If you find yourself one of the millions of people who are alone on Christmas, do not panic or be depressed. There are so many things you can do to not be alone it's not even funny. You do not need someone else to make the holidays special, all you need is you.
If you have the time, go volunteer at the homeless shelter and dish up some food for the people who are really alone on Christmas and every other day of the year. You surely will not feel alone if you help out your fellow man. Making sure that someone has a nice warm meal in their belly and a warm place to sleep for at least one night makes your problems all but disappear.
If you can't do that then make sure you just do what ever you can to make your space feel like Christmas. Do not go without decorating and playing Christmas music. Enjoy the season for what it is and maybe start some of your own traditions in the process. Go buy a tree and some decorations, or make your own decorations and do it up right. Holiday lights are bright and colorful and you just have to smile and feel all warm inside when you see them or decorate with them.
Don't want to be alone? Plan a holiday party for friends and co-workers. If you know you are going to be alone then plan your party early enough that your invitees have time to plan their holiday around your party and not blow it off as your last ditch effort to not be all alone during the holiday season. Don't seem desperate though, you will chase people away.
Plan and cook a special meal for yourself. There is no reason you can't buy a small turkey or just the turkey breast or a ham and make yourself a nice dinner. Even if you are not much of a cook you could probably manage dinner for one. The more often you do it the better cook you will become.
Get out into the neighborhood and see how your neighbors have decorated their houses and apartments. If you live in a place where you get snow, go out on a night when it is snowing and feel how special the air feels and take in the smells and sounds of the season. Stop by a local diner and have some hot chocolate or spiced cider to warm up before making your way home.
When you get home, open up that bottle of wine you have been saving and start a nice warm bath. Take a good book and a glass of wine into the tub with you, light some candles and relax until the water gets lukewarm. You will feel rejuvenated and relaxed.
When the big day arrives don't forget you can call home and talk to everyone whom you are missing and wish them well. If you have planned your time well you can surely tell them you really do not mind being all alone on Christmas.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
How To Get Over A Broken Heart - Running Away Is A NO No
Having your heart broken is a very painful and difficult experience. Both men and women can experience the pain of a broken heart when a relationship ends. It doesn't matter if you are the one who initiated the break up or not, you will still feel some pain and sadness at the end of something that had been wonderful. Some breakups are expected after a relationship has been having troubles for a while, and other breakups can come unexpectedly and these can be the most heart breaking ones.
The worst thing that you can do after a relationship breakup is to sit around feeling sorry for yourself and telling all your friends and family your 'victim story' of how you have had your heart broken. If you continue to long for that lost love that can no longer be, you are headed for trouble.
If you don’t allow yourself to grieve for the relationship and then accept that it is over then you won't be able to move on with your life. If you don't get over your ex then any future relationships are doomed before they even start.
You can't run away from your heartache either, if you run it will just follow you. You need to face life head on and a break up is a life experience like any other that must be dealt with.
You can't stop a broken heart by running away from it or suppressing it with alcohol or other substances. Your grieving heart cannot heal unless you work your way through it. You need to accept that you will feel sadness and pain during this time and that is a natural response to a busted relationship. Use the pain and sadness that you feel to learn and grow from the experience.
There are no quick fix solutions to a broken heart but getting your feelings and thoughts out in the open can help. You can do this by talking to a friend, a counsellor or even writing your feelings and thoughts in a diary. Talking about your feelings is part of the process of getting over a break up.
You can use this relationship experience to learn from and avoid making the same mistakes in a future relationship. Of course this will depend on what mistakes, if any, that you made and what the reason was for the relationship ending. Sometimes relationships just run their course and people fall out love.
If you did make any mistakes in the relationship then don’t act as though you didn't and don’t act like you are the victim. Take responsibility for any mistakes that you did make and move on and learn from them. There is a good chance that you both made some mistakes along the way and there is no point playing the blame game.
If you don't handle your break up responsibly, then you may continue to hold the pain in your heart and never completely get over it. If you don't get over your relationship or your ex then you can never have a completely happy and fulfilled relationship with someone else.
If you handle your breakup responsibly with the goal of working through your feelings and letting them go, then you can heal your broken heart and move on with your life.
Healing a broken heart takes time and takes work. It is difficult to lose someone who has been such a major part of your life, but you will get over it and you will become a stronger person because of it.
The worst thing that you can do after a relationship breakup is to sit around feeling sorry for yourself and telling all your friends and family your 'victim story' of how you have had your heart broken. If you continue to long for that lost love that can no longer be, you are headed for trouble.
If you don’t allow yourself to grieve for the relationship and then accept that it is over then you won't be able to move on with your life. If you don't get over your ex then any future relationships are doomed before they even start.
You can't run away from your heartache either, if you run it will just follow you. You need to face life head on and a break up is a life experience like any other that must be dealt with.
You can't stop a broken heart by running away from it or suppressing it with alcohol or other substances. Your grieving heart cannot heal unless you work your way through it. You need to accept that you will feel sadness and pain during this time and that is a natural response to a busted relationship. Use the pain and sadness that you feel to learn and grow from the experience.
There are no quick fix solutions to a broken heart but getting your feelings and thoughts out in the open can help. You can do this by talking to a friend, a counsellor or even writing your feelings and thoughts in a diary. Talking about your feelings is part of the process of getting over a break up.
You can use this relationship experience to learn from and avoid making the same mistakes in a future relationship. Of course this will depend on what mistakes, if any, that you made and what the reason was for the relationship ending. Sometimes relationships just run their course and people fall out love.
If you did make any mistakes in the relationship then don’t act as though you didn't and don’t act like you are the victim. Take responsibility for any mistakes that you did make and move on and learn from them. There is a good chance that you both made some mistakes along the way and there is no point playing the blame game.
If you don't handle your break up responsibly, then you may continue to hold the pain in your heart and never completely get over it. If you don't get over your relationship or your ex then you can never have a completely happy and fulfilled relationship with someone else.
If you handle your breakup responsibly with the goal of working through your feelings and letting them go, then you can heal your broken heart and move on with your life.
Healing a broken heart takes time and takes work. It is difficult to lose someone who has been such a major part of your life, but you will get over it and you will become a stronger person because of it.
Getting Through A Distressing Love Break Up
It can be absolutely devastating when you break up with someone that you are madly in love with and at times you might not think you can get through it. But although it isn't easy, you will get through this distressing time.
The first thing you need to determine is whether the relationship truly is over or whether it can be saved. Sometimes break ups occur in the heat of the moment and your boyfriend may change his mind when he has time to think about it. If you think that your relationship can be saved then there are a number of ways to go about getting your boyfriend back.
Don't go overboard chasing him and begging him to come back to you, at first you will need to give him some space. Don't even text or call him for a few days, if he wants to call you he will.
Don't get too stressed if he doesn't contact you straight away, give it about a week and if you haven't heard from him then call him. Don’t make desperate pleas to get him back, keep it casual and reasonably short. Just make it a quick phone call to say hello and ask him how he is doing.
When you are giving your ex boyfriend some space you will have some time yourself; to think things through. So have a good think about what might have gone wrong in the relationship and if there is anything that you can do to change it.
Although you don't want to change yourself too much for anyone, is there any chance that you have let yourself go as the relationship has gone on. With any new relationship both parties put in a lot of effort to be nice and to look nice, but as the relationship is developing further those efforts can be less and less.
When you call your ex boyfriend you can invite him out to dinner so you can talk things over. Perhaps it is time to spice up the relationship and put some romance back into it. Maybe you can get dressed up and have your hair done and invite him out to dinner. Try to impress him all over again as if it were your first date.
There are other things to think about within the relationship that might have gone wrong. Were you arguing much and if so was it over any particular issue. Were you spending too much time with your friends and not enough time with him? Have you been overly possessive of him?
If you can work out what went wrong then you can take steps to make some changes to improve the relationship. If your love is strong and you are meant to be together, then you should be able to talk things through and save your relationship.
On the other hand, there is a chance that he has fallen out of love and wants to move on with his life. If this is the case then there is not a lot you can do to win him back and you might need to prepare yourself to move on with your life without him. You can still consider what might have gone wrong in your relationship and learn from the experience so that you won't make the same mistake in future relationships.
Before you begin a new relationship you should take time for yourself and find out exactly what you want in life and in a relationship. Don't go out with someone new just for the sake of having a boyfriend, don’t settle for second best. Mr. Right is out there for you and you will find him when the time is right.
Getting to know yourself and what you want in life will make you a stronger, happier and confident woman. These features are all attractive to men and will help you to attract that special man you are looking for.
Break ups do happen and although they are distressing they are part of life. If you can save your relationship then put in the effort to do so but if it is definitely over then you need to move on with your life.
Use your relationship as a learning experience and take whatever you can from it and improve yourself and your life.
The first thing you need to determine is whether the relationship truly is over or whether it can be saved. Sometimes break ups occur in the heat of the moment and your boyfriend may change his mind when he has time to think about it. If you think that your relationship can be saved then there are a number of ways to go about getting your boyfriend back.
Don't go overboard chasing him and begging him to come back to you, at first you will need to give him some space. Don't even text or call him for a few days, if he wants to call you he will.
Don't get too stressed if he doesn't contact you straight away, give it about a week and if you haven't heard from him then call him. Don’t make desperate pleas to get him back, keep it casual and reasonably short. Just make it a quick phone call to say hello and ask him how he is doing.
When you are giving your ex boyfriend some space you will have some time yourself; to think things through. So have a good think about what might have gone wrong in the relationship and if there is anything that you can do to change it.
Although you don't want to change yourself too much for anyone, is there any chance that you have let yourself go as the relationship has gone on. With any new relationship both parties put in a lot of effort to be nice and to look nice, but as the relationship is developing further those efforts can be less and less.
When you call your ex boyfriend you can invite him out to dinner so you can talk things over. Perhaps it is time to spice up the relationship and put some romance back into it. Maybe you can get dressed up and have your hair done and invite him out to dinner. Try to impress him all over again as if it were your first date.
There are other things to think about within the relationship that might have gone wrong. Were you arguing much and if so was it over any particular issue. Were you spending too much time with your friends and not enough time with him? Have you been overly possessive of him?
If you can work out what went wrong then you can take steps to make some changes to improve the relationship. If your love is strong and you are meant to be together, then you should be able to talk things through and save your relationship.
On the other hand, there is a chance that he has fallen out of love and wants to move on with his life. If this is the case then there is not a lot you can do to win him back and you might need to prepare yourself to move on with your life without him. You can still consider what might have gone wrong in your relationship and learn from the experience so that you won't make the same mistake in future relationships.
Before you begin a new relationship you should take time for yourself and find out exactly what you want in life and in a relationship. Don't go out with someone new just for the sake of having a boyfriend, don’t settle for second best. Mr. Right is out there for you and you will find him when the time is right.
Getting to know yourself and what you want in life will make you a stronger, happier and confident woman. These features are all attractive to men and will help you to attract that special man you are looking for.
Break ups do happen and although they are distressing they are part of life. If you can save your relationship then put in the effort to do so but if it is definitely over then you need to move on with your life.
Use your relationship as a learning experience and take whatever you can from it and improve yourself and your life.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
How To Win Your Ex Back When Your Heart Is Breaking
Is your heart breaking as the result of a recent break up? Do you wish you could turn back time and change what happened? If you are missing your ex and want another chance, here is how you can win your ex back.
Firstly, do not put too much pressure on your ex to rethink their decision. Give them some space to think things through and with any luck they may regret their decision and give you another go.
Give them some space for about a week or so, and this means no calling, emailing or texting during that week. Just chill out and play it cool, don’t go looking desperate by sending flowers every day and begging them to come back to you.
If you haven't heard from your ex after a week or so then contact them, but remain cool, calm and collected. Don’t overdo it and become desperate, just give them a quick call or even an email just asking how they are doing.
There needs to be a good balance of power in a relationship and this also carries over into a break up. You need to stay strong and keep your level of power, if you give up that power by desperately chasing your ex, then your chances of getting them back will be poor.
If the cause of the break up was something minor then there is a good chance that if you give them some space for a few days, you will then be able to work things out when you make contact and talk things over.
Some breakups are over bigger issues and it could be a harder battle to win your ex back. If a month has gone by and you are still apart then you might need to step up your game and try some new tactics. Your partner may have even started thinking about dating other people by this time so you don’t want to leave things too much longer.
Even at this stage, you do not want to seem overly desperate and put too much pressure on your ex. If you begin to stalk your ex then you will only result in looking silly, desperate and weak and this is not the way to win back your ex.
You can contact your ex and invite them out for a coffee just to have a chat. Chat about the good times you had together and pick particular moments that were good and you both enjoyed. Let them know you miss those times and let them know that you still care for them and are interested in trying again.
Another method used to win back an ex is to date someone else, perhaps even one of their friends. If your ex can see you with someone else it might make them jealous and rethink their decision. If they see that you are moving on with their life they might also question whether they really did make the right decision when breaking up with you. It might get them thinking that they need to resolve things quickly before it's too late.
You have every right to date someone else if you have broken up with your ex but you might want to seriously think about taking it any further than that. Your ex may take you back when you have dated someone else but they may not take you back if you have slept with someone else. So if you really want to win your ex back you should remain faithful to them even though you have broken up.
I hope that this article has given you some ideas on how to win your ex back.
Firstly, do not put too much pressure on your ex to rethink their decision. Give them some space to think things through and with any luck they may regret their decision and give you another go.
Give them some space for about a week or so, and this means no calling, emailing or texting during that week. Just chill out and play it cool, don’t go looking desperate by sending flowers every day and begging them to come back to you.
If you haven't heard from your ex after a week or so then contact them, but remain cool, calm and collected. Don’t overdo it and become desperate, just give them a quick call or even an email just asking how they are doing.
There needs to be a good balance of power in a relationship and this also carries over into a break up. You need to stay strong and keep your level of power, if you give up that power by desperately chasing your ex, then your chances of getting them back will be poor.
If the cause of the break up was something minor then there is a good chance that if you give them some space for a few days, you will then be able to work things out when you make contact and talk things over.
Some breakups are over bigger issues and it could be a harder battle to win your ex back. If a month has gone by and you are still apart then you might need to step up your game and try some new tactics. Your partner may have even started thinking about dating other people by this time so you don’t want to leave things too much longer.
Even at this stage, you do not want to seem overly desperate and put too much pressure on your ex. If you begin to stalk your ex then you will only result in looking silly, desperate and weak and this is not the way to win back your ex.
You can contact your ex and invite them out for a coffee just to have a chat. Chat about the good times you had together and pick particular moments that were good and you both enjoyed. Let them know you miss those times and let them know that you still care for them and are interested in trying again.
