so stupid to you. writing them down and looking them over may be the best thing you need to do to overcome your fears.

Commitment does not have to be scary. Falling in love is the best thing in the world and if you are afraid to do it then you are missing out. Try hard to fix what is wrong so you can be one of the lucky ones in this life to find someone to grow old with.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Investment In Relationships-Time Not Money

Having an investment in relationships is the best way to learn to trust each other. As we all know trust is the basis of all good relationships. If you do not have a good level of trust then you do not have a very good relationship.

That level of trust does not develop over night however, you must work at it. And, trust that has been built over time can be gone in a heartbeat if one of you starts doing stupid things to hurt your relationship.

An investment in relationships does not have anything to do with money. The investment comes from being there for someone when they need you and being reliable even when they do not. The best way for you to accomplish this is to do what you say you are going to do when you say you are going to do it. This is a simple concept. When the small things are taken care of then you can move on to bigger things.

If she calls you up and says she needs you to pick her up from work or where ever and for you to be there at a certain time then make sure you are waiting for her when she comes out. Do not make her wait for you. She will be tired and want nothing more than to see your smiling face at the end of her day.

Another way to earn her trust is to confide in her about things that bother you. Confide in her about things that interest you. The two of you will feel closer than ever before and this will show her that you trust her with some of the big stuff. If she confides something to you earn more trust by keeping it to yourself, do not spread what she tells you all over town.

Show some vulnerability sometimes. No one is as strong as they need to be all the time. Let her know you need her to be there for you when you are feeling down and just want to talk things out. She will feel that you need her when you do this. Try to come out of your comfort zone and let her inside for just a moment.

Do things to make her feel important in your world. If she wants to go see a chick-flick then take her and try to have fun. On the flip side she should be interested in doing the same for you. Be careful here though, because you might get caught up in what she wants and neglect your own stuff. Do not do that to her and she will not do that to you.

And last but not least, carve out some time for each other. Life can get in the way and with this being the technology age that it is you can get lost in all the text messages and e-mails and almost forget to see each other everyday. Making an investment in relationships is just this simple.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Satisfaction In Relationship

Mutual satisfaction in relationship is not that difficult to achieve if you both are willing to accept the other as they are. When both parties continually geet what they want and need from a relationship then you can be content and satisfied in your relationship.

Satisfaction in relationship comes in all shapes and sizes and depending on the type of person each of you are it can be different for all concerned.

For instance, if one of you has got to be in control all the time and one of you is a doormat then this might give both of you some satisfaction. You are both getting what you need and as long as there is no abuse going on this type of arrangement might work very well.

If you both have figured out that somethings are harder for you to do and the other of you is good at those things then you probably make a great team. When one does not know how to do something the other does and you both benefit from each others knowledge and skill.

Maybe you are both laid back and just take the world as it comes to you. This can work too. No one needs too much stress in their lives and if the two of you have found out how to live with very little stress then more power to you.

If your relationship is tense and sometimes too much to handle then you need to find ways to make things better. I believe this is called simplifying your life. Get rid of all the baggage you do not need any longer. It could be something simple like changing phone plans so you save a little bit of money each month.

Spend that extra cash for a date night once or twice a month and try to keep things as fresh as possible. Sneak in little surprises here and there and just try to see the other point of view instead of fighting to the death over a difference of opinion.

Take the time to remember the good times you have had and some of the memories that go along with those good times. This may prompt you to do some little thing every now and then to remind your partner of those times.

Plan a surprise weekend away, send the kids to grandma's house for the weekend and do not tell your partner where you are going until you get close. The surprise element of this will keep them guessing and coming back for more.

Believe it or not if you keep them guessing all the time and they do keep coming back for more then there is no room for boredom or becoming complacent in the relationship. Now I do not mean that you have to do something surprising every single day of your marriage but come up with ideas to make one night a week exciting for the both of you.

Soon the other one of you will see how fun it can be and maybe jump on the bandwagon and start planning some things of their own for the two of you to do. These are some tips for creating satisfaction in relationship.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Finances In Relationships

Money problems are one of the biggest reasons two people get divorced. Did you know if you had just sat down and talked about how each of you would like to do things before you got married then you would most likely not have problems with finances in relationships after you are married?

That's right, the best way to forego arguments about finances in relationships is to talk things out and create a plan for when you two have to combine your lives and income. No two people have the same feelings about money and if there is enough to pay all the bills and still  have some fun then you are way ahead of the pack in this economy.

Here is what you should do:  A few weeks before the wedding you should sit down and plan out your financial life. Write down some goals you both have and where you both want to be in six months, one year, and five years. Go out longer if you want to just make sure to take into consideration any raises either of you might get. I know that is difficult to do sometimes but if you want to go ahead.

Be ready, because you both may have to compromise some things in order to make things work financially. Someone who likes to spend money may have to be put on an allowance each week. Talk it out, work it out and find a compromise that each of you can live with.

Sometimes it is in your best interest to have separate checking accounts and each one of you be responsible for a portion of the household debt. Or, you could each maintain your own accounts and have a third for each of you to deposit enough in to cover the bills each month.

The simplest might be to just have one checking account and pool all the money so you both know where every cent is going. This way you could also have a savings account and be saving for the things you want.

Be sure to have paper and pen nearby when you sit down to talk so you can mock up a budget. Combine both your yearly incomes and see where you fall. Now, decide together how much you could spend on a house and enter this number in your mock budget. This is good practice for when you get married, by the way.

Then put in good guesstimates of what it would cost for electric and gas and water usage. Include insurance payments for the house and the cars. Do not forget about gas for the cars and food each week. Whatever you need to pay put a number for it in your mock budget so you can get a good idea of where you will be after the wedding.

Finances in relationships do not have to be so stressful. If one of you would rather do the bills then elect that person to be in charge and take your weekly allowance without complaint.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Your Jealous Of Others Relationships

Having a relationship can be a wonderful experience. Being with someone you can connect with, relate to, and generally just enjoy spending time with is one of the things most people out there need. Companionship is one of the driving forces behind human interaction and because of that we can become deeply attached to others.

This also has the drawback of making any break ups quite painful. You put in the time and effort necessary to build up a relationship with someone, only to have it all be for nothing in the end. So getting over a break up can be tough. Your jealous of others in working relationships, mad at yourself for letting it fall thru, hurt, maybe feeling betrayed. So getting past all of this can be difficult, but not impossible. With a few simple tips you should be able to press ahead and come out the other side.

1. Stay positive. Keeping a positive attitude is important after a break up. Letting yourself get depressed only makes recovery that much more difficult, and that much more time consuming. If you keep a positive mindset and look on the bright side of life you will not only be much happier but also have a much easier time with overcoming the sadness and pain you feel after a bad break up.

2.  Do not become a recluse
. When dealing with a bad break up your jealous of other people for not having to deal with this pain. You may also feel like you can no longer trust others and this is why so many people become reclusive after a particularly nasty break up. They will lock themselves away in their home and see their friends and family less and less. However keeping active and enjoying life will help you forget and move past the pain you currently feel.

3. Look for help
. When something bad happens to us, we often need or want a shoulder to cry on. There is nothing wrong with this, in fact keeping your emotions bottled up is the worst thing you can do. So finding someone to talk to about your break up can help you get it all off your chest. It does not necessarily have to be friends or family if you do not want to burden them. You can go to a counselor and talk with them, at the very least they can be someone to rant at, that is what they are paid for after all.

4. Keep going. After a break up, the worst possible thing you can ever do is to simply give up. Giving into your despair and convincing yourself that you simply were not cut out for love. No matter what you can not let yourself do this. Even if your jealous or hurt, these negative emotions will only bring you down if you let them.

No matter how bad your break up is, you will get through it in time and you will find love again if you keep looking.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Relationships Your Getting Over

Getting over any break up can be a long, painful process. You built up a relationship with someone, poured your heart and soul and loved them, only for it to all mean nothing in the end. So many people end up extremely hurt and distressed after a break up because of this. No matter how relationships your came to an end, if you are in pain from the break up there are ways you can cope with it.

