There seems to be a common question that keeps coming up in the thoughts of guys who just went through a break up, or feel trapped in a relationship. That question is: will she love me again? The sad thing is that it doesn't matter how you got to this point. The only thing that matters to you at this point is whether or not you can get her to love you again. You may be down, hurt, hopeless and confused, but you don't have to be. Instead, you can take comfort in the fact that other men have been in the same situation and were able to get their woman to love them again.
The first thing you absolutely must do is take an honest look at what's going on. This means you have to accept things as they are. If you have just broken up, don't tell yourself the break up isn't real; accept it. This is the first step in getting her back. Also, even though you are asking, "will she love me again", there is a chance that you are misreading her signals and she really loves you anyway. What has she said or done to make you think she has fallen out of love? What real evidence do you have? See, you don't want to expend your energies on something that isn't a real problem.
Once you have determined that she doesn't love you any more, or at least not as much as she used to, you have to give her some space. This means not contacting her in any way for a while. That includes no leaving notes, no late night telephone calls, no bumping in to her "accidentally", and no emails or text messages. By trying to talk to her you run the risk of pushing her further away, so resist the temptation and giver her the time and space she needs for now.
Okay, you are off to a great start, but there's still more you can do. As long as you are leaving her alone, you should use this time to try to put her out of your mind. This will only be temporary, but it's important for you to have a clear head before moving forward. Pay attention to your needs. You may feel awful, but you still have to take care of yourself. Be sure to stay healthy, both physically and mentally.
The final step is to get to the root of went wrong. This is where you will find the clues to why she fell out of love with you. It may take some digging and won't be easy to do, but it will be worth it in the long run. Once you identify what went wrong, you can start doing what you need to do to fix it. Stick with it, and give it time and sooner or later you will get a positive answer to the question of will she love me again.
Showing posts with label troubled marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label troubled marriage. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Online Marriage Counseling
The internet is becoming more and more popular for all types of things. Today you can even get online marriage counseling. Why would you want to do that? Well, there are many advantages to going to the internet to get help with your marriage.
Of course, it may not be your cup of tea. You should also make sure to discuss this option with your spouse first. If one of you isn't comfortable with the idea of an online therapist, it won't work.
To make counseling work you both have to be willing participants and feel comfortable. So if your spouse is reluctant to try this type of counseling, don't try to push them. That will only add one more level of stress to an already stressful relationship.
Before you decide whether or not online marriage counseling can help you or if you think that this may be the perfect type of counseling for you, I've compiled a list of some factors that you should take into consideration.
Here are some issues to consider before jumping online for your therapy:
1. Going online for your marriage therapy can make it easier to work around tough schedules. If you and your spouse have uncertain or changing work schedules, it may be easier to get an online therapist.
You will most likely have an easier time of finding hours that will accommodate your schedule.
2. Since there is a level of anonymity you and your spouse may find it easier to open up about personal issues.
These are the very issues that may be causing the trouble in your relationship so if you don't open up about them and learn to deal with them, you will have a hard time making progress.
Not actually being in the same room with the counselor makes it much easier for many people to talk more openly about extremely personal issues.
Having this open dialog is one of the first steps to take in order to be able to resolve the conflicts in your relationship.
3. Online counseling can be done via private chat, webcam, email and even over the phone. Find the method(s) that you feel the most comfortable with and then find a counselor that can accommodate you with that method of communicating.
At the end of the day the most important thing to save your marriage is to find a competent counselor who you like and trust and who you feel comfortable enough with to discuss some very intimate details about your relationship.
Being able to "talk" to the counselor online is much less threatening for many people. That makes it easier to get to the bottom of the issues that are really bothering you.
No matter what type of counseling you decide to get, offline right in their office or online marriage counseling, it is important to be willing to truly open up and be honest. If going online makes that easier than do it. Without honesty you just won't be able to make the changes that need to be made.
Of course, it may not be your cup of tea. You should also make sure to discuss this option with your spouse first. If one of you isn't comfortable with the idea of an online therapist, it won't work.
To make counseling work you both have to be willing participants and feel comfortable. So if your spouse is reluctant to try this type of counseling, don't try to push them. That will only add one more level of stress to an already stressful relationship.
Before you decide whether or not online marriage counseling can help you or if you think that this may be the perfect type of counseling for you, I've compiled a list of some factors that you should take into consideration.
Here are some issues to consider before jumping online for your therapy:
1. Going online for your marriage therapy can make it easier to work around tough schedules. If you and your spouse have uncertain or changing work schedules, it may be easier to get an online therapist.