Another method used to win back an ex is to date someone else, perhaps even one of their friends. If your ex can see you with someone else it might make them jealous and rethink their decision. If they see that you are moving on with their life they might also question whether they really did make the right decision when breaking up with you. It might get them thinking that they need to resolve things quickly before it's too late.
You have every right to date someone else if you have broken up with your ex but you might want to seriously think about taking it any further than that. Your ex may take you back when you have dated someone else but they may not take you back if you have slept with someone else. So if you really want to win your ex back you should remain faithful to them even though you have broken up.
I hope that this article has given you some ideas on how to win your ex back.
Is There A Way To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back
Sometimes women may overreact and end up saying or doing something that they don't really mean. Sometimes a girl might overreact to a situation and break up with you and when she has time to calm down and really think about the situation she might realize that she has made a mistake. However, the way that you react to the break up could make a big difference in whether it is possible for you to get back together.
So if you think you're girlfriend might have overreacted and you think that your relationship is salvageable then these tips might help you to win her back.
Firstly, give her some space. While she is still angry about the situation you won't be able to talk rationally to her, so give her a little time to calm down. When she calms down she may realize her mistake and call you.
If you’re ex girlfriend has made a mistake then she will soon realize that life without you isn't what she wants. When she is sitting at home on her own on a Saturday night and missing you then she will begin to rethink things.
If you don't rush in and call her then she will begin to worry about her decision and think that you don't need her. If she thinks that there is a chance that you might just move on without her, then she needs to think long and hard about what she wants and if she wants you back she needs to act before you move on.
Even though are probably missing her just as much as she is missing you, you don't want to seem too desperate to get her back, you need to stick with the tactic of giving her space.
You don’t want to start doing desperate things like singing love songs to her outside her bedroom window, or sending hundreds of texts or sending flowers every day.
However, if you haven't heard from her after a week or so then you may need to be the one to make first contact. Just call her and ask her how things are going and keep it cool. Don't act desperate now that you have a chance to speak to her, you still want to sound casual and laid back about the whole relationship issue.
If she still isn't calling you or trying to win you back, then you might want to take things a bit further. You can call her up and ask her if she would like to go out to dinner so you can talk about things. Don't become possessive and follow her and constantly bug her, just make that phone call and ask her out. If she rejects you then maybe she has decided that the relationship ending was in fact what she wants. You can't put too much pressure on her to go out with you again or you might just push her further away.
One thing that will impress her and may make her think twice about her decision is if you remember an important date that might be coming up. Men are not the best at remembering birthdays, anniversaries or other such dates so if there is an event coming up then let her know that you are thinking about her on that day by sending her some flowers or a card. Keep it short and sweet, just enough to let her know you are thinking about her and still care about her.
If a month or so passes and there is no sign from her that she wants to get back together with you, then you might need to accept that it is over. There is no point in chasing after a dream that can never happen, if she has made up her mind and has no intention of changing it then you need to move on.
Don't let your relationship end completely without trying to talk about it and let her know that you still care about her. Be prepared to be honest and let her know your true feelings. But if that isn't enough then be prepared to walk away and get on with your life.
These tips might help you to get your ex girlfriend back if it is what she wants, so don’t give up too soon but don’t seem to desperate either.
So if you think you're girlfriend might have overreacted and you think that your relationship is salvageable then these tips might help you to win her back.
Firstly, give her some space. While she is still angry about the situation you won't be able to talk rationally to her, so give her a little time to calm down. When she calms down she may realize her mistake and call you.
If you’re ex girlfriend has made a mistake then she will soon realize that life without you isn't what she wants. When she is sitting at home on her own on a Saturday night and missing you then she will begin to rethink things.
If you don't rush in and call her then she will begin to worry about her decision and think that you don't need her. If she thinks that there is a chance that you might just move on without her, then she needs to think long and hard about what she wants and if she wants you back she needs to act before you move on.
Even though are probably missing her just as much as she is missing you, you don't want to seem too desperate to get her back, you need to stick with the tactic of giving her space.
You don’t want to start doing desperate things like singing love songs to her outside her bedroom window, or sending hundreds of texts or sending flowers every day.
However, if you haven't heard from her after a week or so then you may need to be the one to make first contact. Just call her and ask her how things are going and keep it cool. Don't act desperate now that you have a chance to speak to her, you still want to sound casual and laid back about the whole relationship issue.
If she still isn't calling you or trying to win you back, then you might want to take things a bit further. You can call her up and ask her if she would like to go out to dinner so you can talk about things. Don't become possessive and follow her and constantly bug her, just make that phone call and ask her out. If she rejects you then maybe she has decided that the relationship ending was in fact what she wants. You can't put too much pressure on her to go out with you again or you might just push her further away.
One thing that will impress her and may make her think twice about her decision is if you remember an important date that might be coming up. Men are not the best at remembering birthdays, anniversaries or other such dates so if there is an event coming up then let her know that you are thinking about her on that day by sending her some flowers or a card. Keep it short and sweet, just enough to let her know you are thinking about her and still care about her.
If a month or so passes and there is no sign from her that she wants to get back together with you, then you might need to accept that it is over. There is no point in chasing after a dream that can never happen, if she has made up her mind and has no intention of changing it then you need to move on.
Don't let your relationship end completely without trying to talk about it and let her know that you still care about her. Be prepared to be honest and let her know your true feelings. But if that isn't enough then be prepared to walk away and get on with your life.
These tips might help you to get your ex girlfriend back if it is what she wants, so don’t give up too soon but don’t seem to desperate either.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Did Your Girlfriend Break Up With You And What Do You Do Now
Have you just been dumped and are left wondering why did your girlfriend break up with you? Trust me you are not alone, in fact three quarters of relationships are ended by the woman. So there are more guys that go through this 'being dumped' experience than women.
So if you have been dumped, what do you do now? Men are often expected to get over these things much quicker than women. It is thought that women are more emotional and will spend more time trying to mend their broken heart than what a man would. But many men are quite sensitive and it is just as hurtful for them when a relationship ends, even if they don't show it all that much.
A relationship break up is just as painful for a man as it is for a woman; they just aren't expected to show those emotions.
Men are often stereotyped as being interested in any woman they meet and are happy to go from one fling to another and never be tied down. The truth is that many men do actually place a lot of value on a stable relationship and are looking for the perfect woman to spend his life with.
So when you think you have found that perfect woman and then she dumps you, it can be difficult to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.
Men tend to keep their emotions to themselves and find it difficult to express what they are feeling. Men keep a lot of their feelings bottled up and this can be devastating long term. Girls can often release their feelings and emotions by talking to a girlfriend or writing in a diary, but men don't tend to do this as much. Because men don't get their emotions out they can linger much longer and as a result they can take longer to get over a breakup.
You should get rid of all the memories of your ex from your home. I'm sure you will have photos, clothes, cd's and other items that belong to her or remind you of her. If you leave these around your house then you are constantly being reminded of her and that will make it harder to get over her. So throw things away, give things back to her or even just store things away for now, just get rid of them so you aren't looking at them every day.
Although she might want to stay friends, being friends with her can make it harder to get over her. If you are constantly seeing her, talking to her or texting her then it will be difficult to move on. Perhaps friendship is an option later on, but when you first break up it is better to close off communications for a while so that you can learn to come to terms with the relationship ending. You need to have space so that your heart can heal.
You might find that you don't really feel like going out with your friends and having fun, you probably just aren't in the mood. But getting out with your friends and having fun is the best thing that you can do right now. Having fun with your mates will take your mind of your break up and you will start enjoying life again.
Eventually you will be ready to get back into the dating scene again. You don't need to rush back into it, in fact it is better to take your time and make sure that you are over your ex before getting involved with anyone else. There is someone out there who is perfect for you and you will find her, it will just take a bit of time to get over your last relationship and move on with your future.
So if you have been dumped, what do you do now? Men are often expected to get over these things much quicker than women. It is thought that women are more emotional and will spend more time trying to mend their broken heart than what a man would. But many men are quite sensitive and it is just as hurtful for them when a relationship ends, even if they don't show it all that much.
A relationship break up is just as painful for a man as it is for a woman; they just aren't expected to show those emotions.
Men are often stereotyped as being interested in any woman they meet and are happy to go from one fling to another and never be tied down. The truth is that many men do actually place a lot of value on a stable relationship and are looking for the perfect woman to spend his life with.
So when you think you have found that perfect woman and then she dumps you, it can be difficult to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.
Men tend to keep their emotions to themselves and find it difficult to express what they are feeling. Men keep a lot of their feelings bottled up and this can be devastating long term. Girls can often release their feelings and emotions by talking to a girlfriend or writing in a diary, but men don't tend to do this as much. Because men don't get their emotions out they can linger much longer and as a result they can take longer to get over a breakup.
You should get rid of all the memories of your ex from your home. I'm sure you will have photos, clothes, cd's and other items that belong to her or remind you of her. If you leave these around your house then you are constantly being reminded of her and that will make it harder to get over her. So throw things away, give things back to her or even just store things away for now, just get rid of them so you aren't looking at them every day.
Although she might want to stay friends, being friends with her can make it harder to get over her. If you are constantly seeing her, talking to her or texting her then it will be difficult to move on. Perhaps friendship is an option later on, but when you first break up it is better to close off communications for a while so that you can learn to come to terms with the relationship ending. You need to have space so that your heart can heal.
You might find that you don't really feel like going out with your friends and having fun, you probably just aren't in the mood. But getting out with your friends and having fun is the best thing that you can do right now. Having fun with your mates will take your mind of your break up and you will start enjoying life again.
Eventually you will be ready to get back into the dating scene again. You don't need to rush back into it, in fact it is better to take your time and make sure that you are over your ex before getting involved with anyone else. There is someone out there who is perfect for you and you will find her, it will just take a bit of time to get over your last relationship and move on with your future.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Avoiding The Biggest Mistakes Of A Dumped Boyfriend
James is now in the position of being a dumped boyfriend but it is his own fault that he has just been dumped. You see James went out to a party one night with some friends but his girlfriend Sally was busy that night and couldn’t go. James made the big mistake of drinking too much and then making out with some girl he didn’t even know. Of course it didn’t take long for the news to get back to Sally.
When Sally found out that James had been unfaithful, she called him up and among the crying, yelling and name calling, she told him she never wanted to see him again.
James felt terrible and knew that what he did was wrong and wished he could go back in time and not let it happen. On the other hand, he didn’t think that his one mistake was enough to end the relationship over.
James decided the relationship was worth saving and started taking steps to win Sally back. But silly James really didn’t know the best way to win back a broken heart and did it all wrong!
The first thing James did wrong was when Sally called him, instead of apologizing for his mistake he just grovelled and begged Sally to take him back. This is the wrong time for begging as Sally is very angry and in no mood for grovelling and begging.
Then James proceeded to aggressively pursue her and not give her time to deal with what happened. James sent Sally over 100 texts during the next week and called her three or four times a day and often during the night.
After a week of relentlessly bugging Sally, James got really desperate and went to her house and sang love songs outside her bedroom window. It wasn't long before the neighbours called the police.
James realized that none of his tactics were working so decided to try something different. He decided to try the jealousy tactic and proceeded to ask out one of Sally's friends.
Sally's friend agreed to go out on a date with James and the news soon got back to Sally, just as James hoped it would. James thought that when Sally heard he was dating her friend, that she would be jealous and beg him to come back to her. But Sally wasn't jealous; it had the opposite effect and made Sally furious. Sally knew that James was dating her friend to get back at her and she was also angry at her friend for dating her ex boyfriend.
So let's take a look at where James went wrong and could have done things differently.
Well the first obvious mistake was when James drank too much and made out with another girl. Silly mistake that shouldn't have been made in the first place – mistake number one! However, even with such a mistake a relationship can be saved if the right steps are taken.
James grovelled and begged Sally immediately and then proceeded to hound her with texts and phone calls. He didn’t give her time to breath, he didn't give her space and at that point in time she needed some space to take in what had happened and decide whether she wanted to salvage the relationship or not. James, the dumped boyfriend, didn't give her the space she needed – that was mistake number two!
James asked Sally's friend out on a date to make her jealous. Mistake number three! Sally isn't stupid and she knew what he was playing at and this just made her angry.
If James had really wanted to salvage this relationship he should have apologized to Sally for what he did and let her know that he still loves her and it was just one big mistake. Then he should have given her some space to think about what had happened and his apology so she could then decide whether she would accept his apology or not.
James should never have asked Sally's friend out on a date. Once he had given her some space, if he didn't hear back from her after a week or so he could have called her and asked her out to dinner so they could talk. If Sally had decided that she didn’t want him back then he would have to accept that, but if James had been more sincere and caring of her needs, then she may have considered reconciling with him.
Sally decided not to take James back after his mistake and the way he acted afterward. If James hadn't acted like such an oaf afterwards, Sally might have forgiven him for his mistake. James made the big dumped boyfriend mistake by not acting in the correct manner to fix his mistake. If you make a mistake, don't make things worse; think about what you are going to do before you start harassing you're ex girlfriend and driving her even further away.
When Sally found out that James had been unfaithful, she called him up and among the crying, yelling and name calling, she told him she never wanted to see him again.
James felt terrible and knew that what he did was wrong and wished he could go back in time and not let it happen. On the other hand, he didn’t think that his one mistake was enough to end the relationship over.
James decided the relationship was worth saving and started taking steps to win Sally back. But silly James really didn’t know the best way to win back a broken heart and did it all wrong!
The first thing James did wrong was when Sally called him, instead of apologizing for his mistake he just grovelled and begged Sally to take him back. This is the wrong time for begging as Sally is very angry and in no mood for grovelling and begging.
Then James proceeded to aggressively pursue her and not give her time to deal with what happened. James sent Sally over 100 texts during the next week and called her three or four times a day and often during the night.
After a week of relentlessly bugging Sally, James got really desperate and went to her house and sang love songs outside her bedroom window. It wasn't long before the neighbours called the police.
James realized that none of his tactics were working so decided to try something different. He decided to try the jealousy tactic and proceeded to ask out one of Sally's friends.
Sally's friend agreed to go out on a date with James and the news soon got back to Sally, just as James hoped it would. James thought that when Sally heard he was dating her friend, that she would be jealous and beg him to come back to her. But Sally wasn't jealous; it had the opposite effect and made Sally furious. Sally knew that James was dating her friend to get back at her and she was also angry at her friend for dating her ex boyfriend.
So let's take a look at where James went wrong and could have done things differently.
Well the first obvious mistake was when James drank too much and made out with another girl. Silly mistake that shouldn't have been made in the first place – mistake number one! However, even with such a mistake a relationship can be saved if the right steps are taken.
James grovelled and begged Sally immediately and then proceeded to hound her with texts and phone calls. He didn’t give her time to breath, he didn't give her space and at that point in time she needed some space to take in what had happened and decide whether she wanted to salvage the relationship or not. James, the dumped boyfriend, didn't give her the space she needed – that was mistake number two!
