Sunday, June 27, 2010

Restoring Trust in Relationships After an Affair

This is not intended to be a discussion on the Bible, or anything religious, but I'd like raise a specific point. According to the Bible, there are only two acceptable reasons for divorce, and one of those is a cheating spouse. The point is that infidelity is a serious offense. Conventional wisdom states that people should split up if one of them has been unfaithful. It doesn't have to be that way if both parties are willing to do what it takes. Restoring trust in relationships isn't easy, but it can be done. Here are some ideas on how to make that happen.

The main thing to keep in mind as you go through the process of restoring trust is that it requires changes in the actions and attitudes of both people in the relationship. Even after something as serious an affair, a relationship can be saved. The key is start with small amount of trust, and continuing to build on it.

Before you can start rebuilding trust, you need to take an honest look at what went wrong. Our natural tendency is to blame the other person, and they are likely at fault to some extent, but the only person you have total control over is yourself; therefore, you need to get to the root of what you may have done to end the relationship. Once you find the source of the problem, you can take steps to fix it.

For example, if your partner had an affair, what was it that they were seeking from someone else? What was it that you weren't providing? You will need to improve these things if you want to have a future together. Don't get me wrong, it's never right to cheat, but we are trying to restore a relationship and work on trust. While you can't undo the past, you can certainly create a better future.

The next step is to start actually gaining some trust again. One of the best things you can do is assume the other person is being honest. By doing this, you will get trust in return. Of course, that is easy to say, but much harder in practice. So, the trick here is to take small steps. Tell your significant other that you will be home by 7:00 PM, then be home by 7:00 PM (or a little early if at all possible). It doesn't have to be anything big, just start demonstrating your ability to stick to your word.

Over time, these small steps start to accumulate and build on one another. But, you must keep doing it, and always follow through on what you say you're going to do. Excuses will not cut it at this point. In fact, if there is any possibility, any doubt in your mind at all, then it's better to not say anything at all.

Restoring trust in relationships is not an easy task. And the more severe the reason for the lack of trust, the harder it will be to regain it. Keep your focus on trust, and keep taking those small steps, and before you know it, you will be happy again.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Help - What Can I Do To Get My Ex Girlfriend Back

Falling in love is a wonderful feeling. Falling out of love is a miserable feeling. After a break up, it's perfectly natural to ask a question like, "What can I do to get my ex girlfriend back?" It is also natural to ponder on all of things that went wrong and what you could have done better. This thinking then leads to thoughts of begging, apologizing or otherwise begging your case until your former loved one is ready to take you back.

However, even though these things may play a part in getting back together, and definitely seem logical, they frequently lead nowhere. None of the methods mentioned earlier get to the root cause of the break up. That's why they aren't enough to patch things up. The not-so-good news is that uncovering the real reasons behind a break up can be difficult. So, do your best to dig deep and find out what really went wrong, but also realize that the true causes may remain hidden. If that's the case, don't worry, there are still steps you can take to get your ex girlfriend back, though it may be a bit more complicated.

Forget about it! About what? About her, about your relationship, about the idea of getting back together. At least for now. You both need the space and time to come to terms with what has happened. Do not expend any energy on making up, at least not yet. Hang out with your friends (if they're single, so much the better), pursue a new hobby, or throw yourself into a project at work. Whatever it takes to stop you from focusing on your relationship. Unfortunately, you can't predict how long this step will take. The best advice, then, is to not force it, and you will know when the time is right to move on to the next step.

Now that you have a cushion of time and space you have something you desperately need: Perspective. You will now have to do your best to be objective, and ask yourself if you really want to get back with your ex. See, that's why you need time. If you try to answer this question too soon after breaking up, then you won't get an accurate answer. Assuming you decide that you would like to get your ex back, you can go to the following step.