1. Time will heal. Humans can be quite resilient and just like the rest of your body, your heart will heal in time. Even if you are in a lot of pain now, those painful memories and emotions will fade. Even if it does not seem like there is a light at the end of the tunnel you must remind yourself that there is indeed such a light, even if it is a ways off.

2. Do not hesitate to get help. After a bad break up many people will not bother getting the help they need. Like it or not, having a relationship torn down is an emotionally painful experience and you will likely need somebody to talk to. Do not be afraid or hesitant to express your feelings to someone and get it all off your chest.

3. Accept that they are gone. A denial tactic people will use after relationships your end is that they will try to convince themselves there is still hope of getting back together. Sometimes this is the case, but more often then not it will not happen. So it is best to accept that what is done, is done, and to move on.

4. You are not alone. Whenever something bad happens to us, it is in our nature to feel like we are the only one, that we are alone in our experience. As irrational as this sounds, it is true. So you need to remind yourself that you are not the only one, that millions of people experience such break ups and that they get through them just fine, same way you can.

5. You will love again. This is all too common after a bad break up, you may feel like you are simply not cut out for love. But despite how you may feel now, you will find love again. As the saying goes, there is plenty of fish in the sea and just because you lost this one does not mean there is not another one out there for you.

6. Take it easy. The best thing you can do after a break up is to take it easy and just relax and enjoy yourself. Letting the pain and sadness get the better of you just makes the recovery process that much more difficult. Even if relationships your fail, you can still enjoy life with your friends and family.

7. Never give up. Ultimately, despite everything you must remember to never give in to your despair. That no matter what you should keep pressing forward and continue living your life and enjoying it.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Husbands Ex-Find Ways To Relate For Your New Relationship

Since the divorce rate is so high the odds that you will find someone to marry that has never been married before is slim. Because of this you will need to find ways to deal effectively with your new husbands ex wife, especially if they have kids together.

This may not be as easy as it sounds but it can be done. If you were not the reason that they split up then you do have a fighting chance as long as you do not get caught up in the drama that remains from their relationship. Their history is just that, history and even though he may vent to you about things that have upset him you should stay out of the throng and just be there to listen.

It wold be a good idea to sit down with your husband ex wife and get to know each other. Take the initiative and ask her to go get a cup of coffee or treat her to lunch at a local cafe. She may feel a little intimidated or try to be intimidating toward you. If she tries to intimidate you then this is the perfect time to set the boundaries of your relationship.

Tell her in no uncertain terms that you are unwilling to be a party to any of the drama of their former relationship. Tell her you want the children to get to know you for themselves and will not tolerate her talking bad about you behind your back. She needs to know that you are now a part of her children's family and as such are part of the team that helps bring them up to adulthood.

If children are involved then tell her you will follow any and all direction she sets forth to help with the rearing of the children. Tell her you are open to and looking forward to becoming part of her children's lives but will never try to undermine her authority when it comes to dealing with them in a reasonable manner.

In other words, be there when someone needs a ride and go to all the school events that your schedule allows. Showing how you support the children will go a long way to becoming friendly with their mother. If the two of you can talk openly and honestly about the children and what is going on in their lives.

When she makes a plan for birthdays or holidays, stick to her plan. Do not be afraid, though, to make suggestions so your new husband gets to spend equal time with the children as well. Always present your ideas to her calmly and rationally so she will not think you are overstepping your bounds.

When it comes to giving gifts to the children on their birthdays or for the holidays, make a point of asking what she is getting them so there will be no duplicate presents but do not use this as an opportunity to upstage her gift with a bigger one. Gift giving should come from the heart and never be a competition between the parent and step parent.

You are not responsible for the relationship between your husband ex wife and him but you are responsible for making their children feel loved and secure when they are in your home.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Your My Wife-Advice On How To Say I Love You

There are many ways to say, "Your my wife and I love you." Everyone knows the saying about "if the wife is happy, everyone is happy". She has many stressors in her life especially if she is also a working Mom. She works all day and then comes home and has to deal with the kids and laundry not to mention making dinner for everyone and then cleaning up afterward.

What you can do as the husband is relieve some of her burden. Offer to take the kids to ball practice or help with dinner and the clean up afterward. Help the kids with their homework and baths when it is time to get ready for bed. Do the laundry and run the vacuum over the living room carpet every now and again. if you do these things you will not have to say, "your my wife and I love you", she will know it by your actions.

It's the little things you do for her that mean so much. If you have been together for some time you probably already know the kinds of things she likes. You can send flowers to her at work or give her a card for no reason just to say "I love you". But sending flowers is easy, all you really have to do is make a phone call to order them.

The things I am talking about are things she would not expect you to do. They call this romance. Doing romantic things for your wife may seem a little weenie to you but it is those things like putting a note in the lunch bag she takes to work or saving things like ticket stubs or the take away menu from your first dinner date.

Keeping a running track of all the things you have done together since you first met and bringing out your souvenirs to show her when she is having a particularly rough day just to bring back all the memories will make her see that you do care. This will stop the bad mood in it's tracks. She will begin to feel warm fuzzies for you and be happy again.

Change things up a little bit every now and then, too. If you are the one who does most of the outside chores. Tackle one or two of the inside chores for her before she gets home from work. Start dinner if you can cook, if you can't then order something in. Have the table set and laundry started.

If you want to give her some peace have the kids fed, bathed and playing quietly in their rooms so the two of you can have a nice quiet dinner together and she can vent all of her frustration of her day to you. Have a nice bottle of wine ready so the two of you can relax together for just a little while.

Make sure to promise a nice neck rub or foot rub after dinner or offer to run the bath for her so she can soak for 30 minutes, undisturbed of course. Light some candles for her in the bathroom and fill the tub with her favorite bath salts or bubble bath. She will be so touched by your thoughtfulness and that you found a way to say, "your my wife and I love you."

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Your Affair-Own Up To Your Mistake

If you need to find out how to save your marriage after your affair, the first thing you need to figure out is if the marriage is worth saving. Ask yourself why you had the affair in the first place.

If you have turned a new leaf and can honestly say why you had your affair in the first place then you can get down to the root of the issue and make an honest apology for your mistake. If you thought that for some reason your spouse did not love you anymore then you need to find out if that is the case.

You should have done this before you even thought about cheating but doing it now is better than not doing it at all.

One major point, do not pretend that the affair did not happen. The fact that it did is the biggest issue the two of you need to face if you are going to try to make things better. Sit down together or with a counselor to try to figure out what all the problems were and the reason for the infidelity.

This will not be easy and feelings will get hurt on both sides. Realizing that we all have things that we do not like about the ones we love is sometimes hard to face. This may be the entire problem. You found someone who was completely different from the one you say you love and it was exciting and passionate right from the beginning.

I would like you to think back and remember how things were when you first met your spouse-to-be. Remember the excitement and passion that the two of you shared? If that is all you were looking for it might still be there in your relationship.

What you should have done is try to find ways to bring that excitement and passion back to your marriage instead of finding it with someone else.

Oh well, what's done is done and if you now want to truly try to put your marriage back together you should concentrate on making amends to your spouse. He or she is probably very hurt and feeling rejected at this point and you need to do everything you can to make him or her feel like they are the only person in the world for you again.

Taking your problems to a reliable therapist or talking to your pastor may give you some pointers on making things right again. You must give your spouse some room to breathe and figure things out on their own as well. Do not crowd them or force them to do things they may not want to do. Do not be demanding in any way, you lost that right when you strayed.

Agree with everything they say even if they are angry and lay blame for all their current problems on you. And I cannot say this enough, apologize, apologize, apologize. You will have to apologize for everything, I don't care what it is. If she thinks you spent too much time in the bathroom, apologize.

Eventually things will calm down and get better but if you are the one who had your affair you must do all you can to help the relationship heal.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Ex With Some One New Can Be Painful

It does not matter which one of you did the breaking up, it can still be difficult the first time you see your ex with someone new. Hopefully you did some thinking on how you would react when you were planning how to get on with your life after the break up.

