If you have ever wondered if you and your boyfriend are really compatible and might be able to make a life together in the future you can take a marriage quiz together to find out. Who knows, you might find something out about your partner that you did not know. You already know that it is fun to do things together and this can be just one more thing you do together before you decide to tie the knot.
Make taking a marriage quiz fun. Do not try to embarrass each other or cause any hurt feelings. Do it only to have fun. Do not pull one out if one or the other of you are angry with the other, it will only cause those hurt feelings or could even end the relationship. Save the quiz for a time when the two of you in a fun mood and do not have anything more important to do.
Take turns asking the questions to each other or one of you can go down the list and then hand it over to the other. Keep your answers on a separate sheet of paper and then compare the answers when the quiz is done.
You might find something out about yourself, too. Do yourselves a favor and treat these quizzes as a game instead of something you take to heart. Talk about things that come up that may seem bothersome or interesting but do not get caught up in the results of the quiz. There should be some type of disclaimer that says the quiz should be used for entertainment purposes only. Read the fine print.
If you have a good relationship the results should not matter. It is just some random questions that someone wrote down on to fill space in the magazine or book. Your day to day dealings with each other will tell you more about your compatibility than any quiz in a magazine.
If you do not know who wrote the questions then be wary. Surveys and quizzes like these can be geared to lead the taker, or takers, in a specific direction and anyone who takes the quiz may end up with results telling them they are not compatible. Do not ever stake your relationship on one of these quizzes.
If you are single and are looking for a compatible partner you can take one of these quizzes to figure out who you really are and what kind of partner you would attract. This could be of some help when you start looking or if you have not had very good luck in the dating department in the past.
You can find quizzes just about anywhere. Books and magazines come to mind first but there are countless sites online that have quizzes to take and they even offer some sort of results analysis after you take the quiz.
Once again, take the results of a marriage quiz with a grain of salt, they may not be too accurate. Take a good look at your relationship and how you get along on a daily basis to give you a better picture of whether or not you are compatible.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Can This Marriage Be Saved-See If You Know What Marriage Is All About
If you want to know can this marriage be saved, you need to learn what being married is all about. Being married is not about remaining independent and doing things only for yourself. It is about sharing your life with the one you are compatible with.
Too often people begin a relationship and then immediately start to feel they are trapped in the relationship and these feelings most likely do not get addressed, they get ignored. Then the guilt sets in. They are having these feelings and mistakenly assume that the wedding and marriage will fix them.
The question is, what makes you think you know how to be married or even be a couple for that matter? There are many things to learn if it is to be done right and a lot of things need to be worked out beforehand.
Take a look back at what type of role models you had about marriage when you were growing up. Your parents can be a role model for you but if their relationship was difficult and they argued all the time then they most likely did not know how to be married either.
If this is the case then can this marriage be saved is the most important question. Where do you start? Start by communicating. You used to talk about anything and everything when you first met. What changed the way you communicate? The only thing that changed is the fact that the two of you got married.
You love each other right? Well, of course you do. That is never the problem. Marriage is all about making compromises and learning to become a partnership. Love conquers all but it does not sustain all. After the honeymoon is over, then what? You wake up one morning and stand in the middle of the room and say, "Now what?"
The best way to become a partnership is to talk things out all the time. Do not make the mistake of assuming you know what your partner is thinking or how they will react in any given situation. Ask them. Talk things through.
If you have just recently been married and you have encountered these problems already or you have been married for several years and are old hats at these problems, you can still help yourselves and make things right. Make a commitment to each other that you both will try harder to communicate better.
I know sometimes I forget that my partner is a human being and has thoughts and feelings and perceptions of their own and that I am not the only person in the relationship. I also know that we do communicate effectively most of the time but when one of us decides we know best that makes it difficult to make decisions together especially if the one who thinks they know the best will not listen to reason.
If you love each other but do not like each other much these days, you need to stop what you are doing immediately and start down a new path. You need to get back to the point where your relationship comes first and the two of you feel connected. Can this marriage be saved, is best answered only by the two of you.
Too often people begin a relationship and then immediately start to feel they are trapped in the relationship and these feelings most likely do not get addressed, they get ignored. Then the guilt sets in. They are having these feelings and mistakenly assume that the wedding and marriage will fix them.
The question is, what makes you think you know how to be married or even be a couple for that matter? There are many things to learn if it is to be done right and a lot of things need to be worked out beforehand.
Take a look back at what type of role models you had about marriage when you were growing up. Your parents can be a role model for you but if their relationship was difficult and they argued all the time then they most likely did not know how to be married either.
If this is the case then can this marriage be saved is the most important question. Where do you start? Start by communicating. You used to talk about anything and everything when you first met. What changed the way you communicate? The only thing that changed is the fact that the two of you got married.
You love each other right? Well, of course you do. That is never the problem. Marriage is all about making compromises and learning to become a partnership. Love conquers all but it does not sustain all. After the honeymoon is over, then what? You wake up one morning and stand in the middle of the room and say, "Now what?"
The best way to become a partnership is to talk things out all the time. Do not make the mistake of assuming you know what your partner is thinking or how they will react in any given situation. Ask them. Talk things through.
If you have just recently been married and you have encountered these problems already or you have been married for several years and are old hats at these problems, you can still help yourselves and make things right. Make a commitment to each other that you both will try harder to communicate better.
I know sometimes I forget that my partner is a human being and has thoughts and feelings and perceptions of their own and that I am not the only person in the relationship. I also know that we do communicate effectively most of the time but when one of us decides we know best that makes it difficult to make decisions together especially if the one who thinks they know the best will not listen to reason.
If you love each other but do not like each other much these days, you need to stop what you are doing immediately and start down a new path. You need to get back to the point where your relationship comes first and the two of you feel connected. Can this marriage be saved, is best answered only by the two of you.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Military Marriage- Can Be Challenging Thats A Fact
Being a part of a military marriage can be difficult with one of you always having to leave on deployment and the other always being left behind to deal with the day to day business of running a household.
The one left behind has to be able to be as independent as needed to get the things done that need to be done while the other is off fighting for the freedoms we sometimes take for granted in this country.
It is possible to maintain a happy, fulfilling military marriage if both parties are willing to devote the time and energy to making it so.
Here are some tips to keeping your relationship strong through those times you are apart.
1. Make the most of those times when you get to be together. If the one away gets leave time and can come home for a month or so, do everything you can to spend that time reconnecting and getting to know each other again.
Some might find this exhilarating and find they like the level of romance this can bring with it. It may feel like you get to start from scratch each time they come home. Leave any problems for a later time.
2. Be supportive of your spouse when they have to leave. Being in the armed forces is a great responsibility and it will be better for the one who needs to leave to know that they have the support of their spouse even though you will miss each other greatly.
3. Get the support you need as the one who stays behind from friends and groups within the military community. They do not have to be formal groups either, although I am sure there are some of those as well. Just find someone to talk out your worries and troubles so you do not start to feel all alone.
4. Schedule your time wisely. He or she will be more at ease if they know you are handling things to the best of your ability here on the home front. They have so many other things to concentrate on while they are away, like the safety of themselves and their unit.
5. Be true to yourself. Making sure you are taking good care of yourself is the best way to be able to take care of everything else. You will miss him or her every day they are gone but do what you can to keep from sinking into a depression and feeling bad.
6. Schedule fun activities for the children, if you have them and talk to them often about the parent that is gone so they can express their fears or worries and get them under control. You are the adult and you know how you feel with the other parent gone. Just imagine how your children feel.
With today's technology, you will no doubt be able to see and speak with your spouse even while they are on deployment, although it may be few and far between and mostly unplanned. This will help you both keep your military marriage healthy and happy as well.
The one left behind has to be able to be as independent as needed to get the things done that need to be done while the other is off fighting for the freedoms we sometimes take for granted in this country.
It is possible to maintain a happy, fulfilling military marriage if both parties are willing to devote the time and energy to making it so.
Here are some tips to keeping your relationship strong through those times you are apart.
1. Make the most of those times when you get to be together. If the one away gets leave time and can come home for a month or so, do everything you can to spend that time reconnecting and getting to know each other again.
Some might find this exhilarating and find they like the level of romance this can bring with it. It may feel like you get to start from scratch each time they come home. Leave any problems for a later time.
2. Be supportive of your spouse when they have to leave. Being in the armed forces is a great responsibility and it will be better for the one who needs to leave to know that they have the support of their spouse even though you will miss each other greatly.
3. Get the support you need as the one who stays behind from friends and groups within the military community. They do not have to be formal groups either, although I am sure there are some of those as well. Just find someone to talk out your worries and troubles so you do not start to feel all alone.
4. Schedule your time wisely. He or she will be more at ease if they know you are handling things to the best of your ability here on the home front. They have so many other things to concentrate on while they are away, like the safety of themselves and their unit.
5. Be true to yourself. Making sure you are taking good care of yourself is the best way to be able to take care of everything else. You will miss him or her every day they are gone but do what you can to keep from sinking into a depression and feeling bad.
6. Schedule fun activities for the children, if you have them and talk to them often about the parent that is gone so they can express their fears or worries and get them under control. You are the adult and you know how you feel with the other parent gone. Just imagine how your children feel.
With today's technology, you will no doubt be able to see and speak with your spouse even while they are on deployment, although it may be few and far between and mostly unplanned. This will help you both keep your military marriage healthy and happy as well.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Marriage Requirements-Learn Healthy Communication Techniques
Communication is one of the most important marriage requirements to making your marriage a success. Effective communication skills are not something everyone is born with, however, but they can be learned. If you are struggling with effective communication in your relationship read on to learn some new techniques.
Learning effective, healthy communication techniques will help your relationship become healthy and happy. When that happens you are far more likely to remain in the relationship instead of your marriage becoming just another divorce statistic.
Communication does not just mean speaking. Another important marriage requirements and part of communication is the ability to listen. Sometimes that is all that is needed, just to listen. Your spouse may just need a sounding board to be able to figure something out. After you listen carefully, ask what you can do to help and if there is something to be done then the two of you can try to come to some solution to whatever the problem is.
Communication is very complex and includes spoken and non-spoken signs. Effective communication techniques include all of them and you need to know how to interpret them accurately. Take for instance, if someone is angry, they may glare at you and sit quietly with their arms crossed. This situation is something that needs your immediate attention.
If she is left to fester then she will begin to think that you do not care about how she feels and this will only make matters worse. Reading body language is a skill that you really should perfect. It can tell you so much about how a person is feeling or even if they are lying.
If you are a perceptive person then you can pick up a lot of effective communication techniques just by paying attention to what is going on around you. If you need some help in this regard then you can and should enroll in a communication class at your local community college. This will cost you a little bit of money but it will be worth it if it helps keep your relationship healthy.