James asked Sally's friend out on a date to make her jealous. Mistake number three! Sally isn't stupid and she knew what he was playing at and this just made her angry.
If James had really wanted to salvage this relationship he should have apologized to Sally for what he did and let her know that he still loves her and it was just one big mistake. Then he should have given her some space to think about what had happened and his apology so she could then decide whether she would accept his apology or not.
James should never have asked Sally's friend out on a date. Once he had given her some space, if he didn't hear back from her after a week or so he could have called her and asked her out to dinner so they could talk. If Sally had decided that she didn’t want him back then he would have to accept that, but if James had been more sincere and caring of her needs, then she may have considered reconciling with him.
Sally decided not to take James back after his mistake and the way he acted afterward. If James hadn't acted like such an oaf afterwards, Sally might have forgiven him for his mistake. James made the big dumped boyfriend mistake by not acting in the correct manner to fix his mistake. If you make a mistake, don't make things worse; think about what you are going to do before you start harassing you're ex girlfriend and driving her even further away.
How To Cope With A Boyfriend Break Up
When you break up with a guy it can be a very difficult time and you will surely spend a lot of time wondering what went wrong and if there is anything you can do to get him back. Here is some advice on how to cope with a boyfriend break up.
The first thing you need to do is determine whether the relationship is well and truly over. You won't be able to move on with your life until you can honestly say to yourself that he is no longer a part of your life anymore, just an experience from the past. When you accept this then you can begin to move on.
If you think your relationship still has a chance, then you might want to start out as being 'friends' again and hopefully lead that friendship back into a relationship. But if your relationship is truly over then you need to work toward accepting your life as it now is and put your ex boyfriend in the past.
To move on with your life you need closure to recognize that the relationship is over and your new life is beginning. When you get closure then you can begin the healing process. Here are some steps that you can take to find closure on your relationship.
1. Don't keep your feelings bottled up inside. Find someone that you can talk to and share your feelings with so that you can get them out in the open. It is harder to move on if you keep your feelings bottled up.
If you have a close friend or family member that you can talk to who can help you through this difficult time, then call on them for help. A true friend will be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear.
If you don't feel that you can talk to friends or family you can see a therapist who can help you work through your feelings and at the same time it is with someone that isn’t close to you in your usual daily life.
If you don't want to visit a therapist or talk to family or friends, then why not write down your feelings in a journal. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you to understand them better and help to get them out so you aren't keeping your feelings bottled up.
2. The next step to moving on and finding closure is to get rid of any reminders of your ex boyfriend. I'm sure you will have many things that were given to you as a gift from him, or things that you bought together on a shopping trip, anything that has a significant memory of your relationship needs to go. There might be things that you don't want to throw away and you can perhaps give these back to him, or if they are gifts that you really want to keep then store them away for now where you can't see them. You don't want to be seeing things on a daily basis that will just remind you of your past relationship.
3. Begin your new life by finding something new to do with your life. If you sit around at home on your own you will just keep thinking about your ex boyfriend. It is best to keep busy and find something to do that will take your mind off the past.
If there are things that you wanted to do but your boyfriend was never keen on, then this is the time to make the most of your freedom and do whatever you want. Do things that will make you happy and that are fun. You can join a gym, start taking a class to further your education, or do some volunteer work. There are many things that you can do to get you out of the house and keep your mind off your past.
When you are keeping busy and doing things that you enjoy you will begin to think less and less about your ex boyfriend and start enjoying life for yourself.
When you can reach the stage that you find you are not thinking about your ex much anymore then you can move on and begin the next stage of your life. There is someone out there for you and now that you don't have your ex holding you back, you are free to move on and meet Mr. Right.
You might not find Mr. Right straight away, these things happen when they are meant to happen. Just enjoy your life and have as much fun as you can and when you do find someone special those old feelings for Mr. Wrong will be long gone.
The first thing you need to do is determine whether the relationship is well and truly over. You won't be able to move on with your life until you can honestly say to yourself that he is no longer a part of your life anymore, just an experience from the past. When you accept this then you can begin to move on.
If you think your relationship still has a chance, then you might want to start out as being 'friends' again and hopefully lead that friendship back into a relationship. But if your relationship is truly over then you need to work toward accepting your life as it now is and put your ex boyfriend in the past.
To move on with your life you need closure to recognize that the relationship is over and your new life is beginning. When you get closure then you can begin the healing process. Here are some steps that you can take to find closure on your relationship.
1. Don't keep your feelings bottled up inside. Find someone that you can talk to and share your feelings with so that you can get them out in the open. It is harder to move on if you keep your feelings bottled up.
If you have a close friend or family member that you can talk to who can help you through this difficult time, then call on them for help. A true friend will be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear.
If you don't feel that you can talk to friends or family you can see a therapist who can help you work through your feelings and at the same time it is with someone that isn’t close to you in your usual daily life.
If you don't want to visit a therapist or talk to family or friends, then why not write down your feelings in a journal. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you to understand them better and help to get them out so you aren't keeping your feelings bottled up.
2. The next step to moving on and finding closure is to get rid of any reminders of your ex boyfriend. I'm sure you will have many things that were given to you as a gift from him, or things that you bought together on a shopping trip, anything that has a significant memory of your relationship needs to go. There might be things that you don't want to throw away and you can perhaps give these back to him, or if they are gifts that you really want to keep then store them away for now where you can't see them. You don't want to be seeing things on a daily basis that will just remind you of your past relationship.
3. Begin your new life by finding something new to do with your life. If you sit around at home on your own you will just keep thinking about your ex boyfriend. It is best to keep busy and find something to do that will take your mind off the past.
If there are things that you wanted to do but your boyfriend was never keen on, then this is the time to make the most of your freedom and do whatever you want. Do things that will make you happy and that are fun. You can join a gym, start taking a class to further your education, or do some volunteer work. There are many things that you can do to get you out of the house and keep your mind off your past.
When you are keeping busy and doing things that you enjoy you will begin to think less and less about your ex boyfriend and start enjoying life for yourself.
When you can reach the stage that you find you are not thinking about your ex much anymore then you can move on and begin the next stage of your life. There is someone out there for you and now that you don't have your ex holding you back, you are free to move on and meet Mr. Right.
You might not find Mr. Right straight away, these things happen when they are meant to happen. Just enjoy your life and have as much fun as you can and when you do find someone special those old feelings for Mr. Wrong will be long gone.
Just Been Dumped - Tips To Help You Get Over That Girl
Has your relationship been on rocky ground for a while or did this breakup come as a surprise? Either way you may be left wondering what exactly you did wrong and why your girlfriend dumped you. Sometimes a girl may dump a guy and then realize she has made a mistake and want to get back together and other times she knows it was no mistake and moves on leaving you behind. Let's take a look at some tips that can help you to get over that girl.
The bond that a man forms with a woman is very important and although it is thought that relationships are more important to woman than men, often it can be the other way around. Many men fear long term relationships because they fear forming that relationship and then losing the woman they have come to love. The fear of being dumped by the woman they love is much greater than fear of being rejected in the early stages of a relationship.
When a relationship has ended and you need to get over your girlfriend, the first thing you should do is stop adoring her so much. Nobody is perfect so don’t think she is Miss Perfect.
If you have photos and momentos of your ex girlfriend around the house then you need to either get rid of them completely, give them back to her or store them away for a while. When you are trying to get over someone the last thing you need is constant reminders of her everywhere.
If you are your ex girlfriend have any financial accounts that are in joint names you will need to get them sorted out as soon as possible. As long as you have joint accounts you will always be connected, so settle any debts and close any accounts that are in joint names.
You need to put this girl in the past and accept that she is no longer part of your present or future life. Find something to do to occupy your mind, join a gym or go out and play football with your mates, find something to do so that you are not spending your entire time sitting around thinking about her.
You need to make a clean break so don't phone her for a chat or meet up for a coffee. If she asks you to meet her for a coffee, just remind her that it was her that ended the relationship and that you need to move on with your life without her.
If she gives you signs that she wants to get back together with you then you need to think long and hard about whether that is what you want to do. If so then you might agree to going out for a coffee and see where it leads. If you believe that getting back together it a big mistake then you need to make a clean break and not see her at all.
The most important tip is to get out and don't spend all day moping around the house feeling sorry for yourself. Everything happens for a reason and perhaps this relationship just wasn't meant to be. Get out with your friends or family and enjoy yourself and when you are ready you can get back out into the dating game again.
There is someone out there that is right for you and now you are free to go and find her. Being in a relationship with the wrong person is only stopping you from finding the right person, so look at this turn of events in a positive way and move on with your life with a positive attitude.
Hopefully these tips will be useful to help you get over that girl and move on with your life.
The bond that a man forms with a woman is very important and although it is thought that relationships are more important to woman than men, often it can be the other way around. Many men fear long term relationships because they fear forming that relationship and then losing the woman they have come to love. The fear of being dumped by the woman they love is much greater than fear of being rejected in the early stages of a relationship.
When a relationship has ended and you need to get over your girlfriend, the first thing you should do is stop adoring her so much. Nobody is perfect so don’t think she is Miss Perfect.
If you have photos and momentos of your ex girlfriend around the house then you need to either get rid of them completely, give them back to her or store them away for a while. When you are trying to get over someone the last thing you need is constant reminders of her everywhere.
If you are your ex girlfriend have any financial accounts that are in joint names you will need to get them sorted out as soon as possible. As long as you have joint accounts you will always be connected, so settle any debts and close any accounts that are in joint names.
You need to put this girl in the past and accept that she is no longer part of your present or future life. Find something to do to occupy your mind, join a gym or go out and play football with your mates, find something to do so that you are not spending your entire time sitting around thinking about her.
You need to make a clean break so don't phone her for a chat or meet up for a coffee. If she asks you to meet her for a coffee, just remind her that it was her that ended the relationship and that you need to move on with your life without her.
If she gives you signs that she wants to get back together with you then you need to think long and hard about whether that is what you want to do. If so then you might agree to going out for a coffee and see where it leads. If you believe that getting back together it a big mistake then you need to make a clean break and not see her at all.
The most important tip is to get out and don't spend all day moping around the house feeling sorry for yourself. Everything happens for a reason and perhaps this relationship just wasn't meant to be. Get out with your friends or family and enjoy yourself and when you are ready you can get back out into the dating game again.
There is someone out there that is right for you and now you are free to go and find her. Being in a relationship with the wrong person is only stopping you from finding the right person, so look at this turn of events in a positive way and move on with your life with a positive attitude.
Hopefully these tips will be useful to help you get over that girl and move on with your life.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Are Your Contemplating Divorce - A Marriage Counsellor Can Help Save Your Marriage
If you are thinking that your marriage is in trouble and it’s time for a divorce, perhaps a marriage counsellor can help. There are many marriage counsellors who specialize in just that – helping people like you to save their marriage. But how do you know if a marriage counsellor is a good one? Here are a few tips to keep in mind when looking for a family therapist or marriage counsellor.
1. The first thing you need to look at is the credentials of the counsellor. There are three different classes of counsellors:
* The first type is a Ph.D or Psy.D level counsellor. These counsellors have spent at least five years at graduate school and have performed a minimum of 3,000 hours of therapy while being supervised by an experienced psychologist. A person will need to have a doctoral level degree to be qualified legally as a ‘clinical psychologist’. A counsellor with a Ph.D is often more academic and will often do forensic and scholarly work as well as therapy.
* Next there is M.S.W which is a Master of Social Work. Social workers can work with individuals or in institutions and are trained to apply social theory to different situations.
* Lastly, there is the M.A. or M.S. in counselling. There are often known as Marriage and Family Therapists. This type of therapist can only work in small group counselling situations or with individuals. They will have undergone two years of study and earned a degree and will have worked a minimum of 1500 hours of therapy under supervision.
A Marriage and Family Therapist (M.A. or M.S.) and Social Workers (M.S.W.) are the least expensive options for therapy and if you are claiming your marriage counselling on insurance then you will probably be directed to one of these.
2. Once you know what type of therapist you will see, you then need to find out what prices they charge. Marriage and Family Therapists tend to be the least expensive, while Clinical Psychologists are the most expensive. If you really want to save your marriage the cheapest option might not always be the best. When looking at costs, don’t just look at the cost per session but also the expected length of treatment as this can make a big difference to the overall cost.
3. Next, you will want to look at each therapists policies. You need to consider the following:
* How much do you need to pay if you miss a session?
* If you take a vacation will you still be charged for the session for that week?
* Does your therapist accept calls at home or only at the office? Do they accept calls outside of your normal session times?
* Is there another person that you can talk to in an emergency?
A good family counsellor will have one goal in mind – to help you save your marriage. If you are seeing a counsellor and you don’t feel that they are dedicated to helping you save your marriage then you should move on and find someone else. There are many good counsellors or therapists out there that can help you save your marriage from divorce, so don’t settle for divorce before giving therapy a try.
1. The first thing you need to look at is the credentials of the counsellor. There are three different classes of counsellors:
* The first type is a Ph.D or Psy.D level counsellor. These counsellors have spent at least five years at graduate school and have performed a minimum of 3,000 hours of therapy while being supervised by an experienced psychologist. A person will need to have a doctoral level degree to be qualified legally as a ‘clinical psychologist’. A counsellor with a Ph.D is often more academic and will often do forensic and scholarly work as well as therapy.
* Next there is M.S.W which is a Master of Social Work. Social workers can work with individuals or in institutions and are trained to apply social theory to different situations.
* Lastly, there is the M.A. or M.S. in counselling. There are often known as Marriage and Family Therapists. This type of therapist can only work in small group counselling situations or with individuals. They will have undergone two years of study and earned a degree and will have worked a minimum of 1500 hours of therapy under supervision.
A Marriage and Family Therapist (M.A. or M.S.) and Social Workers (M.S.W.) are the least expensive options for therapy and if you are claiming your marriage counselling on insurance then you will probably be directed to one of these.
2. Once you know what type of therapist you will see, you then need to find out what prices they charge. Marriage and Family Therapists tend to be the least expensive, while Clinical Psychologists are the most expensive. If you really want to save your marriage the cheapest option might not always be the best. When looking at costs, don’t just look at the cost per session but also the expected length of treatment as this can make a big difference to the overall cost.
3. Next, you will want to look at each therapists policies. You need to consider the following:
* How much do you need to pay if you miss a session?
* If you take a vacation will you still be charged for the session for that week?
* Does your therapist accept calls at home or only at the office? Do they accept calls outside of your normal session times?
* Is there another person that you can talk to in an emergency?
A good family counsellor will have one goal in mind – to help you save your marriage. If you are seeing a counsellor and you don’t feel that they are dedicated to helping you save your marriage then you should move on and find someone else. There are many good counsellors or therapists out there that can help you save your marriage from divorce, so don’t settle for divorce before giving therapy a try.