You probably told yourself that it would not matter to you at all seeing your ex with someone else but the first time it happens you will still feel something. If the two of you had some fun times together before it all went south then you will most likely feel left out and probably a little jealous as well.

Do not react to these sudden feelings. You will only make a fool of yourself and make everyone around you see you as the crazy ex girlfriend. If you should happen to bump into your ex while out, be gracious and kind and ask how he is doing. Small talk is the best way to get through this awkward situation.

If you do not trust yourself not to make a scene then leave and go somewhere else. Tell your friends that your ex is present and they will have no problem leaving with you to go find a new place to party. If you do not want to leave then try to ignore the situation and have fun. He most likely is not paying any mind to the fact that you are there anyway.

It may be your best bet to avoid going to the places the two of you went altogether. Memories can have a strong hold on you and if he takes his new girl to the same places you went together you may feel territorial about those places. You should find yourself a new coffee shop or night club and start making new memories for yourself.

When you find someone new do not flaunt him in front of your ex. If he has not found someone new he will feel the same way you would if he did have someone new and you did not. You and your new love should only be concerned with making your own memories and getting on with your relationship not what your ex is doing.

When my son broke up with his long-time girlfriend he told me that the first time he saw her at a party with someone else he felt like he had been "kicked in the gut" and he said he almost got angry but then realized that they were no longer together and he had no reason to be upset so he left it all alone and now they are friends.

So do not obsess about your ex. Do things to enrich your own life so you can find someone new as well. Do not "stalk" your ex on the social networks to find out what he is doing and who he is seeing. It is none of your business. You would not want him doing this to you, would you? I didn't think so.

This is the perfect time to figure out what makes you happy. If you see your ex with someone new then wish them all the happiness then turn around and get on with your own life.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Your Husbands-The Man Of Your Dreams And Passion

When you first met this man of your dreams the passion was like nothing you had ever experienced before. You just could not get enough of each other. You spent every waking moment together and never spent more than a day or two apart. You thought it would be like that forever, didn't you? Now you are wondering how to get your husbands attention back.

The first thing you need to do is to sit down and talk to him face to face. Find out if there is anything wrong in his life. He may just be so stressed out at work that he can no longer see that which is right in front of his face, namely, you.

There are many reasons the passion goes out of a relationship. Every day life gets in the way more often than not, then you start having kids and they take up most of your time and unless you have made sure that the two of you spend at least a little quality time together every week then you tend to drift apart and lose your way back to each other.

All is not lost forever though, you can find your way back to being happy and content in your relationship. All you need to do is reacquaint yourselves with each other and treat this as turning a page in your relationship and start fresh.

If things have gone from bad to worse you could both start seeing a marriage counselor. A good counselor can help you wade through all the muck that has come between you and your spouse. Once your work through everything then you can work on your husbands attention span.

The counselor will probably tell you to make a specific day and time of the week to go out on a date and do all you can to never waiver from that day and time. If you miss even one for any reason the whole reconnecting may fail. Keep your personal lives separate from work or the kids or anything else that has ever gotten in the way of the two of you spending time together.

Plan one weekend every couple of months to get away so the two of you can spend some time alone and de-stress, get to know each other again.

If the kids are all grown and you two do not know what to do when you are by yourselves anymore. Try enrolling at the local community college and taking that class you've been meaning to take while he goes out and plays poker with the guys or watches the game and has a few beers.

Start working out to improve your body and mind. Exercise will help you feel better about yourself and if you look and feel better your husband may see the change and like what he sees.

This will at least give the two of you something more to talk about and you can slowly get back to being a couple and commanding all of your husbands attention from now on.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Your Spouse-Advice For Troubled Relationship You Should Read

This article is about how to effectively communicate with your spouse. Communication is key to keeping the two of you from "growing apart". Do not ever try to keep secrets from one another about anything. This will only undermine all you have worked for over the years.

Everyone has problems in their relationship and the best way to deal with these problems is to maintain the ability to talk to your spouse about what is going on. If there is a problem brewing and you need to get it resolved then map out a time when the two of you can sit down together and talk about it.

There may be a solution to this problem that you cannot see all on your own. So do not try to handle it all on your own. Sometimes we all need the help of someone who has a fresh pair of eyes to objectively look at the situation or come at it from a new angle.

If the problem lies between the two of you then you may need to handle it with kid gloves. Set the time to sit down together but have a nice dinner and some wine to go with it. Ask the Grandparents to watch the kids over night so you will not have any distractions.

Make sure that each of you has a chance to speak. Little misunderstandings can have a big impact on the quality of your relationship. Do not let them wiggle their way in because if they get in they will do nothing but fester and grow bigger into an abscess that will one day burst and then the relationship will be unfixable.

You married each other because you loved each other but in reality that is the easy part. Love is easy, it is the living together day to day and dealing with everything that that entails that gets in the way of that love.

Dealing with the problems as they arise is the best way to keep the communication and trust alive in your relationship. If you let the problems pile up and nothing ever gets resolved then your relationship will not be worth the paper the marriage license is written on.

When the time comes that you have set aside for dealing with problems do not go into it mad and out of control. Nothing will be served by this. Stay calm and cool and get the whole thing out on the table.

Do not lay blame or be insulting. This is as unproductive as it gets, not to mention childish. Remain as adults and figure out the correct course of action to resolve the problem. Spell out the steps if you have to to make sure that you are each on the same page and will work together on a solution.

Never, ever "air your dirty laundry" in front of other people, friends or not. They do not need to hear that you are having trouble in your relationship. You and your spouse have all the power here to make or break your relationship and effective communication is the key.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Your Husband-Lost In The Bad Economy

If your husband was one of the many who lost their jobs in this seriously down-sized economy and seems just to be drifting with no prospects on the horizon and no motivation to go along with it there are things you can do besides getting angry with him.

A man who has lost his job may sometimes think that his manhood is connected with having a job. He has been raised to believe that having a job is paramount to taking care of his family and providing the things that they need on a daily basis. Without a job he feels useless and could be suffering from a little depression.

Even though it is not your fault he lost his job he may start to take how he feels out on you. You can help your husband regain his motivation by being supportive and encouraging him to continue to look for work even if he has to take a lesser job at this point.

Tell the man you love not to be discouraged and that something will come along sooner or later. Be patient with him when he gets down in the dumps and thinks that he has lost your respect and admiration. Tell him repeatedly, if you have to, that he is loved and respected with or without a job.

If there is no job on the horizon, encourage him to explore other options. If he went to college and ended up working at a job he hates then sit down with him and make a list of the things he likes to do to help him see that even if he has to go back to school to learn something else, he can and probably should.

Sometimes losing something we hated to do anyway will open up the door to doing something we love to do and are passionate about, even if it does not pay the same. Wouldn't you rather have a husband who is happy and fulfilled at what he is doing than having him come home in a rotten mood everyday from a job that he hates? I know I would.

With the economy the way it is and no significant improvement in sight, many people have returned to school to either further their education or change careers altogether. There are programs out there that will help with paying for additional schooling.

Ask him if it would be alright for you to call the local community college and set up an appointment to talk to a school counselor to figure out what options are out there. Maybe he followed his father's path into business when what he really wanted to do was landscaping.

Now is the perfect time to go to school and learn all he can about landscaping. Then maybe he could start his own successful business and not have to worry about working for someone else ever again.

Your husband is important to you so instead of ragging at him to find a new job, encourage him to follow his heart and do something he really wants to do.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Get Husband-Now You Have Him But There Is Trouble

Marriage is a wonderful thing that binds two people together. Many marriages last until the day they die, both people living happily throughout. However not all marriages have it so easy. In fact, many marriages have rocky times and end up failing. In a lot of these cases both parties involved would have wanted to save their marriage instead of letting it crash and burn. They want to work to get husband or wife the happiness they deserve.

Even though people often want to salvage their marriage, make it work, so that they can live happily ever after, they are unable to. As much as they want to save it, they simply do not know how. In a lot of instances, it was the very act of trying to save a marriage that doomed it to failure. If you do not want this to happen, there are several tips to help you out.