The final part of answering the question "what can I do to get my ex girlfriend back" is to contact her and start making things right. The secret here is to not be too forceful, to not overdo. If you waited long enough, she has had enough time to sort things out as well. When you finally meet again, talk things over calmly. Admit any wrongdoing, but remain positive and solution oriented. A negative mood will lead to arguments, and decrease your chances of getting back together. While you can't change the past, you can learn from it and do what needs to be done to have a happy future together.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Relationship Advice for Men - It's Evolutionary

So much different relationship advice for men is out there that it can be difficult to figure out what really works. So, what do men need to know if they are interested in a more relationship? The most important bit of advice is to look at what women really want, based on their actions, as opposed to assuming what they say is 100% accurate.

The question then becomes one of being able to identify what their actions are. And the best way to do that is to observe the type of men they end up, regardless of what they say they want. While women may say they want a sensitive man with a good sense of humor, and one that listens; they go out with men who aren't sensitive, make plenty of money, dominate conversations, and may or may not be all that funny.

The reason why women do this may surprise you. It's not because they don't know what they really want, it's because they don't know that they know what they really want. Okay, that may sound confusing, but it isn't. What we are talking about is the subconscious mind, and that's where the best relationship advice for men comes from.

It all comes down to one thing: The propagation of the species. This has been the underlying factor since the dawn of humanity, and its power is found in both men and women. While having children with a particular man may be the furthest thing from her mind (as far as she knows), deep down in the subconscious, she is evaluating mates for their ability to be a good father for her potential family.

We then get back to the things women say they want. Does having a good sense of humor mean he will be a strong protector and bread winner for the family? Not really. And it's the sense of security and ability to provide food for the family that the subconscious is most concerned with.

Let's take a quick look at biology to see why this is so important. Men have the ability to reproduce for, in theory, from the onset of puberty until they die; that's a big window of opportunity. On the other hand, women have a much smaller window in which they can viably reproduce. Therefore, women can't afford to gamble, and need a partner that will be able to provide for the long-term.

In today's world, these deep-seated desires manifest themselves in various ways. In past centuries women may have dreamt of marrying royalty, as they were the ultimate providers. Today, princes and kings have been replaced by athletes, celebrities and rock stars. Another bit of evidence is the engagement ring. It not only shows that the man has the ability to provide, but also that he is will to share the fruits of his labor (and you thought it was simply romantic).

So, when it comes to relationship advice for men, don't worry about all the static and conflicting viewpoints. All you really need to do is dig down to the subconscious level to see what women really want, no matter what they think they want.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Write Your Own Heartbroken Poem Your Own To Heal

There are few things that compare to being in a happy, loving relationship. Being able to share your life with somebody else is on of the highlights of our existence. But, if you have ever broken up with somebody, then you know that the reverse is also true; being alone is heartbreaking.

Writing a poem as the result of being heartbroken isn't all that uncommon. Perhaps you have written them in other situations where you have been sad about something, such as the loss of a family member or pet, leaving friends behind or other events. Although it seems that nothing else inspires the writing of such sad poetry as a divorce or break up.

Why do people turn to poetry? Because it is such a special method of self-expression. Also, as long as you aren't worried about being published, you can write whatever you choose. No need to worry about how good it is.

There's also no need to understand the rules of different poetic forms. Forget meter and rhyming schemes and all of the other conventions of academic poetry. The goal is to feel better, not get a good grade. You are expressing yourself, not trying to conform. On the other hand, some people like the rules, and find it helps them to better share their feelings on paper.

To get over the pain of a break up it is vital to face the pain head on as soon as possible. You may want to run away from the situation or try to avoid the pain, but it will not go away on its own - it needs to be confronted. This can be difficult, and writing things down in the form of a heartbroken poem can help get you on the right path to feeling better after breaking up with somebody you cared deeply about.

So how do you do it? Just start writing. Use imagery and special words that capture how you feel, or use simple words in a simple way. There is no right or wrong way to do it.

You are doing this for your benefit. Do not try to write like the classic poets of centuries gone by. Be you. If you like, you can ever write everything down in a prose style, and then go through and make it more poetic. Whatever works for you.

Now that you have one poem done, write another one, then another. Explore different parts of your painful experience. Don't wallow in your pity...get it out of your system. While it may seem like you are just writing words, many people find writing poetry to be a very emotional experience. At the same time it can also be cathartic. Leading you from pain to happiness as you write more and more.

