Thursday, February 23, 2012

Will There Ever Be Love Again From My Husband

If you and your husband recently divorced or separated, or are on the verge of doing so, then you may be wondering "will my husband ever love me again". That's a fair question. However, there are no easy answers. Every couple is different, but it is possible, in the vast majority of cases, to patch things up and to get your husband to love you again. Rocky ground isn't a fun place to be, and wanting to feel loved is a very real concern.

But let's take a deeper look at this question. Maybe what you really want to know is if he will ever love you the way he used to. Chances are he will not. But that's okay. In fact, if there is no growth in your relationship then that's not a good thing. The truth is people change and their feelings change. That being said, that doesn't mean the feelings will get worse. Feelings of love can actually grow and get stronger over time. And let's face it, if you are asking yourself theses kinds of questions, then you're going through a rough time right now. But...as you both face tough times, and come through them, your love will be strengthened.

The next thing you need to do spend some time working on yourself. The problem is that as you feel your marriage go downhill, the stress starts to affect you more and more. You are also likely to spend too much time thinking about your husband and your relationship. So, take some time to improve yourself. As a side note, you shouldn't be doing this to manipulate your husband, but to simply put yourself first for a while and to clear your head.

After that you can start to build a better environment which helps to foster any feelings he still has for you. One way to help you do this is to think back to what it was that made him fall in love with you in the first place, then do your best to highlight those things. Perhaps it was your sense of humor, or your physical appearance, or maybe how you are kind to others; whatever it is, now is the time to revisit it. You don't have to point them out; he will notice.

Now, you may wish you had a magic wand that you could wave to get an affirmative answer to "will my husband ever love me again?" But the fact of the matter is that you do not. Furthermore, it has long been said that the only person you can change is yourself. So, while you may want to change your husband, you can't. You have to work on changing you. However, you should still get his input. This means having in-depth conversations and talking about how things are now, and how you want them to be. It won't be easy, but it is possible. Stick with it. You'll be glad you did once you start feeling loved again.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Ways To Say Your Sorry-Sincere Best Policy

I suppose if you really gave it any thought you could come up with hundreds, maybe thousands, of clever ways to say your sorry.

And I guess that's kind of neat, but at the end of the day, the best apologies are always the ones that are sincere.

Too many times we apologize without really meaning it. This can happen a lot in relationships, particularly romantic relationships.

We don't really believe we are wrong but we don't want the drama so we apologize.

And, I suppose, in some cases that may be the best strategy. Some arguments or disagreements aren't ever going to be won.

But maybe instead of coming up with unique ways to say your sorry, or to apologize and not really mean it, a better approach would be to find some common ground with the other person.

Sometimes you and your partner, or friend, are not going to see eye to eye on a subject. And that's ok.

Even the most compatible people will, on occasion, have their own opinion different from the other persons.

But if you and your partner, or friends, can't even agree to disagree there is some issues that should probably be addressed.

Most of us have probably known people during our lives who are very insecure. You can't tell them anything because they can't admit that they may be wrong.

We often view this behavior as selfish or self centered and there certainly is that element involved, but in many cases it is just that the person is ultra insecure.

They can't take even the most gentle of critiques and use it as a chance to grow as a person.

They view it as a sign that their idea that they are somehow inferior is actually true. So, they can't admit they were wrong.

If that is the type of person you are with you may just have to be willing sometimes to say you are sorry even if you don't really think you were wrong.

That type of person will "hold you hostage" until they are "proven right" and if that is the case it may just make sense for you to apologize.

Though, truthfully, if that is the type of person you are involved with I would wonder at the ongoing viability of that particular relationship.

But, if you have totally screwed up, and you know it and are willing to admit it to yourself and apologize to your partner, the best way is to do it face to face.

Sure, you can get creative, and depending on your partner and the type of relationship you have, that may be a good idea.

But ultimately, the best apology is the sincere type of apology.

I used to tell my kids that an apology is only real if you mean it at the time and truly try to make sure you will never make that mistake again.

You can't apologize and then turn around and do the same thing again and truly expect anyone to believe your apology was sincere.

So, if you made a mistake and you want to apologize, you can find cute or clever ways to say your sorry, or you can just say it. But either way, make sure you are sincere and don't ever make that same mistake again.

Monday, February 13, 2012

The Effects Of A Healthy Apology

What are the effects of a healthy apology, and just what is a healthy apology? To me, any apology that is sincere is well on the way to being healthy.

One of the reasons many couple's break up is that they simply have trouble communicating and that communication includes the ability to apologize.

So, the effects of a healthy apology may just be to help you save your marriage or relationship.

The exact way you apologize will depend on you and your personality as well as the personality of your partner.