Good communication also means paying attention to the little things and letting each other know they are appreciated. Saying thank you to your spouse should never be taken for granted. Showing your appreciation for something is just common courtesy. Never give up saying the "I love you's" or "thank you's". They may just be the most important part of your relationship. Everybody needs to feel appreciated.
Understanding is also another aspect of communication that may need work. What I mean is that not enough, or not the right, questions get asked in any given situation. We assume too much. Assumptions only get you into trouble. So make sure you understand exactly what is going on. If you do not completely understand the situation then ask questions until everything is clear.
Learn the techniques of an effective communication marriage requirements and then practice them daily. Soon they will be second nature to you and your marriage will be so much stronger.
Learning effective, healthy communication techniques will help your relationship become healthy and happy. When that happens you are far more likely to remain in the relationship instead of your marriage becoming just another divorce statistic.
Communication does not just mean speaking. Another important marriage requirements and part of communication is the ability to listen. Sometimes that is all that is needed, just to listen. Your spouse may just need a sounding board to be able to figure something out. After you listen carefully, ask what you can do to help and if there is something to be done then the two of you can try to come to some solution to whatever the problem is.
Communication is very complex and includes spoken and non-spoken signs. Effective communication techniques include all of them and you need to know how to interpret them accurately. Take for instance, if someone is angry, they may glare at you and sit quietly with their arms crossed. This situation is something that needs your immediate attention.
If she is left to fester then she will begin to think that you do not care about how she feels and this will only make matters worse. Reading body language is a skill that you really should perfect. It can tell you so much about how a person is feeling or even if they are lying.
If you are a perceptive person then you can pick up a lot of effective communication techniques just by paying attention to what is going on around you. If you need some help in this regard then you can and should enroll in a communication class at your local community college. This will cost you a little bit of money but it will be worth it if it helps keep your relationship healthy.
Good communication also means paying attention to the little things and letting each other know they are appreciated. Saying thank you to your spouse should never be taken for granted. Showing your appreciation for something is just common courtesy. Never give up saying the "I love you's" or "thank you's". They may just be the most important part of your relationship. Everybody needs to feel appreciated.
Understanding is also another aspect of communication that may need work. What I mean is that not enough, or not the right, questions get asked in any given situation. We assume too much. Assumptions only get you into trouble. So make sure you understand exactly what is going on. If you do not completely understand the situation then ask questions until everything is clear.
Learn the techniques of an effective communication marriage requirements and then practice them daily. Soon they will be second nature to you and your marriage will be so much stronger.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Marriage Seminars-Find The Answers You Might Be Looking For
If your relationship needs work and you have a lot of unanswered questions finding marriage seminars may be of some help to you.
The first thing marriage seminars will tell you is the two of you need to learn to communicate better. Send the kids out with grandma and grandpa for the length of the meeting and get down to the nitty gritty of the relationship.
Start by making a pact that neither of you is allowed to get mad at what is presented at this meeting. Each of you will be required to list what you each think is good and bad about your relationship. Make this list as complete as possible. You do not have all night and need to try to get at least some of your questions answered.
Come up with ways to make each item listed better or go away all together. Be creative with your ideas, if you both end up laughing during the session so much the better.
Make a commitment to each other that you will both do everything you can to make your relationship a better one. This is the first step in relearning how to work together in your relationship and before you know it everyone will be much happier. Even your kids will notice the decreased tension in the household.
Part of the session may include how to get back to doing and appreciating the little things for each other again. It is too bad that we all get complacent and stop doing the things that make relationships special when we were just getting to know one another. If the love continues, then there is hope for the two of you and your relationship.
If you do not already have a date night, choose one night of the week for one. Go to a favorite restaurant each week or make it a little more interesting and adventurous and choose a different place each week. It does not matter where you go just as long as you go together and keep the relationship fresh and exciting.
Along with these tips you will learn, it might not hurt to check into seeing a relationship counselor just to fine tune some of the things you learn. Someone well versed in helping couples stay together may help. Where there is love there is always hope. If there are issues that the two of you cannot work out by yourselves this is the best option to make things better. A good counselor will work with both of you, separately and together, to come up with ways to compromise that are acceptable to each of you.
If lack of communication is an issue in your relationship, marriage seminars and a good counselor can show you better ways to communicate with each other and give you exercises to do at home so you can practice. No one is born knowing how to communicate effectively, you have to learn it. So do not feel bad by having to ask for help just feel good that your marriage will not become just another statistic.
The first thing marriage seminars will tell you is the two of you need to learn to communicate better. Send the kids out with grandma and grandpa for the length of the meeting and get down to the nitty gritty of the relationship.
Start by making a pact that neither of you is allowed to get mad at what is presented at this meeting. Each of you will be required to list what you each think is good and bad about your relationship. Make this list as complete as possible. You do not have all night and need to try to get at least some of your questions answered.
Come up with ways to make each item listed better or go away all together. Be creative with your ideas, if you both end up laughing during the session so much the better.
Make a commitment to each other that you will both do everything you can to make your relationship a better one. This is the first step in relearning how to work together in your relationship and before you know it everyone will be much happier. Even your kids will notice the decreased tension in the household.
Part of the session may include how to get back to doing and appreciating the little things for each other again. It is too bad that we all get complacent and stop doing the things that make relationships special when we were just getting to know one another. If the love continues, then there is hope for the two of you and your relationship.
If you do not already have a date night, choose one night of the week for one. Go to a favorite restaurant each week or make it a little more interesting and adventurous and choose a different place each week. It does not matter where you go just as long as you go together and keep the relationship fresh and exciting.
Along with these tips you will learn, it might not hurt to check into seeing a relationship counselor just to fine tune some of the things you learn. Someone well versed in helping couples stay together may help. Where there is love there is always hope. If there are issues that the two of you cannot work out by yourselves this is the best option to make things better. A good counselor will work with both of you, separately and together, to come up with ways to compromise that are acceptable to each of you.
If lack of communication is an issue in your relationship, marriage seminars and a good counselor can show you better ways to communicate with each other and give you exercises to do at home so you can practice. No one is born knowing how to communicate effectively, you have to learn it. So do not feel bad by having to ask for help just feel good that your marriage will not become just another statistic.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Boyfriend Girlfriend Quizzes-Ways To Learn About Your Relationship
There are a lot of unknowns in any relationship. These unknowns can lead to doubt and anxiety, so trying to uncover them makes a lot of sense. Boyfriend girlfriend quizzes are one way that people like to use to learn more about their relationships. These quizzes claim to measure compatibility, whether you have found your soulmate, or if your partner is being unfaithful. While all of these are legitimate concerns, there are a few reasons why quizzes are not the best way to find the answers to these questions.
The main problem with boyfriend girlfriend quizzes is that they are made for a general audience. However, your relationship is unique and no quiz can pick up on every little detail. Even if the quiz is well-written and well-intentioned, there is no way that it can give you 100% accurate results. That wouldn't matter so much if it was a quiz on something else, but we are talking about relationships here.
Something a lot of people don't realize is that relationship quizzes can actually lower the level of trust in a relationship. This happens in two basic ways. First, the theme of the quiz can raise doubt about your relationship. For example, you may have never thought your partner was cheating, but now that you see a quiz about it, you start to wonder. The very act of taking the quiz starts to chip away at trust. Second, the conclusion of the quiz (remember, your relationship is unique) may make you believe something about your partner that isn't true. A quiz on cheating may say that your partner is definitely cheating, but there could be other explanations for their behavior.
These quizzes can also make you suspicious and paranoid. Relationship quizzes often bring up the worst things that can happen. Your partner may be completely innocent of those things, but your being aware of the possibility starts to make you look at your partner differently. All of sudden, everything they say and do sets of alarm bells and you start to wonder what's going on.
Another thing to keep in mind is that these quizzes aren't truly meant to help you with your relationship. The truth is that they are a form of entertainment, and are often meant to increase the sales of magazines (though the entertainment aspect applies to free quizzes that are found online). That gives the creator of the quiz a reason to make quizzes that are more sensational.
Does this mean that boyfriend girlfriend quizzes are all bad? Not at all. There are some good quizzes out there, but they are few and far between. But even the worst quiz can be used as the starting point of a conversation about your relationship. If you insist on taking these types of quizzes, then be very careful to not read more into the results than is actually there.
The main problem with boyfriend girlfriend quizzes is that they are made for a general audience. However, your relationship is unique and no quiz can pick up on every little detail. Even if the quiz is well-written and well-intentioned, there is no way that it can give you 100% accurate results. That wouldn't matter so much if it was a quiz on something else, but we are talking about relationships here.
Something a lot of people don't realize is that relationship quizzes can actually lower the level of trust in a relationship. This happens in two basic ways. First, the theme of the quiz can raise doubt about your relationship. For example, you may have never thought your partner was cheating, but now that you see a quiz about it, you start to wonder. The very act of taking the quiz starts to chip away at trust. Second, the conclusion of the quiz (remember, your relationship is unique) may make you believe something about your partner that isn't true. A quiz on cheating may say that your partner is definitely cheating, but there could be other explanations for their behavior.
These quizzes can also make you suspicious and paranoid. Relationship quizzes often bring up the worst things that can happen. Your partner may be completely innocent of those things, but your being aware of the possibility starts to make you look at your partner differently. All of sudden, everything they say and do sets of alarm bells and you start to wonder what's going on.
Another thing to keep in mind is that these quizzes aren't truly meant to help you with your relationship. The truth is that they are a form of entertainment, and are often meant to increase the sales of magazines (though the entertainment aspect applies to free quizzes that are found online). That gives the creator of the quiz a reason to make quizzes that are more sensational.
Does this mean that boyfriend girlfriend quizzes are all bad? Not at all. There are some good quizzes out there, but they are few and far between. But even the worst quiz can be used as the starting point of a conversation about your relationship. If you insist on taking these types of quizzes, then be very careful to not read more into the results than is actually there.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Dealing With Ending A Relationship-Live In The Here And Now
Dealing with ending a relationship is never an easy thing to do, but it is something that people have been doing since the beginning of the species. Even though it is always a difficult thing to do, you can benefit from those who have gone before you. You don't have to navigate all of the negative feelings and heartbreak on your own; instead, you can follow the proven methods that others have used in the past.
The past is a good place to start. What that means is that you need to separate the past from present, and the present from the future. The more you can live in the here and now, the better you will be at dealing with the ending of a relationship. Now, that does not mean you should forget the past or ignore the future, because doing that would be foolish. Your goal is not to pretend that the relationship never happened, but rather to realize that the present is the most important. When your mind is in the present, you have better perspective and will have an easier time coping with a breakup.
You also need to consider the practical aspects of a relationship that's coming to a close. If you have children, then you will need to work out custody arrangements. If there are any bills the two of you have in common, then you will need to sort those out as well. Property is another thing that will have to be divided. This process can be very difficult, but do your best to approach it in a logical manner and you will be able to get through it. This is all about tying up the loose ends that tend to dangle after breaking up, because it gives you a clean slate from which to move forward from.
