Being in a romantic relationship is one of the best things you will ever experience. Of course there can be low points, but the high points more than make up for them. Contrary to the myth Hollywood likes to put forward, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Now, if you're a guy, then you were probably raised in a way that taught you to hide your emotions. After all, guys are supposed to be tough, right? Well, whether that's true or not, your partner wants you to show your softer side. In other words, you need to know how to be affectionate with your girlfriend.
The biggest problem you can encounter is having different definitions of affection. For example, you may feel loved whenever your girlfriend tells you that she cares for you; however, your girlfriend may think "talk is cheap" and only feels loved if you touch her. So, if you are constantly telling her how much you love her, then it's not counting as affection in her book. Does that mean you should stop telling her how you feel? Not at all! It simply means that if you want to be affectionate with your girlfriend, then you need to find out exactly what that means to her.
How do you find out what she needs in the way of affection? There are only two ways: observation and conversation. Observation means you need to pay attention to how she responds to various things. How does she react when you think you're showing affection? Does she seem receptive, like she's just going through the motions, or does she basically ignore you? The other thing you should observe is how she shows you affection because it's a strong sign as to what she likes. Answering those questions will help you figure out what she values as affection.
But observation is only part of what you need to do; you also need to talk to your girlfriend. Most guys aren't good at initiating conversation, but if there is a distance growing between the two of you, then you need to take a deep breath and have a good conversation about how you can do a better job of expressing your affection. Whew! That's a long way of saying: just talk to her." The real secret to figuring everything out is to use both observation and conversation. The reason for this is that people's words and actions don't always match up.
Okay, now comes the most important part...you have taken the time to learn what your girlfriend really wants as far as affection goes, and now it's time to take action. This may sound obvious, but a lot of guys will go through the trouble of finding out what their girlfriend's want, only to keep doing what they've always done. Don't make that mistake! Start showing her the affection she needs and you will discover that the two of you are getting along better than ever.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
How To Be A Confident Girlfriend
Life is funny sometimes, and being in a relationship doesn't make it any easier to figure out. You and your boyfriend have your ups and downs like any other couple, but there are times when you feel insecure. But if you would only know how to be a confident girlfriend, then you're sure things would be even better for the two of you.
The first thing you need to know is that insecurity and a lack of confidence are not viewed as positive character traits by most men. And, if a guy does view them as positive traits, then that's not a good sign. You don't want to be with a guy who thinks you should be weak. Even the most traditional, man-is-superior, woman-is-subservient relationship can't thrive if the woman isn't confident. This is even more true in modern relationships.
Remembering that it takes two people to make a couple is a good step in the right direction. You each have a part in it, and there will be times when you must be bold and confident to feel fulfilled. Unfortunately, some women think that being self-assured is not being a good girlfriend, but the opposite is true. Now, being self-assured doesn't mean you have to be rude or that you will always do whatever you want; that's not the way relationships work. Both of you have a say, and both of you should contribute to the relationship. In fact, the only way you can get anything out of a relationship is by putting something into it, so wanting to know how to be a confident girlfriend is actually good for you and your boyfriend.
This may sound obvious, but we need to cover the basics: something is causing your lack of confidence. Therefore, if you can get to the root of what's causing it, then you can take the necessary steps to fix it. Maybe you already know what the problem is. If so, then you need to start working on fixing it. On the other hand, you may not really know why you aren't confident. If this is the case, then you may wish to seek the help of a counselor. They are trained to recognize problems (and strong points, too) and can help you build up your confidence.
If you have always had a problem with confidence, then it may be difficult to think differently, but keep practicing. Chances are you will see how much better your life and relationships are. Who knows, you may like the feeling so much that you will have to work to keep it somewhat restrained. Either way, it's worth the effort.
Learning how to be a confident girlfriend takes time. You need to have the right attitude and be willing to do whatever it takes. Remember, you are not only doing this for yourself, but also for the purpose of having a healthier, happier relationship.
The first thing you need to know is that insecurity and a lack of confidence are not viewed as positive character traits by most men. And, if a guy does view them as positive traits, then that's not a good sign. You don't want to be with a guy who thinks you should be weak. Even the most traditional, man-is-superior, woman-is-subservient relationship can't thrive if the woman isn't confident. This is even more true in modern relationships.
Remembering that it takes two people to make a couple is a good step in the right direction. You each have a part in it, and there will be times when you must be bold and confident to feel fulfilled. Unfortunately, some women think that being self-assured is not being a good girlfriend, but the opposite is true. Now, being self-assured doesn't mean you have to be rude or that you will always do whatever you want; that's not the way relationships work. Both of you have a say, and both of you should contribute to the relationship. In fact, the only way you can get anything out of a relationship is by putting something into it, so wanting to know how to be a confident girlfriend is actually good for you and your boyfriend.
This may sound obvious, but we need to cover the basics: something is causing your lack of confidence. Therefore, if you can get to the root of what's causing it, then you can take the necessary steps to fix it. Maybe you already know what the problem is. If so, then you need to start working on fixing it. On the other hand, you may not really know why you aren't confident. If this is the case, then you may wish to seek the help of a counselor. They are trained to recognize problems (and strong points, too) and can help you build up your confidence.
If you have always had a problem with confidence, then it may be difficult to think differently, but keep practicing. Chances are you will see how much better your life and relationships are. Who knows, you may like the feeling so much that you will have to work to keep it somewhat restrained. Either way, it's worth the effort.
Learning how to be a confident girlfriend takes time. You need to have the right attitude and be willing to do whatever it takes. Remember, you are not only doing this for yourself, but also for the purpose of having a healthier, happier relationship.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Remedy For A Broken Heart-There Is Nothing Sadder
There is nothing sadder than suffering from a broken heart. Whether the two of you were in love for a long time, or got together recently, going through a break up hurts. Of course there will be friends and family there to comfort you; or, to be more accurate, trying to comfort you. Sure, they mean well when they give you advice, but what you need is a real remedy for a broken heart, and not a bunch of empty sayings. Is it really possible to mend your heart if it's been broken? The answer is yes it is possible, but it's not always easy.
Having the right attitude is vital as you work everything out. There may be times when you feel like giving up, but stick with it and you will come out on the other side feeling better than ever before. It's going to take an investment of time, but it can be done.
The first step is to get your emotions in check. Emotions always run high after a break up, so much so that it can cloud your judgment. In other words, your feelings can get the better of you. Rationality takes a backseat to recklessness and you may find yourself doing things you would never do otherwise. Being aware that this is a possibility will help you to stay level-headed. The other thing that will help you control your emotions is the passage of time. The more time that has passed since the breakup, the more your heart will naturally mend.
If quite a bit of time has passed, but you still can't seem to cope, then you may need to seek the advice of your doctor or a counselor. It's possible that your broken heart has progressed into full-blown depression. Your friends and family may be telling you to "just get over it" or that you have a case of the blues, but depression is a serious medical condition. Maybe you're not depressed, but only a doctor or counselor will know for sure. Either way, you should remember that professional help is always a possible remedy for a broken heart.
It's easy to fall into a state of denial after a breakup, but the sooner you face reality, the sooner you will be able to get on with your life. Denial is nothing more than a dysfunctional coping mechanism. The problem is that your broken heart can't be mended when you're in denial. Facing the reality of the situation may not be easy, but it sure beats living in denial for the rest of your life.
What it all comes down to is this: Living with a broken heart isn't any fun. There is no reason that you should suffer for the rest of your life. Even if you lost your lifelong love, it's okay to feel good about yourself. Time, the right attitude and doing whatever it takes is the only sure remedy for a broken heart.
Having the right attitude is vital as you work everything out. There may be times when you feel like giving up, but stick with it and you will come out on the other side feeling better than ever before. It's going to take an investment of time, but it can be done.
The first step is to get your emotions in check. Emotions always run high after a break up, so much so that it can cloud your judgment. In other words, your feelings can get the better of you. Rationality takes a backseat to recklessness and you may find yourself doing things you would never do otherwise. Being aware that this is a possibility will help you to stay level-headed. The other thing that will help you control your emotions is the passage of time. The more time that has passed since the breakup, the more your heart will naturally mend.
If quite a bit of time has passed, but you still can't seem to cope, then you may need to seek the advice of your doctor or a counselor. It's possible that your broken heart has progressed into full-blown depression. Your friends and family may be telling you to "just get over it" or that you have a case of the blues, but depression is a serious medical condition. Maybe you're not depressed, but only a doctor or counselor will know for sure. Either way, you should remember that professional help is always a possible remedy for a broken heart.