You will most likely have an easier time of finding hours that will accommodate your schedule.
2. Since there is a level of anonymity you and your spouse may find it easier to open up about personal issues.
These are the very issues that may be causing the trouble in your relationship so if you don't open up about them and learn to deal with them, you will have a hard time making progress.
Not actually being in the same room with the counselor makes it much easier for many people to talk more openly about extremely personal issues.
Having this open dialog is one of the first steps to take in order to be able to resolve the conflicts in your relationship.
3. Online counseling can be done via private chat, webcam, email and even over the phone. Find the method(s) that you feel the most comfortable with and then find a counselor that can accommodate you with that method of communicating.
At the end of the day the most important thing to save your marriage is to find a competent counselor who you like and trust and who you feel comfortable enough with to discuss some very intimate details about your relationship.
Being able to "talk" to the counselor online is much less threatening for many people. That makes it easier to get to the bottom of the issues that are really bothering you.
No matter what type of counseling you decide to get, offline right in their office or online marriage counseling, it is important to be willing to truly open up and be honest. If going online makes that easier than do it. Without honesty you just won't be able to make the changes that need to be made.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Fix Your Marriage
Since you are reading this article, it's a pretty safe bet that you are worried about the state of your marriage and you want some good advice on how to fix your marriage. Well, you are in the right place.
In this article I'm going to give you some "real world" ideas of things you can start doing today, right now. If you follow this advice you will and your spouse can not only fix your marriage but possibly improve all the relationships in your life.
Here we go:
1. Be realistic. Take a long hard look at you and your spouse. Do both of you really want to work on the marriage? Now is not the time for wishful thinking, it is time for a reality check.
If both of you aren't willing to make changes the odds of you saving your marriage are very low.
2. If you honestly think that both of you are interested in doing what needs to be done to save the marriage, the next step is to determine what to do.
In most cases, the longer a relationship goes on, the more resentments and bitterness have built up. Chipping away at all this "residue" will take time. But first you need to identify it.
That can be difficult. You see, no normal person goes ballistic because their husband left the seat up or because their wife burned the casserole ( a little annoyed and frustrated sure, but not enraged).
The over the top anger usually stems from something else entirely. It has been festering right under the surface and the smallest thing can set it off.
Identifying this festering anger and the real causes behind it will allow both of you to face the old hurts and anger and move on past them.
3. None of what I have talked about is all that hard, however it can still be helpful to find someone to guide the two of you through.
These emotional issues are like landmines, if you don't watch where you step they can blow up in your face. A good counselor can act as a bit of a navigator and a bit of a referee. That may make it possible for the two of you to actually accomplish something worthwhile.
4. And last, but not least, learn how to communicate in an effective non - toxic way. Too many times the old hurts and angers will show up in your words too.
When that happens, the simplest comment can sound like condemnation and it can set your partner off.
No one likes to feel like they are being blamed or judged and if the two of you don't know how to communicate and move past the debris of the past, you will continually set each other off and nothing will get accomplished.
These tips will help you gain perspective and start making positive changes which will make it easier for you to fix your marriage. It can be done, get the help you need and keep a positive attitude and the two of you may just work it out.
In this article I'm going to give you some "real world" ideas of things you can start doing today, right now. If you follow this advice you will and your spouse can not only fix your marriage but possibly improve all the relationships in your life.
Here we go:
1. Be realistic. Take a long hard look at you and your spouse. Do both of you really want to work on the marriage? Now is not the time for wishful thinking, it is time for a reality check.
If both of you aren't willing to make changes the odds of you saving your marriage are very low.
2. If you honestly think that both of you are interested in doing what needs to be done to save the marriage, the next step is to determine what to do.
In most cases, the longer a relationship goes on, the more resentments and bitterness have built up. Chipping away at all this "residue" will take time. But first you need to identify it.
That can be difficult. You see, no normal person goes ballistic because their husband left the seat up or because their wife burned the casserole ( a little annoyed and frustrated sure, but not enraged).
The over the top anger usually stems from something else entirely. It has been festering right under the surface and the smallest thing can set it off.
Identifying this festering anger and the real causes behind it will allow both of you to face the old hurts and anger and move on past them.
3. None of what I have talked about is all that hard, however it can still be helpful to find someone to guide the two of you through.
These emotional issues are like landmines, if you don't watch where you step they can blow up in your face. A good counselor can act as a bit of a navigator and a bit of a referee. That may make it possible for the two of you to actually accomplish something worthwhile.
4. And last, but not least, learn how to communicate in an effective non - toxic way. Too many times the old hurts and angers will show up in your words too.