Has Your Marriage Hit Rock Bottom - What Can You Do To Save It
Marriage doesn't seem to carry as much weight as it did many years ago but there are still many people and religions that view marriage as a sacred institution. Marriage is the foundation of a family and without a solid foundation a family can soon fall apart.
The world has changed over the years and as such there seems to be so much more pressure financially which can take its toll on a marriage. There also seems to be more difficulties with children behavior problems these days, whether this is due to the changing roles of men and women or due to the increasing number of additives and preservatives in the foods that they eat, regardless of the cause, the behavior problems can put an incredible strain on the relationship between the parents.
These are just a couple of reasons that a marriage can begin to fail, there are many more. If you feel that your marriage could be on the rocks what can you do to help get it back on track?
Church is one institution that values marriage very highly and as such can be a great place to get help if your marriage is in trouble. You can visit a psychologist or a family therapist for marriage counseling and these can help, but they tend to take a more individualistic approach to marriage counselling. A church pastor will take a holistic approach to making a marriage work and this approach can have a much better chance of saving a marriage.
Is a pastoral counsellor really any better than a secular therapist?
The problem with a secular therapist is that they have been taught to treat individual psychopathologies. Even counsellors that specialize in marriage and family counselling don't often have many classes that deal specifically with couple's therapy. The 'individual' approach is not the approach needed to save a marriage that is a union of two people.
On the other hand, a pastoral counselor is taught to counsel couples as couples to help bring them closer together and repair any problems that have arisen in their marriage. The church believes that marriage is forever and when a couple has taken those marriage vows, a pastoral counsellor will be dedicated to help save that marriage if the couple seeks their help.
There are some pastors that have formal education in counselling as many churches now offer pastoral counseling degrees. There are also many ministers who do not have a formal degree but still have taken seminars and classes on the subject.
If you are not currently a member of any church then it can be a little more difficult finding a pastoral counsellor to help save your marriage. If you're marriage is struggling then you won't want to wait six months to establish a membership in a church before you can approach a paster for counselling.
If you find yourself in this situation and do not have a membership at any church, you can perhaps call some of the churches in your area and enquire about couple retreats where they may hold weekend seminars targeted to saving marriages. If you attend a seminar like this you can then build up a relationship with the pastor and can then possibly follow up with that pastor for some marriage counselling.
Couple's retreats themselves can be very helpful for a troubled marriage. Couple's retreats often run group sessions as well as work with couples individually and can cover a big range of different issues that couple's might face.
Often the biggest problem with many relationships is a lack of communication and these couple's retreats can help you work on your communication skills within your marriage. If you can improve your communication then you might find that many areas of your relationship will also improve.
There are also other issues addresses during couple's retreats, such as finances, sexual relationships and child raising. By addressing all of these issues they can help you to get back on track with each area of your relationship. The hope is that when you leave a couple's retreat you will be much happier and have a better understanding of each other than when you first arrived.
Marriage isn't easy and is something that often needs to be worked at. If you're marriage is having difficulties and you feel like it is falling apart, then you need to take a long look at your relationship and find the good in it and find the reasons why it is worth saving. If you need some help then visit a pastoral counsellor who may be able to help you get your marriage back on track.
The world has changed over the years and as such there seems to be so much more pressure financially which can take its toll on a marriage. There also seems to be more difficulties with children behavior problems these days, whether this is due to the changing roles of men and women or due to the increasing number of additives and preservatives in the foods that they eat, regardless of the cause, the behavior problems can put an incredible strain on the relationship between the parents.
These are just a couple of reasons that a marriage can begin to fail, there are many more. If you feel that your marriage could be on the rocks what can you do to help get it back on track?
Church is one institution that values marriage very highly and as such can be a great place to get help if your marriage is in trouble. You can visit a psychologist or a family therapist for marriage counseling and these can help, but they tend to take a more individualistic approach to marriage counselling. A church pastor will take a holistic approach to making a marriage work and this approach can have a much better chance of saving a marriage.
Is a pastoral counsellor really any better than a secular therapist?
The problem with a secular therapist is that they have been taught to treat individual psychopathologies. Even counsellors that specialize in marriage and family counselling don't often have many classes that deal specifically with couple's therapy. The 'individual' approach is not the approach needed to save a marriage that is a union of two people.
On the other hand, a pastoral counselor is taught to counsel couples as couples to help bring them closer together and repair any problems that have arisen in their marriage. The church believes that marriage is forever and when a couple has taken those marriage vows, a pastoral counsellor will be dedicated to help save that marriage if the couple seeks their help.
There are some pastors that have formal education in counselling as many churches now offer pastoral counseling degrees. There are also many ministers who do not have a formal degree but still have taken seminars and classes on the subject.
If you are not currently a member of any church then it can be a little more difficult finding a pastoral counsellor to help save your marriage. If you're marriage is struggling then you won't want to wait six months to establish a membership in a church before you can approach a paster for counselling.
If you find yourself in this situation and do not have a membership at any church, you can perhaps call some of the churches in your area and enquire about couple retreats where they may hold weekend seminars targeted to saving marriages. If you attend a seminar like this you can then build up a relationship with the pastor and can then possibly follow up with that pastor for some marriage counselling.
Couple's retreats themselves can be very helpful for a troubled marriage. Couple's retreats often run group sessions as well as work with couples individually and can cover a big range of different issues that couple's might face.
Often the biggest problem with many relationships is a lack of communication and these couple's retreats can help you work on your communication skills within your marriage. If you can improve your communication then you might find that many areas of your relationship will also improve.
There are also other issues addresses during couple's retreats, such as finances, sexual relationships and child raising. By addressing all of these issues they can help you to get back on track with each area of your relationship. The hope is that when you leave a couple's retreat you will be much happier and have a better understanding of each other than when you first arrived.
Marriage isn't easy and is something that often needs to be worked at. If you're marriage is having difficulties and you feel like it is falling apart, then you need to take a long look at your relationship and find the good in it and find the reasons why it is worth saving. If you need some help then visit a pastoral counsellor who may be able to help you get your marriage back on track.
How To Fix Your Relationship
Being in a relationship isn't always easy. At the same time, some relationships are better than others. The good ones are great and have a way of making you feel wonderful. The bad ones, on the other hand, seem to suck the life right out of you. Then, there are the relationships that are on the verge of being over or have already fallen apart.
It is quite common for relationships to feel the strain when we are faced with an immediate crisis. What the crisis is doesn't matter all that much. If your relationship is already on shaky ground and an emergency comes up, then take care of the crisis as good as you can first, before you start to work on your relationship (but start working on it as soon as you can).
There are plenty of resources available to help you fix your relationship. In today's world, one of your first stops for such information is the internet. There are tons of websites, forums and guides all designed to help you and your partner get along better and deal with the problems that come up in just about every relationship.
While you may be able to find information easily, it doesn't mean much if you don't do anything with it. Take the time to learn what you need to know, but don't stop there. You also need to follow through on it and take action.
It takes work from both people, and you have to give at least as much effort as you are expecting from your partner. Of course, you may end up doing more work, but you can't expect your partner to fix the entire relationship. After all, there are two people in every couple, and that means you need to do your part to make things better.
One of the things that can get us into trouble is perceptions. We often see situations as being much worse than they are. Blowing things out of proportion only leads to more problems, obviously. So, if you are able to turn a negative into a positive, then you can do a lot to fix a relationship. That doesn't mean you should make everything the best thing ever, because that would only serve to cover up some problems. The key, then, is to see the good wherever you can, but also remain realistic about what's going on.
When it comes to relationships it's much easier to understand how to fix them than it is to do the actual fixing. The things that are worth fighting for are rarely easy. But don't lose hope because even though it may not be easy, it is possible if you are willing to do whatever it takes to make things better.
Now, the choice is yours. You have just read some great advice, and you know you can get more online, but if you don't do anything with it then you have just wasted your time. But if you just do it and start making the necessary changes, you will like the results you see.
It is quite common for relationships to feel the strain when we are faced with an immediate crisis. What the crisis is doesn't matter all that much. If your relationship is already on shaky ground and an emergency comes up, then take care of the crisis as good as you can first, before you start to work on your relationship (but start working on it as soon as you can).
There are plenty of resources available to help you fix your relationship. In today's world, one of your first stops for such information is the internet. There are tons of websites, forums and guides all designed to help you and your partner get along better and deal with the problems that come up in just about every relationship.
While you may be able to find information easily, it doesn't mean much if you don't do anything with it. Take the time to learn what you need to know, but don't stop there. You also need to follow through on it and take action.
It takes work from both people, and you have to give at least as much effort as you are expecting from your partner. Of course, you may end up doing more work, but you can't expect your partner to fix the entire relationship. After all, there are two people in every couple, and that means you need to do your part to make things better.
One of the things that can get us into trouble is perceptions. We often see situations as being much worse than they are. Blowing things out of proportion only leads to more problems, obviously. So, if you are able to turn a negative into a positive, then you can do a lot to fix a relationship. That doesn't mean you should make everything the best thing ever, because that would only serve to cover up some problems. The key, then, is to see the good wherever you can, but also remain realistic about what's going on.
When it comes to relationships it's much easier to understand how to fix them than it is to do the actual fixing. The things that are worth fighting for are rarely easy. But don't lose hope because even though it may not be easy, it is possible if you are willing to do whatever it takes to make things better.
Now, the choice is yours. You have just read some great advice, and you know you can get more online, but if you don't do anything with it then you have just wasted your time. But if you just do it and start making the necessary changes, you will like the results you see.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
How To Get Back With Your Ex
If you are reading this then it's a safe assumption that you have gone through a break up in the not too distant past. No matter how well the break up went, it is never an enjoyable experience. However, over time, you start to realize that you miss them more than you thought you would and now you are at a point where you want to know how to get back with your ex. To put it another way, you aren't ready to give up and would like to have a second chance.
The first thing you need to keep in mind is that if you two were ever in love with each other, then the chance to make things right is there. That doesn't mean you can hop into a time machine and start over from the beginning. However you can both decide to learn from the past and do your best to make it work again. Notice, though, that it won't work if you try to do it by yourself. After all, every relationship is made up of more than one person.
Now, there may have been a time when you were in love, but if you want to learn how to get back with your ex then you have to understand the things that caused that love to fade away. The key here is to be honest with your ex and with yourself. You must know exactly what the problems were before you can fix them. Fixing problems that didn't exist is a waste of time, and not fixing the real problems will only cause them to come up again.
Not all problems are created equally. There are always those little things that seem to drive us nuts. So, you need to be able to prevent them from happening again, or learn to live with them. While we think it's the little things that drive us crazy, that's not entirely true. In reality, our dislike for the little things is nothing more than a way to express how we feel about the bigger issues. Either way, this is a good illustration of why you must be honest about the things that really went wrong when you were together before.
How to get back with your ex also requires both of you to communicate better. It's amazing how many relationships come to an end simply because the couple couldn't talk to each other effectively. Take the time to listen, be honest, and treat each other with respect. Doing those three things will add up to a world of difference.
You really can get back with your ex. But only if you are willing to do the right things. Remember, it takes commitment and it won't always be easy. That being said, if you really want to get back together and rekindle the love that used to be there, then it can be done. It won't be easy, but it is possible, and it is well worth the effort if it means you will have a happy future together.
The first thing you need to keep in mind is that if you two were ever in love with each other, then the chance to make things right is there. That doesn't mean you can hop into a time machine and start over from the beginning. However you can both decide to learn from the past and do your best to make it work again. Notice, though, that it won't work if you try to do it by yourself. After all, every relationship is made up of more than one person.
Now, there may have been a time when you were in love, but if you want to learn how to get back with your ex then you have to understand the things that caused that love to fade away. The key here is to be honest with your ex and with yourself. You must know exactly what the problems were before you can fix them. Fixing problems that didn't exist is a waste of time, and not fixing the real problems will only cause them to come up again.
Not all problems are created equally. There are always those little things that seem to drive us nuts. So, you need to be able to prevent them from happening again, or learn to live with them. While we think it's the little things that drive us crazy, that's not entirely true. In reality, our dislike for the little things is nothing more than a way to express how we feel about the bigger issues. Either way, this is a good illustration of why you must be honest about the things that really went wrong when you were together before.
How to get back with your ex also requires both of you to communicate better. It's amazing how many relationships come to an end simply because the couple couldn't talk to each other effectively. Take the time to listen, be honest, and treat each other with respect. Doing those three things will add up to a world of difference.
You really can get back with your ex. But only if you are willing to do the right things. Remember, it takes commitment and it won't always be easy. That being said, if you really want to get back together and rekindle the love that used to be there, then it can be done. It won't be easy, but it is possible, and it is well worth the effort if it means you will have a happy future together.
Self Help For Relationships
Everything is perfect, you two never argue and it would be impossible to be happier than you are right now. In fact, if Hollywood were to make a movie about the perfect couple, they would simply write about your relationship, right? Okay, let's face it, nobody really has a relationship like that, and of they think they do then they need to get their head examined. It's time to look at the way things work in the real world.
The truth is that a lot of couples feel like they are on shaky ground and that things could come to an end with little warning. That being said, even good relationships can benefit from a bit of help from time to time. The good news is that there is a lot of relationship self help material available. But some of it is better than others.
Why does it matter how good the relationship self help stuff is? That's a fair question. It matters because you and your partner matter. It makes sense that you want something that will actually work. Some self help products are ineffective, which means you won't get better, but you won't get worse either. And making things worse is one of the risks you take when you follow bad relationship advice.
The internet is filled with tons of products that promise to improve relationships. It is easier than ever to access this information as well. That makes it easy and convenient to start healing your relationship right away. All it takes is to make a simple payment online and you can download the product to your computer for instant access.
One way to check to see if what you are buying is any good is to look for online reviews. People share their experiences with different things all the time, and products that claim to fix relationships are no exception. Simply type the title of whatever you want to get into your favorite search engine and see what people are saying about it.
All of this is well and good, but there is a catch. Relationship self help means you actually have to do the work yourself. Just reading about it or getting advice will do nothing to make things better. The only way to make improvements is to take action. It's not always easy, but if you care for each other then it's a small investment of time in the bigger scope of things.
Finally, don't worry too much about your relationship not being perfect; nobody's is perfect. However, you should also be aware how things are going, and be ready to take action when needed. There will be times when you need some relationship self help, and that's okay. After all, if you have a choice between being in a bad relationship or a good one, it stands to reason that you would want things to be better. But it's up to you to take the first step and follow through. When things start going better, you'll be glad you did.
The truth is that a lot of couples feel like they are on shaky ground and that things could come to an end with little warning. That being said, even good relationships can benefit from a bit of help from time to time. The good news is that there is a lot of relationship self help material available. But some of it is better than others.