If you find that you are emotionally troubled, and just can't seem to get better, then seek help from a professional. This can be a psychiatrist, a therapist, a counselor, or a member of the clergy; just having somebody to talk to can work wonders. Some people are embarrassed, or think a counselor will look down on them, but that's not the case. They will be able to give you advice based on your specific situation. Another way to get help is through books that deal with the topic. You can find some excellent titles at your library or online.
There is one other thing to consider, and that is the possibility of getting back together. What you may not know is that the vast majority of relationships can be saved if there is a commitment to making it happen. It won't be easy. There will be an investment of time, emotions and effort, but it can be done. Starting over may not be the obvious solution, but it is another possible way of dealing with ending a relationship.
The past is a good place to start. What that means is that you need to separate the past from present, and the present from the future. The more you can live in the here and now, the better you will be at dealing with the ending of a relationship. Now, that does not mean you should forget the past or ignore the future, because doing that would be foolish. Your goal is not to pretend that the relationship never happened, but rather to realize that the present is the most important. When your mind is in the present, you have better perspective and will have an easier time coping with a breakup.
You also need to consider the practical aspects of a relationship that's coming to a close. If you have children, then you will need to work out custody arrangements. If there are any bills the two of you have in common, then you will need to sort those out as well. Property is another thing that will have to be divided. This process can be very difficult, but do your best to approach it in a logical manner and you will be able to get through it. This is all about tying up the loose ends that tend to dangle after breaking up, because it gives you a clean slate from which to move forward from.
If you find that you are emotionally troubled, and just can't seem to get better, then seek help from a professional. This can be a psychiatrist, a therapist, a counselor, or a member of the clergy; just having somebody to talk to can work wonders. Some people are embarrassed, or think a counselor will look down on them, but that's not the case. They will be able to give you advice based on your specific situation. Another way to get help is through books that deal with the topic. You can find some excellent titles at your library or online.
There is one other thing to consider, and that is the possibility of getting back together. What you may not know is that the vast majority of relationships can be saved if there is a commitment to making it happen. It won't be easy. There will be an investment of time, emotions and effort, but it can be done. Starting over may not be the obvious solution, but it is another possible way of dealing with ending a relationship.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
End Of Relationship Breakup Signals-Tips To Prevent A Breakup
In a perfect world, two people would fall in love and stay together for the rest of their lives. But we live in the real world where couples split apart far too often. However, if you were able to recognize some key end of relationship breakup signals, then you may be able to prevent a breakup from happening.
The first thing you need to do is have a baseline understanding of your partner. In other words, you need to know what their normal behavior is so you will be able to identify strange behavior when it happens. Just about every breakup signal is related to your partner's behavior.
If your partner changes the way they communicate with you, then it's a sign that something is going on. Do they talk to you a lot less? A lot more? Are they using more abusive language? More romantic language? Changes in communication could be a sign of anything, but they can also be a sign that a breakup is just around the corner.
There is a group of behaviors known as emotional distancing. These are any behaviors that break the emotional bond the two of you once had. Sometimes you will see it in their eyes; sometimes it will be a change in the tone of their voice; sometimes you feel it when you touch them. It's one of those things that is hard to explain, but you will know it when you see it. As far as end of relationship breakup signals go, emotional distancing should be your cue to immediately take action to work on making things better.
Odd behavior is another warning sign. This can happen in countless ways, so you need to stay alert. For example, if they seem to be making major excuses for minor things, that's not normal. On the other hand, it may be something that you can't quite specify, but you should trust your gut if things seem off.
One of the hardest signals to notice is when your partner starts to be more romantic than they ever have before. It's easy to assume that they are just being more loving, and besides, it feels good. However, there is also a chance that they are compensating for their own guilt.
To be fair, these breakup signals are not absolute signs of trouble. There could be other logical explanations for their behavior, so don't assume the worst. If you see any of these signals, then you should use them as the basis of a conversation with your partner. Express your concerns in a calm and respectful way, and have a heartfelt discussion.
You may ultimately find that nothing is wrong. Of course there is always a chance that the end of relationship breakup signals were accurate, and things are now coming to an end. It may not be pleasant, but at least you will know and will be able to move on with your life.
The first thing you need to do is have a baseline understanding of your partner. In other words, you need to know what their normal behavior is so you will be able to identify strange behavior when it happens. Just about every breakup signal is related to your partner's behavior.
If your partner changes the way they communicate with you, then it's a sign that something is going on. Do they talk to you a lot less? A lot more? Are they using more abusive language? More romantic language? Changes in communication could be a sign of anything, but they can also be a sign that a breakup is just around the corner.
There is a group of behaviors known as emotional distancing. These are any behaviors that break the emotional bond the two of you once had. Sometimes you will see it in their eyes; sometimes it will be a change in the tone of their voice; sometimes you feel it when you touch them. It's one of those things that is hard to explain, but you will know it when you see it. As far as end of relationship breakup signals go, emotional distancing should be your cue to immediately take action to work on making things better.
Odd behavior is another warning sign. This can happen in countless ways, so you need to stay alert. For example, if they seem to be making major excuses for minor things, that's not normal. On the other hand, it may be something that you can't quite specify, but you should trust your gut if things seem off.
One of the hardest signals to notice is when your partner starts to be more romantic than they ever have before. It's easy to assume that they are just being more loving, and besides, it feels good. However, there is also a chance that they are compensating for their own guilt.
To be fair, these breakup signals are not absolute signs of trouble. There could be other logical explanations for their behavior, so don't assume the worst. If you see any of these signals, then you should use them as the basis of a conversation with your partner. Express your concerns in a calm and respectful way, and have a heartfelt discussion.
You may ultimately find that nothing is wrong. Of course there is always a chance that the end of relationship breakup signals were accurate, and things are now coming to an end. It may not be pleasant, but at least you will know and will be able to move on with your life.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Evaluating Your Relationship With Your Partner-List Of Thoughts To Keep In Mind
Anybody that tells you being in a relationship is easy has never been in a real relationship. In fact, a trip to your local library will give you some idea of how many people need help for their relationships. You can use books or anything else when evaluating your relationship with your partner, but how you do it isn't as important as just doing it. Here are some things to keep in mind as you take a closer look at your relationship.
You have to be willing to accept the facts when you uncover them. While you will most likely discover a lot of good things about your relationship, you will also find a few things that need improvement. Do not ignore the bad stuff, and do not try to justify it away. You need to face the facts, and then do what needs to be done to make things better. After all, the purpose of evaluating your relationship with your partner is to learn more about that relationship; not liking the answers is not a reason to ignore those answers.
The tricky part of the evaluation is going in without any expectations about the results. For example, if you go in asking something like "are we going to stay together," then that will skew your results. You are aiming for a true evaluation, and not trying to verify a suspicion. Be open-minded and honest as you go through the process and you will get a more accurate result.
Here are a few unbiased questions that you can ask:
1. What do you want from your relationship? Don't worry about being selfish and answer this question honestly and thoroughly. It doesn't matter if you want financial security, emotional comfort, a partner to have fun with, or anything else; what matters is that you identify what is you want your relationship to provide.
2. What does your partner want? The other side of the coin is finding out what your partner wants from the relationship. Don't be judgmental and do your best to foster an atmosphere of openness. Some of the things they say may surprise or upset you, and that's okay because you are only in the discovery stage.
3. What do you like best about your partner and your relationship? Try to think of all the different aspects of your relationship and look for as much good stuff as you can.
4. What do you like least? No person is perfect, and no relationship is perfect, but you can't fix something unless you know it's a problem.
5. Where is your relationship in comparison to where you want it to be? This is the final step of evaluating your relationship with your partner. You know what you both want from your relationship, what you like, and what you don't. Now you have to take everything you have discovered and see how close to the mark you are. How much work needs to be done will depend upon many factors, but at least you now have a good idea of what to do.
You have to be willing to accept the facts when you uncover them. While you will most likely discover a lot of good things about your relationship, you will also find a few things that need improvement. Do not ignore the bad stuff, and do not try to justify it away. You need to face the facts, and then do what needs to be done to make things better. After all, the purpose of evaluating your relationship with your partner is to learn more about that relationship; not liking the answers is not a reason to ignore those answers.
The tricky part of the evaluation is going in without any expectations about the results. For example, if you go in asking something like "are we going to stay together," then that will skew your results. You are aiming for a true evaluation, and not trying to verify a suspicion. Be open-minded and honest as you go through the process and you will get a more accurate result.
Here are a few unbiased questions that you can ask:
1. What do you want from your relationship? Don't worry about being selfish and answer this question honestly and thoroughly. It doesn't matter if you want financial security, emotional comfort, a partner to have fun with, or anything else; what matters is that you identify what is you want your relationship to provide.
2. What does your partner want? The other side of the coin is finding out what your partner wants from the relationship. Don't be judgmental and do your best to foster an atmosphere of openness. Some of the things they say may surprise or upset you, and that's okay because you are only in the discovery stage.
3. What do you like best about your partner and your relationship? Try to think of all the different aspects of your relationship and look for as much good stuff as you can.
4. What do you like least? No person is perfect, and no relationship is perfect, but you can't fix something unless you know it's a problem.
5. Where is your relationship in comparison to where you want it to be? This is the final step of evaluating your relationship with your partner. You know what you both want from your relationship, what you like, and what you don't. Now you have to take everything you have discovered and see how close to the mark you are. How much work needs to be done will depend upon many factors, but at least you now have a good idea of what to do.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Does Love Help You Live Longer-Studies Show It Is Possible
Studies have shown that married people live, on average, about five years longer than people who are not married. These statistics lead to the question: does love help you live longer? While the numbers would seem to suggest love lengthens lifespan, it is a subjective emotion and nearly impossible to quantify. On the other hand, the data does suggest a link between marriage and longevity, so there must be a link of some kind.
Take a moment to think about the people that you love. Now take another moment to think about the people who love you. Okay, how do you feel? Most people will feel better when thinking about their loved ones, and that may be one of the reasons why people in a loving relationship live longer.
While researchers aren't completely sure, it seems that being in love helps to reduce stress. There is a growing amount of research showing how damaging stress can be on the body. It used to be believed that stress only caused mental distress, but now it has been shown to negatively impact the body on a cellular level.
Having somebody to blow off steam to will help you to get rid of life-shortening stress. However, this only works if you have complete trust in the person you love. Sometimes trust isn't easy, especially if you have been lied to in previous relationships, but developing mutual trust is the key to having a happy relationship.
Perhaps being in love also gives you a reason to live. Again, this isn't the kind of thing that can be quantified by science, but ask anybody who has been in love, and they will tell you that their life has a purpose.