It's easy to fall into a state of denial after a breakup, but the sooner you face reality, the sooner you will be able to get on with your life. Denial is nothing more than a dysfunctional coping mechanism. The problem is that your broken heart can't be mended when you're in denial. Facing the reality of the situation may not be easy, but it sure beats living in denial for the rest of your life.
What it all comes down to is this: Living with a broken heart isn't any fun. There is no reason that you should suffer for the rest of your life. Even if you lost your lifelong love, it's okay to feel good about yourself. Time, the right attitude and doing whatever it takes is the only sure remedy for a broken heart.
Friday, June 24, 2011
How To Get An Ex Back - For Guys Only
Being a guy, I will be the first to admit that we really aren't all that complicated. We don't have that many wants and needs, and we typically say what we mean. But let's face it, there are plenty of times when women don't understand us. That may not be a problem in most cases, but it does become an issue when it leads to a relationship coming to an end. If you have recently gone through a breakup, then you may want to know how to get an ex back.
If you want to get her back, then you need to get rid of your ego. It's hard for a lot of guys to accept that someone would break up with them, so they insist it was the other way around. But it doesn't matter who broke up with who if you want to get back together. See, spending any time on playing games like this is only wasted energy; energy that you could be using to work things out.
No that your ego is out of the way it's time to look at what really went wrong. You need to be thinking clearly at this point so you can accurately assess the problems that led to the break up. Be careful that you're not just listing symptoms of a bad relationship. Instead, a big part of how to get an ex back is to get to the root of the problems you had.
You may want to get in touch with your ex right away so you can tell them how you figured everything out, but don't do it; not yet. While you may be ready, your ex may not be ready. You need to give her plenty of time and space to come to terms with everything that has happened. That doesn't mean you have to wait forever, but it does mean you should respect her privacy.
The fact that you're reading an article on how to get an ex back shows that you aren't going to just let things happen; no, you're ready to take charge. You need to make sure you don't overdo it, though. You can certainly make the first move (when the time is right), but if you come on too strong you will only push her further away.
Keeping your cool is the key. This will be easier to do if you can look at the bigger picture. In other words, you may want to jump right back in, but that's probably not the smartest move. It may be driving you crazy because you want to get back together now, yet that's too risky. Ask yourself this question: would you rather come on strong right away and risk losing her forever, or would you rather be patient knowing that it gives you the best chance at long-term happiness?
Ultimately, how to get an ex back is up to you. You know your ex better than anyone else, so only you can decide what the best approach is. As long as you are thinking clearly and not moving too quickly, you should be able to work things out and get back together.
If you want to get her back, then you need to get rid of your ego. It's hard for a lot of guys to accept that someone would break up with them, so they insist it was the other way around. But it doesn't matter who broke up with who if you want to get back together. See, spending any time on playing games like this is only wasted energy; energy that you could be using to work things out.
No that your ego is out of the way it's time to look at what really went wrong. You need to be thinking clearly at this point so you can accurately assess the problems that led to the break up. Be careful that you're not just listing symptoms of a bad relationship. Instead, a big part of how to get an ex back is to get to the root of the problems you had.
You may want to get in touch with your ex right away so you can tell them how you figured everything out, but don't do it; not yet. While you may be ready, your ex may not be ready. You need to give her plenty of time and space to come to terms with everything that has happened. That doesn't mean you have to wait forever, but it does mean you should respect her privacy.
The fact that you're reading an article on how to get an ex back shows that you aren't going to just let things happen; no, you're ready to take charge. You need to make sure you don't overdo it, though. You can certainly make the first move (when the time is right), but if you come on too strong you will only push her further away.
Keeping your cool is the key. This will be easier to do if you can look at the bigger picture. In other words, you may want to jump right back in, but that's probably not the smartest move. It may be driving you crazy because you want to get back together now, yet that's too risky. Ask yourself this question: would you rather come on strong right away and risk losing her forever, or would you rather be patient knowing that it gives you the best chance at long-term happiness?
Ultimately, how to get an ex back is up to you. You know your ex better than anyone else, so only you can decide what the best approach is. As long as you are thinking clearly and not moving too quickly, you should be able to work things out and get back together.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Get Back Together With Your Ex-Patch Things Up
What follows may sound incredibly sexist and stereotypical, but that's not the intent. Instead, the whole purpose is to help you get back together with your ex wife or girlfriend. But, because everybody is different, it would be next to impossible to cover every single possibility. For that reason, we'll have to stick to generalities at the risk of rubbing a few people the wrong way. Okay, now that we have that out of the way...let's look at how you can patch things up.
While there are no hard and fast statistics, some people have estimated that as many as 3 out of 4 break ups are started by women. Why is this the case? Generally speaking, women have a better idea of exactly what they want in a mate; while men are just happy to be with a breathing human being. But the other surprising thing is that it's normally the woman who wants to get back together, but there's a catch: if they don't want to get back together, then nothing will change their mind.
Understanding this will help you to get your ex back. You know that the odds are against you making things work, and that she will be the one who wants to be in control. But the real key is that she only needs to feel as though she's in control. Your first step is to give her plenty of time and space to work things out on her own. There is a great chance that she will start to miss you, but you need to give her the opportunity to miss you. If you keep calling her and won't leave her alone, then she will continue being sick of you. Obviously that's not a smart move. So, if you want to get back together with your ex then you have to break off all contact. It won't be easy, but it's your safest bet.
You're going to have a lot of free time now that you've broken off contact, but that doesn't mean you should just sit around. Put this time to good use by figuring out what went wrong. This isn't as easy as it sounds. You can't just look at things that are on the surface. Instead you have to dig down deep and get to the root of the problems that caused the break up. A common reason people give for breaking up is arguing, but if you don't figure out why the arguments happened, then you will never work things out.
The next step is to work on solutions for the problems you've discovered. One thing to keep in mind is that you can't change anyone but yourself. So, if there are any problem that relate to your ex, then you need to forget them, forgive them, or confront her about them (the first two are much easier than the last one).
If you want to get back together with your ex, then you need to be willing to do whatever it takes. The above steps won't always be easy, but they will be worth it when the two of you are happily back together.
While there are no hard and fast statistics, some people have estimated that as many as 3 out of 4 break ups are started by women. Why is this the case? Generally speaking, women have a better idea of exactly what they want in a mate; while men are just happy to be with a breathing human being. But the other surprising thing is that it's normally the woman who wants to get back together, but there's a catch: if they don't want to get back together, then nothing will change their mind.
Understanding this will help you to get your ex back. You know that the odds are against you making things work, and that she will be the one who wants to be in control. But the real key is that she only needs to feel as though she's in control. Your first step is to give her plenty of time and space to work things out on her own. There is a great chance that she will start to miss you, but you need to give her the opportunity to miss you. If you keep calling her and won't leave her alone, then she will continue being sick of you. Obviously that's not a smart move. So, if you want to get back together with your ex then you have to break off all contact. It won't be easy, but it's your safest bet.
You're going to have a lot of free time now that you've broken off contact, but that doesn't mean you should just sit around. Put this time to good use by figuring out what went wrong. This isn't as easy as it sounds. You can't just look at things that are on the surface. Instead you have to dig down deep and get to the root of the problems that caused the break up. A common reason people give for breaking up is arguing, but if you don't figure out why the arguments happened, then you will never work things out.
The next step is to work on solutions for the problems you've discovered. One thing to keep in mind is that you can't change anyone but yourself. So, if there are any problem that relate to your ex, then you need to forget them, forgive them, or confront her about them (the first two are much easier than the last one).
If you want to get back together with your ex, then you need to be willing to do whatever it takes. The above steps won't always be easy, but they will be worth it when the two of you are happily back together.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Inlaws In Marriage-Tips To Deal With Inlaw Dynamics
Inlaws in marriage, wow, I can't think of another topic that has fueled the routine of more stand up comics than this. It can be a slippery slope to be sure. You want to like your in-laws, and have them like you. But sometimes they just don't know when to quit, do they? Finding common ground, and peace will require a few simple techniques for you and your spouse to learn.
My first marriage ended in divorce. It wasn't a shock to anyone. My husband begged me to marry him shortly after we started dating. I, of course, said no at first since it was just too soon. But as we got to know each other better and fell in love, my "no" turned to a "yes" and we were married.
The problems started long before the wedding bells started ringing. During the planning of our wedding his mother would constantly barge in and want to make changes to our plans. The truth is that that wouldn't have been such a problem except for the fact that my spineless soon-to-be husband let her!
That is rule number one when dealing with Inlaws in marriage: always, always keep a united front. You can argue like cats and dogs when you are alone behind closed doors, but when someone else (yes, even a parent) tries to make decisions or change existing plans you tell them no!