1. Stay positive. Remaining positive is really important in most things in life, but especially marriage. People can pick up on the vibes you throw out, if you are throwing out negative vibes people with subconsciously pick up on these and it can ruin your marriage. Staying positive allows your spouse to pick up on your positive vibes, thus feeling a little more at ease themselves.

2. Do not be pushy. The worst way for you to get husband or wife to listen to you is to be pushy. You may be eager to save your marriage, but this eagerness can cause you to be impatient and that just annoys your spouse and pushes them farther away. Slow and steady wins the race, if you take it nice and easy you have a much higher chance of success.

3. Communication. Communication is the single most important thing in a marriage. The only way for your spouse to know how you are feeling is if you tell them. If you have a problem, tell them in a polite manner so that the two of you can work it out before it spirals out of control and endangers your marriage.

4. Reminisce about shared memories.
Bring up happy moments from your past can be a great mood setter. If you are having a rough time in your marriage, remind both yourself and your spouse of the better times, and remind yourselves that with just a little work you can have those times again.

5. Seek help. Ultimately, if you are unable to get husband or wife to listen, or if you yourself have a problem, you should seek professional help. As much as you may want to save your marriage, sometimes you just can not do it alone. Whether it is your fault or your spouses, the fact remains the same, your marriage is having trouble. So instead of blaming one another, seek out a neutral third party who can help you sort things out.

Marriage counselors are trained to help you both through the tough times by giving you ideas on ways you can strengthen your bond and fix the problems you have.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Your Wants In A Relationship May Be To Much

A relationship is a beautiful thing, so having it fall apart before your very eyes can be a very emotionally difficult experience. As much as it pains us, relationships are formed and broken all the time. There are a lot of reasons for this, but there are always those occasions where our relationship is failing but we want to do everything we can to save it.

It is during these situations that your wants may not be enough to get you through. Knowledge is important, if you do not know how exactly to save your relationship, you will probably fail. Desire is all well and good but without the ability to put that into action, it is ultimately meaningless. To ensure your feelings are not meaningless, there are some tips that can help you in saving your relationship.

1. Keep positive.
We can get feelings off each other, people call these vibes. If you are negative, you throw off negative vibes. There may not be some cosmic occurrence because of this, but your partner will pick up on these and feel negative as well. All around, it will help your efforts if you just keep positive.

2. Do not be pushy.
While you may be eager to save your relationship, you must always be aware of your partners desires as well. To them, it may seem like you are just being pushy and trying to get your way, which may drive them off.

3. Communicate.
Communication is imperative in any relationship. If you do not tell your partner about your wants or problems, how are they going to know? Being able to talk with them can clear up a lot of misunderstandings and make things work more smoothly.

4. Bring back old memories.
If your relationship is struggling, reminding both of you about the good times you shared can be a great morale boost. Going out on a date to the place where you had your first date, or going where you first met. These things can help set the tone for your efforts in rebuilding your relationship.

5. Kiss.
It should come as no surprise that couples having problems are not as intimate as they once were. This only adds to the problem and drives you further apart. Surprise your partner with a kiss, keep that spark alive.

6. Smile. Smiling is a great way to boost your happiness, as well as your partners. They say laughter is infectious, so make your partner laugh and smile with you. Simple things like this can do wonders for healing a broken relationship.

7. Counseling.
If all else fails, and your wants just are not enough, try looking for professional help. Counselors are trained to help you through these rough times and can be a great way to salvage a relationship. Many couples do not want to go to a counselor, feeling it is not of their business, but if you are serious about saving your relationship then you may have to suck it up and get the help the both of you need.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Relationship A Part Of Life

Relationships mean a lot to people, they allow us to connect and be with those we care about. So when your relationship starts falling apart at the seams, it can be a very traumatic and emotional time. There are a lot of reasons relationship your may end, sometimes they are civil and both parties accept it. Sometimes both parties want to save it, but just can not seem to work it out.

In a lot of relationships both parties want to save it, very much so. But for whatever reason they just can not seem to get it right. For situations like this there are a variety of tips to help you out.

1. Stay positive. Positivity is important when trying to salvage a relationship. People can pick up on vibes and if you are negative, thinking your relationship will fail, your partner will pick up on this negativity and it will lead to that very outcome. Instead, be positive, think about you will pull through this.

2. Do not be pushy.
People often times allow themselves to get a tad eager, and this causes problems. You may be eager and willing to try and fix your relationship, but this eagerness can come off as pushiness, and may actually drive your partner away. Fixing your relationship is a slow process, take it easy so you do not break it further.

3. Communicate.
The single most important thing in relationship your is for you to communicate. Humans are not mind readers, if you keep your feelings bottled up your partner will never know. You need to make sure to convey any problems or desires you may have so that the two of you can act on that knowledge, fixing problems before they spiral out of control.

4. Bring up the good old times
. The place you first met, where you had your first date, memories like these can be a great way to set the tone for your salvaging efforts. Take your partner somewhere you both enjoy and have fond memories about, or bring up stories about how good things were.

5. Be affectionate. During troubled times, couples become increasingly less affectionate towards one another. All this does is make the problem worse. Do your best to keep this from happening. Give your partner a kiss every now and then. It also does not have to be sexual, either. Simply caressing their arms or giving them a hug can be all it takes.

6. Seek counseling. If all else fails, and nothing you do seems to have any effect on relationship your, then you may want to seek out a professional. There seems to be a stigma around going to a counselor, like it spells doom for your relationship. But it is actually the opposite. Counselors are trained and know how to help you salvage your relationship.

Even if it may seem like a waste of time, or you feel your problems are between you and your partner, if you are serious about repairing your relationship you may just want to suck it up and get the help the two of you need.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Relationships That Crash And Burn

If you find that all the relationships you have had tend to crash and burn, you may be wondering what you can do to increase your chances of finding true love that will last throughout a lifetime.

The truth is that it isn't as hard as you may think it is, it doesn't start with that other person, it starts with you. Weird, huh? But, actually that makes things easier. You have a much better chance of having great relationships if you depend on you and not expect to change anyone else.

So you don't have to go through life trying to find that perfect someone, instead you can make yourself the best version of you that you can be and that makes it easier to find someone who can love you and treat you well.

How you treat yourself and how you expect to be treated is a huge determining factor in finding that perfect person. So many of us have a lot of undiscovered issues. These issues can cause a lot of problems and it's really tough because we don't even know we have these issues.

If you have limiting beliefs about yourself and who you are and what you deserve, than you will on a subconscious level be drawn to those people who will treat you the way you think you should be treated... even if that is badly.

I know this all sounds odd, but it is true. Everything we say and do comes from our subconscious mind. That can be dangerous if we have negative thoughts or feelings in our unconscious mind.

The real problem is that if we don't know those negative thoughts and feelings even exist, how can we combat them? The short answer is that we can't.

Not only can we not move past them if we don't even know they exist we can't possible get rid of them at all until we acknowledge their existence.

So, to have strong interactions in all types of relationships, not just romantic, you must first spend some time figuring out where your weak spots are. Once you've identified your limiting thoughts and beliefs, you will need to find ways to get rid of them.

There are many techniques you can use to get rid of these limiting thoughts and beliefs. Most of them are quick and easy to do. You won't need to invest a lot of time to find effective methods for "clearing" these limiting thoughts and beliefs.

You may be wondering "if it's so easy, why isn't everyone clear of their limiting beliefs and having great relationships?" Well, the reason is that most people have a limiting belief about the existence of limiting beliefs! I know, it's enough to give you a headache isn't it?

But it's true and it is a solid strategy for improving yourself and by doing that, improve your life in many ways.

As long as you are willing to open your mind, and make some changes, you can greatly improve your chances of finding  good, long lasting relationships. What else would you really want to have?

Friday, December 2, 2011

Dating Casual May Be The Answer For You

If you have recently gotten out of relationship that ended badly you may want to think about casual dating for the time being. Relationships can start out exciting and full of fun but as the months and years roll on it can get harder and harder to maintain the good stuff because all the little things creep in and start to bug the crap out of you.