The cynics among us may say that love extends the lifespan because there is somebody always telling us what not to do. Imagine somebody yelling at their spouse to stop drinking, stop hanging out with their "loser" friends, or to drive better. Sure, those things may help you to live longer, but a nagging spouse will only add to your stress level.
Does love help you live longer is really only part of the equation. See, it's not only how long you live, it's how much you enjoy it. The need for companionship is a strong survival instinct, and it can be a driving force that makes life worth living. There are few things sadder than the image of a lonely, elderly person staring blankly into space--no friends come to visit, no family, nobody special to keep them company. It's depressing. Now imagine the same person, but this time they are sitting in a cozy chair next to their spouse of 50 years; one is knitting and the other watching the evening news. All of sudden they stop doing what they're doing, they look at each other and smile lovingly, then they go back to what they were doing. Which scene makes you happier?
Does love help you live longer? The research suggests that it may, and experience says that love makes us happier as we get older.
Take a moment to think about the people that you love. Now take another moment to think about the people who love you. Okay, how do you feel? Most people will feel better when thinking about their loved ones, and that may be one of the reasons why people in a loving relationship live longer.
While researchers aren't completely sure, it seems that being in love helps to reduce stress. There is a growing amount of research showing how damaging stress can be on the body. It used to be believed that stress only caused mental distress, but now it has been shown to negatively impact the body on a cellular level.
Having somebody to blow off steam to will help you to get rid of life-shortening stress. However, this only works if you have complete trust in the person you love. Sometimes trust isn't easy, especially if you have been lied to in previous relationships, but developing mutual trust is the key to having a happy relationship.
Perhaps being in love also gives you a reason to live. Again, this isn't the kind of thing that can be quantified by science, but ask anybody who has been in love, and they will tell you that their life has a purpose.
The cynics among us may say that love extends the lifespan because there is somebody always telling us what not to do. Imagine somebody yelling at their spouse to stop drinking, stop hanging out with their "loser" friends, or to drive better. Sure, those things may help you to live longer, but a nagging spouse will only add to your stress level.
Does love help you live longer is really only part of the equation. See, it's not only how long you live, it's how much you enjoy it. The need for companionship is a strong survival instinct, and it can be a driving force that makes life worth living. There are few things sadder than the image of a lonely, elderly person staring blankly into space--no friends come to visit, no family, nobody special to keep them company. It's depressing. Now imagine the same person, but this time they are sitting in a cozy chair next to their spouse of 50 years; one is knitting and the other watching the evening news. All of sudden they stop doing what they're doing, they look at each other and smile lovingly, then they go back to what they were doing. Which scene makes you happier?
Does love help you live longer? The research suggests that it may, and experience says that love makes us happier as we get older.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Simple Tips For Easing The Pain Of A Breakup
"There are plenty of fish in the sea."
It seem that everybody feels the need to share that old saying with you after you have ended a relationship. I know it's their way of trying to ease the pain of a breakup, it never has the desired effect. The good news is that there are some things you can do to start feeling better and move on with your life.
Face the truth. When breaking up, feelings get hurt, tears flow, anger surges and the thought of ever loving again seems like it will never happen again. I mention this because it's important to know that this flow of feelings after breaking up are normal.
Another saying you are not going to want to here is it takes time. The only thing that will heal the hurt is accepting things for what they are. Once you can do this, easing the pain of a breakup becomes nearly automatic. However, it may take a while before you get to that stage. Read below for a few ideas you can do to feel better in the meantime.
Get out: Hiding yourself away is detrimental to the healing process. Go ahead and take a little time to be alone, but don't overdo it. Get out of the house as soon as you can and re-discover the things life has to offer. In the beginning it's a good idea to avoid the old haunts you used to frequent with your ex. Other than that, have a ball!
Stay busy: While you shouldn't try to completely ignore what you are going through, it's also not a good idea to dwell on it. Participate in positive or productive activities to give your heart and mind a rest. Clean the house, play games, go to the gym, or anything else that requires movement and some level of thought.
Laugh: It may seem impossible, you may even feel guilty about it, but go ahead and laugh. It is believed that laughter releases certain "feel good" chemicals in the brain. The more you laugh, the better you will feel. Easing the pain of a breakup is never a simple thing to do, but if you can smile and laugh you are well on the way to better days.
Seek help: What if everything you do to feel better just doesn't seem to work? When this happens get help from a qualified therapist, counselor or psychiatrist. They are there to help. More importantly, they are trained to do one thing better than the average person. What is that thing? Listening. Sometimes having a non-judgmental ear is all you need to start moving on.
Nobody likes to part ways with someone that's close to them. Even if you knew things were getting worse for quite some time, the actual split can be difficult to handle. There is nothing wrong with feeling down, but only to a certain degree. At some point you be proactive in easing the pain of a breakup.The sooner you start the better off your be.
It seem that everybody feels the need to share that old saying with you after you have ended a relationship. I know it's their way of trying to ease the pain of a breakup, it never has the desired effect. The good news is that there are some things you can do to start feeling better and move on with your life.
Face the truth. When breaking up, feelings get hurt, tears flow, anger surges and the thought of ever loving again seems like it will never happen again. I mention this because it's important to know that this flow of feelings after breaking up are normal.
Another saying you are not going to want to here is it takes time. The only thing that will heal the hurt is accepting things for what they are. Once you can do this, easing the pain of a breakup becomes nearly automatic. However, it may take a while before you get to that stage. Read below for a few ideas you can do to feel better in the meantime.
Get out: Hiding yourself away is detrimental to the healing process. Go ahead and take a little time to be alone, but don't overdo it. Get out of the house as soon as you can and re-discover the things life has to offer. In the beginning it's a good idea to avoid the old haunts you used to frequent with your ex. Other than that, have a ball!
Stay busy: While you shouldn't try to completely ignore what you are going through, it's also not a good idea to dwell on it. Participate in positive or productive activities to give your heart and mind a rest. Clean the house, play games, go to the gym, or anything else that requires movement and some level of thought.
Laugh: It may seem impossible, you may even feel guilty about it, but go ahead and laugh. It is believed that laughter releases certain "feel good" chemicals in the brain. The more you laugh, the better you will feel. Easing the pain of a breakup is never a simple thing to do, but if you can smile and laugh you are well on the way to better days.
Seek help: What if everything you do to feel better just doesn't seem to work? When this happens get help from a qualified therapist, counselor or psychiatrist. They are there to help. More importantly, they are trained to do one thing better than the average person. What is that thing? Listening. Sometimes having a non-judgmental ear is all you need to start moving on.
Nobody likes to part ways with someone that's close to them. Even if you knew things were getting worse for quite some time, the actual split can be difficult to handle. There is nothing wrong with feeling down, but only to a certain degree. At some point you be proactive in easing the pain of a breakup.The sooner you start the better off your be.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Breakup Signals To Watch Out For-Dont Be Blind Sided By Love
The sad truth is that people break up with one another all the time. If that fact makes you nervous, then you are probably concerned that your relationship could be headed for trouble. You may not always know where you stand until you hear it directly from your partner (one way or the other). With that in mind, here are a few breakup signals to watch out for.
You need to know your partner very well before you can pick up on their signals. The biggest thing to watch out for is a change in behavior. However, you need to have a firm understanding of what their normal behavior is like; otherwise you won't be able to detect subtle changes that could be signs of trouble.
If the two of you used to have deep conversations about important things, but now your partner doesn't want to talk to you at all, then that's an issue that needs to be addressed. If they are suddenly being overly-romantic, when they weren't before, then they may be compensating for feelings of guilt. If they get moody and cranky at the slightest thing, then there's a reason for it. While there could be any number of reasons for a change in behavior, such a change is one of the most common breakup signals.
Emotional coldness is another warning sign. This is the opposite of having strong emotions. If your partner seems distant and unfeeling, it may be an attempt to start pulling away from you. They don't laugh or cry; they don't get mad or argue; and they don't express any feelings of affection. It's as if they are a zombie when they are around you. The catch is that they may not even be aware of what they are doing, so you will have to approach the subject carefully.
Not wanting to spend time with you is also something to watch out for. There are many ways to show love for somebody, and spending time together is one of them. Time apart is an easier breakup signal to notice, but that doesn't mean it's an easier signal to endure. The sad part is that you still want to be together, but your partner seems to be spending less and less time with you.
Another important signal to watch out for is what your gut tells you. In other words, if things just don't feel right, then trust those feelings. At the very least, use those feelings as a wake up call that your relationship isn't perfect.
Being aware of these breakup signals is one thing, and dealing with them is quite another. If you see any of these signs (or any signs for that matter), then you need to take the next step and do what you need to do to save your relationship. There may be a few roadblocks up ahead, but having awareness and a good game plan will get you past them with ease.
You need to know your partner very well before you can pick up on their signals. The biggest thing to watch out for is a change in behavior. However, you need to have a firm understanding of what their normal behavior is like; otherwise you won't be able to detect subtle changes that could be signs of trouble.
If the two of you used to have deep conversations about important things, but now your partner doesn't want to talk to you at all, then that's an issue that needs to be addressed. If they are suddenly being overly-romantic, when they weren't before, then they may be compensating for feelings of guilt. If they get moody and cranky at the slightest thing, then there's a reason for it. While there could be any number of reasons for a change in behavior, such a change is one of the most common breakup signals.
Emotional coldness is another warning sign. This is the opposite of having strong emotions. If your partner seems distant and unfeeling, it may be an attempt to start pulling away from you. They don't laugh or cry; they don't get mad or argue; and they don't express any feelings of affection. It's as if they are a zombie when they are around you. The catch is that they may not even be aware of what they are doing, so you will have to approach the subject carefully.
Not wanting to spend time with you is also something to watch out for. There are many ways to show love for somebody, and spending time together is one of them. Time apart is an easier breakup signal to notice, but that doesn't mean it's an easier signal to endure. The sad part is that you still want to be together, but your partner seems to be spending less and less time with you.
Another important signal to watch out for is what your gut tells you. In other words, if things just don't feel right, then trust those feelings. At the very least, use those feelings as a wake up call that your relationship isn't perfect.
Being aware of these breakup signals is one thing, and dealing with them is quite another. If you see any of these signs (or any signs for that matter), then you need to take the next step and do what you need to do to save your relationship. There may be a few roadblocks up ahead, but having awareness and a good game plan will get you past them with ease.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Easing The Pain Of A Breakup-Heal At Your Own Pace
Easing the pain of a breakup is never easy, but it seems as though family and friends are always quick to share their advice. They will say things like "it just wasn't meant to be" or "don't worry, the right person will come along." Yes, they mean well, but their words don't do anything to make you feel better. Good intentions are nice, but they don't mean much. What you need are some actual methods to start easing your pain.
Let's be blunt. There are plenty of negative emotions that come to the surface after a breakup. Everything from anger to sadness, and from guilt to uncertainty all mix together to make you feel awful. And those feelings don't even begin to cover the feelings of loss and heartbreak.