Why does it matter how good the relationship self help stuff is? That's a fair question. It matters because you and your partner matter. It makes sense that you want something that will actually work. Some self help products are ineffective, which means you won't get better, but you won't get worse either. And making things worse is one of the risks you take when you follow bad relationship advice.
The internet is filled with tons of products that promise to improve relationships. It is easier than ever to access this information as well. That makes it easy and convenient to start healing your relationship right away. All it takes is to make a simple payment online and you can download the product to your computer for instant access.
One way to check to see if what you are buying is any good is to look for online reviews. People share their experiences with different things all the time, and products that claim to fix relationships are no exception. Simply type the title of whatever you want to get into your favorite search engine and see what people are saying about it.
All of this is well and good, but there is a catch. Relationship self help means you actually have to do the work yourself. Just reading about it or getting advice will do nothing to make things better. The only way to make improvements is to take action. It's not always easy, but if you care for each other then it's a small investment of time in the bigger scope of things.
Finally, don't worry too much about your relationship not being perfect; nobody's is perfect. However, you should also be aware how things are going, and be ready to take action when needed. There will be times when you need some relationship self help, and that's okay. After all, if you have a choice between being in a bad relationship or a good one, it stands to reason that you would want things to be better. But it's up to you to take the first step and follow through. When things start going better, you'll be glad you did.
Relationship Psychology Basics
Relationships are funny things. Sometimes they go great, other times they are maddeningly difficult. Even worse, the causes for the good times and the bad times can be hard to spot, and it is nearly impossible to predict what will happen in a relationship. How else can you explain those couples who seem to be deeply in love one day, then file for a divorce the next?
What it all comes down to is psychology. Does that mean a psychologist can save any relationship? Not necessarily, but there are some interesting things to consider. Perhaps having some simple insights into what people are thinking will help keep your current relationship that much stronger.
The National Institute of Mental Health paid for a study that the majority of young couples (18 to 21 years of age) avoided being overly intimate--in the deepest sense of the word--with one another and tried to remain as independent as possible. At the same time, there was strong evidence that they were worried about abandonment and rejection. However, those with higher self-esteem didn't worry as much.
Generally speaking, older couples do not show as strong of a tendency for this type of behavior. This is most likely because they have more life experience and that they do not tie their sense of worth to what somebody else thinks of them. To put it another way, they don't worry as much about breaking up. The interesting thing is that this attitude actually makes it less likely that they will break up. That's not to say that break ups only happen to young couples. They can happen at any age.
There have also been differences recorded between men and women. For example, women tend to try to steer a conversation, while men tend to react to conversations as they happen. It's easy to see how this can lead to a source of conflict. Different styles of communication means that what you mean to say often isn't the way it is heard. However, once you understand these differences are there, you can take that into account whenever you are talking to each other.
These are only a few basic observations on the psychology of relationships, but there are many more. While it can be fascinating to explore the differences between how men and women think, this alone isn't always enough to keep a relationship humming along nicely. What it really takes is work and commitment.
If you find things could be going better, keep the above information in mind. It's a good start. However, you should also consider seeing a marriage counselor. They have a firm grasp of the psychology of relationships. Even better, they will take the time to get to know and be able to show you how to apply that psychology and be a happier couple.
What it all comes down to is psychology. Does that mean a psychologist can save any relationship? Not necessarily, but there are some interesting things to consider. Perhaps having some simple insights into what people are thinking will help keep your current relationship that much stronger.
The National Institute of Mental Health paid for a study that the majority of young couples (18 to 21 years of age) avoided being overly intimate--in the deepest sense of the word--with one another and tried to remain as independent as possible. At the same time, there was strong evidence that they were worried about abandonment and rejection. However, those with higher self-esteem didn't worry as much.
Generally speaking, older couples do not show as strong of a tendency for this type of behavior. This is most likely because they have more life experience and that they do not tie their sense of worth to what somebody else thinks of them. To put it another way, they don't worry as much about breaking up. The interesting thing is that this attitude actually makes it less likely that they will break up. That's not to say that break ups only happen to young couples. They can happen at any age.
There have also been differences recorded between men and women. For example, women tend to try to steer a conversation, while men tend to react to conversations as they happen. It's easy to see how this can lead to a source of conflict. Different styles of communication means that what you mean to say often isn't the way it is heard. However, once you understand these differences are there, you can take that into account whenever you are talking to each other.
These are only a few basic observations on the psychology of relationships, but there are many more. While it can be fascinating to explore the differences between how men and women think, this alone isn't always enough to keep a relationship humming along nicely. What it really takes is work and commitment.
If you find things could be going better, keep the above information in mind. It's a good start. However, you should also consider seeing a marriage counselor. They have a firm grasp of the psychology of relationships. Even better, they will take the time to get to know and be able to show you how to apply that psychology and be a happier couple.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Your Relationship Rescue Plan
It's safe to assume that everybody would agree that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. To be fair, there are plenty of couples that get along really, really well, but perfection simply isn't attainable. On the other hand, there are relationships that are so far from perfect that they are on the verge of collapse. If that hits a bit too close to home, then you may be in need of some relationship rescue.
While there are no perfect relationships, it's a good idea to keep striving for perfection; to keep trying to improve your relationship. This is important because it puts the focus on the relationship. Couples need to understand that being happy together doesn't just happen automatically. Good relationships take work. So, if you want to rescue a relationship that's not doing well, then you need to be willing to do whatever it takes to make it succeed.
Let's be blunt. It won't be easy. It's hard enough keeping a good relationship running smoothly, and if yours is in trouble, it's going to be that much harder. But, as they say, all good things are worth fighting for. Get ready. Roll up your sleeves. Let's get started!
The first thing you need to do is take a step back and try to look at things as though you were an outside observer. How would you describe what's going on? How are you at fault? What could you do better? What things are going well enough to keep you together for now? The goal of questions like these is to help you see things as they really are.
Once you have an idea of what's really going on, you need to talk to your partner. This can be very difficult. The key here is to remain calm, honest, rational and respectful. Do not let things get out of hand. You want to avoid arguing at all costs. All you are really doing is presenting the facts as you understand them. You may be surprised to find out that your partner has been feeling the same way.
Now that you have talked to each other, it's time to start making a plan for relationship rescue. The plan you make will depend on your specific situation. Every person is different and every couple is different. While there isn't one plan that will work for everybody, there are some good resources available that will be able to help you. There are websites, books, guides, counseling and other things out there. However, none of them will do a thing unless you actually take action on what you learn.
You need to commit to whatever plan you agree to. It takes time and it takes work, but as your relationship starts improving, it will seem easier. It's so much nicer once you start seeing results. Results are a great motivator. Once you get a taste of how well your relationship rescue plan is working, you will want to improve even more.
While there are no perfect relationships, it's a good idea to keep striving for perfection; to keep trying to improve your relationship. This is important because it puts the focus on the relationship. Couples need to understand that being happy together doesn't just happen automatically. Good relationships take work. So, if you want to rescue a relationship that's not doing well, then you need to be willing to do whatever it takes to make it succeed.
Let's be blunt. It won't be easy. It's hard enough keeping a good relationship running smoothly, and if yours is in trouble, it's going to be that much harder. But, as they say, all good things are worth fighting for. Get ready. Roll up your sleeves. Let's get started!
The first thing you need to do is take a step back and try to look at things as though you were an outside observer. How would you describe what's going on? How are you at fault? What could you do better? What things are going well enough to keep you together for now? The goal of questions like these is to help you see things as they really are.
Once you have an idea of what's really going on, you need to talk to your partner. This can be very difficult. The key here is to remain calm, honest, rational and respectful. Do not let things get out of hand. You want to avoid arguing at all costs. All you are really doing is presenting the facts as you understand them. You may be surprised to find out that your partner has been feeling the same way.
Now that you have talked to each other, it's time to start making a plan for relationship rescue. The plan you make will depend on your specific situation. Every person is different and every couple is different. While there isn't one plan that will work for everybody, there are some good resources available that will be able to help you. There are websites, books, guides, counseling and other things out there. However, none of them will do a thing unless you actually take action on what you learn.
You need to commit to whatever plan you agree to. It takes time and it takes work, but as your relationship starts improving, it will seem easier. It's so much nicer once you start seeing results. Results are a great motivator. Once you get a taste of how well your relationship rescue plan is working, you will want to improve even more.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Easy Breaking Up Advice
Breaking up is never a fun thing to do, yet there are times when it just has to be done. However, that doesn't mean you have to be a jerk about it. Accept the fact that things are coming to an end, and do your best to handle the break up with some class. With that in mind, here is some breaking up advice to help things go more smoothly.
1. Make sure that you're sure. We're all human and that means we make mistakes. Perhaps you think you want to break up, but do you really? Maybe you're just frustrated and don't know how to handle it, or maybe there is something else going on that is making you think you want to break up. Whatever the case may be, be sure you want to break up before you start following through. After all, it's much easier to never start the process of breaking up than it is to try to undo it once the idea has been expressed.
2. Don't be slow. This one can be tricky. Telling somebody that you want to break up with them is a hard thing to do. You don't want to be with them any more, but you don't want to hurt their feelings either. But it's best to break up as quickly as you can, otherwise you will feel trapped in a relationship you can't wait to get out of.
3. Be ready. Before you tell the other person that you want to break up, you need to make sure that you have thought things through. Be prepared to give your real reasons, then stick to them. You need to be prepared for them to beg you to stay, and you also need to be prepared for them to get angry. You should also give consideration to how and where you will tell them.
4. Do it in person. If you want to break up, then you need to do it in person. This is not the kind of thing you should handle over the phone or via e-mail. The only exception is if you are trying to get out of an abusive relationship. If that's the case, then the less time you are around them, the better.
5. Wrap up the loose ends. Breaking up often entails more than just going your separate ways. If you have been together for a while then there may be bills, debts and property to take care of. Do your best to be fair, but don't be a pushover just because you want it to be over. It's a good idea to get any agreements in writing, just to be on the safe side.
6. Be nice. You want to break up, but there is no reason to be mean about it. You are simply moving on to a new chapter in your life. Do not try to hurt the other person. Treat them with dignity and respect, not matter how undeserving you think they are.
1. Make sure that you're sure. We're all human and that means we make mistakes. Perhaps you think you want to break up, but do you really? Maybe you're just frustrated and don't know how to handle it, or maybe there is something else going on that is making you think you want to break up. Whatever the case may be, be sure you want to break up before you start following through. After all, it's much easier to never start the process of breaking up than it is to try to undo it once the idea has been expressed.
2. Don't be slow. This one can be tricky. Telling somebody that you want to break up with them is a hard thing to do. You don't want to be with them any more, but you don't want to hurt their feelings either. But it's best to break up as quickly as you can, otherwise you will feel trapped in a relationship you can't wait to get out of.
3. Be ready. Before you tell the other person that you want to break up, you need to make sure that you have thought things through. Be prepared to give your real reasons, then stick to them. You need to be prepared for them to beg you to stay, and you also need to be prepared for them to get angry. You should also give consideration to how and where you will tell them.
4. Do it in person. If you want to break up, then you need to do it in person. This is not the kind of thing you should handle over the phone or via e-mail. The only exception is if you are trying to get out of an abusive relationship. If that's the case, then the less time you are around them, the better.
5. Wrap up the loose ends. Breaking up often entails more than just going your separate ways. If you have been together for a while then there may be bills, debts and property to take care of. Do your best to be fair, but don't be a pushover just because you want it to be over. It's a good idea to get any agreements in writing, just to be on the safe side.
6. Be nice. You want to break up, but there is no reason to be mean about it. You are simply moving on to a new chapter in your life. Do not try to hurt the other person. Treat them with dignity and respect, not matter how undeserving you think they are.
Relationship Advice Online - What You Need To Know
Whether you are dating or married, there's a good chance that you would like to be getting along better with your partner. That's a perfectly normal thing to think. Most people, even in very good relationships, wish that their lives together could be better than they are right now. Not all that long ago, the only choice they had was to ask people they know, read a book, or go to a counselor. To be fair, all of those are still reasonable options. However, more and more people are looking for relationship advice online. If this sounds like you, then there are a few things you need to consider first.
More than anything else, you need to know that there is some excellent relationship advice online, but there is also really bad advice as well. Why does this matter? If you follow bad advice, your relationship will end up being even worse. Don't just assume that the advice is good just because it's online. There is no authority that oversees how effective online advice is. This applies to any advice, including that which pertains to relationships.
To further complicate things, you can't judge how good the advice is by how much you have to pay for it. some of the absolute best relationship advice online is quite affordable (especially when you consider that it can make you happier). So, that leads to the next question...
How can you tell whether or not the advice you are about to get is any good or not? One of the good things about the internet is that it's fairly easy to find reviews of just about anything. Therefore, be sure to check your favorite search engine to see if anybody has written a review of whatever relationship advice site or product you are considering. However, be warned that you need to read as many reviews as you can to get a good idea of how good (or bad) it really is.
Another you should do is check into the credentials of anybody you are seeking advice from. Ask yourself what makes them qualified to give you advice about your relationship. That doesn't mean they have to be a professional, but they should be able to demonstrate that they can produce results.
Some good things about relationship advice online is that the internet never closes. If you are going to download a guide, you can do it any time of the day. Another plus is that the internet is anonymous, so you may feel more comfortable discussing your problems than if you were talking to a counselor face-to-face.
Whatever advice you decide to go with, what really matters is that you want to be happier together and that you are willing to do something about it. The internet gives you tons of resources and there is sure to be relationship advice online that will be able to help you.
More than anything else, you need to know that there is some excellent relationship advice online, but there is also really bad advice as well. Why does this matter? If you follow bad advice, your relationship will end up being even worse. Don't just assume that the advice is good just because it's online. There is no authority that oversees how effective online advice is. This applies to any advice, including that which pertains to relationships.
To further complicate things, you can't judge how good the advice is by how much you have to pay for it. some of the absolute best relationship advice online is quite affordable (especially when you consider that it can make you happier). So, that leads to the next question...
How can you tell whether or not the advice you are about to get is any good or not? One of the good things about the internet is that it's fairly easy to find reviews of just about anything. Therefore, be sure to check your favorite search engine to see if anybody has written a review of whatever relationship advice site or product you are considering. However, be warned that you need to read as many reviews as you can to get a good idea of how good (or bad) it really is.
Another you should do is check into the credentials of anybody you are seeking advice from. Ask yourself what makes them qualified to give you advice about your relationship. That doesn't mean they have to be a professional, but they should be able to demonstrate that they can produce results.
Some good things about relationship advice online is that the internet never closes. If you are going to download a guide, you can do it any time of the day. Another plus is that the internet is anonymous, so you may feel more comfortable discussing your problems than if you were talking to a counselor face-to-face.