When a relationship ends there has to be some grieving time before you make a plan and start over. You should wait for at least 6 months to a year before venturing back into the dating pool. There are millions of fish in the sea and your "perfect catch" is out there waiting for you.

Use the time you spend by yourself to figure some things out like, what is your part in the break ups you have had? If you can figure this out and find a way to fix you then the next relationship you have will be better for all concerned.

Maybe you have been attracted to men who are dominant and after a while this wears on you and you end up resenting him for being controlling. This may be an insecurity factor on your part. If you always feel like you need someone to control things because you do not trust yourself to make those types of decisions.

Most men like a woman who is strong and confident, but not too confident. They want a woman who is as good in the bedroom as she is in the boardroom. Men also like to be the center of attention, especially when out on a date. They like to have your full attention, not someone who is talking to everyone but him.

Do not bring any drama into his life either, if you have a parent who is overbearing adn wants to know, now that your dating, when you will give her some grandchildren, do not tell him this. He will run away screaming.

If, after the first few dates, the two of you decide to be exclusive he will probably pick going out with you instead of spending time with his buddies. This is only temporary, do not expect it to last. At some point the tables will turn and you will find that he needs his time away from you so he can bond with "the boys".

If you fight him he will feel like you are trying to control him or you are being too possessive, either way you will not win and he will break up with you. Just take things slow and see what direction they are heading. If little things pop up that annoy you, make sure that you communicate this to him and ask him to be open and honest with you about it.

The biggest goal of dating is to find a long term relationship that lasts. The only way this can happen is of there is trust, honesty and openness. Communication is a must, if you start out keeping secrets the there really is no hope for the relationship.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Save Marriage-Advice And Information

One of the scariest, and most painful, times in most peoples lives is when they are faced with the idea that their marriage is in real trouble. At that point the only thing you can think about is finding  save marriage advice and information.

That is the reason I wrote this article, in it I will provide you with some simple save marriage advice that you can use right now. I'm not saying it will be easy or that it will work for everyone, I am simply saying that these are common sense tips to help you achieve a better, more balanced relationship with your spouse.

If you follow these tips you just may be able to save your relationship and be happier than you have ever been. If you decide that you don't want to follow one or more of these tips, you will have an uphill climb.

Here we go:

1. Few people have the ability to look at themselves and their partner in an honest objective way. No one wants to face their own issues. For this reason, I highly recommend you find a good counselor.

Now, "good" is the operative word here. I don't care how many degrees a person has or how many people said they were great, if you meet with them and you don't feel comfortable with them, they won't be good for you.

2. Honestly figure out what you want. Most people would immediately say "I want to save my marriage". But do you really? Or, do you really just want  a relationship where you  feel loved, accepted and happy?

The truth is that in some cases, those things may be mutually exclusive. Sometimes the person you are with will never be able to make you feel the way you really want to feel: love, accepted and happy.

Sorry, I know that is not what you want to hear, but we often simply marry the wrong person.

Sometimes the person we are with will be unable or unwilling (and there can be many reasons for this) to give you the love, respect and happiness that you really crave.

If that is the case, and you are honest enough to yourself to admit it, you can save a lot of time and hurt.

3. Honestly now, is your partner really likely to work on making changes in the way they interact with you (assuming of course that you are willing to make those changes too)?

I know many people who are married to emotional cripples. People who are simply too insecure, too selfish or too afraid to admit that they need to make some changes in the way they behave and the way they treat their spouse.

If that describes your spouse, you may not have much luck saving the marriage. You can't do it all on your own.

I know that some of what I have written may not have been what you wanted to hear, and for that I am sorry. But, the fact is that not all relationships can or should be saved.

It's very important that you enter into this whole process (and it will be a process, there are no quick fixes) with the right mindset and with a realistic idea of what it is your really want whether it is to save marriage, be loved, or ideally, both.


Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Marriage Help

When it comes to finding marriage help, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that there are tons of resources that can help you figure out what to do to make your marriage better.

You have choices of books, courses, online and offline therapy and combinations of all of the above. There really is something for everyone.

The bad news is that there are tons of resources. How do you choose? How do you know which ones are good and which ones either don't work at all, or just may not be the best fit for you and your spouse?

When you choose a course of therapy, and a therapist, it needs to be a comfortable fit. If you go to someone who you don't like, trust or feel comfortable with, it is unlikely that you will open up about personal issues.

If you aren't comfortable and you don't talk about the real issues, how will counseling work for you? In most cases, it won't.

So be willing to take a small amount of time and find a counselor who is not only qualified, but someone you like, trust and feel comfortable with. That will help give you and your spouse the best shot at making things work out for the best.

If you aren't  (or your spouse isn't) that into the idea of going to a therapist, you still have options. There are a lot of books, videos, courses, etc. out there that will provide useful information on how to improve your marriage.

In a lot of cases, the do it yourself approach probably isn't the best, but it is better than doing nothing and watch your marriage unravel.

Another possible option is to try online counseling. This may be the best of both worlds for you and your spouse. You will have a qualified counselor working with the two of you acting as guide and referee, but it is done via secure chat, over the phone or by webcam so it may not be so intimating.

This is especially true when it comes time to talk about the really intimate and possibly embarrassing issues in your relationship.

Being able to get the help of a therapist and have the anonymity of doing it yourself, may provide the best combination for you and your spouse and may be the quickest method to improving your marriage.

I guess the one thing I want you to take away from this article is this: help for your marriage can come from many places and in many combinations.

No matter what you and your spouse are going through and no matter what your opinions about counseling are, you should be able to find something that you both can agree on to help you fix your broken relationship.

With so many options of marriage help available to you today, you don't have to continually just stand back doing nothing as your marriage crashes and burns. You can be proactive and work to save it.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Online Marriage Counseling

The internet is becoming more and more popular for all types of things. Today you can even get online marriage counseling. Why would you want to do that? Well, there are many advantages to going to the internet to get help with your marriage.

Of course, it may not be your cup of tea. You should also make sure to discuss this option with your spouse first. If one of you isn't comfortable with the idea of an online therapist, it won't work.

To make counseling work you both have to be willing participants and feel comfortable. So if your spouse is reluctant to try this type of counseling, don't try to push them. That will only add one more level of stress to an already stressful relationship.

Before you decide whether or not online marriage counseling can help you or if you think that this may be the perfect type of counseling for you, I've compiled a list of some factors that you should take into consideration.

Here are some issues to consider before jumping online for your therapy:

1.
Going online for your marriage therapy can make it easier to work around tough schedules. If you and your spouse have uncertain or changing work schedules, it may be easier to get an online therapist.

You will most likely have an easier time of finding hours that will accommodate your schedule.

2.
Since there is a level of anonymity you and your spouse may find it easier to open up about personal issues.

These are the very issues that may be causing the trouble in your relationship so if you don't open up about them and learn to deal with them, you will have a hard time making progress.

Not actually being in the same room with the counselor makes it much easier for many people to talk more openly about extremely personal issues.

Having this open dialog is one of the first steps to take in order to be able to resolve the conflicts in your relationship.

3. Online counseling can be done via private chat, webcam, email and even over the phone. Find the method(s) that you feel the most comfortable with and then find a counselor that can accommodate you with that method of communicating.

At the end of the day the most important thing to save your marriage is to find a competent counselor who you like and trust and who you feel comfortable enough with to discuss some very intimate details about your relationship.

Being able to "talk" to the counselor online is much less threatening for many people. That makes it easier to get to the bottom of the issues that are really bothering you.

No matter what type of counseling you decide to get, offline right in their office or online marriage counseling, it is important to be willing to truly open up and be honest. If going online makes that easier than do it. Without honesty you just won't be able to make the changes that need to be made.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Save Your Marriage Without Talking

There are books around today that claim that you can save your marriage without talking about it. You might be wondering, does it work or is it all a bunch of garbage?

Well, I can't totally answer that question for you but I can tell you a little bit about how to save your marriage without talking about it.