You do not ever have to share, but if you feel you would like to, or that it could help others, then by all means, go ahead and share. You can show them to people directly or post them online. Furthermore, if you want it, some sites will let others critique your work. But when it comes to your heartbroken poem it's up to you.

6 Sure Ways To Build Trust In A Relationship

If there is one thing that is vital to any successful relationship, it's trust. It makes sense to do what you can to improve trust if you want to be a happy couple. The funny thing is that the things we often think will work end up having the opposite effect. So, what can you do? You can start by following any of the following six tips to help you build trust in a relationship.
1- "Spice things up?" That's what your well-meaning friends will try to tell you do at the first sign of trouble. While this may work in some cases, it may not be the best course of action if you are trying to gain more trust. What often works is being predictable. That's because it goes hand in hand with expectations. It's easier to trust somebody if you have some idea of what they will do in certain situations. That's what we're talking about here. You don't have to be a boring, mindless machine, but do try to have some level of predictability.
2 - Congruity. What's that? That's just a fancy way of saying that you should say what you mean and mean what you say. No matter how good you think you are at saying something, if you don't really feel that way your body language won't match. Criminologists who specialize in lie detection are trained to spot these incongruities. If they can do it, how much better will your partner be at it? After all, they know you much better. Nobody likes a phony. So be sure your body language matches your words if you want to build trust in a relationship.
3 - Give to get. Ever wish your partner would trust you more? There's one sure way to make that happen, and it's by trusting them first. It doesn't matter if you think you're more trustworthy or not. It is incredibly difficult to trust somebody who doesn't trust you. Believe in your partner. Try to catch your significant other telling the truth, and also operate from the expectation that they are telling the truth in the first place. It will help, and keep things running more smoothly.
4 - Be an open book. Keeping secrets is a form of dishonesty and is counterproductive to building trust. If it helps, assume your partner will find out eventually anyway; so they may as well learn the truth from you. Simple.
5 - What do you need? Your partner isn't a mind reader. You have to be clear as to what your needs are, as to what you want, and so on. It's also important to assert yourself when you need to. Again, don't leave it to your partner to guess. They will usually be wrong and will lead to a loss of trust.
6 - Grow as a couple. Just like a garden, a relationship needs the right kind of care and cultivation for it to be bountiful Go through new experiences, good or bad, together. Be there for each other. By doing this you will deepen the level of trust in your relationship. Decide that it is indeed important to build trust in a relationship and work together to make it happen. You will be a stronger, happier couple as a result.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

How To Find The Best Books On Relationships

The ideal relationship is hard to come by. Nobody's perfect, so even the best of intentions aren't always enough to keep two people together. If your relationship is on shaky ground, or you've recently split up, then you may be interested in books on relationships. They are among the most popular categories of books, and tons of new titles are thrust upon consumers on a regular basis. So, how can you choose what the best books on relationships are? Good question, let's see if we can answer it.
To begin with, don't let a series of letters after the author's name impress you. All the letters mean is that they have earned a degree of some kind (assuming they credentials are legitimate). It doesn't mean automatically mean they understand relationships. Sure, they may understand what a text book says, and what the leading theories are, but that's not the same as practical experience. That expertise doesn't mean all that much when it comes to real people.
Instead of looking at all the abbreviations after their names, you should try to look for their life experience. How long have they been in a relationship? Did they go through a rough time and then fix it? Have they helped others? Do they offer proof? A quick way to find out is to read the author bio near the front or back of the book and see if these things are mentioned.
This next method for finding the best books on relationships is harder, but worthwhile if you are able to do it. But the books that aren't the same idea re-written in twenty different ways. Some books are so filled with fluff, when they could be summed up in one sentence like, "be nice to each other". Such products aren't worth the money or time it takes to read them. What you need are books that offer new information, and several different solutions. Another way of looking at it is specific steps are better than vague generalities.
Finally, take a look at those who are recommending any of the books you are interested in. Do they have an air of generality about them? Do they all sort of sound the same, maybe written by the same person? Do they mention actual situations and results? Read the recommendations and see how they all add up. Also, see if the people making the comments are from different backgrounds and located in different places.
You will get some idea by the words they use and how they use them. The idea is that the more wide-ranging the happy readers are, the more likely the book will be right for you.
The sad truth is that there are a lot of poorly written books and guides on staying together or getting back together. Don't let that thought discourage you, though. There are plenty of titles counted among the best books on relationships. If you don't find one right away, keep trying, it's worth it.