I'll tell you right now, it's a real kick in the teeth when the person you love and who you think loves you will take his mothers advice and make changes to your wedding plans without even asking you for your opinion. And yes, I know what you're thinking, I probably should have called it off right then and there.
And that leads me to point number two: the problems are usually pretty easy to spot if you aren't actively trying to ignore them . If your spouse was unable to set proper boundaries with their parents before the two of you got married, what in the world made you think they would after you got married?
It's wonderful that they have a close relationship with their parent(s), but there still has to be boundaries. It's you and them now not them and their parents. That may sound harsh but that is the way it has to be. You and them are the couple, you are in this life together and must make your decisions together. It's fine to get the opinion of a parent, it's even advisable since their experience may be able to help you make better choices, but ultimately decisions have to be made by the two of you only.
When it comes to dealing with Inlaws in marriage it's all about setting boundaries. The longer the two of you have been together (and the longer your inlaws have gotten their own way) the harder it will be to establish those boundaries, but if you want your marriage to succeed you must do it. And you and your spouse must be able to find some common ground. A therapist may be able to help with that part.
My first marriage ended in divorce. It wasn't a shock to anyone. My husband begged me to marry him shortly after we started dating. I, of course, said no at first since it was just too soon. But as we got to know each other better and fell in love, my "no" turned to a "yes" and we were married.
The problems started long before the wedding bells started ringing. During the planning of our wedding his mother would constantly barge in and want to make changes to our plans. The truth is that that wouldn't have been such a problem except for the fact that my spineless soon-to-be husband let her!
That is rule number one when dealing with Inlaws in marriage: always, always keep a united front. You can argue like cats and dogs when you are alone behind closed doors, but when someone else (yes, even a parent) tries to make decisions or change existing plans you tell them no!
I'll tell you right now, it's a real kick in the teeth when the person you love and who you think loves you will take his mothers advice and make changes to your wedding plans without even asking you for your opinion. And yes, I know what you're thinking, I probably should have called it off right then and there.
And that leads me to point number two: the problems are usually pretty easy to spot if you aren't actively trying to ignore them . If your spouse was unable to set proper boundaries with their parents before the two of you got married, what in the world made you think they would after you got married?
It's wonderful that they have a close relationship with their parent(s), but there still has to be boundaries. It's you and them now not them and their parents. That may sound harsh but that is the way it has to be. You and them are the couple, you are in this life together and must make your decisions together. It's fine to get the opinion of a parent, it's even advisable since their experience may be able to help you make better choices, but ultimately decisions have to be made by the two of you only.
When it comes to dealing with Inlaws in marriage it's all about setting boundaries. The longer the two of you have been together (and the longer your inlaws have gotten their own way) the harder it will be to establish those boundaries, but if you want your marriage to succeed you must do it. And you and your spouse must be able to find some common ground. A therapist may be able to help with that part.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Family Dynamics In Marriage-Take A Step Back With Unbiased Eye
There can be many different family dynamics in marriage that occur. Often, the ones you are dealing with can be causing a lot of tension and stress. To get to the heart of all the negative issues that plague your marriage, you may need a little more help. Finding a professional who can walk you through it might be a very good idea.
It's a rare individual who can look at themselves and see all of their flaws. It takes and even more unique individual to actually admit to those flaws even if they have noticed them. When you put two flawed people together with these traits into a marriage, well, yeah the sparks will fly!
The first step you have to do if you want a clear picture of the family dynamics in marriage is to take a step back and try to see your marriage as clearly and with as unbiased of an eye as possible. It might be hard for you to do but it will be easy for your friends, family or a therapist to do.
They aren't emotionally invested and they aren't worried about being the one who is "wrong". They can see things far more clearly than you will be able to see them. Of course, family and friends will be reluctant to tell you the truth because they won't want to hurt you or lose your friendship by making you mad. So, it's probably best to find a good therapist, they have nothing to lose so you know they will be honest.
Finding the unhealthy dynamics in your family is just step one, the next step will be to get all parties involved on the same page. Trying to get more than one person who is willing to face their own flaws and actively make changes is challenging, to say the least. Most people simply aren't strong enough to be willing to face their flaws let alone actually make strides to change the. Trying to get two or more to do it is close to impossible.
Still, it is worth a shot. The depth of the issues and the depth of the love are two very important factors that will help determine how likely you are to succeed in each making some needed changes. If one partner just doesn't care that much, or is just too selfish and immature, and won't try, it will be pretty close to impossible to make any real changes and make the dynamics of the family any better.
Whatever the dynamics of your family are, you should always try to make improvements if you aren't happy with the way things are. No one knows whether it will fail or succeed but if you aren't happy right now, you really don't have anything to lose, do you?
Family dynamics in marriage has many sides and can be quite convoluted. For that reason finding a professional who has experience in these issues will go a long way to helping your family find the peace and stability you all really want.
It's a rare individual who can look at themselves and see all of their flaws. It takes and even more unique individual to actually admit to those flaws even if they have noticed them. When you put two flawed people together with these traits into a marriage, well, yeah the sparks will fly!
The first step you have to do if you want a clear picture of the family dynamics in marriage is to take a step back and try to see your marriage as clearly and with as unbiased of an eye as possible. It might be hard for you to do but it will be easy for your friends, family or a therapist to do.
They aren't emotionally invested and they aren't worried about being the one who is "wrong". They can see things far more clearly than you will be able to see them. Of course, family and friends will be reluctant to tell you the truth because they won't want to hurt you or lose your friendship by making you mad. So, it's probably best to find a good therapist, they have nothing to lose so you know they will be honest.
Finding the unhealthy dynamics in your family is just step one, the next step will be to get all parties involved on the same page. Trying to get more than one person who is willing to face their own flaws and actively make changes is challenging, to say the least. Most people simply aren't strong enough to be willing to face their flaws let alone actually make strides to change the. Trying to get two or more to do it is close to impossible.
Still, it is worth a shot. The depth of the issues and the depth of the love are two very important factors that will help determine how likely you are to succeed in each making some needed changes. If one partner just doesn't care that much, or is just too selfish and immature, and won't try, it will be pretty close to impossible to make any real changes and make the dynamics of the family any better.
Whatever the dynamics of your family are, you should always try to make improvements if you aren't happy with the way things are. No one knows whether it will fail or succeed but if you aren't happy right now, you really don't have anything to lose, do you?
Family dynamics in marriage has many sides and can be quite convoluted. For that reason finding a professional who has experience in these issues will go a long way to helping your family find the peace and stability you all really want.
Monday, June 20, 2011
New Marriage After Divorce-Workout Past Baggage First
You were divorced several years ago and now are wondering how a new marriage after divorce would work out. The first one did not go so well and even though you were married for years you were just never that happy. Was it you? Was it him? Who really can answer that question? Hopefully the lawyers chimed in on this one.
My suggestion would be to talk out your insecurities with a professional before entering into another long term relationship. You are scared and have every right to be. Have faith though you can have the relationship you want and be happy for the rest of your life if you are ready to put in the work.
New marriage after divorce can be an exciting time for both of you. New love is always exciting. I makes you see the world in a whole new light. If you worked out your baggage well before this new relationship happened then you are one step ahead of the game and this relationship will be smooth sailing from the start.
Like I said it is ok to be scared, who wouldn't be. Just let the scared urge you to keep on top of the communication that is needed in any relationship and to deal with the problems as they arise. More than likely, that is what happened in the first relationship that ended so badly. Communication broke down and things did not get dealt with they were just left to fester and then they got so big they were unmanageable when they came to a head.
You are obviously a little older and with the work you did on yourself you are no doubt a lot wiser, too. Do not just revert back to the old you. If this new person in your life really does love you, they will also respect you more if you have the courage to stand up for yourself and what you believe in rather than just lay down and let them walk all over you.
You deserve better than that, especially from yourself. If you have done the work, then you should have no trouble being able to talk to your new love about anything. The more the communication lines stay open the less misunderstanding there will be and the two of you will probably rarely, if ever, have a fight. It really is all about the communication.
You would not even be considering this new marriage if there was no love there. But you probably loved your ex at some point, right? So, love does not a good marriage make. You have got to have respect and the ability to communicate what you are thinking and feeling. Someday, if you do this well in the beginning, you will both be able to tell what the other thinks and feels with out even asking. New marriage after divorce takes some work up front then you will be able to enjoy the fruits of your labors for years to come.
My suggestion would be to talk out your insecurities with a professional before entering into another long term relationship. You are scared and have every right to be. Have faith though you can have the relationship you want and be happy for the rest of your life if you are ready to put in the work.
New marriage after divorce can be an exciting time for both of you. New love is always exciting. I makes you see the world in a whole new light. If you worked out your baggage well before this new relationship happened then you are one step ahead of the game and this relationship will be smooth sailing from the start.