There is one thing that will ease the pain more than anything else, and that is time. You may have heard that "time heals all wounds", but it has also been said that "absence makes the heart grow fonder". These two sayings seem to contradict each other, but you have to trust that time will eventually heal the pain in your heart. Even if it doesn't seem like it's possible right now, you have to believe that it will be possible to feel better in the future.
The problem with waiting for time is that it, well, takes time. That all sounds good in theory, but you don't have time to wait. You want to start feeling better now. The good news is that you can.
Live your life - One of the hardest things to do after a breakup is living your life as if nothing happened. You need to go to work, pay your bills, and talk to your friends and family. The more familiarity you can keep in your life, the faster you will start to feel better.
Laugh - You may not feel like laughing right now, and that's okay. However, laughter causes the brain to release chemicals that not only make you feel better but also kill pain. Guilt can prevent you from wanting to fun, but giving yourself permission to laugh will help you to enjoy life more. Put in a funny movie, go to a comedy club, or watch funny videos online, whatever it takes to make you laugh.
Be realistic - Some people make the mistake of thinking that a breakup won't affect them negatively at all. The problem with this sort of thinking is that it doesn't let you deal with the situation. Instead, look at things realistically, and stop living in a fantasy world. You may have to confront some bad feelings when easing the pain of a breakup, but it's a necessary step to feeling better.
Seek help - If, despite your best efforts, you just can't seem to feel better, then getting help from an outside source is the answer. That source could be your higher power, a counselor, or a book on easing the pain of a breakup.
Let's be blunt. There are plenty of negative emotions that come to the surface after a breakup. Everything from anger to sadness, and from guilt to uncertainty all mix together to make you feel awful. And those feelings don't even begin to cover the feelings of loss and heartbreak.
There is one thing that will ease the pain more than anything else, and that is time. You may have heard that "time heals all wounds", but it has also been said that "absence makes the heart grow fonder". These two sayings seem to contradict each other, but you have to trust that time will eventually heal the pain in your heart. Even if it doesn't seem like it's possible right now, you have to believe that it will be possible to feel better in the future.
The problem with waiting for time is that it, well, takes time. That all sounds good in theory, but you don't have time to wait. You want to start feeling better now. The good news is that you can.
Live your life - One of the hardest things to do after a breakup is living your life as if nothing happened. You need to go to work, pay your bills, and talk to your friends and family. The more familiarity you can keep in your life, the faster you will start to feel better.
Laugh - You may not feel like laughing right now, and that's okay. However, laughter causes the brain to release chemicals that not only make you feel better but also kill pain. Guilt can prevent you from wanting to fun, but giving yourself permission to laugh will help you to enjoy life more. Put in a funny movie, go to a comedy club, or watch funny videos online, whatever it takes to make you laugh.
Be realistic - Some people make the mistake of thinking that a breakup won't affect them negatively at all. The problem with this sort of thinking is that it doesn't let you deal with the situation. Instead, look at things realistically, and stop living in a fantasy world. You may have to confront some bad feelings when easing the pain of a breakup, but it's a necessary step to feeling better.
Seek help - If, despite your best efforts, you just can't seem to feel better, then getting help from an outside source is the answer. That source could be your higher power, a counselor, or a book on easing the pain of a breakup.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Relationships With Your Exs New Love
Breaking up with someone you love is a very painful process, especially when they are the one breaking up with you. This pain can only be compounded when your ex turns around and finds someone else. You can feel abandoned and worthless when they seemingly find someone new so easily. So having any kind of decent Relationships with Your Ex's New Love can be quite the challenge to say the least.
In a lot of situations this will simply not be an issue for you. In most break ups, both parties go their own separate ways and that is that. But sometimes you are first to co-exist to some degree. This is mostly when you share similar circles of friends or family. In situations like this it can be very tough to deal with your ex and their new lover. To help you through such troubling times are a few tips you could follow.
1. Accepting. Acceptance is a huge part of any break up. You need to accept that they have moved on and are no longer with you. But above that, you have to accept that they have found someone new to have in their life. Regardless of how painful this may be, it is just the way it is. So you need to be the bigger person and accept it and act properly.
While having a decent Relationships with Your Ex's New Love can be trying, it is up to you to keep civil and polite. The last thing you want to do is come off as a fool and hurt your own position.
2. Better yourself. A lot of times when we are hurt we want to lash out and get back at those who hurt us. But when it comes to break ups, this really is not an option if we want to retain our dignity. But while you can not go and slash their car tires, there are things you can do to get back at your ex. Bettering yourself is the key way.
There is a saying: "Living well is the best revenge", and it is true. Live your life happily, get in better shape, make yourself look nice and show your ex what they are missing out on.
3. Avoid the friendship trap. We have all heard the usual line "we can still be friends, right?" This comes from both men and women, and it is something you will want to avoid. Your ex may have good intentions but the worst thing they could possibly do is drop this line on you. It just adds salt to the wound. So while you may feel hopeful if they say this, understand that it will do you no good.
As painful as it may be, it is simply best to cut as many ties with your ex is possible so that you can move on with your life. This is even more important if they have gotten someone new in their life and you are forced to have some kind of Relationships with Your Ex's New Love.
In a lot of situations this will simply not be an issue for you. In most break ups, both parties go their own separate ways and that is that. But sometimes you are first to co-exist to some degree. This is mostly when you share similar circles of friends or family. In situations like this it can be very tough to deal with your ex and their new lover. To help you through such troubling times are a few tips you could follow.
1. Accepting. Acceptance is a huge part of any break up. You need to accept that they have moved on and are no longer with you. But above that, you have to accept that they have found someone new to have in their life. Regardless of how painful this may be, it is just the way it is. So you need to be the bigger person and accept it and act properly.
While having a decent Relationships with Your Ex's New Love can be trying, it is up to you to keep civil and polite. The last thing you want to do is come off as a fool and hurt your own position.
2. Better yourself. A lot of times when we are hurt we want to lash out and get back at those who hurt us. But when it comes to break ups, this really is not an option if we want to retain our dignity. But while you can not go and slash their car tires, there are things you can do to get back at your ex. Bettering yourself is the key way.
There is a saying: "Living well is the best revenge", and it is true. Live your life happily, get in better shape, make yourself look nice and show your ex what they are missing out on.
3. Avoid the friendship trap. We have all heard the usual line "we can still be friends, right?" This comes from both men and women, and it is something you will want to avoid. Your ex may have good intentions but the worst thing they could possibly do is drop this line on you. It just adds salt to the wound. So while you may feel hopeful if they say this, understand that it will do you no good.
As painful as it may be, it is simply best to cut as many ties with your ex is possible so that you can move on with your life. This is even more important if they have gotten someone new in their life and you are forced to have some kind of Relationships with Your Ex's New Love.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Five Normal Emotional Stages Of A Relationship Breakup
The following emotional stages of a relationship breakup are only guidelines to help you cope through a difficult time to a happier ending. What's important to understand is that even though they are painful, each of the feelings are normal.
What follows are often referred to as the "five emotional stages of grief". Each of the concepts apply just as easily to a relationship breakup. The major difference is that some of the stages can happen while the relationship is still in tact.
The first stage is denial. There are plenty of stories about spouses and significant others who justified the odd behavior of an ex before a breakup.
"Oh, he probably got lipstick on his collar when he accidentally bumped into someone."
"She didn't call to tell me she was going to be late because she was too busy with work."
Those are two rather blatant examples that may not apply, but how about this one? "We don't argue that much, we just like to discuss our problems." Open communication is great, but not when it's used as an excuse for calling each other names and saying hurtful things. You have to make an honest assessment of your relationship if you want it to succeed, denial prevents that from happening. If you are able to recognize and correct things at the denial stage, then you may not have to worry about the rest.
Anger and resentment may be the most common of the emotional stages of a relationship breakup. You broke up, and now you're mad at your ex. Even if deep down you know it was mostly your fault, you find reasons to be mad at them. You have to let go of the anger and resentment before you can move on. Plus, it is much better for your overall health when you're not carrying around so much anger.
Trying to patch things up is a worthy goal, but resorting to negotiation (the next stage) isn't the best way to go about it. Here you will say and do anything to get your ex back. You will change, make promises, and do "whatever it takes". But you're not really thinking them through. More than likely they do not fit in with your character and will be impossible for you to follow through on. When you notice you're using the word "if" a lot, it's a sure sign you are at this stage.
Depression as one of the emotional stages of a relationship breakup can really pop up at just about any time in the process. You may believe that you could never love somebody the same way again, or worse, that nobody will ever love you again. Regardless of when it occurs, be willing to seek professional help if you need it.
The final stage is acceptance. It's just like it sounds. You have come to terms with your relationship and accept whatever has happened. You start feeling better (not necessarily great, but better) and are ready to start being yourself again.
Remember, these five stages are just a guideline. You may not experience all of them, and they may be in a different order and vary in their intensity. If you are aware of the stages, it will be easier to get through it if you should find yourself in this situation.
What follows are often referred to as the "five emotional stages of grief". Each of the concepts apply just as easily to a relationship breakup. The major difference is that some of the stages can happen while the relationship is still in tact.
The first stage is denial. There are plenty of stories about spouses and significant others who justified the odd behavior of an ex before a breakup.
"Oh, he probably got lipstick on his collar when he accidentally bumped into someone."
"She didn't call to tell me she was going to be late because she was too busy with work."
Those are two rather blatant examples that may not apply, but how about this one? "We don't argue that much, we just like to discuss our problems." Open communication is great, but not when it's used as an excuse for calling each other names and saying hurtful things. You have to make an honest assessment of your relationship if you want it to succeed, denial prevents that from happening. If you are able to recognize and correct things at the denial stage, then you may not have to worry about the rest.
Anger and resentment may be the most common of the emotional stages of a relationship breakup. You broke up, and now you're mad at your ex. Even if deep down you know it was mostly your fault, you find reasons to be mad at them. You have to let go of the anger and resentment before you can move on. Plus, it is much better for your overall health when you're not carrying around so much anger.
Trying to patch things up is a worthy goal, but resorting to negotiation (the next stage) isn't the best way to go about it. Here you will say and do anything to get your ex back. You will change, make promises, and do "whatever it takes". But you're not really thinking them through. More than likely they do not fit in with your character and will be impossible for you to follow through on. When you notice you're using the word "if" a lot, it's a sure sign you are at this stage.
Depression as one of the emotional stages of a relationship breakup can really pop up at just about any time in the process. You may believe that you could never love somebody the same way again, or worse, that nobody will ever love you again. Regardless of when it occurs, be willing to seek professional help if you need it.
The final stage is acceptance. It's just like it sounds. You have come to terms with your relationship and accept whatever has happened. You start feeling better (not necessarily great, but better) and are ready to start being yourself again.