As a woman, I sometimes get frustrated with the whole "men don't talk... get used to it" school of thought. I'm not a psychiatrist and I don't know what, if any, chemical or societal things come into play.

To me, we are all intelligent humans who should be able to communicate on an equal level.

I feel like I can talk and stay calm and be rational (p.s. not all women go insane every 28 days either and to accuse us of that is more than a little insulting. Especially if you do it in the middle of an argument!), why can't men?

The premise behind the not talking to fix your marriage school of thought seems to be that men and women are wired differently. They react differently.

For example, if a woman gets scared by the way her husband drives he will view that as a condemnation of his manhood, if I understand this correctly.

Then he will get angry and cold or he will drive even more aggressively to "show her".  According to what I read, this response is conditioned into men from a young age.

Apparently, when a women says that "we need to talk" a guy hears criticism and shuts down or gets angry and defensive.

I actually experienced that first hand with my ex husband. His mom was a little tough (yes, I'm being diplomatic) and he just couldn't seem to get that I wasn't her.

No matter how carefully I tried to talk about things, no matter how carefully I chose my moment (no, it's not a good idea to try to talk when either of you is tired or has had a bad day) he just didn't get it.

So, I"m sure a lot of what my thoughts  on this subject stem from my own frustration of years of basically being ignored.

I don't pretend to know about all the "hard wiring" that goes on with a man but it seems to me that as women we get more than our fair share of society telling us how we should react too.

Now, I have two grown children and one thing I have always told both of them was this: after a certain age you have to stop blaming your parents. It is time to grow up and own your own issues.

Personally, I think that should go for men and women too. Women, try to discuss worries and concerns with your husband. Stay calm and prove to him through your actions that he can open up to you and be safe.

And men, don't go all cave man on us. For the most part, we don't like it. Stop letting your mommy, or society, tell you how you should respond. As long as the woman in your life right now is treating you well, you have no excuse.

So, if you want to try to save your marriage without talking, it's up to you. But personally I think that talking, if done constructively, is the best way to solve issues and feel closer to one another.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Marriage Counseling Advice

Want some marriage counseling advice? I'm glad you asked. It's important to find a counselor who is qualified, but what does that mean?

There is more to being qualified than just having a bunch of diplomas on the wall. Not all counselors, no matter what their diplomas say, are good.

They may have the "training" but that does not necessarily mean that they are good at helping people achieve their goals. It's as much about chemistry between you and your counselor as anything else.

I, and some other people I know, have gone to counselors who really didn't seem to get what they wanted. Others, have gone to counselors who really didn't provide much in the way of "support".

They would let their patient talk and talk (and for some folks, that's all they really need or want) but they never provided any real world tools that could help the patient actively make the changes in their marriage that they wanted to make.

Many people want those tools. They want specific things to do or say that will bring about the changes they are hoping for. This is one thing to consider before you start going to a particular counselor. What do you want from them?

Do you just want someone who will listen or do you want someone who can show  you some actual techniques (as opposed to theories) that you can start using right away?

It's important that you know what you want and find a counselor who practices in that way.

Another thing to keep in mind is that you need to know what you want in your marriage too. Many people will think that they want to save the marriage, and in most cases this is what they want, but only to a point.

What most people really want is to feel like they are loved and understood by their spouse. That feeling of being loved and understood is more important than just saving the marriage.

And here is where it can get tough, your spouse may not be willing to make the changes needed to provide you with the type of marriage you really want. In other words, it may not be in your best interest to save the marriage at all.

Tough to hear, I know, but it's the truth. You should probably try to find a counselor who isn't afraid to tell you the truth, even if you might not always want to hear it.

This scenario was played out by my sister several years ago; Her husband was extremely abusive to her and the kids. It wasn't any type of physical abuse, but it was severe and it was abuse.

My sister went to a counselor associated with her church. This counselor actually made her feel guilty because she had finally had enough and was ready to leave the marriage.

The counselor was so "stuck" in his religious beliefs that he wasn't able to help my sister at all. He was unable or unwilling to try to stay objective and consider what was best for my sister and her kids. All he could think of was that the marriage must be saved at all costs.

To me, that kind of mindless "let's save the marriage no matter what" type of thinking has no place with any counselor. I caution you to carefully look at any counselor before you hire them.

If they seem more inclined to be concerned with maintaining their own beliefs rather than helping you, run don't walk. Find someone who is not only qualified, but willing and able to help  you decide what is best for you. That is the best marriage counseling advice I can give.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Pre Marriage Counseling

Many churches require a couple to go  through pre marriage counseling in order for them to perform the ceremony. I personally think that that is a great idea, especially if the couple is very young.

No matter what your age, or your maturity level, it can be easy to get overwhelmed in the moment. You fall in love and you are so happy that you never stop to consider that it might not always be that way.

Pre marriage counseling, if done properly, can be a great way for both of you to make sure you are thinking things through and that you aren't just caught up in the moment.

It will "force" the two of you to seriously think about and consider what marriage is really all about. It isn't all "playing house" and having fun.

Here are some of the most common things that will be covered in counseling. Many young couples wouldn't  think about, or talk about, these things before they are married if it weren't for the counseling:

1. Finances. Not very romantic I know, but do you have any idea how many fights can stem from financial burdens and concerns? A lot. It is extremely important for the two of you to know how the other thinks about money and money issues.

For example, do both of you think that you should save a little out of each paycheck? If so, how much? What about who will do the bills? Do you think you should both do them or do you think just one person should be in charge?

These may not sound like much but they can really cause problems later in your marriage.

Oh and one word of advice: you both should be involved in the bills. What would happen if only one person did the bills and something happened to them? The other person wouldn't know anything about where the money was, life insurance information, etc. Share the bills.

2. What about your views on having children? Do you both want them? If so, how many? Should one of you stay home and take care of them? If so, which one?

If both of you have careers that are important to you, this can really be a big issue.

If you both love your careers and neither of you wants to be a stay at home parent, the time to discover that is before you have kids (or even before you get married) not after.

3.
Roles of each other. If both of you work do you think the household chores should be divvied up evenly? Or does one of you still cling to the notion that housework is "women's work" and lawn work is "mens work"?

If you both work full time, how will you feel if the bulk of the cooking and cleaning still rests on your shoulders? More than likely, after a while, you will start to feel pretty resentful if you feel like you are carrying more of the burden.

Again, these are just a few of the important topics that need to come up before you are married, not after. Covering these un romantic topics early will help ensure no surprises later, and that is what pre marriage counseling is all about.

Fix Your Marriage

Since you are reading this article, it's a pretty safe bet that you are worried about the state of your marriage and you want some good advice on how to fix your marriage. Well, you are in the right place.

In this article I'm going to give you some "real world" ideas of things you can start doing today, right now. If you follow this advice you will and your spouse can not only fix your marriage but possibly improve all the relationships in your life.

Here we go:


1. Be realistic. Take a long hard look at you and your spouse. Do both of you really want to work on the marriage? Now is not the time for wishful thinking, it is time for a reality check.

If both of you aren't willing to make changes the odds of you saving your marriage are very low.

2. If you honestly think that both of you are interested in doing what needs to be done to save the marriage, the next step is to determine what to do.

In most cases, the longer a relationship goes on, the more resentments and bitterness have built up. Chipping away at all this "residue" will take time. But first you need to identify it.

That can be difficult. You see, no normal person goes ballistic because their husband left the seat up or because their wife burned the casserole ( a little annoyed and frustrated sure, but not enraged).

The over the top anger usually stems from something else entirely. It has been festering right under the surface and the smallest thing can set it off.

Identifying this festering anger and the real causes behind it will allow both of you to face the old hurts and anger and move on past them.

3. None of what I have talked about is all that hard, however it can still be helpful to find someone to guide the two of you through.

These emotional issues are like landmines, if you don't watch where you step they can blow up in your face.  A good counselor can act as a bit of a navigator and a bit of a referee. That may make it possible for the two of you to actually accomplish something worthwhile.

4.
And last, but not least, learn how to communicate in an effective non - toxic way. Too many times the old hurts and angers will show up in your words too.