Like I said it is ok to be scared, who wouldn't be. Just let the scared urge you to keep on top of the communication that is needed in any relationship and to deal with the problems as they arise. More than likely, that is what happened in the first relationship that ended so badly. Communication broke down and things did not get dealt with they were just left to fester and then they got so big they were unmanageable when they came to a head.
You are obviously a little older and with the work you did on yourself you are no doubt a lot wiser, too. Do not just revert back to the old you. If this new person in your life really does love you, they will also respect you more if you have the courage to stand up for yourself and what you believe in rather than just lay down and let them walk all over you.
You deserve better than that, especially from yourself. If you have done the work, then you should have no trouble being able to talk to your new love about anything. The more the communication lines stay open the less misunderstanding there will be and the two of you will probably rarely, if ever, have a fight. It really is all about the communication.
You would not even be considering this new marriage if there was no love there. But you probably loved your ex at some point, right? So, love does not a good marriage make. You have got to have respect and the ability to communicate what you are thinking and feeling. Someday, if you do this well in the beginning, you will both be able to tell what the other thinks and feels with out even asking. New marriage after divorce takes some work up front then you will be able to enjoy the fruits of your labors for years to come.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Communicate Before Marriage Values Religion Etc-Blinded By Love
You see a lot online or in magazines or on t.v. about how to deal with problems and issues in a relationship or marriage. The sad thing is that most of these problems could easily have been avoided if people would have just taken some time to communicate before marriage values, religion etc. Finding out what you have in common, what you don't agree on and what you may be able to compromise on before you are married can save a lot of stress and tension after you are married.
Hey, I'm not criticizing anyone, I did the same thing. I ignored very obvious warning signs that my soon to be husband wasn't really the man for me. I was in love and apparently blind, because I went through with it and we got married. I did get two wonderful, beautiful children out of the marriage so I guess I won't complain, but many of the hurts and issues we faced could have been avoided if both of us had been more honest.
It become clear fairly early on that we didn't really have that much in common. We each wanted different things in a marriage. I wanted my best friend and companionship. Someone who I knew always had my back, even when I was wrong or just not very lovable. He wanted someone to cook and clean for him. He didn't want a partner, we wanted a maid and a call girl. He was very immature and emotionally stunted, that too become pretty clear early on.
If you don't want your marriage to end up in divorce, take some time to
communicate before marriage values, religion etc. Finding out what your soon to be spouse is really like can be the difference between a wonderful marriage or a nightmare. Here are some basic things the two of you should be on the same page about (or at least be able to find a good compromise on):
1. If religion is something that is very important to you, it might be a good idea to marry someone with similar beliefs. If you have some belief in a higher power but you aren't too tied to any one organized religion, than it may not be a problem.
2. Do you want to have kids? If so, how many? How do you think they should be raised, should one parent stay home with them or are you both ok with the idea of daycare? If one parent should stay home, which parent? All of this is very important to take into consideration. If you have a great career you love and your soon to be husband has very traditional values and expects you to stay home and raise the kids, how is that going to make you feel?
3. What about money? Is one of you a someone who likes to pinch every penny and the other likes to rack up the credit cards to the limit? If so, how is that going to work? It will be a constant source of stress between the two of you. Also, who handles the money and financial issues, like getting insurance, paying the bills, etc.? Some couples like to do it together, which is best. But others may think that only one should do it. Find out what your partner is thinking.
Communicate before marriage values, religion etc is a good idea and may just save your marriage.
Hey, I'm not criticizing anyone, I did the same thing. I ignored very obvious warning signs that my soon to be husband wasn't really the man for me. I was in love and apparently blind, because I went through with it and we got married. I did get two wonderful, beautiful children out of the marriage so I guess I won't complain, but many of the hurts and issues we faced could have been avoided if both of us had been more honest.
It become clear fairly early on that we didn't really have that much in common. We each wanted different things in a marriage. I wanted my best friend and companionship. Someone who I knew always had my back, even when I was wrong or just not very lovable. He wanted someone to cook and clean for him. He didn't want a partner, we wanted a maid and a call girl. He was very immature and emotionally stunted, that too become pretty clear early on.
If you don't want your marriage to end up in divorce, take some time to
communicate before marriage values, religion etc. Finding out what your soon to be spouse is really like can be the difference between a wonderful marriage or a nightmare. Here are some basic things the two of you should be on the same page about (or at least be able to find a good compromise on):
1. If religion is something that is very important to you, it might be a good idea to marry someone with similar beliefs. If you have some belief in a higher power but you aren't too tied to any one organized religion, than it may not be a problem.
2. Do you want to have kids? If so, how many? How do you think they should be raised, should one parent stay home with them or are you both ok with the idea of daycare? If one parent should stay home, which parent? All of this is very important to take into consideration. If you have a great career you love and your soon to be husband has very traditional values and expects you to stay home and raise the kids, how is that going to make you feel?
3. What about money? Is one of you a someone who likes to pinch every penny and the other likes to rack up the credit cards to the limit? If so, how is that going to work? It will be a constant source of stress between the two of you. Also, who handles the money and financial issues, like getting insurance, paying the bills, etc.? Some couples like to do it together, which is best. But others may think that only one should do it. Find out what your partner is thinking.
Communicate before marriage values, religion etc is a good idea and may just save your marriage.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Marriage Workshops For Healthy Marriages-Tune Up For Marriage
I saw a show recently where a happily married couple decided to go to
marriage workshops for healthy marriages. Their friends were wondering what was wrong and were worried. After all, we are used to people getting help when their marriage is already on the brink but not when things are going well.
The couple were planning on having a baby and thought getting a "tune up" was just a good idea. It was. Turns out that they had a lot of pent up resentments that neither of them were aware of. They ended up making things work out but it did take some work and some time.
If you think about it, it's actually kind of dumb. Our marriages are the single biggest and most important relationship we will ever have (except for the one we have with our kids). Why not keep it healthy? We take our cars in for preventative maintenance once in a while even when there doesn't seem to be anything wrong.
We go to the doctor once a year for a checkup when there are no obvious signs of trouble. Why not go to marriage workshops for healthy marriages to make sure our marriage is going well and on the right track?
The truth is that just like your car or your health, your marriage can seem to be healthy but in reality there is some trouble brewing right under the surface. Neither of you may actually be aware of it on a conscious level, but it's there. Why wait until it blows up and becomes a huge problem, why not try to nip it in the bud?
Whether we like it or not, resentments can and do build up, even in good marriages. Misunderstandings, the occasional inappropriate comment, these things can not only sting at the time, they can also hide just below the surface and fester.
We may not be aware of them, but they are almost always there. Left on their own they might not ever become a problem. but when (or if) something happens in the marriage that heightens the stress and tension, those little sores that have been festering can often explode all at once. That is why getting the occasional checkup for your marriage is a great idea.
A counselor is a great source of help because they can see things you and your partner might be too close to see. And once they have seen some sign of trouble, they can help you form a plan to navigate around that issue. It's always easier to deal with something while it is still small and pretty insignificant. It's much harder to deal with something once it has gotten huge and the anger has grown.
Hopefully you and your spouse are very happy in your marriage. And, hopefully, your resentments and anger are few and far between, but even so, if you want to maintain your healthy relationship going to
marriage workshops for healthy marriages might help you avoid any potential blowups in the future. And who wouldn't want that?
marriage workshops for healthy marriages. Their friends were wondering what was wrong and were worried. After all, we are used to people getting help when their marriage is already on the brink but not when things are going well.
The couple were planning on having a baby and thought getting a "tune up" was just a good idea. It was. Turns out that they had a lot of pent up resentments that neither of them were aware of. They ended up making things work out but it did take some work and some time.
If you think about it, it's actually kind of dumb. Our marriages are the single biggest and most important relationship we will ever have (except for the one we have with our kids). Why not keep it healthy? We take our cars in for preventative maintenance once in a while even when there doesn't seem to be anything wrong.
We go to the doctor once a year for a checkup when there are no obvious signs of trouble. Why not go to marriage workshops for healthy marriages to make sure our marriage is going well and on the right track?
The truth is that just like your car or your health, your marriage can seem to be healthy but in reality there is some trouble brewing right under the surface. Neither of you may actually be aware of it on a conscious level, but it's there. Why wait until it blows up and becomes a huge problem, why not try to nip it in the bud?
Whether we like it or not, resentments can and do build up, even in good marriages. Misunderstandings, the occasional inappropriate comment, these things can not only sting at the time, they can also hide just below the surface and fester.