5 Best Ways To Get Back At Your Ex

The relationship between two people is a delicate bond. A bond that requires building up and maintenance for the relationship to flourish and be healthy. The sad fact is that breaking up is a reality and is often frustrating, stressful and nerve wracking. After a break up it is perfectly normal for you to want to get back at your ex.
However, you need to ask yourself if that's really the best thing to do. The art of getting back at your ex can actually lead to getting back together with your ex. By applying the following five tips, your ex may appreciate you more, and want to get back together with you.
1) Stay strong. The last thing you want to do is beg. Acting needy and clingy smacks of hopeless desperation, and is more of a turn off than anything. Also, by being weak you will be giving more power to your ex, and that tends to make things worse. Instead, give your ex the impression that you are doing fine without them by staying strong. Perhaps your ex will realize you have moved on, but they weren't as ready to split as they first thought.
2) Reduce communication. What? You may be wondering how not talking to each other could ever help you get your ex back. It seems so counterintuitive. But in the long run, it can be a smart move. It gives both parties a chance to cool down and reassess what went wrong. Additionally, it gives your ex more time to miss you. The old saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is true in this case and can lead to being together again.
3) Flexibility is vital. Avoid ultimatums and demands. Instead of arguing, try sympathizing and listening. Go with the flow and be flexible. Your ex may be happy to see that you are willing to compromise and be reasonable. This alone may be enough get them thinking about being a couple again. Plus, it shows them that you don't always have to argue. (Now, how did I know you have argued in the past?)
4) Go out! Look, you broke up...everybody gets that. But that doesn't mean you need to wallow in self-pity and isolate yourself from your friends and having a good time. Go out. Live a little. Have fun. Be with friends. You don't need to start dating to prove a point, just have a good time. Not only will doing this be therapeutic, it will also make you look better in the eyes of your ex.
5) Be yourself. That's all. Just be who you are. Chances are that your ex was originally attracted to some element, or elements of who you really are. Be confident in being whoever you are. Nobody likes a phony, and your ex, in time, may respond to the same things they found so appealing when they first met you. Mending those broken bonds are a sure way to get your ex back for good.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Can You Win Your Love Back?

Can you win your love back? Men and women from all over the world ask themselves this question over and over again, day in and day out. Some of them will just continue to ask the question, or try winning their loves back through persuasion or begging. But the truth of the matter is, you cannot control another person's actions, no matter how much you want to or how right you think you are. What you can do is control yourself, and how you come across to other people.

So when you're making a plan to win your love back, instead of focusing on him or her, you need to focus on yourself. Remember that it is not impossible to rekindle your ex's love for you. And also remember that in most situations, the ex still cares for his or her partner. Whatever happened to cause the breakup cannot be taken back, but you can work on not letting those things happen again when and if you know what they are.

Back to the main point of this article. . .how do you get your ex back? There are actually some very straightforward steps that you can take to accomplish this. And these have been proven to work again and again. The very first step is to leave your ex alone, if you haven't already done so. That's right. Just let him or her go. If you've been pestering him or her up until now, this first step will actually work very well right away. Your ex will wonder what happened to make you stop. And then, instead of thinking of how to ward you off, or being annoyed with you, he or she will start wondering if you've met someone else. And they may actually start to regret not having given you a chance. Do not give in at this stage. Avoid all contact if possible. If your ex happens to seek you out in this stage, you can answer his or her calls. Be cordial and say it was nice to hear from them. But do not ask to meet or ever initiate any kind of correspondence. If he or she asks you why you haven't called, just explain that you've been thinking about stuff. If they want to talk about getting back together, by all means listen, and try to make an objective decision about what to do. Do not say "Yes!" immediately.