When that happens, the simplest comment can sound like condemnation and it can set your partner off.

No one likes to feel like they are being blamed or judged and if the two of you don't know how to communicate and move past the debris of the past, you will continually set each other off and nothing will get accomplished.

These tips will help you gain perspective and start making positive changes which will make it easier for you to fix your marriage. It can be done, get the help you need and keep a positive attitude and the two of you may just work it out.

Relationship Advice

Have you ever noticed that one thing there never seems to be a shortage of is relationship advice? Every time you turn on the t.v., open a newspaper or magazine or listen to the radio, there is an "expert" giving out advice on relationships.

For that reason, it might seem odd that anyone would have to go online to find some good relationship advice, but it's not. You see advice is just like anything else; it is only as good as the person who is giving it.

Just because someone is considered an "expert" doesn't mean they know what is best for you and your relationship. However, this is not an excuse for you to dismiss what you are told just because you don't want to hear it either. It is a fine line.

I firmly believe that we all know what we need to do (in our hearts at least) but sometimes we just don't want to do it. We often know when our relationships are broken beyond repair, but who wants to face that?

Instead we insist on beating a dead relationship and trying to "force" it to work. That is a waste of time and emotion. So, I guess that would be step one in any plan to fix a relationship: make sure it really can be fixed before you waste energy on it.

So, how do you know if it can be fixed? That is actually pretty easy, all you have to do is figure out two things: what is the problem and do you think your partner is willing to work on it with you?

If the problem is a serious one like abuse, it may be best to move on. If your partner is abusing you in any way it will take them quite some time to change, assuming they are even willing to change. In most cases you are probably better off just calling it quits and moving on.

If the problems are not so serious, the next thing you need to determine, with total honesty, is how likely your partner is to work with you on fixing the problems. No one is saying they have to do all the work, but if your partner won't work with you, you can't do it all yourself.

At this point you really need a gut check. It can be really difficult to face the fact that your partner is either too self involved or simply doesn't care enough about the relationship to work with you, but if that is the case do yourself a favor and move on. You will be happier in the long run.

Relationships can definitely be challenging in the best of times, but too often we stay in the wrong relationships with the wrong person just because we are afraid. Afraid of being alone, afraid of hurting someones feelings, etc.

But if you stay in that type of relationship, you don't really have a relationship at all, so why bother? That is the best relationship advice I can give you.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Marriage Relationship

To me, it's really sad how a marriage relationship can fall apart. It almost always starts off with such promise and before you know it, the relationship is headed for the rocks.

There are those that say it is inevitable, that a marriage relationship just isn't meant to last. Personally, I don't agree with that. I think a marriage can last and thrive.

I'm not talking about the couple who brag that they've been married for X number of years but can't stand the sight of each other. I'm talking about a strong, respectful, loving relationship that lasts through the curve balls life throws at us.

I absolutely believe that that type of relationship is possible but I also don't believe it's magic or that it happens by accident. I think that to have that type of relationship there are several key ingredients that need to be there.

Ideally, these ingredients will be there right from the start, but if not, both of the people in the marriage are mature enough to be willing to make whatever changes that need to be made.

Here are the "magic ingredients" that I think can make a marriage last forever:

1. You must be compatible. Sounds like a no brainer, doesn't it? But think about it for a minute, how many couples have you known that just are too different to make a relationship work?

Most of us can think of several couples right off the top of our heads who are obviously not compatible. They have different views on everything. They are constantly bickering and arguing over the simplest of things. Not compatible

People often get together for the wrong reasons; sexual attraction or just plain loneliness and desperation. When that happens no one stops to figure out if they are a good match.

If you want a happy marriage, marry someone you have a lot in common with. Someone you can like and respect and someone who will like and respect you too.

2. Learn how to be a grown up. Again, obvious, but too many people do and say such dumb things. Again, from your own experience, how many people do you know who just don't seem to be able to effectively communicate their wants and needs?

They will pout, whine, give someone the silent treatment, basically act like a child, but they can't seem to really communicate with others.

3. Try to jettison most of your baggage
. Too many people just don't seem to be willing to move on from some past hurt. They keep hanging onto it likes it's some sort of treasured possession, it's not. Let it go.

If you keep hanging on to your old baggage you will inevitably keep repeating the same mistakes. Who wants that?

That is not the way to make any relationship work, especially a marriage. To make your marriage work, be an adult and marry an adult.

So, to make a marriage relationship strong and healthy, keep these things in mind. If you are already married try to make some changes and hopefully your partner will too.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

What To Do After A Break Up

Relationships are filled with all kinds of ups and downs. Unfortunately, far too many relationships come to an end and result in a break up. There is no question that these situations can be difficult, but if you have recently gone through a break up then there is hope. It isn't always easy to figure out what to do after a break up, but things will go more smoothly when you go about it the right way.

Dealing with the aftermath of a break up isn't on anybody's list of fun things to do, but you can do things that will make the process easier.

1. Realize that both parties are responsible, to some degree, for the break up. There is plenty of blame to go around after a break up, but you also need to look at yourself to see what role you played in the two of you splitting up. You won't be able to get past the hard feelings until you admit your part in what has happened.

2. You both need a lot of space. It never fails, one of the people in the relationship will want to talk about the break up, and they will keep pushing and pushing and... It gets to be too much and this behavior only makes things worse. It can be confusing trying to figure out what to do after a break up, and you have to come to terms with a lot of things on your own; your ex does too. No matter how much you want to run back and explain or beg, don't do it right away.

3. Accept the truth. It is so easy to live in a fantasy world after a break up. People often act like it didn't really happen or that things really weren't all that bad. Denial is a big problem and will only prolong the pain and heartache that comes after breaking up. Being honest with yourself and what really happened is the key to moving on with your life.

4. Seek happiness. It may not seem possible right now, but you can be happy. The catch is that you have to be proactive and track down your own happiness. That not only refers to going out and having a good time, but also to finding inner happiness.

The question of what to do after a break up isn't always easy to answer. Let's face it, you're not going to feel all that great. You'll feel pitiful, deep down inside it hurts, you don't know what you're going to do and you may even feel that you just can't go on. But by following the tips that were just shared in this article you will be able to get on with your life and things will get better. Remember, a break up does not have to be the end; in fact a break up can be the start of something even better.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Marriage Quote

Marriage is a huge step in ones life, committing yourself fully to the person you truly love and vowing to spend the rest of your life together. It is a momentous occasion and something that you will remember for years to come.

Because it will be remembered for years to come, you should handle it with care. You and your spouse may not have the best memory, you may forget your own birthday, or what you had for breakfast, but the one thing that will be ingrained in your memory until the end of your days will be the day you got married.

You will remember every move you made, every thought you had, every word you said. And so will your spouse. This is why it is important to be careful what you say. Spouting off some witty and amusing marriage quote may seem like a good idea at the time, but years down the road you or your spouse may remember that and you will just be left going "oh god why did I say that."

The best advice you can get for your wedding day is to simply keep quiet. Odds are you will be incredibly nervous and generally when people get nervous they do or say things they shouldn't. So to make sure you do not make any memories you will regret, you should just keep quiet.

While it may seem anti-romantic to just go through the motions and say what you are expected to say, it ultimately is for the best. Marriage quote can be fun and you may think they will help alleviate the tension but you do not want to try and crack some joke only to have everyone stare at you with blank faces.

Your best man or bridesmaids may think you should say something, to pop off a witty quote here and there. And maybe you can, if that is your kind of relationship. But to be on the safe side you should just make it very clear that this is a romantic and life changing event.

While it seems a little corny, you should only say things that are sappy and romantic. Comment about how you never expected it to be this intense and amazing. Years from now you want your spouse remembering how excited and happy you were at your wedding, not some stupid marriage quote you said.

All though the reception and up until midnight make sure to keep your brain on a short leash. It is easy to get wrapped up in the excitement and the events unfolding around you. But if you can keep a handle on yourself and remain calm, you can make sure you do not do or say anything foolish or stupid.