We may not be aware of them, but they are almost always there. Left on their own they might not ever become a problem. but when (or if) something happens in the marriage that heightens the stress and tension, those little sores that have been festering can often explode all at once. That is why getting the occasional checkup for your marriage is a great idea.
A counselor is a great source of help because they can see things you and your partner might be too close to see. And once they have seen some sign of trouble, they can help you form a plan to navigate around that issue. It's always easier to deal with something while it is still small and pretty insignificant. It's much harder to deal with something once it has gotten huge and the anger has grown.
Hopefully you and your spouse are very happy in your marriage. And, hopefully, your resentments and anger are few and far between, but even so, if you want to maintain your healthy relationship going to
marriage workshops for healthy marriages might help you avoid any potential blowups in the future. And who wouldn't want that?
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Tips To Keep Marriage From Growing Apart-Remember The Golden Rule
Want some tips to keep marriage from growing apart? If so, I may be able to help. I have got some ideas that work for most anyone and any marriage and they will probably work for you too.
Most people who are in a happy marriage would be willing to do just about anything to keep it that way, especially if they have ever had a marriage fail. You, more than some, know the importance and just how precious a good marriage is.
So, what can you do to keep your marriage good and strong? What tips to keep marriage from growing apart can help you and your spouse? Here are some things that are likely to help:
1. Always treat each other like you treat your friends. It's sad, but true, many people actually treat their friends or co-workers better than they treat their spouse. Why? I don't really know, but my guess would be that we tend to take those people who are "stuck with us" for granted. Our friends can tell us to shove off much more easily than a spouse can, or will. Like I said, sad.
2. Remember the golden rule? Treat your spouse the way you want them to treat you. If you wouldn't like it if they didn't call to let you know they were going to be late so you wouldn't worry, don't do that to them. If you wouldn't like it if they complained about you to their friends or family, don't do it to them. It's really not all that hard, it's just common courtesy and kind of goes along with the first point above.
3. Instead of growing apart, why not grow together? Why not go on a trip and share some new experiences, or take up a hobby that you both are interested in? Or even do volunteer work together? It really doesn't matter as long as it is something you can both enjoy and it allows you to share some common experiences. That will give you a lot to talk about so you never get bored with each other.
4. Keep the passion and the attraction alive. Take care of yourself. We all hear about people who "let themselves go" after marriage. Don't. Stay in shape, eat right get enough sleep and cut back on the bad habits. This too is something you can do together.
Working out can be a great hobby you both can share and it has the added bonus of allowing each of you to stay in shape for the other and keep looking attractive (you also have another bonus, the better shape you are in the less the little aches and pains of aging will bother you).
There are a lot more things you can do to keep your marriage fresh. It really depends on the two of you to do things that you each enjoy. Just by following these simple tips to keep marriage from growing apart the two of you are very likely to have a long, healthy and happy marriage. Good luck!
Most people who are in a happy marriage would be willing to do just about anything to keep it that way, especially if they have ever had a marriage fail. You, more than some, know the importance and just how precious a good marriage is.
So, what can you do to keep your marriage good and strong? What tips to keep marriage from growing apart can help you and your spouse? Here are some things that are likely to help:
1. Always treat each other like you treat your friends. It's sad, but true, many people actually treat their friends or co-workers better than they treat their spouse. Why? I don't really know, but my guess would be that we tend to take those people who are "stuck with us" for granted. Our friends can tell us to shove off much more easily than a spouse can, or will. Like I said, sad.
2. Remember the golden rule? Treat your spouse the way you want them to treat you. If you wouldn't like it if they didn't call to let you know they were going to be late so you wouldn't worry, don't do that to them. If you wouldn't like it if they complained about you to their friends or family, don't do it to them. It's really not all that hard, it's just common courtesy and kind of goes along with the first point above.
3. Instead of growing apart, why not grow together? Why not go on a trip and share some new experiences, or take up a hobby that you both are interested in? Or even do volunteer work together? It really doesn't matter as long as it is something you can both enjoy and it allows you to share some common experiences. That will give you a lot to talk about so you never get bored with each other.
4. Keep the passion and the attraction alive. Take care of yourself. We all hear about people who "let themselves go" after marriage. Don't. Stay in shape, eat right get enough sleep and cut back on the bad habits. This too is something you can do together.
Working out can be a great hobby you both can share and it has the added bonus of allowing each of you to stay in shape for the other and keep looking attractive (you also have another bonus, the better shape you are in the less the little aches and pains of aging will bother you).
There are a lot more things you can do to keep your marriage fresh. It really depends on the two of you to do things that you each enjoy. Just by following these simple tips to keep marriage from growing apart the two of you are very likely to have a long, healthy and happy marriage. Good luck!
Monday, June 13, 2011
New Marriage After Death Of Spouse-There Is No Time Table
You really cannot put a time table on grieving so it really is up to you and how you feel about starting a new marriage after death of spouse. You are the only one who can decide when to start seeing someone new and possibly starting a new relationship that may even lead to marriage.
There some important things you should take into consideration before you take the plunge with new marriage after death of spouse. You must sort out your feelings on the subject very carefully and decide if you are really ready to commit to someone new. Believe it or not there is the very real possibility that you could come to resent the new spouse for trying to take the place of the first one. They may not be but if your first marriage was good and your spouse died suddenly you will make comparisons. This is not fair to your second spouse.
You need to be able to let the first spouse go completely. Take a lot of time after the first spouse's death and learn to get over that relationship. Talk to a professional and learn who you are all by yourself. This will take some time to sort things out. Then you can start to think about re-entering the dating pool.
If your first spouse died while your children were still young then they will need to be taken into consideration, too, before you start dating. You will have to find someone who is willing to take on the responsibility of helping you raise your children.
Your children will also need to be willing to let someone new into their lives and be willing to allow someone new the privilege of helping raise them, too. The children should also be in grief counseling to deal with the death of their parent. If the children are grown up, though, then they really do not have a say in the matter. You can tell them about your plans but they should just mind their own business.
Other things that you should take into consideration are, where are you going to live? Should you sell the house you shared with your first spouse? Will you have to go to work to help pay the bills? Will your new spouse have to relocate for their job? Will the kids have to learn to make new friends at a new school if you do relocate?
Do not just make decisions and expect that your children will just go along with what you decide. They won't, they will fight you. You have to keep them in the loop and let them be a part of the decision making process. Let them feel like they are part of this new family, otherwise they will rebel and push everyone away.
One other thing to consider...new traditions will have to be made or meshed together so that everyone is happy in this new marriage after death of spouse.
There some important things you should take into consideration before you take the plunge with new marriage after death of spouse. You must sort out your feelings on the subject very carefully and decide if you are really ready to commit to someone new. Believe it or not there is the very real possibility that you could come to resent the new spouse for trying to take the place of the first one. They may not be but if your first marriage was good and your spouse died suddenly you will make comparisons. This is not fair to your second spouse.
You need to be able to let the first spouse go completely. Take a lot of time after the first spouse's death and learn to get over that relationship. Talk to a professional and learn who you are all by yourself. This will take some time to sort things out. Then you can start to think about re-entering the dating pool.
If your first spouse died while your children were still young then they will need to be taken into consideration, too, before you start dating. You will have to find someone who is willing to take on the responsibility of helping you raise your children.
Your children will also need to be willing to let someone new into their lives and be willing to allow someone new the privilege of helping raise them, too. The children should also be in grief counseling to deal with the death of their parent. If the children are grown up, though, then they really do not have a say in the matter. You can tell them about your plans but they should just mind their own business.
Other things that you should take into consideration are, where are you going to live? Should you sell the house you shared with your first spouse? Will you have to go to work to help pay the bills? Will your new spouse have to relocate for their job? Will the kids have to learn to make new friends at a new school if you do relocate?
Do not just make decisions and expect that your children will just go along with what you decide. They won't, they will fight you. You have to keep them in the loop and let them be a part of the decision making process. Let them feel like they are part of this new family, otherwise they will rebel and push everyone away.
One other thing to consider...new traditions will have to be made or meshed together so that everyone is happy in this new marriage after death of spouse.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Communicating In Marriage-Learning To Talk And Listen Key
You hear it all the time, communicating in marriage is the one single factor that can make a marriage strong or weak. You often hear people say that they "just don't communicate anymore" the truth is in a lot of cases they never really did, at least not in a constructive way.
If you and your spouse have good communications skills right from the start, you will be able to avert many of the problems that plague a lot of marriages. People think that they communicate effectively, but rarely do, with their spouse and often even with other friends and family.
Communicating in marriage isn't about talking all the time, it's about listening too. That is the part most people fail at. You "pretend" to listen but in reality your mind is elsewhere. It's easy to make excuses for that behavior saying things to yourself such as: "I don't need to listen, she will just repeat it again in an hour" or "Here he goes again, covering the same old ground".