Whatever advice you decide to go with, what really matters is that you want to be happier together and that you are willing to do something about it. The internet gives you tons of resources and there is sure to be relationship advice online that will be able to help you.
Is Saving Your Relationship Worth It
It's a fact of life, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Sure, some of them may be wonderful, but perfection is a myth. Now that doesn't mean you shouldn't strive for perfection; for constant improvement, because you should. However, there are also those relationships that are in so much trouble that you have to wonder is saving a relationship worth it.
Maybe you are in such a situation yourself. You have tried reading books about making your relationship better. You have been to a counselor. You have been to a retreat that promised results. You have done all of those things but yet you're wondering if saving the relationship is worth it, or if it's even possible at all.
Don't worry if you are thinking that way, it happens a lot more often than you think. It doesn't make you a bad person. Some people may question whether or not the even care, but here's the thing: the very fact that you are asking such questions is proof that your relationship can be saved, and that it may be worth it.
Before you get too excited, however, you need to talk to your partner. This will take some preparation. You need to know why you want to turn things around for the better, and be able to explain your feelings in a calm and rational way. It won't be easy, but it will give you the best chance of success.
If things are really bad, your partner may not be interested in saving the relationship. Can you blame them? After all, what they don't want to save is a bad relationship. In other words, they don't want to save the relationship in the state it's currently in. That makes sense, doesn't it?
So, it stands to reason that the relationship needs to change into one that is worth saving. You already know that it is, but you need to show your partner that that's the case, too. You can't do this through promises, you can't do it through force; you can only do it by making real changes. Remember, the only person you can change is yourself, so that's where you will have to start.
Once you have started changing yourself, it's time to work on the relationship. This will also take work. You need to treat the relationship with the care and respect it's worthy of. Look for the problem areas and work to get rid of them. Ignoring the problems won't work, so be willing to face them head on.
Make changes for the positive, and over time your partner will notice. They won't change right away. They may also want to see if the changes you are making are for real, so do your best to stick to them. Do all of these things and the next time you ask if saving your relationship is worth it, you can answer with a great big "Yes!"
Maybe you are in such a situation yourself. You have tried reading books about making your relationship better. You have been to a counselor. You have been to a retreat that promised results. You have done all of those things but yet you're wondering if saving the relationship is worth it, or if it's even possible at all.
Don't worry if you are thinking that way, it happens a lot more often than you think. It doesn't make you a bad person. Some people may question whether or not the even care, but here's the thing: the very fact that you are asking such questions is proof that your relationship can be saved, and that it may be worth it.
Before you get too excited, however, you need to talk to your partner. This will take some preparation. You need to know why you want to turn things around for the better, and be able to explain your feelings in a calm and rational way. It won't be easy, but it will give you the best chance of success.
If things are really bad, your partner may not be interested in saving the relationship. Can you blame them? After all, what they don't want to save is a bad relationship. In other words, they don't want to save the relationship in the state it's currently in. That makes sense, doesn't it?
So, it stands to reason that the relationship needs to change into one that is worth saving. You already know that it is, but you need to show your partner that that's the case, too. You can't do this through promises, you can't do it through force; you can only do it by making real changes. Remember, the only person you can change is yourself, so that's where you will have to start.
Once you have started changing yourself, it's time to work on the relationship. This will also take work. You need to treat the relationship with the care and respect it's worthy of. Look for the problem areas and work to get rid of them. Ignoring the problems won't work, so be willing to face them head on.
Make changes for the positive, and over time your partner will notice. They won't change right away. They may also want to see if the changes you are making are for real, so do your best to stick to them. Do all of these things and the next time you ask if saving your relationship is worth it, you can answer with a great big "Yes!"
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
How To Stop A Divorce
A break up is a tough thing to go through when you are dating. But when you are married, a break up is much more than just a break up...it's a divorce. When this happens it's quite common for one of the spouses to want to know how to stop a divorce. With that in mind, here some things to help you do that.
Before you actually try to stop your divorce, you need to ask yourself if it's really the right thing to do. Perhaps you still love your spouse and you would like to make things work. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. However, it's in your best interest to take plenty of time to think things through. Why do you really want to stop the divorce? Is it because you are in love, or is it because you feel more secure being married? The main thing is to be honest with yourself, regardless of where that honesty leads.
From here on we will assume that you have the right motivations for wanting to stop your divorce. If you have only been threatened with divorce, try to find out how serious the threat is. That's not to downplay it as an idle threat. Any time the D-word is brought up, it should be taken seriously. At the same time, sometimes people get frustrated in the heat of an argument and say they want a divorce. But deep down, what they really men is that they don't know what else to say and they just want to be away from you until you both calm down.
So, take some time to find out what's really going on. If your spouse still says they want a divorce even when you are not mad at each other, then you need to start taking action right away. Whatever you do, don't get mad. Treat it in as calm of a manner as possible and find out what is at the root of them wanting to be separated.
Once you know why they want a divorce, you will be in a better position to stop a divorce from happening. However, you also need to ask yourself what changes will have to be made to make things work, and if you will be willing and able to make those changes.
Now, what if your spouse has already seen a lawyer to start divorce proceedings against you? This will make things that much harder, but it's still possible to stop a divorce even after the papers have been filed. You will need to be at the top of your game and ready to do some serious work. However, if you really want to be with your spouse and restore your marriage, then doing whatever it takes is what you'll have to do.
These things are never easy, but don't lose hope. Total honesty, being open and making the needed changes will give you the best chance to stop a divorce.
Before you actually try to stop your divorce, you need to ask yourself if it's really the right thing to do. Perhaps you still love your spouse and you would like to make things work. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. However, it's in your best interest to take plenty of time to think things through. Why do you really want to stop the divorce? Is it because you are in love, or is it because you feel more secure being married? The main thing is to be honest with yourself, regardless of where that honesty leads.
From here on we will assume that you have the right motivations for wanting to stop your divorce. If you have only been threatened with divorce, try to find out how serious the threat is. That's not to downplay it as an idle threat. Any time the D-word is brought up, it should be taken seriously. At the same time, sometimes people get frustrated in the heat of an argument and say they want a divorce. But deep down, what they really men is that they don't know what else to say and they just want to be away from you until you both calm down.
So, take some time to find out what's really going on. If your spouse still says they want a divorce even when you are not mad at each other, then you need to start taking action right away. Whatever you do, don't get mad. Treat it in as calm of a manner as possible and find out what is at the root of them wanting to be separated.
Once you know why they want a divorce, you will be in a better position to stop a divorce from happening. However, you also need to ask yourself what changes will have to be made to make things work, and if you will be willing and able to make those changes.
Now, what if your spouse has already seen a lawyer to start divorce proceedings against you? This will make things that much harder, but it's still possible to stop a divorce even after the papers have been filed. You will need to be at the top of your game and ready to do some serious work. However, if you really want to be with your spouse and restore your marriage, then doing whatever it takes is what you'll have to do.
These things are never easy, but don't lose hope. Total honesty, being open and making the needed changes will give you the best chance to stop a divorce.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Dealing With Relationship Break Up - Regroup And Sort It Out
Yuck, one of the worst things to have to go through is the loss of a relationship. It may not seem like you'll ever feel like you again. In most cases it will take time to get back to the 'normal' life you had before. The longer and more intense the relationship the longer it usually takes dealing with relationship break up.
There are no hard and fast rules about how long it should take to move on after a breakup. Everyone is different. Sometimes friends and family may mean well when they tell you to 'get back out there' but in reality, they may be depriving you of the opportunity to get your head around everything that has happened.
This time to regroup and sort everything out is very important, if it's done right. It's not about wallowing in 'what if's' or stalking your ex, or spending weeks on the couch convinced that your life is over. If you spend this time analyzing the relationship, good and bad, try to figure out honestly where you went wrong, you'll stand a much better chance of being able to move on with minimal baggage.
Now, no one is saying that you'll be able to look at things logically and clearly in a few weeks. In most cases it will take a month, or months, to get enough distance to be able to start deconstructing where the relationship went wrong, and that is one of the reasons you don't need to rush the 'moving on' stage.
On the other hand, you should be making at least small, consistent strides forward after a month or so. If not, you may need some extra help. If you're just not moving on, even in baby steps, you should seek help. The same thing holds true if you find yourself engaging in self destructive behavior such as having sex with anyone you can find or drinking too much.
Don't think of this as being a sign of weakness, as a matter of fact, nothing could be further from the truth. It takes enormous amounts of strength and courage to admit you have a problem and ask for help.
If you are doing o.k. on your own than one of the things you should be doing is spending time doing positive things with positive people. Most of us have that one friend who seems to be able to make us laugh no matter what is going on in our world. Spend time with that person.
It's also a good idea to rediscover yourself, those parts you put on hold when you were with your partner. Those things you like to do but didn't do because your partner didn't want to do them. Now is the time to re acquaint yourself with those activities.
Breakups suck, I'm sorry but there's just no polite way to say it. The nice thing is that if you approach it the right way, you can find constructive ways of dealing with relationship break up that might not only help you move on a little more quickly, but that also might help you out in your next relationship.
There are no hard and fast rules about how long it should take to move on after a breakup. Everyone is different. Sometimes friends and family may mean well when they tell you to 'get back out there' but in reality, they may be depriving you of the opportunity to get your head around everything that has happened.
This time to regroup and sort everything out is very important, if it's done right. It's not about wallowing in 'what if's' or stalking your ex, or spending weeks on the couch convinced that your life is over. If you spend this time analyzing the relationship, good and bad, try to figure out honestly where you went wrong, you'll stand a much better chance of being able to move on with minimal baggage.
Now, no one is saying that you'll be able to look at things logically and clearly in a few weeks. In most cases it will take a month, or months, to get enough distance to be able to start deconstructing where the relationship went wrong, and that is one of the reasons you don't need to rush the 'moving on' stage.
On the other hand, you should be making at least small, consistent strides forward after a month or so. If not, you may need some extra help. If you're just not moving on, even in baby steps, you should seek help. The same thing holds true if you find yourself engaging in self destructive behavior such as having sex with anyone you can find or drinking too much.
Don't think of this as being a sign of weakness, as a matter of fact, nothing could be further from the truth. It takes enormous amounts of strength and courage to admit you have a problem and ask for help.
If you are doing o.k. on your own than one of the things you should be doing is spending time doing positive things with positive people. Most of us have that one friend who seems to be able to make us laugh no matter what is going on in our world. Spend time with that person.
It's also a good idea to rediscover yourself, those parts you put on hold when you were with your partner. Those things you like to do but didn't do because your partner didn't want to do them. Now is the time to re acquaint yourself with those activities.
Breakups suck, I'm sorry but there's just no polite way to say it. The nice thing is that if you approach it the right way, you can find constructive ways of dealing with relationship break up that might not only help you move on a little more quickly, but that also might help you out in your next relationship.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
How Do I Save My Relationship - Very Carefully
How do I save my relationship? That is probably one of the most common questions you can find if you do a search for relationship advice online. It's a sad situation to be in. No one wants to stand idly by and watch their relationship crash and burn. You don't have to. There are many things you can do to not only save your relationship but to even improve it and maybe make it better than it ever was before.
One thing I always tell people is a good relationship starts with you. It may seem odd but most people look to their partner when they are trying to find or fix a relationship. If you start with you, you'll have a much better chance of having the kind of relationship we all dream of.
You see that nothing dooms a relationship, or dooms you to choosing the wrong person, more than being insecure. True, we all have insecurities but some of us have more, or deeper ones, than others.
If you want to find someone who is confidant and willing and able to treat their partner with love, respect and friendship than you have to be someone who is confidant and can treat your partner with love respect and friendship.
If you are insecure you will only attract insecure people to you. In this scenario it usually goes a little like this: you have a woman who doesn't feel really good about herself. Maybe she's a little overweight or maybe she's beautiful but has just had too many people undermine her sense of self so she doesn't believe it.
What kind of man do you think she will attract? A confidant successful man or an insecure buffoon who always acts like he has something to prove? You guessed it, the buffoon.
That's because a confidant man would get bored with her neediness and insecurities. Those aren't attractive traits. An insecure man, on the other hand, would love to have a beautiful woman on his arm that he can boss around. It makes him feel like a big man, he can brag to his friends, etc.
So if you want to have someone worthwhile in your life, you have to become someone confidant enough to 'demand' that. It might even take some counseling but it's worth investing the time in yourself.
Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. My first marriage was to an insecure man like I described above. I was unsure of myself and he took every opportunity he could find to reinforce my insecurities.
After that disaster ended I took some time for me. I became the woman I always wanted to be. And of course, I still have some insecurities, but they're minor and they don't rule who I am. Now I'm in a fantastic relationship and I can honestly say that my spouse truly is my best friend and always has my back.
So if you're asking: "how do I save my relationship?" you may just find that you have to save yourself first.
One thing I always tell people is a good relationship starts with you. It may seem odd but most people look to their partner when they are trying to find or fix a relationship. If you start with you, you'll have a much better chance of having the kind of relationship we all dream of.
You see that nothing dooms a relationship, or dooms you to choosing the wrong person, more than being insecure. True, we all have insecurities but some of us have more, or deeper ones, than others.
If you want to find someone who is confidant and willing and able to treat their partner with love, respect and friendship than you have to be someone who is confidant and can treat your partner with love respect and friendship.
If you are insecure you will only attract insecure people to you. In this scenario it usually goes a little like this: you have a woman who doesn't feel really good about herself. Maybe she's a little overweight or maybe she's beautiful but has just had too many people undermine her sense of self so she doesn't believe it.
What kind of man do you think she will attract? A confidant successful man or an insecure buffoon who always acts like he has something to prove? You guessed it, the buffoon.
That's because a confidant man would get bored with her neediness and insecurities. Those aren't attractive traits. An insecure man, on the other hand, would love to have a beautiful woman on his arm that he can boss around. It makes him feel like a big man, he can brag to his friends, etc.
So if you want to have someone worthwhile in your life, you have to become someone confidant enough to 'demand' that. It might even take some counseling but it's worth investing the time in yourself.
Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. My first marriage was to an insecure man like I described above. I was unsure of myself and he took every opportunity he could find to reinforce my insecurities.
After that disaster ended I took some time for me. I became the woman I always wanted to be. And of course, I still have some insecurities, but they're minor and they don't rule who I am. Now I'm in a fantastic relationship and I can honestly say that my spouse truly is my best friend and always has my back.
So if you're asking: "how do I save my relationship?" you may just find that you have to save yourself first.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Healthy Relationships - Remove Your Blinders
We all want healthy relationships, but how do we go about finding the right person so that we can have a great relationship? Well, to tell you the truth, it might be easier to tell you what not to do, than what to do if you want a great loving relationship.
