Whether it's a boyfriend-girlfriend fling that has lasted a couple of months, or a marriage that has lasted decades, breaking up is never an enjoyable experience. There are bad breakups, and ones that are amicable, but it's all relative. One thing that can add insult to emotional injury is coming to the realization that "I am still in love but my ex is not."
How you handle the situation will depend on several factors. Regardless of what led to the breakup, or why you're feeling this way, it is something that should be addressed as soon as possible. The key is to find a resolution to your situation; otherwise you will be left with nagging thoughts about what may or may not happen.
A lot of people in your situation are afraid to talk to their ex because they are afraid of rejection. They would rather go through life fantasizing about how things could have worked out. That's really sad. It would be far better if they had found out for sure when they had the chance. Living in a fantasy world may seem to give them relief, but that relief is only an illusion. Getting back together may or may not happen, but you have to do what you can to get a definitive answer.
The more recently the breakup happened, the more important it is to get your emotions under control. You need to think clearly as you consider your options. You don't have to be a cold, logical machine, but you don't want to be a bundle of raw nerves either.
Generally speaking, you have two options: you can try to get back together with your ex, or you can let go and move on with your life.
Getting back together seems like the ideal answer when you're saying "I am still in love but my ex is not." However, before you proceed, you need to make sure that you are really in love with them. It's fairly common for people to think they are in love, when the truth is that they are just afraid to be alone. If you are sure, then you can start taking steps towards getting back together.
Letting go and moving on can be a painful experience, but it is sometimes the best option. Even if you are still in love with your ex, they may already be in a new relationship. You should not interfere in what they have now. Accept things as they really are, and do your best to move on. Finding somebody new is often the best way to get past the feelings you have for an ex.
"I am still in love but my ex is not" is a common enough complaint, but what you choose to do will depend on your situation. The advice you have been given is a good start. It would also be a good idea to seek out more information on this tricky subject.
Showing posts with label relationship issues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship issues. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
How To Get Back With Your Ex-Its Not Hopeless
Everything seems hopeless after a break up, and you're not sure how you can get through another day. Yet, somewhere in the back of your mind, a little voice keeps asking how to get back with your ex. It may seem hopeless, but you can take comfort in the fact that the vast majority of broken relationships can be put back together. However, you have to be willing to do whatever it takes.
Chances are that just about everybody you know is going to start offering advice on how to get back with your ex. A lot of that advice will be absolutely useless, a small portion of it could end up doing more harm than good, and some will be helpful; so how can you tell which advice is worth following and which isn't? The answer is quite simple: look at the relationship of the person offering the advice. If they constantly have problems with their partner or go through break up after break up, then you can safely ignore their advice, no matter how well-intentioned it may be. However, if the person has been happily involved with the same person for many years, then it stands to reason that they are doing something right, and that their advice is worth heeding.
Your first instinct after a break up may be to go running back to your ex, in the hopes that you can successfully beg or plead for them take you back. That rarely works, but even if it does, it will put you at a disadvantage in the relationship. Resist the temptation to go to your ex right away. A much better thing to do is wait for a while, maybe as much as a month or two, before contacting your ex. You both need some time away from each other to sort things out on your own and to calm down.
While you are taking a break from each other you should try to figure out exactly what led to your break up. That means digging deep and getting to the root causes. Figuring out the symptoms is easy; figuring out the cause of those symptoms can be difficult. As you're digging you may find some things that make you uncomfortable, but that's actually a good sign that you are getting to where you need to be. Stick with it, and keep trying to figure out what really went wrong.
After figuring out the problem, the next step of how to get back with your ex is to come up with some ideas on how to fix those problems. At this point you only have a few basic choices: forgive, forget or confront. The severity of the problem and how much control you have over it will help you determine which course of action is best.
Now you are ready to get in touch with your ex again. Stay calm and don't overdo it. How to get back with your ex is a matter of having a plan and sticking with it.