The truth is that the reason your spouse repeats them self could well be a learned habit. You might have taught them very early on that you don't really listen or pay attention to them when they talk. They may have developed the habit of repeating themselves just because they don't think they are ever really being heard.
If that's the case, it will take some time to reverse the trends, both them repeating themselves and you really learning to listen effectively. Having a counselor help the two of you form more effective methods of communication is a great idea too. Just re-learning some habits can make a world of difference, and with a counselor it's far less likely that the two of you will get angry or defensive when you hear something less than flattering about yourself.
Another common problem is that one spouse is afraid to really tell the other how they feel. They may be afraid that their spouse will get angry or defensive, or they may be afraid that they will be mocked. Again, this is a pattern of behavior that has likely been in practice since the start of your marriage, but in the beginning the two of you were so in love that you chose to ignore it. Now, years later (and with some built up resentments) it's harder to ignore.
This too will take some time to overcome and some practice to re-learn habits and patterns of behavior. You may want to get a counselor to help you with this problem too. Again, it's a good idea to have a counselor point you both in the right direction and help keep the peace when necessary.
I know it sounds obvious, but most people don't really think of it, but
communicating in marriage starts with each individual in the marriage. If one or both of you has trouble really talking, or listening, than this is likely a lifelong problem and it will take some serious time and commitment to unlearn your bad habits and relearn better ones.
If you and your spouse have good communications skills right from the start, you will be able to avert many of the problems that plague a lot of marriages. People think that they communicate effectively, but rarely do, with their spouse and often even with other friends and family.
Communicating in marriage isn't about talking all the time, it's about listening too. That is the part most people fail at. You "pretend" to listen but in reality your mind is elsewhere. It's easy to make excuses for that behavior saying things to yourself such as: "I don't need to listen, she will just repeat it again in an hour" or "Here he goes again, covering the same old ground".
The truth is that the reason your spouse repeats them self could well be a learned habit. You might have taught them very early on that you don't really listen or pay attention to them when they talk. They may have developed the habit of repeating themselves just because they don't think they are ever really being heard.
If that's the case, it will take some time to reverse the trends, both them repeating themselves and you really learning to listen effectively. Having a counselor help the two of you form more effective methods of communication is a great idea too. Just re-learning some habits can make a world of difference, and with a counselor it's far less likely that the two of you will get angry or defensive when you hear something less than flattering about yourself.
Another common problem is that one spouse is afraid to really tell the other how they feel. They may be afraid that their spouse will get angry or defensive, or they may be afraid that they will be mocked. Again, this is a pattern of behavior that has likely been in practice since the start of your marriage, but in the beginning the two of you were so in love that you chose to ignore it. Now, years later (and with some built up resentments) it's harder to ignore.
This too will take some time to overcome and some practice to re-learn habits and patterns of behavior. You may want to get a counselor to help you with this problem too. Again, it's a good idea to have a counselor point you both in the right direction and help keep the peace when necessary.
I know it sounds obvious, but most people don't really think of it, but
communicating in marriage starts with each individual in the marriage. If one or both of you has trouble really talking, or listening, than this is likely a lifelong problem and it will take some serious time and commitment to unlearn your bad habits and relearn better ones.
Rob hard working, carpenter, fun, outdoors Sibling of Johne and Lori Lover of bbq Who fears everything Who needs love Who gives nothing Who would like
You hear it all the time, communicating in marriage is the one single factor that can make a marriage strong or weak. You often hear people say that they "just don't communicate anymore" the truth is in a lot of cases they never really did, at least not in a constructive way.
If you and your spouse have good communications skills right from the start, you will be able to avert many of the problems that plague a lot of marriages. People think that they communicate effectively, but rarely do, with their spouse and often even with other friends and family.
Communicating in marriage isn't about talking all the time, it's about listening too. That is the part most people fail at. You "pretend" to listen but in reality your mind is elsewhere. It's easy to make excuses for that behavior saying things to yourself such as: "I don't need to listen, she will just repeat it again in an hour" or "Here he goes again, covering the same old ground".
The truth is that the reason your spouse repeats them self could well be a learned habit. You might have taught them very early on that you don't really listen or pay attention to them when they talk. They may have developed the habit of repeating themselves just because they don't think they are ever really being heard.
If that's the case, it will take some time to reverse the trends, both them repeating themselves and you really learning to listen effectively. Having a counselor help the two of you form more effective methods of communication is a great idea too. Just re-learning some habits can make a world of difference, and with a counselor it's far less likely that the two of you will get angry or defensive when you hear something less than flattering about yourself.
Another common problem is that one spouse is afraid to really tell the other how they feel. They may be afraid that their spouse will get angry or defensive, or they may be afraid that they will be mocked. Again, this is a pattern of behavior that has likely been in practice since the start of your marriage, but in the beginning the two of you were so in love that you chose to ignore it. Now, years later (and with some built up resentments) it's harder to ignore.
This too will take some time to overcome and some practice to re-learn habits and patterns of behavior. You may want to get a counselor to help you with this problem too. Again, it's a good idea to have a counselor point you both in the right direction and help keep the peace when necessary.
I know it sounds obvious, but most people don't really think of it, but
communicating in marriage starts with each individual in the marriage. If one or both of you has trouble really talking, or listening, than this is likely a lifelong problem and it will take some serious time and commitment to unlearn your bad habits and relearn better ones.
If you and your spouse have good communications skills right from the start, you will be able to avert many of the problems that plague a lot of marriages. People think that they communicate effectively, but rarely do, with their spouse and often even with other friends and family.
Communicating in marriage isn't about talking all the time, it's about listening too. That is the part most people fail at. You "pretend" to listen but in reality your mind is elsewhere. It's easy to make excuses for that behavior saying things to yourself such as: "I don't need to listen, she will just repeat it again in an hour" or "Here he goes again, covering the same old ground".
The truth is that the reason your spouse repeats them self could well be a learned habit. You might have taught them very early on that you don't really listen or pay attention to them when they talk. They may have developed the habit of repeating themselves just because they don't think they are ever really being heard.
If that's the case, it will take some time to reverse the trends, both them repeating themselves and you really learning to listen effectively. Having a counselor help the two of you form more effective methods of communication is a great idea too. Just re-learning some habits can make a world of difference, and with a counselor it's far less likely that the two of you will get angry or defensive when you hear something less than flattering about yourself.
Another common problem is that one spouse is afraid to really tell the other how they feel. They may be afraid that their spouse will get angry or defensive, or they may be afraid that they will be mocked. Again, this is a pattern of behavior that has likely been in practice since the start of your marriage, but in the beginning the two of you were so in love that you chose to ignore it. Now, years later (and with some built up resentments) it's harder to ignore.
This too will take some time to overcome and some practice to re-learn habits and patterns of behavior. You may want to get a counselor to help you with this problem too. Again, it's a good idea to have a counselor point you both in the right direction and help keep the peace when necessary.
I know it sounds obvious, but most people don't really think of it, but
communicating in marriage starts with each individual in the marriage. If one or both of you has trouble really talking, or listening, than this is likely a lifelong problem and it will take some serious time and commitment to unlearn your bad habits and relearn better ones.
New Marriage After Divorce Will Always Have Some Baggage
All new marriages have their own unique issues. It can take time for two people to get used to each others mood and rhythms. This is really a challenge if you haven't lived together before the marriage. When you consider the "normal" challenges of a newlywed couple and then consider the challenges of a new marriage after divorce it's easy to see that things could get tricky.
After a divorce it would be virtually impossible not to have some baggage. That is very often where the trouble begins. You are so worried that your new partner will act just like your old partner that it's easy to see things that may not really be there.
You have to be able to slow down and really see what is, or isn't, going on. If you were really hurt by something your ex did you will be even more prone to seeing things that may not be there.
One of the best examples of this is if there was cheating in your previous marriage. It's extraordinarily difficult to learn to trust again after you have been cheated on. It would be very easy to start seeing "signs" that your new spouse is doing the same thing all over again.
Of course, it's not impossible that they are, but in a lot of cases it's just the insecurity of one partner.
The good news is that it can actually be pretty easy to avoid falling into this trap: don't remarry right away.
A lot of people will remarry too quickly because they are hurt, lonely and afraid of being alone. That is a huge mistake. The more time you allow yourself to deal with the issues from your past marriage and heal, the less likely you will be to bring all that baggage into your next marriage.
By dealing with it all you have a much better chance of your new marriage after divorce being a happy one.
It's also a bad idea to start dating too soon. You aren't going to be your best and for that reason it's likely that you won't attract the best to you.