But in most cases, your ex will not start calling you only because you've stopped calling them. So, use this "away-time" to better yourself by eating right, exercising, getting enough sleep, taking time to look nice when you go out to work or out for fun, and just relaxing. You need time to build yourself back up so that when you do contact your ex again, you will be able to present a strong, healthy, catch to him or that he would not want to pass up. In very general terms, that's how you win your love back.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Is It Possible To Save My Marriage?

Is it possible to save my marriage? If you're in what feels like a loveless marriage or you're already at the point of separation and/or divorce, you may very well be asking yourself this question. Often times, only one person in the marriage is thinking this question. The other either doesn't even realize there is something wrong, or just wants out altogether. If you are thinking that you need to start working on your marriage because it feels like it's in a downward plunge, or you want to get your marriage back, then here are a few tips you can use.
The first step in order to be able to answer your question of "Will I be able to save my marriage?", is to take a step back from it. Try to analyze your situation objectively, without all the emotions. This is hard, and it is probably harder if you are still in the marriage but do the best you can. Write things down. Try to figure out turning points, mistakes, what went wrong, and how you could have possibly avoided it. If you have already split with your husband or wife, minimize contact as much as possible so that you can have the time to get a more objective perspective. This is not about blaming, but rather about assessing the situation so try to do this without placing blame on yourself or on your spouse. When you are doing this, try to pick out the real reasons for problems, not the symptoms. For example, if one of you cheated, that is not really the problem, but the result of an underlying problem, or several of them. Of course, that just adds to all the problems because a relationship is based on trust, and cheating really violates that. But there were other issues that lead to the cheating as well. You may also want to see a counselor or therapist who can help you determine some of the problems and give you an unbiased viewpoint.
After the "assessment phase" comes the time for action. This is where you should speak to your spouse about what you've been analyzing. This is most likely not going to be fun so gear up for some opposition and prepare to be strong. You of course want to listen what he or she has to say, but make sure that your voice is heard too. Also be prepared to change your mind if your spouse brings up something that you hadn't realized or thought of. This is not particularly enjoyable, but at least you are communicating. And communication is the key to all relationships, whether it be marriage, friendship, work, etc. Continue to communicate. If it seems that you are continuously butting heads over every little point, and neither of you is willing to listen or give in, then the answer to the question of "Is it possible to save my marriage" might be no. But if you see even a little bit of progress, hold on to that and make it work.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

How Do I Get My Ex Back?

How do I get my ex back is a question that goes through many post-breakup minds. While every relationship and every breakup is different, there are certain strategies that can help you win back your loved one. Many people think that they lost their loved one because of one specific incident or mistake, but the more probable cause was one that lasted over months, or even years, and it generally includes a lack of communication. However, if you've already lost your ex, then now is not the time to scramble to start communicating again. Start with this plan of action:
Accept the break-up. This doesn't mean that the answer to "How do I get my ex back?" is no. It just means that you need to spend some time apart from your ex for now, and if you have been harassing him or her in a desperate attempt to get back together, you need to stop that now. You have a much greater chance of winning him or her back when you back off a little bit than you do by pleading, promising, begging, threatening, etc.
Try to avoid all contact. If this is not possible due to certain circumstances (like you have children that will bring you into contact, or you work together, etc.), then just minimize the contact as much as possible and keep it unemotional. Be cordial and civil but do not go beyond that. In this stage, you want to start focusing on yourself. Take this time off to better yourself. Make sure that you are eating healthy meals, exercising, and taking care of yourself. Whether you feel like it or not, start going out with friends, or join some kind of activity or volunteer group that interests you. Spend more quality time with your kids. And, if possible, scarey as it may be, spend some time alone. This all may be forced in the beginning. But if you stick with it, you will find that you start to feel better about yourself, your confidence will rise, and you will also look more attractive to others. You'll start to hear people complimenting you and seeking you out.
At this point you should re-evaluate your situation again with your ex - many people who have gotten to this point realize that they do not even want to get back together with that person again. But if you still feel that this is your goal, now is the time to start the contact again. Call him or her and make a very non-commital date such as going out for coffee. If you've managed to stay separated from your ex all this time, it's likely that your ex will be curious as to what you are up to. Your first "date" should be short and "light". Don't bring up past arguments. Make sure that you make an excuse to be the first to leave, claiming that you have an appointment, and saying how nice it was to see your ex again. This is the first step in the How do I get my ex back strategy.