Chances are that just about everybody you know is going to start offering advice on how to get back with your ex. A lot of that advice will be absolutely useless, a small portion of it could end up doing more harm than good, and some will be helpful; so how can you tell which advice is worth following and which isn't? The answer is quite simple: look at the relationship of the person offering the advice. If they constantly have problems with their partner or go through break up after break up, then you can safely ignore their advice, no matter how well-intentioned it may be. However, if the person has been happily involved with the same person for many years, then it stands to reason that they are doing something right, and that their advice is worth heeding.
Your first instinct after a break up may be to go running back to your ex, in the hopes that you can successfully beg or plead for them take you back. That rarely works, but even if it does, it will put you at a disadvantage in the relationship. Resist the temptation to go to your ex right away. A much better thing to do is wait for a while, maybe as much as a month or two, before contacting your ex. You both need some time away from each other to sort things out on your own and to calm down.
While you are taking a break from each other you should try to figure out exactly what led to your break up. That means digging deep and getting to the root causes. Figuring out the symptoms is easy; figuring out the cause of those symptoms can be difficult. As you're digging you may find some things that make you uncomfortable, but that's actually a good sign that you are getting to where you need to be. Stick with it, and keep trying to figure out what really went wrong.
After figuring out the problem, the next step of how to get back with your ex is to come up with some ideas on how to fix those problems. At this point you only have a few basic choices: forgive, forget or confront. The severity of the problem and how much control you have over it will help you determine which course of action is best.
Now you are ready to get in touch with your ex again. Stay calm and don't overdo it. How to get back with your ex is a matter of having a plan and sticking with it.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
How To Be A Challenge To Your Girlfriend
So you want to know how to be a challenge to your girlfriend, huh? While there is nothing wrong with that, it does beg the question of why you want to be a challenge, and what exactly does that mean? Perhaps it is that you are worried about her breaking up with you, or maybe it's because you heard that women like there men to be complicate, or it could be that she has accused you of being a pushover and she would like you to change. Whatever the reason, there are things you can do to add more depth to your relationship.
1. Examine your motives. Your reasons for wanting to present more of a challenge to your girlfriend will make a big difference in how successful you are, those same reasons may also provide insights into problem areas in your relationship. For example, if you want to be challenging because you're afraid she will find someone else, then you need to examine the source of that insecurity. If you want to do it because you love her and you think she will be happier because of it, then it shows that you have good intentions.
2. Learn to communicate effectively. Okay, you want to know how to be a challenge to your girlfriend, but you still need to be able to talk to each other. Learning good communication skills will make it easier for the two of you to talk and work things out. It can also add an element of challenge to your relationship because it will require both of you to think carefully about what you say to each other, and how you say it.
3. Don't let her take you for granted, and vice-versa. Not taking each other for granted can be a huge challenge all by itself. The problem with her taking you for granted is that she won't even be aware of it, which is exactly what the definition of taking someone for granted is. By being aware of it, and pointing it out to her, you can become more of a challenge because she will now have to make an effort to no longer take you for granted.
4. Get of the relationship rut. Nothing is less challenging than being predictable. It seems that the longer two people are together, the deeper their rut becomes, and that rut leads to boredom, and boredom can lead to infidelity or breaking up. However, if you vary your routine, can be somewhat unpredictable, and embrace spontaneity, then you can break out of that right. Doing this will help to keep things fresh in your relationship and your positively impulsive behavior will be a pleasant challenge for your girlfriend.
5. Don't be a jerk about it. Some guys make the mistake of thinking that women like a guy who is a jerk, but the truth is that they are just looking for a guy who is exciting. As you have seen, how to be a challenge to your girlfriend requires a few simple changes, and you make all of them and be a nice guy at the same time.
1. Examine your motives. Your reasons for wanting to present more of a challenge to your girlfriend will make a big difference in how successful you are, those same reasons may also provide insights into problem areas in your relationship. For example, if you want to be challenging because you're afraid she will find someone else, then you need to examine the source of that insecurity. If you want to do it because you love her and you think she will be happier because of it, then it shows that you have good intentions.