Of course, we want all the relationships we enter into to be healthy, not just the romantic ones. We want good relationships with friends, families, children, siblings, etc, but for the purpose of this article I'm going to concentrate on the romantic variety of relationships (though much of this advice will work for other types of relationships too),
People make a lot of mistakes on their quest for love. They overlook very obvious signs of trouble in the beginning. Its' much easier to end a relationship when you start to see signs that the person you're involved with isn't really right for you, early in the relationship. The further the relationship progresses, and the deeper the feelings become, the harder it is to end things.
That's why it's so important to take off the blinders right from the start. Now, a word of caution, you can't get too caught up on every little thing and set your expectations so high that you're being unreasonable either. No one is perfect, not even you. The trick is to find someone as close to your definition of perfect as possible.
Someone who lies, especially early in the relationship when everyone is supposed to be on their best behavior, should be a deal breaker. Someone who is always a few minutes late, while annoying, might be something you will be able to overlook if everything else is wonderful.
You do have to pick and choose, just like they will have to do with you and your foibles. The point is that things that are a sign of a serious character flaw such as lying, cheating, or being abusive are not the kinds of things that should be overlooked. More often than not, these traits tend to get worse with familiarity which means the longer the two of you are together, the worse things will probably become.
So the next time that 'great' new guy you just met makes a 'joke' about how fat you're getting you really need to stop and think. If his 'jokes' bother you, tell him. The way he responds will tell you all you need to know. If he sincerely apologizes for hurting your feelings and follows that apology up by not doing it anymore he was probably really just making a joke and meant no harm.
But if he turns it around on you and blames you for being 'too sensitive' and then continues to do it over and over again (or some variation thereof) he's an abusive person and you should kick him to the curb before it goes any further.
There is a lot of information available on how to find and have healthy relationships, and a lot of it can be helpful. But in the end, you'll have to rely on your own common sense and if you don't ignore the warning signs early on you'll greatly increase your chances of finding someone who can make you happy for the long haul.
Of course, we want all the relationships we enter into to be healthy, not just the romantic ones. We want good relationships with friends, families, children, siblings, etc, but for the purpose of this article I'm going to concentrate on the romantic variety of relationships (though much of this advice will work for other types of relationships too),
People make a lot of mistakes on their quest for love. They overlook very obvious signs of trouble in the beginning. Its' much easier to end a relationship when you start to see signs that the person you're involved with isn't really right for you, early in the relationship. The further the relationship progresses, and the deeper the feelings become, the harder it is to end things.
That's why it's so important to take off the blinders right from the start. Now, a word of caution, you can't get too caught up on every little thing and set your expectations so high that you're being unreasonable either. No one is perfect, not even you. The trick is to find someone as close to your definition of perfect as possible.
Someone who lies, especially early in the relationship when everyone is supposed to be on their best behavior, should be a deal breaker. Someone who is always a few minutes late, while annoying, might be something you will be able to overlook if everything else is wonderful.
You do have to pick and choose, just like they will have to do with you and your foibles. The point is that things that are a sign of a serious character flaw such as lying, cheating, or being abusive are not the kinds of things that should be overlooked. More often than not, these traits tend to get worse with familiarity which means the longer the two of you are together, the worse things will probably become.
So the next time that 'great' new guy you just met makes a 'joke' about how fat you're getting you really need to stop and think. If his 'jokes' bother you, tell him. The way he responds will tell you all you need to know. If he sincerely apologizes for hurting your feelings and follows that apology up by not doing it anymore he was probably really just making a joke and meant no harm.
But if he turns it around on you and blames you for being 'too sensitive' and then continues to do it over and over again (or some variation thereof) he's an abusive person and you should kick him to the curb before it goes any further.
There is a lot of information available on how to find and have healthy relationships, and a lot of it can be helpful. But in the end, you'll have to rely on your own common sense and if you don't ignore the warning signs early on you'll greatly increase your chances of finding someone who can make you happy for the long haul.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Love Life Advice - Listen To Your Head And Soul
There are probably thousands of places online and off where you can go to get love life advice. Some of the sources will make a lot of sense and resonate with you. Others, not so much. Sometimes it's best to go to the one place you know that will give you the best advice, your own heart and head, as long as you don't ignore the stuff you don't want to face.
I've often said that we all know what the issues are in our relationship. We just don't want to face them so we push those unpleasant truths so far down that they just don't seem real anymore.
We convince ourselves that we were wrong and the reason our relationship is bad isn't because our boyfriend is a nasty drunk. We tell ourselves the real problem is that he has a bad leg and is in a lot of pain, or that he's under a lot of stress at work, etc. In other words, we lie to ourselves.
The best love life advice I can give you is to be brutally honest with yourself. Stop lying to yourself and face the truth. I tell that to my sister all the time. The guy I described above is her boyfriend. She calls me at least once a week complaining about some nasty thing he has said or done. It gets old.
I've told her that she has two choices: she can kick his useless ass to the curb or she can shut up and accept him for what he is (which isn't much!). Sorry to sound so harsh, but that's really all there is in many cases.
Now, true, sometimes good people and good relationships just run into trouble. But in my experience with my friends I have to say that to me it looks more like they've just picked the wrong person for the wrong reason and don't want to face it.
Sometimes counseling can help. It's going to depend on how committed each of you is to working things out. It's very likely that you are both going to hear things about yourself that you may not want to hear, if you're not totally committed to the process you'll shut down once that happens.
In a lot of cases though, you really need to face the cold hard truth that you may not be with the right person. On the surface that may sound like a tragedy but I have to ask you, do you know what it's like to be in a relationship that is loving and kind? To really be with someone who you like and trust completely? It's sad but I know a lot of people don't honestly know what that's like.
If you don't know what that's like you are doing yourself a big disservice clinging to a bad relationship. You might just be able to find real happiness, I know I did and it wasn't with my ex. That is the best love life advice I've got!
I've often said that we all know what the issues are in our relationship. We just don't want to face them so we push those unpleasant truths so far down that they just don't seem real anymore.
We convince ourselves that we were wrong and the reason our relationship is bad isn't because our boyfriend is a nasty drunk. We tell ourselves the real problem is that he has a bad leg and is in a lot of pain, or that he's under a lot of stress at work, etc. In other words, we lie to ourselves.
The best love life advice I can give you is to be brutally honest with yourself. Stop lying to yourself and face the truth. I tell that to my sister all the time. The guy I described above is her boyfriend. She calls me at least once a week complaining about some nasty thing he has said or done. It gets old.
I've told her that she has two choices: she can kick his useless ass to the curb or she can shut up and accept him for what he is (which isn't much!). Sorry to sound so harsh, but that's really all there is in many cases.
Now, true, sometimes good people and good relationships just run into trouble. But in my experience with my friends I have to say that to me it looks more like they've just picked the wrong person for the wrong reason and don't want to face it.
Sometimes counseling can help. It's going to depend on how committed each of you is to working things out. It's very likely that you are both going to hear things about yourself that you may not want to hear, if you're not totally committed to the process you'll shut down once that happens.
In a lot of cases though, you really need to face the cold hard truth that you may not be with the right person. On the surface that may sound like a tragedy but I have to ask you, do you know what it's like to be in a relationship that is loving and kind? To really be with someone who you like and trust completely? It's sad but I know a lot of people don't honestly know what that's like.
If you don't know what that's like you are doing yourself a big disservice clinging to a bad relationship. You might just be able to find real happiness, I know I did and it wasn't with my ex. That is the best love life advice I've got!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Effective Communication In Relationships - Your Key To Success
I know you've heard it so often that it probably sounds like a cliche, but effective communication in relationships is the number 1 way to make sure that your good relationship stays good. It's not just about being able to talk about your problems, it's also about being able to share your hopes, dreams and goals and letting the other person know how much you care.
It never ceases to amaze me when people are on the phone with their spouse how they'll end the conversation with a casual 'love you too'. I'm not saying that's bad, but I am saying that this 'habit' is just one example of how we think that we're telling our partner how we feel when we're really not.
It's way too easy to say what you're expected to say with no real meaning behind the words. We all do it. That is at the basis for poor communication skills in a relationship. If I asked one hundred people if they talk to their spouse as openly and candidly as they do their best friend, I'll bet around 90 of them would say 'no'.
That's because many of us just hold our tongue because we don't want to rock the boat. If things are going well you don't want to bring up uncomfortable subjects and ruin the good mood. And if things are going bad you've got enough to deal with without bringing up more issues. So the 'bad' things never get talked about.
Or at least they never get talked about until you're really angry at your spouse and then it all comes out like a tsunami and your spouse is likely feeling a little blindsided. I think we've all been guilty of doing that at one time or another.
It's important for the two of you to be able to talk to each other in a safe environment. Your partner has to know that if they want to talk about something that you're not going to 'attack' them. Whether it's getting mad and yelling, or trying to make them feel guilty because they hurt your feelings. It's all an attack and it's all very manipulative. The point is you have to be willing to listen to it all, good and bad.
Of course, the same exact thing holds true for your spouse too. It's got to be give and take. You should both be willing to listen to the issues the other one has and you should both be able to talk about the issues you have, without being punished by getting the cold shoulder or being yelled at.
Most of this will start with each of you having enough self confidence to not take everything personally. If your spouse tries to talk to you about a problem and all you hear is "you're not good enough" or "you're not smart enough" or "I don't love you" than the issue is with you, not them. Get that fixed first.
Do yourself and your partner a favor, take the time to learn
the skills to effective communication in relationships.
It never ceases to amaze me when people are on the phone with their spouse how they'll end the conversation with a casual 'love you too'. I'm not saying that's bad, but I am saying that this 'habit' is just one example of how we think that we're telling our partner how we feel when we're really not.
It's way too easy to say what you're expected to say with no real meaning behind the words. We all do it. That is at the basis for poor communication skills in a relationship. If I asked one hundred people if they talk to their spouse as openly and candidly as they do their best friend, I'll bet around 90 of them would say 'no'.
That's because many of us just hold our tongue because we don't want to rock the boat. If things are going well you don't want to bring up uncomfortable subjects and ruin the good mood. And if things are going bad you've got enough to deal with without bringing up more issues. So the 'bad' things never get talked about.
Or at least they never get talked about until you're really angry at your spouse and then it all comes out like a tsunami and your spouse is likely feeling a little blindsided. I think we've all been guilty of doing that at one time or another.
It's important for the two of you to be able to talk to each other in a safe environment. Your partner has to know that if they want to talk about something that you're not going to 'attack' them. Whether it's getting mad and yelling, or trying to make them feel guilty because they hurt your feelings. It's all an attack and it's all very manipulative. The point is you have to be willing to listen to it all, good and bad.
Of course, the same exact thing holds true for your spouse too. It's got to be give and take. You should both be willing to listen to the issues the other one has and you should both be able to talk about the issues you have, without being punished by getting the cold shoulder or being yelled at.
Most of this will start with each of you having enough self confidence to not take everything personally. If your spouse tries to talk to you about a problem and all you hear is "you're not good enough" or "you're not smart enough" or "I don't love you" than the issue is with you, not them. Get that fixed first.
Do yourself and your partner a favor, take the time to learn
the skills to effective communication in relationships.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Understanding Men - You Are Kidding Right
Oh, please, like I'm going to be able to give you information on understanding men in this short article! Women have been trying to figure them out since the dawn of time, and we still can't quite get a handle on it. I guess there are a few things that I've kind of figured out over the years that might just help you out a little bit.
I'm not someone with a fancy degree or a lot of initials behind my name. But I am someone who pays attention and has come to a few conclusions about men. Some of my insights might help clarify these strange beasts. Some of my insights aren't all that complimentary about these strange beasts, no offense is intended.
I was married for 16 years to a 'man'. I put the word man in quotes because my ex acted a lot more like a spoiled and scared little boy than what I always thought a man should act like and not because he was a cross dresser, though that might have made him more interesting!
Anyway, my ex was abusive. No, not in the extreme way most people think of when they hear the word abusive, his abuse was a little more subtle than a slap in the face... but just barely. He loved to ridicule me and cut me down in front of his family. I thought it was more than a little pathetic how he curried favor with his mommy by treating his wife like crap.
After the marriage was over and I had some time to think about things it occurred to me that it wasn't really about me at all. He was lashing out at me for some insecurities he had (probably related to his mommy, but that's a whole other article). So once I realized that he was just fundamentally flawed, and I should never have married him in the first place, things began to make more sense.
It wasn't that there was anything wrong with me (except the aforementioned shouldn't have married him part) it's just that he was so riddled with insecurities and doubt that he had to try to make me feel as bad about myself as he did about himself... and it worked. I felt like the biggest failure as a wife and mother for a long time.
I went to a counselor after my marriage to try and make sense of it all and that's the conclusion I came to. The fact that he has since remarried (I kid you not, an ex stripper) just reinforces the conclusions I came to. He finally found a woman who had less confidence than he did, a match made in heaven!
The bottom line is this ladies: pick the right guy. That may sound simple, but it's true. I think most of us can look back on a bad relationship and, if we're honest with ourselves, realize that there were warning signs from the start. Signs that we chose to ignore. If you don't ignore the warnings you won't need any more help understanding men, most of it will just fall into place!
I'm not someone with a fancy degree or a lot of initials behind my name. But I am someone who pays attention and has come to a few conclusions about men. Some of my insights might help clarify these strange beasts. Some of my insights aren't all that complimentary about these strange beasts, no offense is intended.
I was married for 16 years to a 'man'. I put the word man in quotes because my ex acted a lot more like a spoiled and scared little boy than what I always thought a man should act like and not because he was a cross dresser, though that might have made him more interesting!
Anyway, my ex was abusive. No, not in the extreme way most people think of when they hear the word abusive, his abuse was a little more subtle than a slap in the face... but just barely. He loved to ridicule me and cut me down in front of his family. I thought it was more than a little pathetic how he curried favor with his mommy by treating his wife like crap.
After the marriage was over and I had some time to think about things it occurred to me that it wasn't really about me at all. He was lashing out at me for some insecurities he had (probably related to his mommy, but that's a whole other article). So once I realized that he was just fundamentally flawed, and I should never have married him in the first place, things began to make more sense.
It wasn't that there was anything wrong with me (except the aforementioned shouldn't have married him part) it's just that he was so riddled with insecurities and doubt that he had to try to make me feel as bad about myself as he did about himself... and it worked. I felt like the biggest failure as a wife and mother for a long time.
I went to a counselor after my marriage to try and make sense of it all and that's the conclusion I came to. The fact that he has since remarried (I kid you not, an ex stripper) just reinforces the conclusions I came to. He finally found a woman who had less confidence than he did, a match made in heaven!
The bottom line is this ladies: pick the right guy. That may sound simple, but it's true. I think most of us can look back on a bad relationship and, if we're honest with ourselves, realize that there were warning signs from the start. Signs that we chose to ignore. If you don't ignore the warnings you won't need any more help understanding men, most of it will just fall into place!