When that happens, the simplest comment can sound like condemnation and it can set your partner off.
No one likes to feel like they are being blamed or judged and if the two of you don't know how to communicate and move past the debris of the past, you will continually set each other off and nothing will get accomplished.
These tips will help you gain perspective and start making positive changes which will make it easier for you to fix your marriage. It can be done, get the help you need and keep a positive attitude and the two of you may just work it out.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Marriage Relationship
To me, it's really sad how a marriage relationship can fall apart. It almost always starts off with such promise and before you know it, the relationship is headed for the rocks.
There are those that say it is inevitable, that a marriage relationship just isn't meant to last. Personally, I don't agree with that. I think a marriage can last and thrive.
I'm not talking about the couple who brag that they've been married for X number of years but can't stand the sight of each other. I'm talking about a strong, respectful, loving relationship that lasts through the curve balls life throws at us.
I absolutely believe that that type of relationship is possible but I also don't believe it's magic or that it happens by accident. I think that to have that type of relationship there are several key ingredients that need to be there.
Ideally, these ingredients will be there right from the start, but if not, both of the people in the marriage are mature enough to be willing to make whatever changes that need to be made.
Here are the "magic ingredients" that I think can make a marriage last forever:
1. You must be compatible. Sounds like a no brainer, doesn't it? But think about it for a minute, how many couples have you known that just are too different to make a relationship work?
Most of us can think of several couples right off the top of our heads who are obviously not compatible. They have different views on everything. They are constantly bickering and arguing over the simplest of things. Not compatible
People often get together for the wrong reasons; sexual attraction or just plain loneliness and desperation. When that happens no one stops to figure out if they are a good match.
If you want a happy marriage, marry someone you have a lot in common with. Someone you can like and respect and someone who will like and respect you too.
2. Learn how to be a grown up. Again, obvious, but too many people do and say such dumb things. Again, from your own experience, how many people do you know who just don't seem to be able to effectively communicate their wants and needs?
They will pout, whine, give someone the silent treatment, basically act like a child, but they can't seem to really communicate with others.
3. Try to jettison most of your baggage. Too many people just don't seem to be willing to move on from some past hurt. They keep hanging onto it likes it's some sort of treasured possession, it's not. Let it go.
If you keep hanging on to your old baggage you will inevitably keep repeating the same mistakes. Who wants that?
That is not the way to make any relationship work, especially a marriage. To make your marriage work, be an adult and marry an adult.
So, to make a marriage relationship strong and healthy, keep these things in mind. If you are already married try to make some changes and hopefully your partner will too.
There are those that say it is inevitable, that a marriage relationship just isn't meant to last. Personally, I don't agree with that. I think a marriage can last and thrive.
I'm not talking about the couple who brag that they've been married for X number of years but can't stand the sight of each other. I'm talking about a strong, respectful, loving relationship that lasts through the curve balls life throws at us.
I absolutely believe that that type of relationship is possible but I also don't believe it's magic or that it happens by accident. I think that to have that type of relationship there are several key ingredients that need to be there.
Ideally, these ingredients will be there right from the start, but if not, both of the people in the marriage are mature enough to be willing to make whatever changes that need to be made.
Here are the "magic ingredients" that I think can make a marriage last forever:
1. You must be compatible. Sounds like a no brainer, doesn't it? But think about it for a minute, how many couples have you known that just are too different to make a relationship work?
Most of us can think of several couples right off the top of our heads who are obviously not compatible. They have different views on everything. They are constantly bickering and arguing over the simplest of things. Not compatible
People often get together for the wrong reasons; sexual attraction or just plain loneliness and desperation. When that happens no one stops to figure out if they are a good match.
If you want a happy marriage, marry someone you have a lot in common with. Someone you can like and respect and someone who will like and respect you too.
2. Learn how to be a grown up. Again, obvious, but too many people do and say such dumb things. Again, from your own experience, how many people do you know who just don't seem to be able to effectively communicate their wants and needs?
They will pout, whine, give someone the silent treatment, basically act like a child, but they can't seem to really communicate with others.
3. Try to jettison most of your baggage. Too many people just don't seem to be willing to move on from some past hurt. They keep hanging onto it likes it's some sort of treasured possession, it's not. Let it go.
If you keep hanging on to your old baggage you will inevitably keep repeating the same mistakes. Who wants that?
That is not the way to make any relationship work, especially a marriage. To make your marriage work, be an adult and marry an adult.
So, to make a marriage relationship strong and healthy, keep these things in mind. If you are already married try to make some changes and hopefully your partner will too.
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