Remember, these five stages are just a guideline. You may not experience all of them, and they may be in a different order and vary in their intensity. If you are aware of the stages, it will be easier to get through it if you should find yourself in this situation.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Marriage Definition-Interpet As An Individual
I recently read a novel and I was impressed with something one of the main characters had to say. It had to do with helping people work on problems in their marriage and the marriage definition that would work for them.
The character, who was a priest, was telling someone about a couples counseling class he just got through with. He was disheartened because he saw so plainly what many in the class did not; most of them married the wrong people.
He observed that since they were in a marriage with someone that they really weren't compatible with that they would never be truly fulfilled in that relationship.
He wanted to be able to tell them that they should just move on, but of course being a priest, he could not.
I think that is a huge, and often overlooked, point. Too many people get married for the wrong reasons or they just each have their own unique marriage definition and aren't compatible with their partner.
If that is the case, and you and your partner have a really wide divide in your outlooks, it will be virtually impossible to have a happy and fulfilling marriage.
For anyone out there who is not married I urge you to move slowly before you decide to tie the knot. Really get to know your would be partner.
Don't turn a blind eye to the trouble signs that are right in front of you. Many times people will make excuses and ignore what is right in front of their face.
But, if you do that, you risk your future happiness. Now, no one is suggesting that you shouldn't get married until you meet someone perfect.
If perfection is your ultimate goal you will be single for a very long time. No, what I'm referring to is simply finding someone who is perfect for you.
Someone who has a similar outlook on life, both with the big and little things.
Someone who won't require too much compromise on your part.
Being able, and willing, to compromise is an integral part of any type of relationship, romantic or otherwise.
But, if you find that you are constantly compromising and the two of you seem to almost never find common ground, that will get old very quickly.
If that is the case you must face the reality that the two of you simply are not compatible.
If you keep your eyes wide open from the start and don't let unrealistic romantic expectations cloud your judgement, you can avoid being hurt later on.
Instead of ignoring warning signs and allowing yourself to become involved, only to be miserable later and having to suffer or break it off, why not be aware and break things off early if it becomes apparent that you two aren't compatible?
Your marriage definition is basically what you think a marriage should be and what you think the roles of each partner should be. Make your life easier and marry someone with similar outlooks. That way you will have a much better chance of finding true happiness.
The character, who was a priest, was telling someone about a couples counseling class he just got through with. He was disheartened because he saw so plainly what many in the class did not; most of them married the wrong people.
He observed that since they were in a marriage with someone that they really weren't compatible with that they would never be truly fulfilled in that relationship.
He wanted to be able to tell them that they should just move on, but of course being a priest, he could not.
I think that is a huge, and often overlooked, point. Too many people get married for the wrong reasons or they just each have their own unique marriage definition and aren't compatible with their partner.
If that is the case, and you and your partner have a really wide divide in your outlooks, it will be virtually impossible to have a happy and fulfilling marriage.
For anyone out there who is not married I urge you to move slowly before you decide to tie the knot. Really get to know your would be partner.
Don't turn a blind eye to the trouble signs that are right in front of you. Many times people will make excuses and ignore what is right in front of their face.
But, if you do that, you risk your future happiness. Now, no one is suggesting that you shouldn't get married until you meet someone perfect.
If perfection is your ultimate goal you will be single for a very long time. No, what I'm referring to is simply finding someone who is perfect for you.
Someone who has a similar outlook on life, both with the big and little things.
Someone who won't require too much compromise on your part.
Being able, and willing, to compromise is an integral part of any type of relationship, romantic or otherwise.
But, if you find that you are constantly compromising and the two of you seem to almost never find common ground, that will get old very quickly.
If that is the case you must face the reality that the two of you simply are not compatible.
If you keep your eyes wide open from the start and don't let unrealistic romantic expectations cloud your judgement, you can avoid being hurt later on.
Instead of ignoring warning signs and allowing yourself to become involved, only to be miserable later and having to suffer or break it off, why not be aware and break things off early if it becomes apparent that you two aren't compatible?
Your marriage definition is basically what you think a marriage should be and what you think the roles of each partner should be. Make your life easier and marry someone with similar outlooks. That way you will have a much better chance of finding true happiness.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Marriage Retreats For When Your Marriage Hits Rough Ground
Sometimes even the best of marriages hit some rough ground. If that happens and you and your partner want some help to work things out, a very sound option is to find marriage retreats in your area.
Marriage retreats can come in all shapes and sizes. Some are more formal than others, some incorporate many couples and others are smaller and more intimate.
The most important thing is that you and your partner find a retreat that you will feel comfortable attending.
For example, if you are not a religious person, you may not feel comfortable attending a retreat that is sponsored by a church.
If you are quite shy, you probably won't want to attend a retreat that is going to require a lot of group activities.
None of these things should be a problem since there are retreats that are geared to couples of all types.
Most of the common topics that will be covered in many retreats are these:
1. Learning better ways of communicating. Any couple who has been together for a while has at least a little baggage.
Even strong, compatible couples will have built up some resentments and misunderstandings if they've been together for a long time.
Most of these misunderstandings are simply a result of lack of communication skills.
You hear about it all the time, but what does lack of communication skills really mean?
Well, in the context of a marriage it means that one or both partners are not good at expressing themselves and/ or truly objectively listening to what their partner is saying.
This is a huge problem. You may have noticed that men and women communicate differently.
Men have the tendency to want to "fix" things. Women often just want to feel like they are understood.
So when a wife tries to tell her husband about the jerk she has to deal with at the office, he often hears "I need to help, fix it".
In his mind when he tells her "just ignore them" he is helping. But in her mind he is being dismissive and unsympathetic.
That is what can make it so tough. And that is why pretty much any couple can benefit from learning how to see things from the others perspective.
2. How to let go. This too is huge. Again, if you and your partner have baggage from past misunderstandings, the only way you can go on to have a loving and fulfilling relationship is to move past them.
This can be easier said than done since most of us will bury the hurt and frustration so far down that we aren't even consciously aware of it.
That means that first you will need to "dig it up" and then you will need to heal it. And, many of us don't want to do that since that hurts.
In a lot of cases we are more comfortable keeping it buried. The problem is that it is buried but it is far from gone. It can come back and cause problems when you least expect it.
So, if you and your partner want to shore up your marriage and learn better ways of dealing with your issues, and each other, marriage retreats can offer a viable option.
Marriage retreats can come in all shapes and sizes. Some are more formal than others, some incorporate many couples and others are smaller and more intimate.
The most important thing is that you and your partner find a retreat that you will feel comfortable attending.
For example, if you are not a religious person, you may not feel comfortable attending a retreat that is sponsored by a church.
If you are quite shy, you probably won't want to attend a retreat that is going to require a lot of group activities.
None of these things should be a problem since there are retreats that are geared to couples of all types.
Most of the common topics that will be covered in many retreats are these:
1. Learning better ways of communicating. Any couple who has been together for a while has at least a little baggage.
Even strong, compatible couples will have built up some resentments and misunderstandings if they've been together for a long time.
Most of these misunderstandings are simply a result of lack of communication skills.
You hear about it all the time, but what does lack of communication skills really mean?
Well, in the context of a marriage it means that one or both partners are not good at expressing themselves and/ or truly objectively listening to what their partner is saying.
This is a huge problem. You may have noticed that men and women communicate differently.
Men have the tendency to want to "fix" things. Women often just want to feel like they are understood.
So when a wife tries to tell her husband about the jerk she has to deal with at the office, he often hears "I need to help, fix it".
In his mind when he tells her "just ignore them" he is helping. But in her mind he is being dismissive and unsympathetic.
That is what can make it so tough. And that is why pretty much any couple can benefit from learning how to see things from the others perspective.
2. How to let go. This too is huge. Again, if you and your partner have baggage from past misunderstandings, the only way you can go on to have a loving and fulfilling relationship is to move past them.
This can be easier said than done since most of us will bury the hurt and frustration so far down that we aren't even consciously aware of it.
That means that first you will need to "dig it up" and then you will need to heal it. And, many of us don't want to do that since that hurts.
In a lot of cases we are more comfortable keeping it buried. The problem is that it is buried but it is far from gone. It can come back and cause problems when you least expect it.
So, if you and your partner want to shore up your marriage and learn better ways of dealing with your issues, and each other, marriage retreats can offer a viable option.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Relationship Therapy For The New Year
Every relationship has it's ups and it's downs, it is just something we all have to work through. While nobody can say for certain what exactly is needed to make a relationship work, the one thing everyone can agree on is that if either party is not happy, the relationship will fall apart.
If you are not happy in your relationship and are looking for some Relationship Therapy for the New Year, then perhaps you could also try taking some steps yourself to try and fix it up. To give you an idea of where to start are several suggestions.
1. Communicate. The foundation for any relationship is proper communication. People are not mind readers, they wont know what you are thinking unless you flat out tell them. Do not beat around the bush, do not try to drop hints, these are easily missed. Instead just sit down with them and lay it all out. At the same time make sure you are willing to let them do the same. Talking is good, but you have to know when to be quiet and listen as well. It is a two way street.
2. Do not stop dating. One of the best ways to avoid having to get Relationship Therapy for the New Year is to remember that just because you got married or whatever does not mean you should dating. People associate dating as something you do to get to know each other, but that is not all it does. It allows you to bond and have fun together. So even after you are married, make sure to set aside a night here or there to go out on a date.
3. Do your part. Not everything is some major affair, the small things matter to do. Simple things like throwing your things in the trash, or cleaning your dishes, or doing your laundry. These may seem like inane things but they really do add up, and fast. Make sure to be mindful of these irritants so they do not build up to the point of causing you or your partner to explode. If you are annoyed by something, make sure to calmly explain it to them and ask them to stop doing it.
4. Work together, but specialize. Everyone has something they are good at and this applies to relationships as well. You and your partner should share the work of a relationship equally, but that does not mean you both have to do the same stuff. One of you may be a workaholic while another is a neat freak. Allowing one of you to bring in the money while the other maintains the household is perfectly fine, so long as you are both doing your fair share.
5. Get help. Ultimately, try as you might, sometimes you just need Relationship Therapy for the New Year to keep things stable. There is no shame in going to a therapist who can help you work your problems out and it is far better than letting your relationship fall apart.
If you are not happy in your relationship and are looking for some Relationship Therapy for the New Year, then perhaps you could also try taking some steps yourself to try and fix it up. To give you an idea of where to start are several suggestions.
1. Communicate. The foundation for any relationship is proper communication. People are not mind readers, they wont know what you are thinking unless you flat out tell them. Do not beat around the bush, do not try to drop hints, these are easily missed. Instead just sit down with them and lay it all out. At the same time make sure you are willing to let them do the same. Talking is good, but you have to know when to be quiet and listen as well. It is a two way street.