Monday, June 7, 2010

How To Win Your Ex Back

Have you been wondering how to win your ex back? You are not alone. All over the world, people have wondered and are wondering the same exact thing. The good news is that it has been done, and it has been done frequently. While it may seem impossible to you now, winning your ex back is not a huge unaccomplishable feat. Rather, it is just a process that may take longer than you want it to. But it is a process that works if you follow it through correctly.

The first step of how to win your ex back might be the hardest. This step involves accepting the split, or even the fact that your ex has someone else, and just letting it be. No more pleading, begging, apologizing, or threatening by phone, text or email. The first step is to walk away and steer as clear from your ex as possible.

The next step is to stop focusing on your ex, and trying to win them back, and instead focus on yourself. If you've been pleading with your ex for a long time, and been taking her refusals for just as long, your confidence has also probably taken a nose dive. You first need to get your confidence and your self-esteem back. There are many things you can do to start feeling better about yourself. First of all, make sure you are eating the right foods, getting enough sleep, and exercising. Do not drink too much to drown your sorrows, or get into some other kind of drug or addictive habit. You also want to force yourself to start going out with friends, or just spending some time alone. If you like your job, throw yourself into your work. If you need a break from work, take a vacation if possible. All of these things may take some time getting used to, but you will soon find that they are not forced anymore, but part of your new way of life. You will start looking better, attracting more interest and compliments, and feeling better about yourself. And this will continue to grow. Once you go through several weeks or months of this "me-time", you can take another more objective look at your goals in terms of a relationship. Do you still want your ex in your life? If so, move on to the next step.

The last step is really what you've been gearing towards all along. This is where you contact your ex and ask if he or she will meet you. The meeting should be something very easy, like getting together for coffee. The real purpose for this meeting is to let your ex see the new and improved you, not to try and convince her to come back to you. So, keep the conversation light, be complimentary to him or her without going overboard, and then look at your watch and say you need to go to another appointment. Say how great it was to see your ex, and be off. These are the first steps in how to win your ex back.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

How To Make Him Love Me Again

Have you been turning this question over and over in your head: "How to make him love me again?" Many times women wind up asking themselves this exact question, and don't even remember how they got to this point in the first place. What happened to that person who used to show you he cared and loved you? When did he drift away? Often the change takes place slowly and it is not caused by one incident or even many incidents, but a gradual built-up of hurt, frustration, anger, or other negative emotions that were never brought to the surface.
So, regardless of how you ended up in this situation, you are now asking yourself "how to make him love me again." The good news that it is possible for you to bring back his love towards you. How you do it will depend greatly on your particular circumstances and personalities. But in general, you will want to start with these two steps, if you haven't done this already: (1) give him some space, and (2) concentrate on yourself.
If you're feeling scared and desperate about getting your guy back, you are conveying that to him and, in most cases, this will only push him further away. Take a deep breath and let him go. If at all possible, avoid any contact whatsoever. If that's not possible, minimize the contact and keep it friendly but businesslike. This serves four purposes. It gives him some breathing room so he no longer feels trapped. It also gives him the chance to actually miss you now being around. It will make him curious as to what has made you let him go. And finally, it will free your mind to think about someone else. . .yourself.
Before you can win his love back, you need to make sure you love yourself. Take care of yourself by eating right, getting enough sleep, trying to exercise, and making time to do things that you enjoy. Go out with the girls every once in a while. Join a new club, sport, or activity. Spend some time alone or spend more quality time with the kids.
Whatever it is, dedicate yourself to this. This will help you find your inner self again--the one that you've lost a little bit with your relationship problems. You may have to force this step in the beginning but once you start feeling better and looking better, this new lifestyle will become more natural. Many who get to this stage actually decide that they don't even want him back.
They continue on this path or they end up meeting someone new who alignes better with their personalities. But if you do still know in your heart that he is the one, only now should you contact him. Now you are stronger and no longer unsure of yourself and desperate. How you proceed from here may vary according to your specific situation, but without those first two steps, you will not ever get the answer of "how to make him love me again."