If you are very easy going and have a fun personality but your partner tends to be more serious, a "funny" apology may not be the best way to go.

Another thing you should always keep in mind is that if you are going to apologize, you want to try to make sure you won't make the same mistakes again.

When my kids were young I would always tell them that if they mess up providing a sincere apology was the right thing to do, but it was only part of the equation.

I explained to them that unless they did everything in their power to make sure they never made the same mistake again, their apology really was not all that sincere.

This should be another aspect of your apology, though your partner may never know, just analyze what you did wrong and, more importantly, figure out what changes you can make so you never make the same mistake again.

If you keep doing the same things over and over again, your partner will eventually learn not to believe your apology, and they will probably start to resent the heck out of you and your phony apologies.

By making a sincere apology when you mess up and making changes to your behavior you can avoid the dangerous game of  messing up, apologize, make up, mess up again.

Unless you and your partner are in your teens, this pattern will quickly lose it's appeal and will quickly grow old... as will  your relationship.

Maturity and honesty are two of the most important factors when it comes to making any type of relationship strong and healthy.

Learning how to admit you are wrong and make an apology can not only pay huge dividends in your relationships, all of your relationships, not just the romantic variety, it can also make you a more mature and well rounded person.

Facing your own challenges and less than desirable personality traits can help you grow as a human being. When you face some issues you are then in a position to make changes. All of that can add up to make you a better person.

And that can make you a happier and emotionally healthier person to be around... which means you will likely be a lot more popular!

Take the time to learn to identify and own your mistakes by apologizing when you make them. Learning to be a better version of yourself can help your relationships and that is one of the effects of a healthy apology.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Sorry Is Sometimes Hard To Say-Really Is It

You know, I may be weird (just ask anyone!) but I have never fully understood why people say that sorry is sometimes hard to say.

While I don't like to admit I'm wrong I find it easier to say I'm sorry, than to pretend that I didn't screw up and try to move on.

To me, it takes an awful lot of work to try to get over the feelings of guilt I get when I know I'm wrong.

Sorry is sometimes hard to say and can be humbling, but in the long run I find it kind of therapeutic.

I don't have to "pretend" I wasn't wrong when I know darn well I was. It takes a lot more effort to pretend that I wasn't wrong than to just come out and offer a sincere apology.

Another thing I have noticed is the fact that people seem to be afraid to apologize because they think it will make them look weak.

Or they sometimes think that the other person doesn't really know that they've screwed up and if they admit they messed up, by apologizing, the other person will get mad.

That may be true but in my experience the people I know seem to really respect me when I stood up and admitted my mistake and apologized.

See, I don't view an apology as a sign of weakness, quite the opposite in fact. It takes a heck of a lot of guts to admit to yourself, let alone someone else, that you made a mistake.

I think that kind of courage is a sign of strength, more strength than most people seem to have.

Anyone worth their salt should admire and respect you for having the strength and courage to admit that you made a mistake.

And truthfully, if they don't, maybe they aren't someone worth your time anyway.

If a person doesn't really respect the fact that it was tough for you to admit you were wrong and admire you for doing it anyway, they may have some character flaws themselves.

If you find it ridiculously difficult to apologize, you should probably take a long look at the type of person you are.

More than likely, if you're strong enough to admit it, you will find that you have some fairly bad character traits.

Not being willing to learn from your mistakes, admit them and apologize for them probably makes you a very insecure and difficult person to be around.

It may be time for you to make some changes. It may not even be as difficult as you think it will be.

When I was younger I had a very hard time apologizing and admitting I was wrong. And it took time to change.

But I can tell you that when I matured enough to be able to admit being wrong and apologize it really was freeing and it really did make life easier for me and those around me.

So today I don't feel that sorry is sometimes hard to say, I actually find it kind of liberating to not have to always feel the need to be right.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Relationship Psychology-Science Of Relationships

Science When it comes right down to it, psychology is at the root of every resource designed to help you with your relationships. Relationship psychology my sound complicated, but it is simply a series of methods that you can use to analyze the problems the two of you are facing. This is largely done by understanding the thinking behind behavior, and then using what you discover to help make things better.

To be blunt...not using relationship psychology can cause the two of you to ultimately break up. A lot of people think that learning "psychology" sounds difficult or boring, but you don't need to take a full-blown college course to benefit from some of the basics. With that in mind, here are a few psychological techniques you can use to have a better relationship.

We all have problems of one kind or another, and there are times when we take out the stress of those problems on the people we love; there are also times that the ones we love take their stress out on us. The point is that you should do your best to not take your stress out on your partner, but you should also be understanding if your partner does that to you.