2. Do not stop dating. One of the best ways to avoid having to get Relationship Therapy for the New Year is to remember that just because you got married or whatever does not mean you should dating. People associate dating as something you do to get to know each other, but that is not all it does. It allows you to bond and have fun together. So even after you are married, make sure to set aside a night here or there to go out on a date.
3. Do your part. Not everything is some major affair, the small things matter to do. Simple things like throwing your things in the trash, or cleaning your dishes, or doing your laundry. These may seem like inane things but they really do add up, and fast. Make sure to be mindful of these irritants so they do not build up to the point of causing you or your partner to explode. If you are annoyed by something, make sure to calmly explain it to them and ask them to stop doing it.
4. Work together, but specialize. Everyone has something they are good at and this applies to relationships as well. You and your partner should share the work of a relationship equally, but that does not mean you both have to do the same stuff. One of you may be a workaholic while another is a neat freak. Allowing one of you to bring in the money while the other maintains the household is perfectly fine, so long as you are both doing your fair share.
5. Get help. Ultimately, try as you might, sometimes you just need Relationship Therapy for the New Year to keep things stable. There is no shame in going to a therapist who can help you work your problems out and it is far better than letting your relationship fall apart.
Friday, January 6, 2012
How To Get Back With Your Ex-Its Not Hopeless
Everything seems hopeless after a break up, and you're not sure how you can get through another day. Yet, somewhere in the back of your mind, a little voice keeps asking how to get back with your ex. It may seem hopeless, but you can take comfort in the fact that the vast majority of broken relationships can be put back together. However, you have to be willing to do whatever it takes.
Chances are that just about everybody you know is going to start offering advice on how to get back with your ex. A lot of that advice will be absolutely useless, a small portion of it could end up doing more harm than good, and some will be helpful; so how can you tell which advice is worth following and which isn't? The answer is quite simple: look at the relationship of the person offering the advice. If they constantly have problems with their partner or go through break up after break up, then you can safely ignore their advice, no matter how well-intentioned it may be. However, if the person has been happily involved with the same person for many years, then it stands to reason that they are doing something right, and that their advice is worth heeding.
Your first instinct after a break up may be to go running back to your ex, in the hopes that you can successfully beg or plead for them take you back. That rarely works, but even if it does, it will put you at a disadvantage in the relationship. Resist the temptation to go to your ex right away. A much better thing to do is wait for a while, maybe as much as a month or two, before contacting your ex. You both need some time away from each other to sort things out on your own and to calm down.
While you are taking a break from each other you should try to figure out exactly what led to your break up. That means digging deep and getting to the root causes. Figuring out the symptoms is easy; figuring out the cause of those symptoms can be difficult. As you're digging you may find some things that make you uncomfortable, but that's actually a good sign that you are getting to where you need to be. Stick with it, and keep trying to figure out what really went wrong.
After figuring out the problem, the next step of how to get back with your ex is to come up with some ideas on how to fix those problems. At this point you only have a few basic choices: forgive, forget or confront. The severity of the problem and how much control you have over it will help you determine which course of action is best.
Now you are ready to get in touch with your ex again. Stay calm and don't overdo it. How to get back with your ex is a matter of having a plan and sticking with it.
Chances are that just about everybody you know is going to start offering advice on how to get back with your ex. A lot of that advice will be absolutely useless, a small portion of it could end up doing more harm than good, and some will be helpful; so how can you tell which advice is worth following and which isn't? The answer is quite simple: look at the relationship of the person offering the advice. If they constantly have problems with their partner or go through break up after break up, then you can safely ignore their advice, no matter how well-intentioned it may be. However, if the person has been happily involved with the same person for many years, then it stands to reason that they are doing something right, and that their advice is worth heeding.
Your first instinct after a break up may be to go running back to your ex, in the hopes that you can successfully beg or plead for them take you back. That rarely works, but even if it does, it will put you at a disadvantage in the relationship. Resist the temptation to go to your ex right away. A much better thing to do is wait for a while, maybe as much as a month or two, before contacting your ex. You both need some time away from each other to sort things out on your own and to calm down.
While you are taking a break from each other you should try to figure out exactly what led to your break up. That means digging deep and getting to the root causes. Figuring out the symptoms is easy; figuring out the cause of those symptoms can be difficult. As you're digging you may find some things that make you uncomfortable, but that's actually a good sign that you are getting to where you need to be. Stick with it, and keep trying to figure out what really went wrong.
After figuring out the problem, the next step of how to get back with your ex is to come up with some ideas on how to fix those problems. At this point you only have a few basic choices: forgive, forget or confront. The severity of the problem and how much control you have over it will help you determine which course of action is best.
Now you are ready to get in touch with your ex again. Stay calm and don't overdo it. How to get back with your ex is a matter of having a plan and sticking with it.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Fall In Love With Each Other Again
All relationships have their fair share of ups and downs, and if you are looking for ways to fall in love with each other again, then chances are good that you are at a low point. Wherever you are at right now, it's okay; there are things you can do to rekindle the flame you once had burning for each other. Now, I'm not going to tell you that it will be easy, but I will tell you that the effort will be more than worth it once the two of you have fallen back in love.
While you may not be thrilled by the idea of a serious talk about your feelings, it is an absolute must. Be open about your current feelings and concerns, but remember to do so with caring and tact. You don't want to make your partner feel bad about how things are going, and you should also make sure that you don't blame them in any way.
After you have had a good discussion it's time to ask why the two of you fell in love in the first place. What was it that attracted you to your partner, and what got them attracted to you? If there was a time that the two of you loved each other, then there is always hope to do it again. Remembering what you love about each other will help you by keeping the focus on the positive things. In other words, instead of asking why you don't love each other right now and what you can do to fix it, you start rebuilding on the feelings you once had.
Another thing you need to look at is if the reasons you fell in love were valid ones. A lot of times we are overly concerned with physical appearance, and that can cause us to mistake feelings of lust for feelings of love. There is also the possibility that the two of you were pressured to get together by some outside influence. Even if you didn't have real love at first, you may have started to grow in love and that can give you the hope you need to fall in love again.
If you want to make your ex fall in love with you again, then you may be tempted to change who you are, but that would be a mistake. For one thing, it wouldn't be fair to you or your ex if you were only putting on an act. The other thing is that you can only pretend for so long. Besides, your partner should love you for who you are, not who they want you to be.
More than anything, you need to know that there is hope and that it really is possible to make your ex fall in love with you again.
While you may not be thrilled by the idea of a serious talk about your feelings, it is an absolute must. Be open about your current feelings and concerns, but remember to do so with caring and tact. You don't want to make your partner feel bad about how things are going, and you should also make sure that you don't blame them in any way.
After you have had a good discussion it's time to ask why the two of you fell in love in the first place. What was it that attracted you to your partner, and what got them attracted to you? If there was a time that the two of you loved each other, then there is always hope to do it again. Remembering what you love about each other will help you by keeping the focus on the positive things. In other words, instead of asking why you don't love each other right now and what you can do to fix it, you start rebuilding on the feelings you once had.
Another thing you need to look at is if the reasons you fell in love were valid ones. A lot of times we are overly concerned with physical appearance, and that can cause us to mistake feelings of lust for feelings of love. There is also the possibility that the two of you were pressured to get together by some outside influence. Even if you didn't have real love at first, you may have started to grow in love and that can give you the hope you need to fall in love again.
If you want to make your ex fall in love with you again, then you may be tempted to change who you are, but that would be a mistake. For one thing, it wouldn't be fair to you or your ex if you were only putting on an act. The other thing is that you can only pretend for so long. Besides, your partner should love you for who you are, not who they want you to be.
More than anything, you need to know that there is hope and that it really is possible to make your ex fall in love with you again.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
How To Be A Challenge To Your Girlfriend
So you want to know how to be a challenge to your girlfriend, huh? While there is nothing wrong with that, it does beg the question of why you want to be a challenge, and what exactly does that mean? Perhaps it is that you are worried about her breaking up with you, or maybe it's because you heard that women like there men to be complicate, or it could be that she has accused you of being a pushover and she would like you to change. Whatever the reason, there are things you can do to add more depth to your relationship.
1. Examine your motives. Your reasons for wanting to present more of a challenge to your girlfriend will make a big difference in how successful you are, those same reasons may also provide insights into problem areas in your relationship. For example, if you want to be challenging because you're afraid she will find someone else, then you need to examine the source of that insecurity. If you want to do it because you love her and you think she will be happier because of it, then it shows that you have good intentions.
2. Learn to communicate effectively. Okay, you want to know how to be a challenge to your girlfriend, but you still need to be able to talk to each other. Learning good communication skills will make it easier for the two of you to talk and work things out. It can also add an element of challenge to your relationship because it will require both of you to think carefully about what you say to each other, and how you say it.
3. Don't let her take you for granted, and vice-versa. Not taking each other for granted can be a huge challenge all by itself. The problem with her taking you for granted is that she won't even be aware of it, which is exactly what the definition of taking someone for granted is. By being aware of it, and pointing it out to her, you can become more of a challenge because she will now have to make an effort to no longer take you for granted.
4. Get of the relationship rut. Nothing is less challenging than being predictable. It seems that the longer two people are together, the deeper their rut becomes, and that rut leads to boredom, and boredom can lead to infidelity or breaking up. However, if you vary your routine, can be somewhat unpredictable, and embrace spontaneity, then you can break out of that right. Doing this will help to keep things fresh in your relationship and your positively impulsive behavior will be a pleasant challenge for your girlfriend.
5. Don't be a jerk about it. Some guys make the mistake of thinking that women like a guy who is a jerk, but the truth is that they are just looking for a guy who is exciting. As you have seen, how to be a challenge to your girlfriend requires a few simple changes, and you make all of them and be a nice guy at the same time.
1. Examine your motives. Your reasons for wanting to present more of a challenge to your girlfriend will make a big difference in how successful you are, those same reasons may also provide insights into problem areas in your relationship. For example, if you want to be challenging because you're afraid she will find someone else, then you need to examine the source of that insecurity. If you want to do it because you love her and you think she will be happier because of it, then it shows that you have good intentions.
2. Learn to communicate effectively. Okay, you want to know how to be a challenge to your girlfriend, but you still need to be able to talk to each other. Learning good communication skills will make it easier for the two of you to talk and work things out. It can also add an element of challenge to your relationship because it will require both of you to think carefully about what you say to each other, and how you say it.
3. Don't let her take you for granted, and vice-versa. Not taking each other for granted can be a huge challenge all by itself. The problem with her taking you for granted is that she won't even be aware of it, which is exactly what the definition of taking someone for granted is. By being aware of it, and pointing it out to her, you can become more of a challenge because she will now have to make an effort to no longer take you for granted.
