Husbands Ex-Find Ways To Relate For Your New Relationship

Since the divorce rate is so high the odds that you will find someone to marry that has never been married before is slim. Because of this you will need to find ways to deal effectively with your new husbands ex wife, especially if they have kids together.

This may not be as easy as it sounds but it can be done. If you were not the reason that they split up then you do have a fighting chance as long as you do not get caught up in the drama that remains from their relationship. Their history is just that, history and even though he may vent to you about things that have upset him you should stay out of the throng and just be there to listen.

It wold be a good idea to sit down with your husband ex wife and get to know each other. Take the initiative and ask her to go get a cup of coffee or treat her to lunch at a local cafe. She may feel a little intimidated or try to be intimidating toward you. If she tries to intimidate you then this is the perfect time to set the boundaries of your relationship.

Tell her in no uncertain terms that you are unwilling to be a party to any of the drama of their former relationship. Tell her you want the children to get to know you for themselves and will not tolerate her talking bad about you behind your back. She needs to know that you are now a part of her children's family and as such are part of the team that helps bring them up to adulthood.

If children are involved then tell her you will follow any and all direction she sets forth to help with the rearing of the children. Tell her you are open to and looking forward to becoming part of her children's lives but will never try to undermine her authority when it comes to dealing with them in a reasonable manner.

In other words, be there when someone needs a ride and go to all the school events that your schedule allows. Showing how you support the children will go a long way to becoming friendly with their mother. If the two of you can talk openly and honestly about the children and what is going on in their lives.

When she makes a plan for birthdays or holidays, stick to her plan. Do not be afraid, though, to make suggestions so your new husband gets to spend equal time with the children as well. Always present your ideas to her calmly and rationally so she will not think you are overstepping your bounds.

When it comes to giving gifts to the children on their birthdays or for the holidays, make a point of asking what she is getting them so there will be no duplicate presents but do not use this as an opportunity to upstage her gift with a bigger one. Gift giving should come from the heart and never be a competition between the parent and step parent.

You are not responsible for the relationship between your husband ex wife and him but you are responsible for making their children feel loved and secure when they are in your home.