For example, if you were cheated on or mis treated and you jump right back into the dating pool right after your marriage ends, you will still be in that "victim" mode. Few confidant, independent people are going to be attracted to someone like that.
Who will be attracted so someone like that will be someone who is also wounded and they are looking for someone to either enable them or to walk on so they can prove their own strength. Not at all what you want.
Depending on the depth of the issues in your past marriage you may even want to see a counselor for a while before you start dating again. It's easy to fool ourselves and convince ourselves that we have dealt with everything, but in many cases we haven't dealt with it at all, we've just pushed it down and ignored it. That is when it's most likely to come back and bite you.
Dealing with the past and taking your time before you take the plunge again, is the best way of ensuring that your
new marriage after divorce will work out much better than the first one did.
After a divorce it would be virtually impossible not to have some baggage. That is very often where the trouble begins. You are so worried that your new partner will act just like your old partner that it's easy to see things that may not really be there.
You have to be able to slow down and really see what is, or isn't, going on. If you were really hurt by something your ex did you will be even more prone to seeing things that may not be there.
One of the best examples of this is if there was cheating in your previous marriage. It's extraordinarily difficult to learn to trust again after you have been cheated on. It would be very easy to start seeing "signs" that your new spouse is doing the same thing all over again.
Of course, it's not impossible that they are, but in a lot of cases it's just the insecurity of one partner.
The good news is that it can actually be pretty easy to avoid falling into this trap: don't remarry right away.
A lot of people will remarry too quickly because they are hurt, lonely and afraid of being alone. That is a huge mistake. The more time you allow yourself to deal with the issues from your past marriage and heal, the less likely you will be to bring all that baggage into your next marriage.
By dealing with it all you have a much better chance of your new marriage after divorce being a happy one.
It's also a bad idea to start dating too soon. You aren't going to be your best and for that reason it's likely that you won't attract the best to you.
For example, if you were cheated on or mis treated and you jump right back into the dating pool right after your marriage ends, you will still be in that "victim" mode. Few confidant, independent people are going to be attracted to someone like that.
Who will be attracted so someone like that will be someone who is also wounded and they are looking for someone to either enable them or to walk on so they can prove their own strength. Not at all what you want.
Depending on the depth of the issues in your past marriage you may even want to see a counselor for a while before you start dating again. It's easy to fool ourselves and convince ourselves that we have dealt with everything, but in many cases we haven't dealt with it at all, we've just pushed it down and ignored it. That is when it's most likely to come back and bite you.
Dealing with the past and taking your time before you take the plunge again, is the best way of ensuring that your
new marriage after divorce will work out much better than the first one did.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
New Marriage-Just The Beginning
The beginning of a marriage can seem like a magical time, but it can also be a time where you can easily start building resentments and distrust if you are not careful. Here are a few points to keep in mind so you can keep your new marriage feeling for a long time to come.
Probably one of the most difficult, and potentially dangerous, situations for a newlywed couple is finding the right balance when dealing with in-laws. This can be especially difficult if one of the partners was still living at home right before the marriage.
It can take time for the parent to learn to let go and they may want to be in the life of their newlywed child more than the newlywed child, and spouse, would really like.
It's important that the newlyweds stay united on this front. Decide (compromise if you have to) on what the limits will be. Decide if you think the parents should call before they stop by, or if you think you should limit the number of visits and calls weekly.
Once the two of you have come up with a plan you can both agree on, it's time to tell the folks. Whether you do it together as a couple or one on one will depend on the unique dynamic of the relationship. If the parents of one partner don't particularly like the spouse, it may be best if the child talks to their parents without their spouse,otherwise there could be fireworks.
The other big problem a new marriage can face is not knowing how to be a couple. You've both been independent and it might take some time to begin to think more like a couple.
No one is saying that you have to lose your identity, far from it. It's really all about balance. Finding the right balance between your "couplehood" and your independence. And the right balance for you and your marriage may not be right for someone else. You and your spouse need to find your balance.
For example, some newlyweds feel like they need to be joined at the hip but unless you are both comfortable with that arrangement, it will only cause trouble. Instead, why not keep the same basic balance you had before you were married? Is there any real reason that that has to change just because you are married? In most cases, no.
You also have to both be willing to talk about things like money and feelings. I know it can be hard and you don't have to share every little thing, but you are in this together now and it's important to establish trust and open lines of communication. The sooner you both learn to do it the smoother your marriage will be.
For many newlywed couples the issues they face are pretty easy to deal with when compared to issues they are likely to deal with later in the marriage. If you can't find a way to work through these easy issues what are you going to do when you have kids, or are faced with health issues, or money issues later in your marriage?
Think of your new marriage like the foundation of your married life. Take the time to make sure you both learn how to communicate, compromise and work through problems together. If you do you will enjoy your marriage a whole lot more.
Probably one of the most difficult, and potentially dangerous, situations for a newlywed couple is finding the right balance when dealing with in-laws. This can be especially difficult if one of the partners was still living at home right before the marriage.
It can take time for the parent to learn to let go and they may want to be in the life of their newlywed child more than the newlywed child, and spouse, would really like.
It's important that the newlyweds stay united on this front. Decide (compromise if you have to) on what the limits will be. Decide if you think the parents should call before they stop by, or if you think you should limit the number of visits and calls weekly.
Once the two of you have come up with a plan you can both agree on, it's time to tell the folks. Whether you do it together as a couple or one on one will depend on the unique dynamic of the relationship. If the parents of one partner don't particularly like the spouse, it may be best if the child talks to their parents without their spouse,otherwise there could be fireworks.
The other big problem a new marriage can face is not knowing how to be a couple. You've both been independent and it might take some time to begin to think more like a couple.
No one is saying that you have to lose your identity, far from it. It's really all about balance. Finding the right balance between your "couplehood" and your independence. And the right balance for you and your marriage may not be right for someone else. You and your spouse need to find your balance.
For example, some newlyweds feel like they need to be joined at the hip but unless you are both comfortable with that arrangement, it will only cause trouble. Instead, why not keep the same basic balance you had before you were married? Is there any real reason that that has to change just because you are married? In most cases, no.
You also have to both be willing to talk about things like money and feelings. I know it can be hard and you don't have to share every little thing, but you are in this together now and it's important to establish trust and open lines of communication. The sooner you both learn to do it the smoother your marriage will be.
For many newlywed couples the issues they face are pretty easy to deal with when compared to issues they are likely to deal with later in the marriage. If you can't find a way to work through these easy issues what are you going to do when you have kids, or are faced with health issues, or money issues later in your marriage?
Think of your new marriage like the foundation of your married life. Take the time to make sure you both learn how to communicate, compromise and work through problems together. If you do you will enjoy your marriage a whole lot more.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Husband Relationship-Improving Self Will Help
If you are saying to yourself that you still want a husband relationship, there is help out there to find ways to get him back. If your relationship ended because he did something stupid there is a chance he still has feelings for you, too. If that something stupid was a misunderstanding that snowballed out of control and the only way out for the both of you was to break up, then just ask for an apology and forgive him. If both of you need to apologize then all you have to do is to be the bigger person and make that first apology.
Another way to get your husband relationship back is to use what we have available to us today. If you do not want to talk to him or are too embarrassed, then email or text him. If he responds then you are off and running. Set up a place to meet, have lunch or coffee and just talk. Do not get into anything heavy about what went wrong within your relationship, just talk and keep things friendly.
While you are apart though, it would be a good idea to try to improve yourself in some way. Once he sees that you have made some of the changes that need to be made then you may inspire him to do the same and he may even ask for tips on how you are making the changes you are making. If he does ask then you will have more things to talk about and maybe can find things that the both of you are interested in, too. He may even say to himself that I am still in love with my ex and want to explore the possibility of getting back together.
When wanting to him get back, it can be very helpful to consider what went wrong and who screwed up. This isn't about whose fault it was, it's about finding the solutions to the problems that led to the break up of your relationship in the first place. Once you have done that the rest can fall into place pretty easily.
No matter who was at fault more than likely you both made some mistakes and can benefit from making some changes. This is the best way to start. It can allow you to not only get back with your ex but you will both have a much better chance of making things work if you do reconcile. It can make you both more mindful of the other's feelings.
It is also very important for you to spend time doing the things you like to do and spending time with the people you enjoy spending time with. All of this will allow you some breathing room and time to deal with your own issues. It will also make the time seem to go a little faster while you are making changes.
It doesn't matter what method you use, if you follow these ways to get your husband relationship back and do everything you can do to ensure your relationship will be strong this time around, he will most likely be saying that he is still in love with you, too.