A lot of the issues we have actually go back to our childhoods, and relationship psychology can help to minimize their impact. For example, if you were raised in a home where your mother was constantly looking over your shoulder and being critical, then you are more likely to carry on that behavior. Now, if your partner's mother was the exact opposite, then they will probably have a hard time dealing with your domineering style.

When the two of you are having a conversation, it's important for each of you to feel as though you are being heard. The way to do this is through active listening. This takes practice, and is quite different than just hearing your partner's voice. Listening requires you to pay attention to what's being said, and how it's being said. The person listening needs to focus, and should give their complete attention to the one who is talking. Thinking about what you are going to say when it's "your turn" is not listening.

The tricky thing about relationship psychology is that there are, at the very least, three parties involved, and not two as most people assume. There is you, there is your partner, and then there is the relationship itself. Each one of these has its own distinct personality, but each is influenced and influences the other two. So, you have an influence on your partner and the relationship, and they both have an influence on you. Therefore, you need to be careful when using psychology, as there can be unintended consequences when you fail to look at the bigger picture.

Of course this is just a quick overview of relationship psychology, but it's a good start. The more you learn about it, the more you will be able to put it to good use for you, your partner, and your relationship.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Healing Relationships-First Decide If You Will Make The Effort

There are those times when we find ourselves in relationships that are good, strong, loving, and stable. That's great when it happens, but there are also times when relationships go sour. Fortunately, healing relationships, though it takes effort, is entirely possible if you go about it the right way and are willing to do whatever it takes.

Most relationships that are in trouble do not get in trouble all at once; instead, seemingly insignificant things build up over time. There may be a tipping point that gives the illusion of sudden trouble, but in most cases the trouble creeps up over time. It's important to understand this because it means that there usually isn't a quick fix for healing relationships. There will be an investment of time and effort, but it will be worth it if it means the two of you can be happy again.

The fact that you are reading this is proof that there is hope for your relationship. It proves that at least one of you cares enough about the relationship to make it better. If your partner also wants to improve things, then that's even better, but it isn't necessary. What is necessary, however, is finding out exactly where your relationship stands at this point in time.

You need to take an honest look at the relationship you have, as well as the relationship you want. Once you know those two things you can start creating a plan to go from where you are to where you want to be. It is very important for you to be honest with yourself about the way things currently are, and how you want them to be. It's one thing to want to be happy, and it's quite another to fantasize about being in a perfect relationship.

Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. Sadly, these mistakes often hurt people. If you are the one who caused the hurt, then you need to  do what you can to make amends. If it was your partner that hurt you, then you need to find a way to forgive them. (For the record, we are talking about emotional hurts, and not physical or mental abuse.) Forgiveness is usually thought of as something you "do" to somebody else, but it's really more about giving yourself permission to let go of past hurts and to start healing.

If you are religious or spiritual, then turning to your beliefs is another way of healing relationships. Almost every religion has a ways of dealing with troubled relationships, and turning to your religion can bring you a lot of comfort in your time of need.

Healing relationships can take time, but it is possible to heal them. We have only touched on a few things to get you started in the right direction. The next step is to get more information on other ways that you can start the healing process. After all, the sooner you start, the sooner the two of you can be happy again.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

How To Save Your Marriage - Be A Partner

If you really want to know how to save your marriage, you need to figure out what the heck being married is all about. Being married is not about remaining independent and doing things only for yourself. It is about sharing everything in your life with that one special person you chose to spend your life with.

Too often people get married and then immediately start to think they are in trouble or feel trapped and do not know how to handle these feelings. Then they start to feel guilty because they are having these feelings and mistakenly assume that when you get married you should automatically know how to be married.

If you think about it that is just the silliest thing you could do. Question: Did you know how to ride that bike before someone taught you? How about walking and talking? You had to learn that too right? So, what makes you think that you know how to be married? Who taught you how?

Oh sure, your parents can be a role model for you but if their relationship wasn't good and they didn't know how to be married, what have they taught you? Not much of anything except how to do it all wrong.

If this is the case then learning how to save your marriage is of utmost importance. Where do you start? Start by talking to each other. Remember when you first met? You used to talk about anything and everything. What happened? What changed? The only thing that changed is the fact that the two of you got married.

Why should this be a problem? You love each other right? Well, of course you do. That is never the problem. The problem is the high standards you or your partner has that neither one of you can live up to. Marriage is all about making compromises and learning to become a partnership.

The best way to become a partnership is to talk things out all the time. Do not make the mistake of assuming you know what your partner is thinking or how they will react in any given situation. Ask them. Never take them or how they feel for granted. This will only cause more problems.

If you have just recently been married and you have encountered these problems already or you have been married for several years and are old hats at these problems, you can still help yourselves and make things right. Make a commitment to each other that you both will try harder to communicate better.