2. Learn to communicate effectively. Okay, you want to know how to be a challenge to your girlfriend, but you still need to be able to talk to each other. Learning good communication skills will make it easier for the two of you to talk and work things out. It can also add an element of challenge to your relationship because it will require both of you to think carefully about what you say to each other, and how you say it.
3. Don't let her take you for granted, and vice-versa. Not taking each other for granted can be a huge challenge all by itself. The problem with her taking you for granted is that she won't even be aware of it, which is exactly what the definition of taking someone for granted is. By being aware of it, and pointing it out to her, you can become more of a challenge because she will now have to make an effort to no longer take you for granted.
4. Get of the relationship rut. Nothing is less challenging than being predictable. It seems that the longer two people are together, the deeper their rut becomes, and that rut leads to boredom, and boredom can lead to infidelity or breaking up. However, if you vary your routine, can be somewhat unpredictable, and embrace spontaneity, then you can break out of that right. Doing this will help to keep things fresh in your relationship and your positively impulsive behavior will be a pleasant challenge for your girlfriend.
5. Don't be a jerk about it. Some guys make the mistake of thinking that women like a guy who is a jerk, but the truth is that they are just looking for a guy who is exciting. As you have seen, how to be a challenge to your girlfriend requires a few simple changes, and you make all of them and be a nice guy at the same time.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Break Up Help-Equals Moving Forward
So, you still have loving feelings for your ex even though the two of you have split up? There is no doubt that this can be an emotionally trying time, and you don't know what you can do. This confusion is natural, but at the same time you shouldn't let it paralyze you from moving forward. What you need is break help, and the good news is that you are about to get some!
Notice that we have already mentioned the concept of "moving forward". That means one of two things; you can either do your best to forget about your ex, or you can try to win them back. The one you choose will depend on a lot of factors, but it's an important decision to make. First you need to ask yourself if you really still love your ex. Don't just answer with an automatic 'yes', but rather take some time and think about it carefully. Maybe you love them, or maybe you are just in love with the idea of being in love. Whatever answer you arrive at is okay, so long as it's an honest answer.
If you decide it's time to move on with your life and make your ex a permanent thing of the past, then you need to make it as clean of a break as possible. For example, don't make excuses to see each other, as that will keep both of you in a sort of limbo where you have "officially" broken up, but are "unofficially" still seeing each other. If you have made the choice to move on with your life, then you need to be willing to do just that, and not do things that betray a different course of action.
If your ex is the one who keeps bothering you, but you want to make a clean break, then you need to put your foot down and let them know that you are done with them and moving on. You don't have to be mean about it, just be up front and let them know that they can now also get on with their own life. When you think about, this is actually a much nicer thing to do than to not confront them. They need to know what's going on so they can move on as well.
You are going to need even more break up help if you should decide that you want to get back together with your ex. You must be committed to doing whatever it takes, but it can be done in the vast majority of cases.
The quickest way to get back together is to wait. That sounds like a contradictory statement, but if you make your first move too soon, you may end up pushing your ex away for good. You both need time to calm down and think things over. After enough time has elapsed, you can get in touch with your ex and start working things out. This is only the start, so getting more break up help is a good idea.
Notice that we have already mentioned the concept of "moving forward". That means one of two things; you can either do your best to forget about your ex, or you can try to win them back. The one you choose will depend on a lot of factors, but it's an important decision to make. First you need to ask yourself if you really still love your ex. Don't just answer with an automatic 'yes', but rather take some time and think about it carefully. Maybe you love them, or maybe you are just in love with the idea of being in love. Whatever answer you arrive at is okay, so long as it's an honest answer.
If you decide it's time to move on with your life and make your ex a permanent thing of the past, then you need to make it as clean of a break as possible. For example, don't make excuses to see each other, as that will keep both of you in a sort of limbo where you have "officially" broken up, but are "unofficially" still seeing each other. If you have made the choice to move on with your life, then you need to be willing to do just that, and not do things that betray a different course of action.