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Regaining Trust In A Relationship - Climb To The Moutain Top
Regaining trust in a relationship is going to be an uphill climb. I'm not saying that it can't be done, I'm just saying that you better be willing to put in some serious time and effort if that's what you want. If you're not, you might as well walk away right now and save both of you a lot of extra pain.
Of course, there are many reasons trust can be lost. Sometimes it's fairly 'small' like when your spouse belittles you in front of others. Other times it can be even worse such as in the case of infidelity. This can be virtually impossible to overcome.
If you're willing to try, step one is to figure out what you did to break the trust in the first place. Obviously, if it was infidelity that will be pretty clear. But if it was something a little less extreme like ridiculing your partner or making fun of them all the time, it might take some digging to figure out why you felt the need to hurt the one person you're supposed to love above everyone else.
Sometimes the more subtle betrayals can be a sign of some deep seated resentment against your partner. You need to get to the bottom of that issue to figure out what it is before you can make any kind of change.
If you've cheated than you will also need to figure out why. In many cases it's about a lot more than just being attracted to another person. It's often a sign that you're unhappy with your partner and / or a severe character flaw of yours. Whatever the case may be the first step to trying to rebuild trust with your partner is to identify the problems so that you can fix them so you never repeat your mistake.
It's going to take a lot to get your partner to trust you again, the last thing you want to do is to repay that trust by hurting them and betraying them again. Before you ask for a second chance you better make darn sure you're up to the challenge of never betraying them again.
Once you've identified the problem and have taken steps to make sure it doesn't happen again, it's time to talk to your partner. Explain to them that you've been working on yourself and fixing your issues. Ask them for another chance. Even if they say 'yes' you have to understand that you'll essentially be on 'probation' for a long time.
You have to be willing to overlook a little paranoia on their part. It's going to be very difficult for them to completely let their guard down again and it's likely to take quite a long time before they do. They'll need to see a lot of proof that you've really changed first.
Regaining trust in a relationship will take a lot of time, love and patience. It's not impossible if both parties are willing to try, but make sure that both of you enter into the process with your eyes wide open and don't expect a quick fix.
Of course, there are many reasons trust can be lost. Sometimes it's fairly 'small' like when your spouse belittles you in front of others. Other times it can be even worse such as in the case of infidelity. This can be virtually impossible to overcome.
If you're willing to try, step one is to figure out what you did to break the trust in the first place. Obviously, if it was infidelity that will be pretty clear. But if it was something a little less extreme like ridiculing your partner or making fun of them all the time, it might take some digging to figure out why you felt the need to hurt the one person you're supposed to love above everyone else.
Sometimes the more subtle betrayals can be a sign of some deep seated resentment against your partner. You need to get to the bottom of that issue to figure out what it is before you can make any kind of change.
If you've cheated than you will also need to figure out why. In many cases it's about a lot more than just being attracted to another person. It's often a sign that you're unhappy with your partner and / or a severe character flaw of yours. Whatever the case may be the first step to trying to rebuild trust with your partner is to identify the problems so that you can fix them so you never repeat your mistake.
It's going to take a lot to get your partner to trust you again, the last thing you want to do is to repay that trust by hurting them and betraying them again. Before you ask for a second chance you better make darn sure you're up to the challenge of never betraying them again.
Once you've identified the problem and have taken steps to make sure it doesn't happen again, it's time to talk to your partner. Explain to them that you've been working on yourself and fixing your issues. Ask them for another chance. Even if they say 'yes' you have to understand that you'll essentially be on 'probation' for a long time.
You have to be willing to overlook a little paranoia on their part. It's going to be very difficult for them to completely let their guard down again and it's likely to take quite a long time before they do. They'll need to see a lot of proof that you've really changed first.
Regaining trust in a relationship will take a lot of time, love and patience. It's not impossible if both parties are willing to try, but make sure that both of you enter into the process with your eyes wide open and don't expect a quick fix.
Trust In A Relationship - Leap Of Faith Indeed
Building trust in a relationship can take time, it can take even more time rebuilding that trust a second time. I mean, come on, face facts, the first time around you give someone a really big benefit of the doubt. If they make a promise to you it takes a real leap of faith to let yourself open up and trust them, but if they break that trust, it can be almost impossible to do it again.
The reason for that is simple: they've already proven through their words or actions that they can't be trusted. The first time around you had no way of knowing one way or the other, but now you do. Now you know that they can't be trusted, why in the world would you set yourself up for that kind of hurt and pain again?
That is why it's so difficult to overcome any kind of cheating in a relationship. You know the old saying: "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me", that's the whole point. Few people would take such a big risk of being hurt by letting someone who has already proven that they can't be trusted, into their lives again.
It's best to make darn sure you don't do anything to make your partner lose their faith in you in the first place. I know, a lot of people may be thinking that that is easier said than done, but not really.
While it's true that sometimes you find yourself becoming attracted to someone you see on a day to day basis, someone that you may not be able to avoid seeing like a co-worker. In a case like that you just have to keep as much distance as possible and not allow yourself to spend more time with them, or spend time with them outside of work, than is absolutely necessary.
A lot of times though, we do it to ourselves. We'll see someone out at a club when we're with our friends and one thing leads to another and before you know it you've done the very thing you promised you'd never do. In cases like that, you're just a jackass.
Sorry, rough I know, but true. Just because you're out on your own for a night with friends is no excuse to hook up with someone. If you can't stay faithful for one night then you need to really spend some serious time figuring out what is wrong with you because that's not normal behavior.
Some will consider themselves 'the man' or a 'playa' but really those are just ways to make themselves feel better about their own shortcomings. A real man would live up to his word and if he promised his girl that he would be faithful than that's what he'd do... period.
And I'm not picking on guys, ladies the same exact thing applies to you. If you really want trust in a relationship make sure that you don't do anything to betray that trust. It's very hard to risk being hurt and open up and trust someone, it's virtually impossible to do it a second time when that person proves to you that they can't be trusted.
The reason for that is simple: they've already proven through their words or actions that they can't be trusted. The first time around you had no way of knowing one way or the other, but now you do. Now you know that they can't be trusted, why in the world would you set yourself up for that kind of hurt and pain again?
That is why it's so difficult to overcome any kind of cheating in a relationship. You know the old saying: "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me", that's the whole point. Few people would take such a big risk of being hurt by letting someone who has already proven that they can't be trusted, into their lives again.
It's best to make darn sure you don't do anything to make your partner lose their faith in you in the first place. I know, a lot of people may be thinking that that is easier said than done, but not really.
While it's true that sometimes you find yourself becoming attracted to someone you see on a day to day basis, someone that you may not be able to avoid seeing like a co-worker. In a case like that you just have to keep as much distance as possible and not allow yourself to spend more time with them, or spend time with them outside of work, than is absolutely necessary.
A lot of times though, we do it to ourselves. We'll see someone out at a club when we're with our friends and one thing leads to another and before you know it you've done the very thing you promised you'd never do. In cases like that, you're just a jackass.
Sorry, rough I know, but true. Just because you're out on your own for a night with friends is no excuse to hook up with someone. If you can't stay faithful for one night then you need to really spend some serious time figuring out what is wrong with you because that's not normal behavior.
Some will consider themselves 'the man' or a 'playa' but really those are just ways to make themselves feel better about their own shortcomings. A real man would live up to his word and if he promised his girl that he would be faithful than that's what he'd do... period.
And I'm not picking on guys, ladies the same exact thing applies to you. If you really want trust in a relationship make sure that you don't do anything to betray that trust. It's very hard to risk being hurt and open up and trust someone, it's virtually impossible to do it a second time when that person proves to you that they can't be trusted.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Successful Relationships - Dont Complicate It
Like a lot of people, I'm in my second marriage. The first one (I married the same person twice... duh) ended in divorce. When people said they were sorry about the divorce I couldn't help but think "don't be sorry, it's long overdue". The marriage was not good. This time, though, I made a much better choice with my spouse, and this time I'm happy to say that this is one of the most successful relationships I've ever had.
People wonder how they can have a successful relationship. There are all kinds of doctors and writers who are more than willing to share the 'secrets' to having good relationships, if you buy their books. I'm going to tell you some simple things to do, for free.
You see, as humans we tend to make things so much more complicated than we need to. I honestly believe that you know exactly what you need to do to have a good relationships, you just aren't willing to do it.
Take my sister for example, she calls me at least once a week to complain about what her boyfriend has done. I'm not talking about little annoying things (like leaving the toilet seat up or not putting the paper away when he was done reading it) either, I'm talking major things like screaming at her and treating her like crap.
She has even said that she should break up with him, she knows she should, she just doesn't have the guts to do it. I try to tell her that she would probably be happier once she did it, but she's just not willing to do it. Again, she knows what she needs to do, she just won't do it.
I think that's the case for most people. In a lot of cases people are just in a relationship with the wrong person. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, but more often than not you either picked the wrong person to start with or you have both grown in different ways and are no longer compatible.
So the one big key to having good relationships is to not settle and pick someone who you know in your heart isn't right for you just because you don't want to be alone. Instead be a little more picky and find your version of the perfect person. Be willing to overlook some smaller things that you don't like but don't turn a blind eye to things that will be real trouble such as lying, cheating, or abuse.
If you figure out what things you absolutely don't want to have in a relationship and then hold your ground when you meet someone who displays those traits, you'll greatly increase your odds of finding your 'perfect' partner.
Anyone can have successful relationships as long as they remember that it starts with them. Take some time to get yourself to the point where you are confidant enough to hold out for someone who will treat you the way you should be treated and you'll find yourself in a great relationship sooner than you'd have thought.
People wonder how they can have a successful relationship. There are all kinds of doctors and writers who are more than willing to share the 'secrets' to having good relationships, if you buy their books. I'm going to tell you some simple things to do, for free.
You see, as humans we tend to make things so much more complicated than we need to. I honestly believe that you know exactly what you need to do to have a good relationships, you just aren't willing to do it.
Take my sister for example, she calls me at least once a week to complain about what her boyfriend has done. I'm not talking about little annoying things (like leaving the toilet seat up or not putting the paper away when he was done reading it) either, I'm talking major things like screaming at her and treating her like crap.
She has even said that she should break up with him, she knows she should, she just doesn't have the guts to do it. I try to tell her that she would probably be happier once she did it, but she's just not willing to do it. Again, she knows what she needs to do, she just won't do it.
I think that's the case for most people. In a lot of cases people are just in a relationship with the wrong person. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, but more often than not you either picked the wrong person to start with or you have both grown in different ways and are no longer compatible.
So the one big key to having good relationships is to not settle and pick someone who you know in your heart isn't right for you just because you don't want to be alone. Instead be a little more picky and find your version of the perfect person. Be willing to overlook some smaller things that you don't like but don't turn a blind eye to things that will be real trouble such as lying, cheating, or abuse.
If you figure out what things you absolutely don't want to have in a relationship and then hold your ground when you meet someone who displays those traits, you'll greatly increase your odds of finding your 'perfect' partner.
Anyone can have successful relationships as long as they remember that it starts with them. Take some time to get yourself to the point where you are confidant enough to hold out for someone who will treat you the way you should be treated and you'll find yourself in a great relationship sooner than you'd have thought.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Save Your Marriage - Its Not Rocket Science
If you're to the point that you're asking how you can save your marriage, I'm sorry. I know how painful this type of situation can be. I also know that it may not be too late and it's often not as hard as you may think to revive a dying relationship.
It's not rocket science, actually if you can remove the emotion (I know, easier said than done) then it's much easier in a lot of cases than you may realize. Just remember that pretty much everyone wants the same basic things from a marriage: companionship, love and respect. How we go about asking for those things, or showing those things, can vary from culture to culture and among genders, but that's pretty much it.
Most of the time when a marriage is falling apart it's because one or both of the spouses don't feel like their needs are being met. We often boil marriage troubles down to sex, but sex is really only a 'by product' of the basic need to feel loved.
So, step one to pull your marriage back from the brink is to try to objectively analyze the way you and your spouse treat each other. Do you talk to each other with respect most of the time (we all have our bad days when we're a little rough around the edges and may take that out on others, as long as these days are kept to a minimum it's not that big of a deal) or do you talk to your spouse like you hate their guts?
Once you've thought about it you may realize that you take a lot of your general frustrations out on your spouse. If you've figured that much out all you have to do is talk to your spouse, explain that it isn't about them and that you are sincerely sorry for taking the day to day aggravations you face out on them. Follow that apology up by making sure you stop doing it.
That one simple thing can make a ton of difference in a lot of relationships. If the behavior has gone on for a long time, it might take more than this to fix things. If it's gone on for a long time it's likely that both of you are now in the habit of talking to each other that way, that can lead to a lot of built up anger and hurt which will take longer to work through.
If that's the case you may be better of finding a good counselor to walk you through the healing process and help each of you re-train yourselves when it comes to communicating. It may take some time to 'unlearn' your bad communication habits and learn new ones.
There are a lot of things that can go wrong in a marriage, and just as many ways to fix them. But in almost all cases it will boil down to poor communicating. Some simple changes in the way you and your spouse talk to each other may be all you need to save your marriage.
It's not rocket science, actually if you can remove the emotion (I know, easier said than done) then it's much easier in a lot of cases than you may realize. Just remember that pretty much everyone wants the same basic things from a marriage: companionship, love and respect. How we go about asking for those things, or showing those things, can vary from culture to culture and among genders, but that's pretty much it.
Most of the time when a marriage is falling apart it's because one or both of the spouses don't feel like their needs are being met. We often boil marriage troubles down to sex, but sex is really only a 'by product' of the basic need to feel loved.
So, step one to pull your marriage back from the brink is to try to objectively analyze the way you and your spouse treat each other. Do you talk to each other with respect most of the time (we all have our bad days when we're a little rough around the edges and may take that out on others, as long as these days are kept to a minimum it's not that big of a deal) or do you talk to your spouse like you hate their guts?
Once you've thought about it you may realize that you take a lot of your general frustrations out on your spouse. If you've figured that much out all you have to do is talk to your spouse, explain that it isn't about them and that you are sincerely sorry for taking the day to day aggravations you face out on them. Follow that apology up by making sure you stop doing it.
That one simple thing can make a ton of difference in a lot of relationships. If the behavior has gone on for a long time, it might take more than this to fix things. If it's gone on for a long time it's likely that both of you are now in the habit of talking to each other that way, that can lead to a lot of built up anger and hurt which will take longer to work through.
If that's the case you may be better of finding a good counselor to walk you through the healing process and help each of you re-train yourselves when it comes to communicating. It may take some time to 'unlearn' your bad communication habits and learn new ones.
There are a lot of things that can go wrong in a marriage, and just as many ways to fix them. But in almost all cases it will boil down to poor communicating. Some simple changes in the way you and your spouse talk to each other may be all you need to save your marriage.
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