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Getting Back Together After A Long Time - 4 Things You Should Do

It can be difficult to get an ex off of your mind. Eventually, you may realize that you never wanted to be separated from them, and that you want to get back together with them. If you are working on getting back together after a long time apart, you need to make sure that you make all of the right moves.

These four separate tips will help you to connect with your ex, and will give you the best possible chance of a reconciliation. While these tips are not guaranteed to work, they will put you on the only path to success.

Get to Know Them Again

If you want to get back together with someone that you have not been with for a long period of time, you need to get to know them again. You need to take the time to get to know who they are. Get to know what they have been through, and who they have become since you separated. Never assume that they are exactly the same, as this will kill any chance you may have at getting back together with them.

Take Them Out on a Date

When you feel as if you know who they are, and who they have become, you need to take them out on a date. You should take them out on a romantic date, and act as if it was a first date. This romantic gesture will help to show your ex that you are serious about getting back together.

Give them Space and Time

If you are trying to get back together with someone that you have not been with for a long time, you need to make sure that you give them space and time. These two things are crucial, and can make or break the entire process.

The person will need space, as they need to concentrate on their own thoughts and feelings during this time. If they are constantly around you, they may not be able to figure out their own emotions. The person will also need time, as they will be making a big decision. If you try to rush their decision, they may give you the cold shoulder and may not give you the chance that you are looking for.

Be Romantic and Thoughtful

Finally, you need to make sure that you are romantic and thoughtful as you try to get back together with someone that you have not been dating for a long time. Romantic and thoughtful gestures are the best way to show someone how you truly feel.Take all of these tips into serious consideration, and make them a part of your overall plan. These four separate tips, when used together, will show your ex that you do care about them, and that you are taking their feelings into consideration. This will give you the best chance at getting back together after a long time apart.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Want A Happy Marriage - Search For The Glue That Will Hold You Together

If you want a happy marriage, search for the glue that will bind you together. That is advice given through the generations and like a lot of comments from older people, it is worth listening to.
Every relationship is different, as unique as the two people involved in it. Your mutual attraction, shared memories and lifestyle will help to keep you together and prevent you becoming yet another statistic. But you cannot afford to just sit back and assume that you will always be happy. Happy marriages take work. Couples need to realize that they must spend time on their relationship as well as time apart in order to stand the best chance of staying together.
People often make the mistake of putting their kids first all the time. While your children are important, the relationship between you their parents is equally so. What better example can you set your children than to have them growing up in a home where everyone is valued and their contribution to family life is appreciated. You want your kids to grow up knowing how to treat other people properly. They learn from example so be sure that the example you are giving them is the one you want them to follow.
In a happy relationship both parties know that the other person will always be there for them. This doesn't mean that they will always take their side in an argument but that they will not be abusive or disparaging or disrespectful. You need to develop good listening skills - God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. You need to learn to really listen to your partner and try to appreciate what they are saying to you. Poor communication does not result in you celebrating forty or fifty years of married bliss.
Spend time together - this seems like an obvious one but if you look back over the last month how much time have you two actually spent alone together. Staring at the TV screen every evening doesn't count. If you have to put a time in the diary but make sure that you spend at least one evening every two weeks together enjoying quality time.
If your intimate relationship needs some work, don't ignore it. Mutual attraction and lust played a huge part in you getting together in the first place. It is completely natural for the overwhelming urge to jump on each other to wear off but you should still find each other attractive. The good news is that the more you make love, the more your body will want it. Making love releases feel good chemicals and thus your body craves these good feelings. Even if you have to make a huge effort to get into the mood try and soon you may just find that it doesn't take that much effort anymore!
Finding the right partner to spend the rest of your life with is difficult but it is easy compared to keeping your marriage on the right track. Don't put your head in the sand. Read books like the Magic of Making Up and apply some of their teachings. You want a happy marriage? Search and apply the techniques that work for other people and you can be as happy as you wish.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Have Fun - Do A Marriage Quiz Today