If your ex is the one who keeps bothering you, but you want to make a clean break, then you need to put your foot down and let them know that you are done with them and moving on. You don't have to be mean about it, just be up front and let them know that they can now also get on with their own life. When you think about, this is actually a much nicer thing to do than to not confront them. They need to know what's going on so they can move on as well.
You are going to need even more break up help if you should decide that you want to get back together with your ex. You must be committed to doing whatever it takes, but it can be done in the vast majority of cases.
The quickest way to get back together is to wait. That sounds like a contradictory statement, but if you make your first move too soon, you may end up pushing your ex away for good. You both need time to calm down and think things over. After enough time has elapsed, you can get in touch with your ex and start working things out. This is only the start, so getting more break up help is a good idea.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Win Your Ex Girlfriend Back After She Left You
Ugh! Why is it that relationships have to be so complicated? One moment things seem to be going great, and the next moment you want to know how to win your ex girlfriend back after she dumped you. Before you start doing anything to win her back, you need to make absolutely sure that you really want her back. Perhaps you are just assuming you should get back together, but do some soul searching first, before you start taking action. From this point forward, we will assume that you are 100% sure about wanting to get back together.
You need a plan if you want to get anywhere. If you don't have a plan then you will expend a lot of effort getting to an unknown point, and you won't even know when you haven't arrived. Sounds confusing, doesn't it? Yes it does, and that's another reason why you need a plan; it will give your purpose more clarity. Decide what your end goal is, and then start working backwards from there, figuring out what steps will eventually lead you there.
Now, if you knew what steps to take, you wouldn't be reading this, right? There is some truth to that statement, but there also some things that you will have to figure out on your own by using some trial and error. You will probably make a few mistakes along the way, and will encounter a few obstacles. The only way to get beyond them is by being willing to do whatever it takes to win your ex girlfriend back after she dumped you.
She dumped you, you didn't dump her. Do you know why she dumped you? She may have told you, or you may have some idea, but what you need to do is dig deep to get to the root of the problem that caused her to break up with you. Chances are that the first ideas that pop into your head will only be the symptoms of some deeper issues. If you wish to get back together, then you are going to have to uncover the real problems, and also be willing to face them head on.
Once you figure out what really went wrong you can then work on solutions. You will be able to arrive at some solutions on your own, but they will be more effective solutions if you get input from your ex girlfriend. The only way that can happen is by the two of you talking about it. That means you will have to let her know that you would like to have another chance. If you have done the previous steps well, and if you are sincere, then she should be willing to at least hear you out. Things may get intense, but the final key of how to win your ex girlfriend after she dumped you is to keep your cool. It may not always be easy, but it is possible, and it will be worth it when the two of you are happily together again.
You need a plan if you want to get anywhere. If you don't have a plan then you will expend a lot of effort getting to an unknown point, and you won't even know when you haven't arrived. Sounds confusing, doesn't it? Yes it does, and that's another reason why you need a plan; it will give your purpose more clarity. Decide what your end goal is, and then start working backwards from there, figuring out what steps will eventually lead you there.
Now, if you knew what steps to take, you wouldn't be reading this, right? There is some truth to that statement, but there also some things that you will have to figure out on your own by using some trial and error. You will probably make a few mistakes along the way, and will encounter a few obstacles. The only way to get beyond them is by being willing to do whatever it takes to win your ex girlfriend back after she dumped you.
She dumped you, you didn't dump her. Do you know why she dumped you? She may have told you, or you may have some idea, but what you need to do is dig deep to get to the root of the problem that caused her to break up with you. Chances are that the first ideas that pop into your head will only be the symptoms of some deeper issues. If you wish to get back together, then you are going to have to uncover the real problems, and also be willing to face them head on.