Another way to get your husband relationship back is to use what we have available to us today. If you do not want to talk to him or are too embarrassed, then email or text him. If he responds then you are off and running. Set up a place to meet, have lunch or coffee and just talk. Do not get into anything heavy about what went wrong within your relationship, just talk and keep things friendly.
While you are apart though, it would be a good idea to try to improve yourself in some way. Once he sees that you have made some of the changes that need to be made then you may inspire him to do the same and he may even ask for tips on how you are making the changes you are making. If he does ask then you will have more things to talk about and maybe can find things that the both of you are interested in, too. He may even say to himself that I am still in love with my ex and want to explore the possibility of getting back together.
When wanting to him get back, it can be very helpful to consider what went wrong and who screwed up. This isn't about whose fault it was, it's about finding the solutions to the problems that led to the break up of your relationship in the first place. Once you have done that the rest can fall into place pretty easily.
No matter who was at fault more than likely you both made some mistakes and can benefit from making some changes. This is the best way to start. It can allow you to not only get back with your ex but you will both have a much better chance of making things work if you do reconcile. It can make you both more mindful of the other's feelings.
It is also very important for you to spend time doing the things you like to do and spending time with the people you enjoy spending time with. All of this will allow you some breathing room and time to deal with your own issues. It will also make the time seem to go a little faster while you are making changes.
It doesn't matter what method you use, if you follow these ways to get your husband relationship back and do everything you can do to ensure your relationship will be strong this time around, he will most likely be saying that he is still in love with you, too.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Relationship And People-May Help You Make A Difficult Decision
If you are in a relationship and people are telling you in no uncertain terms that they think you should get out of the relationship maybe it is something you should listen to closely. Most people in a relationship can't see the bad stuff that is right in front of their faces and need someone close to them to point things out.
Even if you do not believe the people who are close to you, hear them out. They are on the outside looking in and have a different perspective than you do. Love is blind and if things are bad enough for someone close to you to want to step in then just keep an open mind and listen to what they have to say. Your relationship and people close to you are both important and you do not want to alienate anyone.
Maybe you just do not want to leave the relationship because you are afraid you will not be able to support your children and yourself. Remember that if you move out and divorce him, he will most likely have to pay child support. That will help.
I know someone who set everything up about six months before she was going to leave. She went and spoke with the housing people and filled out all their forms and actually had a place to take her kids right away when she left. She got a little money in the divorce and with her job and the child support she was able to manage just fine.
If this appeals to you then keep in mind that these types of applications can take some time to get approved so give yourself plenty of time before you make the move. When you do get out of your bad relationship, do not just move down the street or into your parent's home. This will make it too easy for your spouse to find you. Move to the next county if you can so it is harder for him to find you and this will give you more time to sort things out and get everything in order for the divorce.
You can ask your family and friends for support and help you with babysitting and things like that, this should make the transition for your children better. They can be with people they know and not strangers in a day care center. They will be able to spend more time with their grandparents or other family members this way, too.
You could take the time right after you move out to find counselors for you and the kids, too. Get busy fixing the damage done by the bad relationship. The more you heal before you have to have contact with your soon-to-be-ex the better off you and the kids will be after the divorce. Do not just think that things will take care of themselves. They may or may not so why take chances? Get the help you need right off the bat. You can survive this relationship and people who love you are here to help.
Even if you do not believe the people who are close to you, hear them out. They are on the outside looking in and have a different perspective than you do. Love is blind and if things are bad enough for someone close to you to want to step in then just keep an open mind and listen to what they have to say. Your relationship and people close to you are both important and you do not want to alienate anyone.
Maybe you just do not want to leave the relationship because you are afraid you will not be able to support your children and yourself. Remember that if you move out and divorce him, he will most likely have to pay child support. That will help.
I know someone who set everything up about six months before she was going to leave. She went and spoke with the housing people and filled out all their forms and actually had a place to take her kids right away when she left. She got a little money in the divorce and with her job and the child support she was able to manage just fine.
If this appeals to you then keep in mind that these types of applications can take some time to get approved so give yourself plenty of time before you make the move. When you do get out of your bad relationship, do not just move down the street or into your parent's home. This will make it too easy for your spouse to find you. Move to the next county if you can so it is harder for him to find you and this will give you more time to sort things out and get everything in order for the divorce.
You can ask your family and friends for support and help you with babysitting and things like that, this should make the transition for your children better. They can be with people they know and not strangers in a day care center. They will be able to spend more time with their grandparents or other family members this way, too.
You could take the time right after you move out to find counselors for you and the kids, too. Get busy fixing the damage done by the bad relationship. The more you heal before you have to have contact with your soon-to-be-ex the better off you and the kids will be after the divorce. Do not just think that things will take care of themselves. They may or may not so why take chances? Get the help you need right off the bat. You can survive this relationship and people who love you are here to help.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Relationship Sites Can Help With Almost Any Situation
There are rlationship sites out there that will give you reliable information on what the signs are that there is cheating in a relationship or how to improve your relationship. What ever you need to figure out in your relationship you can probably find it online. This article will help you know for sure.
Is he spending less and less time at home with you? If you find yourself begging him to spend time together and then when he is at home with you he has an attitude the whole time and can't wait for the time to be done, this may be a sign he is cheating. Rlationship sites can point you in the right direction.
Does he get up early and come home late? He may be meeting someone he doesn't want you to know about. If he leaves the house in the morning before you wake up or starts making excuses about having to work late and can't look you in the eye when he does get home you may have to start to worry that he is having an affair.
Has he started to pay more attention to his appearance or begun to work out everyday? He may be trying to get in shape to impress some young thing at the office or gym. Ask him if you can go along with him when he works out. If he makes some excuse why you can't go with him this is a good indication that he has something going on.
You could look for the old standby signs of lipstick on the collar of his shirt or a receipt for a special gift that he buys and you don't get.
He may be trying to hide something he's done wrong if he is rushing out to the mailbox every day just so you won't get there first. If you get a chance, check the credit card bill for charges to a hotel or motel. A sign can't get much clearer than that.
If you try to call him during the day and he becomes increasingly harder to get a hold of, it may mean he is again hiding something from you and cannot get up the nerve to face you.
Another way to tell if he may be cheating is if he seems to have no interest in sex any more. Do you practically have to beg him to be intimate with you these days? Open your eyes and start looking at all the clues he is leaving you because he is leaving them. You just have to be smarter and figure them out.
If you have been together for some time, you probably know when he is lying. So when you ask him whether or not he is cheating on you, you will be able to see the lie in his eyes even when he is telling you that he is not cheating on you.
Keep your eyes peeled for any significant changes in his behavior, dying his hair, wearing a new cologne, buying new clothes for himself or whatever and if you do notice something bring it up to him and see how he responds, pay close attention to his body language and whether or not he looks you in the eye during your conversation. These are examples of things to watch out for when looking on rlationship sites.
Is he spending less and less time at home with you? If you find yourself begging him to spend time together and then when he is at home with you he has an attitude the whole time and can't wait for the time to be done, this may be a sign he is cheating. Rlationship sites can point you in the right direction.
Does he get up early and come home late? He may be meeting someone he doesn't want you to know about. If he leaves the house in the morning before you wake up or starts making excuses about having to work late and can't look you in the eye when he does get home you may have to start to worry that he is having an affair.
Has he started to pay more attention to his appearance or begun to work out everyday? He may be trying to get in shape to impress some young thing at the office or gym. Ask him if you can go along with him when he works out. If he makes some excuse why you can't go with him this is a good indication that he has something going on.
You could look for the old standby signs of lipstick on the collar of his shirt or a receipt for a special gift that he buys and you don't get.
He may be trying to hide something he's done wrong if he is rushing out to the mailbox every day just so you won't get there first. If you get a chance, check the credit card bill for charges to a hotel or motel. A sign can't get much clearer than that.
If you try to call him during the day and he becomes increasingly harder to get a hold of, it may mean he is again hiding something from you and cannot get up the nerve to face you.
Another way to tell if he may be cheating is if he seems to have no interest in sex any more. Do you practically have to beg him to be intimate with you these days? Open your eyes and start looking at all the clues he is leaving you because he is leaving them. You just have to be smarter and figure them out.
If you have been together for some time, you probably know when he is lying. So when you ask him whether or not he is cheating on you, you will be able to see the lie in his eyes even when he is telling you that he is not cheating on you.
Keep your eyes peeled for any significant changes in his behavior, dying his hair, wearing a new cologne, buying new clothes for himself or whatever and if you do notice something bring it up to him and see how he responds, pay close attention to his body language and whether or not he looks you in the eye during your conversation. These are examples of things to watch out for when looking on rlationship sites.
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