After everything is said and done and you and your spouse are happily married, you can say whatever you want. However as long as it is the day of your wedding you need to put up a good show, so that you do not have any regrets down the line.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Marriage Seminars

One of the leading reasons for marriage is because you want to spend more time with your loved one. But as time wears on and the honeymoon wraps up, you can very quickly find yourself not having the free time you desire.

There are a lot of reasons for why you and your spouse may be unable to spend the time together that you would like. The two most common reasons being work related or children. These distractions can be impossible to ignore and so you are left devoting all your time to everything but the person you want to devote it to.

This is where marriage seminars come into play. A lot of people may think that these seminars are for people with bad marriages, and that their marriage is not bad. Well this is not strictly the case. These seminars are for a wide variety of couples, including those who are unable to spend time together.

These weekend seminars provide the excuse to get away for a day or two and spend time together. It allows you to reconnect with one another and re-ignite the passion that brought you together in the first place. Think of it like a little mini vacation for the sole purpose of resting your relationship and allowing it to grow stronger.

Marriage seminars are generally hosted by churches who like to stress spirituality and religion. However there are also seminars hosted by various psychological groups who use mediation tools to help you. The only real difference between the two are the tools employed, both strive for the same goal that is strengthening your marriage.

When you decide to go to a seminar and manage to free up the time to do so, it can allow all the distractions of your daily life to just float away. No more bosses or kids or deadlines, just you and your spouse.

Another great benefit of going to these seminars is the ability to meet up with other couples. Once we get married and have kids, we generally lose touch with our friends as we get so engrossed with our lives and day to day routines.

Just because you find yourself all grown up and have a family does not mean you can not still have friends. These marriage seminars allow you to connect with other people in the same situation as you, or maybe to even re-connect with old friends.

The ability to talk with other couples and parents, hear their stories and their triumphs, it can work as great motivation for you for when you return to the daily grind. We all know that there are others out there going through what we go through, but when you actually meet face to face and share personal experiences, it can hold new meaning.

Regardless of why you want to go to these seminars, and regardless of what tools they employ, the end result is always the same. The desire to keep your marriage going strong and to keep the love between you and your spouse are the end result that all routes are leading to.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Marriage Requirements

Getting married is a big step in your life. You are committing to someone you love, and are vowing to remain with that person for the rest of your life. However are you making sure to take in all the facts and marriage requirements necessary to make your marriage long lasting and successful?

Statistics show that upwards of 50-60% of marriages fail and end in divorce. The reason for this is because too often we run off when we are young and marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons. Love is a fickle emotion that grows and wanes, especially when we are young.

Just because you are madly in love now does not mean you will be in love in ten, twenty, thirty, forty years. It also does not mean that you are right for each other. Marriage is a big commitment and if you make it with someone you are not compatible with, you will just end up as one of those statistics down the line.

This is why it is important to understand what exactly you are looking for and what you expect to get out of your marriage. To help with this are several tips you can use as guidelines.

1. Have realistic expectations. While dreaming of the picturesque family setting in the suburbs with a dog and white picket fence is nice and all, it may not be entirely realistic. You need to understand what kind of person you are, and what kind of person your future spouse is, and you need to realize just what kind of life you will have together. If you can not see the two of you living the dream life you want, then your spouse may not meet the marriage requirements necessary to have a long lasting marriage.

2. Be independent and happy with yourself.
Confidence is important. Having confidence and pride in yourself and being an independent individual is important for a successful marriage. If either you or your future spouse are clingy and needy and dependent, this will get old as time wears on and be a source of friction between you.

3. Be loving and loyal.
A lot of marriages end in divorce simply because the two drift apart. If this is not what you want to happen you need to make sure you are willing to put in the time and effort needed. Your marriage should always come firs and you should always be loyal and loving to your spouse.

4. Be their best friend.
Out of all the marriage requirements out there, this is probably the most overlooked. A marriage does not mean you can not be friends, far from it. Friends are people who enjoy each others company, can talk to one another, and enjoy being around one another. If you can not see your spouse as your friend, you can not see them as your spouse and partner either.

Making sure you and your spouse can be friends, enjoy spending time together, enjoy talking with each other. This is important to ensure the survival and success of your marriage.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Marriage In Trouble

A lot of people rush into marriage at a young age when they feel they are madly in love. The problem with this is that as they age and mature, their personality may change and they might end up not being as in love as they thought. Or worse, the person they fell in love with may not turn out to be the person they expected.

The fact that so many people rush into marriage is also why so many people rush into divorce. It is said that the divorce rate in america is upwards of 50-60%. Such a high divorce rate is simply because people do not take their marriage seriously from the start.

Divorce is not always the option, as a lot of marriages can be saved if both parties are willing to put in the effort. But how do you determine whether or not your marriage in trouble? There are several signs that your marriage may not be as good as it should be.

1. Detached. If either you or your spouse seem emotionally detached from the relationship. If they simply do not seem to care about what goes on in the marriage and show no intention to help fix it or keep it running. A marriage should be between two people who care about one another and want to work with each other. If one party simply does not care anymore, that is a bad thing.

2. More bad then good. Every marriage has it's problems and there are always bad days. The problem comes in when there are more bad days then good days. A happy marriage should have their bad days few and far between. If you are finding these bad days sprouting up all over the place, that is a sign your marriage in trouble.

3. Every conversation ends in a fight. You are two different people with different tastes, arguments and fights are to be expected. Even the best of friends will have their fights. But if you find yourselves fighting all the time over the pettiest reasons, this is because you are unhappy with your current situation.

4. Not spending intimate time together.
Another sign for determining whether your marriage in trouble or not is how much time you spend together. You should enjoy spending time together and if you find it to be a chore to do so, then your marriage is in trouble. Hitting a slump is one thing, sometimes we simply do not feel like being around others. But if it persists and you consistently avoid intimate time together, this is a warning sign.

5. Abusive household. If you or your spouse is abusive then this is a big glaring red sign that your marriage is in trouble. Abuse does not have to be physical, which is why a lot of couples stay together despite there being abuse. Abuse can take shape in a variety of forms, one being physical. However verbal abuse can be just as hurtful as physical abuse and should not be tolerated.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Marriage Games

Any relationship can take a lot of work to make it successful. Relationships are not something you can just let sit idle and expect them to work right. If you do not put in the time and effort, it will fall through. This can be made even more difficult when dealing with a long distance marriage.

Long distance marriages can require even more work than normal relationships as you and your spouse are separate from one another. These types of relationships can put a lot of strain on your marriage which can make them difficult to deal with. This is why it is important to find ways to make them work, from simple communication to playing marriage games to keep yourselves happy.

However even with that you may be left wondering what exactly you can do to make it work. You still love each other despite the distance, so you do not want to let that come between you. To this end there are several tips you can follow that can help you overcome this distance hurdle.


1. Establish a clear line of communication. Communication is the single most important part of any relationship, including marriage. So finding a means to communicate over the long distance is imperative. It can be in any number of ways, from simple phone calls, to letters, to emails, to webcams, to VOIP. Using a variety of these methods can also be employed to get the most out of your talks.


2. Try to meet up. Nothing beats meeting face to face so you should try to meet up whenever possible. Some things simply can not be done adequately over the phone or via letters, marriage games and other activities are best done in person so you can enjoy each others company. Even if it is only for a short time, meeting up every now and then can make all the difference.


3. Create a hobby. Having a hobby the two of you can share is a great way to bring you together despite the distance as well as give you something to do or talk about. Typically it is best to find something you can do over the internet, as it is often readily available and offers a wide variety of activities. But do not toss out conventional hobbies as they are still an option as well.


4. Surprise. Routines can get dull no matter what, especially in a long distance marriage. So finding ways to surprise your spouse can be a great way to add a little spice to your love life. It can be something like a gift or unexpected letter. If you are feeling especially grand you can even go so far as taking a surprise trip to meet up with them.


5. Share moments. We all experience moments in life that we would like to share with our loved ones. Just because they are not there with you does not mean you can not share them. You can share videos and pictures of special moments as marriage games and make it a fun activity that can connect the two of you.