Once you figure out what really went wrong you can then work on solutions. You will be able to arrive at some solutions on your own, but they will be more effective solutions if you get input from your ex girlfriend. The only way that can happen is by the two of you talking about it. That means you will have to let her know that you would like to have another chance. If you have done the previous steps well, and if you are sincere, then she should be willing to at least hear you out. Things may get intense, but the final key of how to win your ex girlfriend after she dumped you is to keep your cool. It may not always be easy, but it is possible, and it will be worth it when the two of you are happily together again.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Your Spouse-Advice For Troubled Relationship You Should Read
This article is about how to effectively communicate with your spouse. Communication is key to keeping the two of you from "growing apart". Do not ever try to keep secrets from one another about anything. This will only undermine all you have worked for over the years.
Everyone has problems in their relationship and the best way to deal with these problems is to maintain the ability to talk to your spouse about what is going on. If there is a problem brewing and you need to get it resolved then map out a time when the two of you can sit down together and talk about it.
There may be a solution to this problem that you cannot see all on your own. So do not try to handle it all on your own. Sometimes we all need the help of someone who has a fresh pair of eyes to objectively look at the situation or come at it from a new angle.
If the problem lies between the two of you then you may need to handle it with kid gloves. Set the time to sit down together but have a nice dinner and some wine to go with it. Ask the Grandparents to watch the kids over night so you will not have any distractions.
Make sure that each of you has a chance to speak. Little misunderstandings can have a big impact on the quality of your relationship. Do not let them wiggle their way in because if they get in they will do nothing but fester and grow bigger into an abscess that will one day burst and then the relationship will be unfixable.
You married each other because you loved each other but in reality that is the easy part. Love is easy, it is the living together day to day and dealing with everything that that entails that gets in the way of that love.
Dealing with the problems as they arise is the best way to keep the communication and trust alive in your relationship. If you let the problems pile up and nothing ever gets resolved then your relationship will not be worth the paper the marriage license is written on.
When the time comes that you have set aside for dealing with problems do not go into it mad and out of control. Nothing will be served by this. Stay calm and cool and get the whole thing out on the table.
Do not lay blame or be insulting. This is as unproductive as it gets, not to mention childish. Remain as adults and figure out the correct course of action to resolve the problem. Spell out the steps if you have to to make sure that you are each on the same page and will work together on a solution.
Never, ever "air your dirty laundry" in front of other people, friends or not. They do not need to hear that you are having trouble in your relationship. You and your spouse have all the power here to make or break your relationship and effective communication is the key.
Everyone has problems in their relationship and the best way to deal with these problems is to maintain the ability to talk to your spouse about what is going on. If there is a problem brewing and you need to get it resolved then map out a time when the two of you can sit down together and talk about it.
There may be a solution to this problem that you cannot see all on your own. So do not try to handle it all on your own. Sometimes we all need the help of someone who has a fresh pair of eyes to objectively look at the situation or come at it from a new angle.
If the problem lies between the two of you then you may need to handle it with kid gloves. Set the time to sit down together but have a nice dinner and some wine to go with it. Ask the Grandparents to watch the kids over night so you will not have any distractions.
Make sure that each of you has a chance to speak. Little misunderstandings can have a big impact on the quality of your relationship. Do not let them wiggle their way in because if they get in they will do nothing but fester and grow bigger into an abscess that will one day burst and then the relationship will be unfixable.
You married each other because you loved each other but in reality that is the easy part. Love is easy, it is the living together day to day and dealing with everything that that entails that gets in the way of that love.
Dealing with the problems as they arise is the best way to keep the communication and trust alive in your relationship. If you let the problems pile up and nothing ever gets resolved then your relationship will not be worth the paper the marriage license is written on.
When the time comes that you have set aside for dealing with problems do not go into it mad and out of control. Nothing will be served by this. Stay calm and cool and get the whole thing out on the table.
Do not lay blame or be insulting. This is as unproductive as it gets, not to mention childish. Remain as adults and figure out the correct course of action to resolve the problem. Spell out the steps if you have to to make sure that you are each on the same page and will work together on a solution.
Never, ever "air your dirty laundry" in front of other people, friends or not. They do not need to hear that you are having trouble in your relationship. You and your spouse have all the power here to make or break your relationship and effective communication is the key.
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