4. Get of the relationship rut. Nothing is less challenging than being predictable. It seems that the longer two people are together, the deeper their rut becomes, and that rut leads to boredom, and boredom can lead to infidelity or breaking up. However, if you vary your routine, can be somewhat unpredictable, and embrace spontaneity, then you can break out of that right. Doing this will help to keep things fresh in your relationship and your positively impulsive behavior will be a pleasant challenge for your girlfriend.
5. Don't be a jerk about it. Some guys make the mistake of thinking that women like a guy who is a jerk, but the truth is that they are just looking for a guy who is exciting. As you have seen, how to be a challenge to your girlfriend requires a few simple changes, and you make all of them and be a nice guy at the same time.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Being Romantic With Your Love May Not Always Turn Out
It is no wonder we are confused as sometimes our good intention are met with obvious disapproval. Like the last time I bought my partner roses. She was going out on a night out and I thought she would be really surprised. She was but all I got was earache and sore arms. She kept wondering what I had done that I had to buy her red roses and guess who got to carry the bunch around all night. So my expensive gesture fell flat on its face and didn't improve things at all. She blamed me for ruining her night out and we ended up having another blazing row. In hindsight it was a little silly sending her flowers to her office when I knew she was going out on the town that Friday night.
These are the types of mistakes I used to make all the time. Instead of making my relationship happier, it only led to more rows. In desperation I started to buy women's magazines to see if I could get any insight into her mind but that didn't work and I sure got some funny looks down at the Mall. Eventually I bit the bullet and bought a relationship course. You see I didn't know that there is a recipe for relationship success. Sure some people have it without resorting to books but these people are in the minority. Others, like me, are constantly wondering why they get it wrong so often. It can get so bad that you end up wondering whether they are with the wrong partner. But the truth is that communication between the two sexes isn't always easy. There are plenty of mixed messages and confusing signals.
Men usually don't find talking easy whereas it would seem that women have to talk all the time. You need to listen when they want to chat; in fact they find this romantic. Grand gestures like the red roses are easy to arrange. You just phone the florist and give them your credit card number. It takes a lot more effort to clean the house and cook a special dinner as a surprise for when she gets home. Or if you have kids, find a babysitter and take your partner out for the evening.
Why do you think so many couples who appear well suited break up? They haven't all had affairs. In fact if you ask them why they have broken up, they usually can't tell you but more often than not they want to get back with their ex. But you will often find that they haven't spent any time on their own together recently.
Let me tell you if you think it is difficult to answer how to be romantic with your girlfriend, you should try doing it when she is your ex! So don't make the same mistakes I did. Get a blueprint to having a successful happy relationship today and soon all your friends will be asking you for relationship advice.
These are the types of mistakes I used to make all the time. Instead of making my relationship happier, it only led to more rows. In desperation I started to buy women's magazines to see if I could get any insight into her mind but that didn't work and I sure got some funny looks down at the Mall. Eventually I bit the bullet and bought a relationship course. You see I didn't know that there is a recipe for relationship success. Sure some people have it without resorting to books but these people are in the minority. Others, like me, are constantly wondering why they get it wrong so often. It can get so bad that you end up wondering whether they are with the wrong partner. But the truth is that communication between the two sexes isn't always easy. There are plenty of mixed messages and confusing signals.
Men usually don't find talking easy whereas it would seem that women have to talk all the time. You need to listen when they want to chat; in fact they find this romantic. Grand gestures like the red roses are easy to arrange. You just phone the florist and give them your credit card number. It takes a lot more effort to clean the house and cook a special dinner as a surprise for when she gets home. Or if you have kids, find a babysitter and take your partner out for the evening.
Why do you think so many couples who appear well suited break up? They haven't all had affairs. In fact if you ask them why they have broken up, they usually can't tell you but more often than not they want to get back with their ex. But you will often find that they haven't spent any time on their own together recently.
Let me tell you if you think it is difficult to answer how to be romantic with your girlfriend, you should try doing it when she is your ex! So don't make the same mistakes I did. Get a blueprint to having a successful happy relationship today and soon all your friends will be asking you for relationship advice.
Monday, January 2, 2012
How To Be Affectionate With The One You Love
Falling out of love can happen to all couples regardless of how strong their relationship was. In order to recover the magic, you need to learn how to be affectionate with the one you love. There are different ways of learning. You can ask an older man in a successful relationship for some advice. You could talk to your friends but do yourself a favor and only listen to the ones that are happily involved. The others are single for a reason. Or you could buy a great book, read it and put the theory into practice.
Women are often complex creatures but the majority just love it when you show affection. Now I mean real affection and not just a pre sex hug. Sex is a different animal to men and women. In a committed relationship, women often use sex to show affection and appreciation whereas men are less likely to think that deeply about it. They may just care whether it is any good or not or if it is even available. If a woman is hurt or upset you can usually gauge it from the warmth of the response she shows to your advances. If she usually initiates making love but hasn't, you can bet a dollar there is something wrong. It may not be your fault but she may be holding you responsible anyway.
If you read any decent book giving advice on relationships, you will know that one way to get more sex is to do more around the house and not leave everything to your other half. Another way is to show her affection when she least expects it. Hold her hand while on a walk, carry her shopping, collect her from work if it is raining or buy her flowers even though it isn't her birthday or your anniversary. Arrange to spend time together doing something that the two of you love.
Most romantic partnerships don't break down because of affairs or other huge events but because the little things are missing. If you feel that you are drifting apart, get some help and advice on how to put everything back on course. Don't ignore the signs of unhappiness hoping they will go away. Women can easily feel ignored and taken for granted and you may only be distracted by your job or financial situation. She may feel that you must have another woman in your life as you aren't interested in her any more. Or perhaps she is feeling used. Be honest, is the only time you show her affection those nights when you are hoping sex is on the menu?
So how do you get the love back into your relationship? There are many ways but perhaps one you could try is to pretend you are dating again. How did you treat your partner when you just met? She is still with you, for now anyway, so you must have done something right.
You need to find out now how to be affectionate with your with the one you love or you just might find someone else has been!
Women are often complex creatures but the majority just love it when you show affection. Now I mean real affection and not just a pre sex hug. Sex is a different animal to men and women. In a committed relationship, women often use sex to show affection and appreciation whereas men are less likely to think that deeply about it. They may just care whether it is any good or not or if it is even available. If a woman is hurt or upset you can usually gauge it from the warmth of the response she shows to your advances. If she usually initiates making love but hasn't, you can bet a dollar there is something wrong. It may not be your fault but she may be holding you responsible anyway.
If you read any decent book giving advice on relationships, you will know that one way to get more sex is to do more around the house and not leave everything to your other half. Another way is to show her affection when she least expects it. Hold her hand while on a walk, carry her shopping, collect her from work if it is raining or buy her flowers even though it isn't her birthday or your anniversary. Arrange to spend time together doing something that the two of you love.
Most romantic partnerships don't break down because of affairs or other huge events but because the little things are missing. If you feel that you are drifting apart, get some help and advice on how to put everything back on course. Don't ignore the signs of unhappiness hoping they will go away. Women can easily feel ignored and taken for granted and you may only be distracted by your job or financial situation. She may feel that you must have another woman in your life as you aren't interested in her any more. Or perhaps she is feeling used. Be honest, is the only time you show her affection those nights when you are hoping sex is on the menu?
So how do you get the love back into your relationship? There are many ways but perhaps one you could try is to pretend you are dating again. How did you treat your partner when you just met? She is still with you, for now anyway, so you must have done something right.
You need to find out now how to be affectionate with your with the one you love or you just might find someone else has been!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Break Up Help-Equals Moving Forward
So, you still have loving feelings for your ex even though the two of you have split up? There is no doubt that this can be an emotionally trying time, and you don't know what you can do. This confusion is natural, but at the same time you shouldn't let it paralyze you from moving forward. What you need is break help, and the good news is that you are about to get some!
Notice that we have already mentioned the concept of "moving forward". That means one of two things; you can either do your best to forget about your ex, or you can try to win them back. The one you choose will depend on a lot of factors, but it's an important decision to make. First you need to ask yourself if you really still love your ex. Don't just answer with an automatic 'yes', but rather take some time and think about it carefully. Maybe you love them, or maybe you are just in love with the idea of being in love. Whatever answer you arrive at is okay, so long as it's an honest answer.
If you decide it's time to move on with your life and make your ex a permanent thing of the past, then you need to make it as clean of a break as possible. For example, don't make excuses to see each other, as that will keep both of you in a sort of limbo where you have "officially" broken up, but are "unofficially" still seeing each other. If you have made the choice to move on with your life, then you need to be willing to do just that, and not do things that betray a different course of action.
If your ex is the one who keeps bothering you, but you want to make a clean break, then you need to put your foot down and let them know that you are done with them and moving on. You don't have to be mean about it, just be up front and let them know that they can now also get on with their own life. When you think about, this is actually a much nicer thing to do than to not confront them. They need to know what's going on so they can move on as well.
You are going to need even more break up help if you should decide that you want to get back together with your ex. You must be committed to doing whatever it takes, but it can be done in the vast majority of cases.
The quickest way to get back together is to wait. That sounds like a contradictory statement, but if you make your first move too soon, you may end up pushing your ex away for good. You both need time to calm down and think things over. After enough time has elapsed, you can get in touch with your ex and start working things out. This is only the start, so getting more break up help is a good idea.
Notice that we have already mentioned the concept of "moving forward". That means one of two things; you can either do your best to forget about your ex, or you can try to win them back. The one you choose will depend on a lot of factors, but it's an important decision to make. First you need to ask yourself if you really still love your ex. Don't just answer with an automatic 'yes', but rather take some time and think about it carefully. Maybe you love them, or maybe you are just in love with the idea of being in love. Whatever answer you arrive at is okay, so long as it's an honest answer.
If you decide it's time to move on with your life and make your ex a permanent thing of the past, then you need to make it as clean of a break as possible. For example, don't make excuses to see each other, as that will keep both of you in a sort of limbo where you have "officially" broken up, but are "unofficially" still seeing each other. If you have made the choice to move on with your life, then you need to be willing to do just that, and not do things that betray a different course of action.
If your ex is the one who keeps bothering you, but you want to make a clean break, then you need to put your foot down and let them know that you are done with them and moving on. You don't have to be mean about it, just be up front and let them know that they can now also get on with their own life. When you think about, this is actually a much nicer thing to do than to not confront them. They need to know what's going on so they can move on as well.
You are going to need even more break up help if you should decide that you want to get back together with your ex. You must be committed to doing whatever it takes, but it can be done in the vast majority of cases.
The quickest way to get back together is to wait. That sounds like a contradictory statement, but if you make your first move too soon, you may end up pushing your ex away for good. You both need time to calm down and think things over. After enough time has elapsed, you can get in touch with your ex and start working things out. This is only the start, so getting more break up help is a good idea.
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