I know sometimes I forget that my partner is a human being and has thoughts and feelings and perceptions of their own and that I am not the only person in the relationship. I also know that we do communicate effectively most of the time but when one of us decides we know best that makes it difficult to make decisions together especially if the one who thinks they know the best will not listen to reason.

If you love each other but do not like each other much these days, you need to start nurturing your relationship and treating each other with respect. You need to get back to the point where your relationship comes first and the two of you feel connected. Clearing up any misunderstandings and hurt feelings is good advice on how to save your marriage.





Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Marriage Search-For Advice To Repair Your Relationship

You do realize that no matter how badly you messed up and how much you hurt your wife, it still may be possible to reconcile things, right?  It will not be the easiest thing you have ever done but it may be possible by doing an "advice for marriage search" on your computer. You just have to decide if you and she are willing to invest the time and make the effort to do what is necessary to fix what is broken.

If you decide that you can't really see yourself in it for the long haul, you really should consider letting her go so she can find the happiness she deserves. If you start down that road and then back off you will have only deepened the hurt by getting her hopes up and disappointing her further. So, make sure you have a good foothold before you even make the suggestion to her about an advice for marriage search.

If you are still reading I guess that means that you are willing to do whatever it takes to prove to your ex that you are a changed man and that you still love her and want her back.  Hollow promises are not going to work anymore. It is time to man up and put your money where your mouth is. 

Step one of the process is figuring out what you need to change. This may sound easy but it's actually one of the hardest things to do because it requires you to look at yourself with complete honesty and many times we do not totally like what we see.  If you really want to get your ex wife back you need to figure out what to change. 

If you're not totally sure what you need to do, just think back to when the two of you were married. What did you argue about? More than likely your ex told you the things that you said or did, or vice versa, that caused her hurt and pain. That is a great place for you to start. When she tried to tell you how she felt did you listen? Or did you get angry and defensive and feel like she didn't love you?  That's a common response many people have. They somehow take it personally when their spouse tries to let them know how they're feeling. When your ex told you she felt a certain way about something, it's about her, not you.

If you really can't figure the problem out and you can't really find anyone to ask, you might want to spend a few sessions with a therapist. Most people find this prospect daunting. A lot of people won't admit it's daunting they tend to use terms like "It's a waste of time" or the think they do not need a "shrink" but in reality they're really just afraid to hear the truth.  Anyway, a therapist can help you cut through all your own issues and will show you the things you need to see but aren't quite able to see on your own.

Remember, start looking online by doing an "advice on marriage search", this process really is the only way you can do what needs to be done to reconcile things with your ex.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Marriage Test-Proof Your Mate Is Cheating

If you think that your husband is cheating on you, you can use a marriage test to confirm or disprove your suspicions. You may not know for sure that he is cheating but women's intuition is a powerful force and if you have suspicions, he probably is. Here is what you do to find out for sure.

Start by getting the mail every day and checking the credit card bills for any unknown expenditures. If he is spending money on someone else this is one of the best ways to find out.

Then, discreetly talk to your girlfriends. They may know things you do not. If he is a cheater then he may have started by trying to seduce one or more of your best friends. Whatever the case, your girlfriends know if he is cheating. They can see what you can't.

Have your girlfriends been trying to get you to dump him? If the answer is yes, then listen to them. They are trying to protect you from a broken heart.

The marriage test also includes getting a hold of his cell phone and checking for unknown numbers. If the amount of calls he usually gets has increased and you do not recognize the number, or, if he leaves the room you are in so he can have some privacy to talk, it is time to confront him. Ask him straight out if he is cheating. Be prepared to catch him in a lie. Know the signs of lying so you can call him on it immediately.

Some signs of lying are easy to detect. If he looks away as he says no or gets angry and tries to put the blame on you somehow then he probably is cheating and the best thing you could do is cut your losses and move on with your own life. You deserve better.

Other clues to his cheating ways are: avoiding your questions as to where he has been and avoiding eye contact. He feels guilty and will not look you in the face or answer your questions directly.

Does he always seem to be leaving the house and telling you it would be better if you stayed home? Is he taking more time with his appearance, wearing new, younger clothes and new cologne? When he is with you does he get calls that he does not answer and then leave you alone to return the call?

If he says he is working overtime, why is there no more money coming in? Does he start fights at the drop of a hat then leave and not come back for hours? Does he seem nervous when a certain someone's name is brought up? Is he working out more and getting in shape to impress you or someone else? Are there times when you can't reach him at all for long periods of time?

These are all questions you need answers to. If any one of these things is happening then you need to start investigating to catch him in his lies or even catch him red handed. If he is dumb enough to cheat on you then he is dumb enough to get caught. This marriage test will help you catch him and put him in his place.