If you want some light entertainment one evening why not do a marriage quiz together? These tests are designed to be a bit of fun but sometimes they can be used for other purposes. Some people will use them to sort out the problems in their relationship which is rather unrealistic unless both of you have taken a truth drug. For example, if you are both in a loving mood then you will score highly on these tests as you will both be open to the suggestions that your partner is wonderful. However if he is less than Romeo in your eyes or she resembles your mother in law more than the wife you married, you can get all the wrong results. For example, they can be used to check compatibility, although one could argue that it is a bit late checking that when you are already married!
So you have been warned, what can start as a game can quickly turn into an argument if you have underlying issues already. So if you two have been fighting a lot lately perhaps this is not the type of fun you should engage in. But that being said, they can be a useful way to open up a discussion particularly if you find it difficult to talk about your problems. You may find that the quiz opens up some doors to better communication between you. If you want to start talking about a difficult topic you might want to introduce a quiz as an idea for an activity that both of you can do together when the kids have gone to bed. Just be careful as these things can spiral out of control very quickly if either partner takes offence easily.
Where can you find these marriage quizzes? They regularly appear in magazines and are also available online. But if you are having problems in your relationship this is the not the way to resolve them. You need to get some help whether you try a relationship counseling service or some self help books and courses. If you are not sure where to start you could try the Magic Of Making Up which helps to develop proper communication between spouses and partners. Sometimes it can seem like men and women are from two different planets. They often want the same things but are not sure how to put this into words.
Every couple have days where they argue constantly and appear to have lost all love for one another. It is only when these days outnumber the good ones that you need to be concerned. A marriage quiz is meant as a bit of fun and we all need some fun and light entertainment in our lives particularly if we are going through stressful times. One of the best ways of keeping your relationship alive is to laugh together. Try renting an old funny movie or doing a quiz. Whatever works for you.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Is My Marriage In Trouble

If you are asking yourself the question is my marriage in trouble then it could appear that the answer is yes but this doesn't mean that it is. It might not be in grave danger of heading to the divorce courts but you are obviously not happy in the relationship if you are thinking this way. This maybe because there are issues between yourself and your partner or it may just be your perception of how things are. You could be feeling unfulfilled and lonely.
Whatever the reason for your feelings you need to get to the bottom of them or your marriage will be affected. It is not possible to have a happy relationship when one or both partners are feeling isolated, unloved or confused. It is not your partner's responsibility to solve your problems, emotional or otherwise for you, but it does help when they are supportive and understanding.
You may be feeling down because your diet is lacking in certain vitamins and minerals. For example, women of childbearing age need plenty of Vitamin B in their diets as otherwise their hormones can cause them problems. They can suffer from restless sleeping as well as mood swings and depression. Often you don't get sufficient vitamin B from natural resources so you may need a course of vitamin tablets to get you back on an even keel. Speak to your doctor if you are finding it difficult to sleep, are tired all the time or having difficulty shedding excess weight. You may have an underlying medical condition such as a thyroid problem and so need medical treatment. Men can be affected too.
Your worries may highlight a problem in your relationship. Have you tried talking to your partner about your feelings? It is not the easiest thing to do but once you take the first step you may find that you start to feel better. Communication is not a skill we learn in school or college. It is one of those things that people just assume we learn as we are growing up. Some people are natural communicators but most of us struggle to put our feelings into words particularly when talking to the person who means more to us than anyone else.
In the book The Magic Of Making Up, the writer discusses the problems that communication issues between couples cause. Most marriages end due to bad communication rather than an affair or abuse. And the really sad bit is that a significant number of break ups could have been avoided if one or both partners asked for help.
So don't sit and wallow in your feelings. Talk to your partner today. Find some quiet time together and tell them how you are feeling and ask them how they feel about things and take it from there. You may find a little bit of good communication and some time together will help to resolve your worries and you will no longer be asking is my marriage in trouble.