Are you thinking 'I miss my ex' after a painful relationship break up? If this sounds like you, then you are not alone. Missing your ex is a normal part of the grieving process after any break up, but some women's longing to see their ex one more time goes much deeper than merely missing the companionship.
In these cases, women could feel as if they have missed out on their chance at true love. If this sounds like you and you find yourself saying 'I miss my ex' then there might be some things you are able to do to win back your relationship.
Even if you think you have tried everything you can to get your ex back, maybe you need to reconsider your tactics, as some of the things you may be doing may possibly be pushing him even further away. Some things women try in order to get their ex to realize how much they miss him can frequently make him run the other way rather than coming back to you.
These things can include calling him and telling him you miss him and you love him in an upset, miserable tone. To a man, this sounds like desperation from a really unhappy person. Men like to spend time with people who make them feel good. This means they will seek women who are happy and confident because they make him feel as though he's capable of making them happy.
If you have ever called your ex and cried about how upset you are now he's gone, then you may have pushed him even further away. Don't worry, though. It's possible to fix this sort of mistake by merely not contacting him for a couple of days to give him plenty of time to miss you. After all, if you are texting or e-mailing or phoning him day in and day out, when has he had a chance to miss you yet?
While you are spending some time away from him, you need to spend some time working on building up your own self-confidence. Give yourself a mini makeover. When women look good, they feel good also. Spend some time doing things that make you feel good. Go out with some girlfriends and do some fun things together.
Building your own self-confidence will help to stop you thinking about the negative, upsetting aspects of telling yourself over and over 'I miss my ex'. Rather than this, begin thinking about positive things you are able to do to become the happy, confident woman that your ex fell in love with in the first place.
After all, when you are able to put yourself back into a positive frame of mind, you will be ready to give him a call and suggest you both catch up for a friendly coffee and a chat. This will give you a chance to let him spend some time with the happy, confident version of you that he once loved and was attracted to. If you feel your emotions coming to the surface and you feel like you want to beg or plead with him or if you feel like you are going to cry, remember that the unhappy you is the one he pulled away from and broke up with.
So if you're thinking 'I miss my ex', take heart. There is still hope you can work on ways to get your ex back.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Relationship Rescue
A lot of people start searching for relationship rescue tactics to try and bring back the spark they once had with a partner when the magic begins to fade. Over time, most relationships grow and change from the loving, romantic bond into a steady routine of daily rituals and habits. In some cases, those habits could make one or both people in the relationship feel as though they are being taken for granted.
Some people may find that they are arguing more often than they are enjoying one another. Other people might find that there's nothing left to say to one another or they merely fall into a daily pattern where everything else seems more important than the relationship.
Your relationship does not have to be this way.
Frequently the first avenue many people try in order to re-kindle a relationship is to try and bring back some of the romance. Intimate dinners and provocative lingerie are nice physical attempts at bringing you closer again, but they do not address on the inner, emotional reasons why the relationship might be strained. On the other hand, endlessly talking about your relationship rescue plans and tactics could potentially drive a wedge between you and strain the relationship even further.
There are plenty of relationship rescue tactics you are able to use to bring that loving spark back into your relationships. Here are a few relationship rescue suggestions you are able to try to help get you back on the right track.
1. Appreciation
When the initial heady, romantic stage of any relationship begins to settle into a comfortable partnership, a lot of people lose sight of the things they originally appreciated in their partner. They start to focus on the things that irritate them or annoy them or make them mad.
Regrettably, focusing on all the negative aspects of your partner could often bring about a feeling of resentment, which can lead to arguments and eventually the destruction of the relationship.
It is important to try and find things in your partner that you appreciate. You may appreciate their kindness or their sense of humor or their intelligence or whatever attribute attracted you to them to begin with.
2. Awareness
Live every day of your relationship as if it was the last day you have with your partner. Accidents happen when we least expect them. While this does not mean it is going to happen to you, consider how you would feel if something did happen and today truly was the final day you had together.
What would you regret most? What would you wish you'd said or done or changed if you never had the opportunity to do them again?
Your answers to those questions should be the very same things you need to be doing with your partner each and every day. When you live each day as if it was your last, the romance will return almost at once.
3. Communication
Your partner can not read your mind. Sitting in silence letting a problem brew until you are at bursting point will not make your partner see problems any more clearly and it could compound the negative emotions inside you.
It is important to communicate with your partner about your expectations, your needs, your goals and ambitions, your disappointment and anger. Communication is about letting the other person know what you are feeling in a clear, non-blaming manner so that you are able to both make sure you are on the same page.
Relationship rescue is all about finding ways to be sure you understand and appreciate the little things you do for each other instead of focusing on the negatives. If you are able to communicate clearly and find ways to appreciate and support your partner, then your relationship rescue attempts will be rewarded.
Some people may find that they are arguing more often than they are enjoying one another. Other people might find that there's nothing left to say to one another or they merely fall into a daily pattern where everything else seems more important than the relationship.
Your relationship does not have to be this way.
Frequently the first avenue many people try in order to re-kindle a relationship is to try and bring back some of the romance. Intimate dinners and provocative lingerie are nice physical attempts at bringing you closer again, but they do not address on the inner, emotional reasons why the relationship might be strained. On the other hand, endlessly talking about your relationship rescue plans and tactics could potentially drive a wedge between you and strain the relationship even further.
There are plenty of relationship rescue tactics you are able to use to bring that loving spark back into your relationships. Here are a few relationship rescue suggestions you are able to try to help get you back on the right track.
1. Appreciation
When the initial heady, romantic stage of any relationship begins to settle into a comfortable partnership, a lot of people lose sight of the things they originally appreciated in their partner. They start to focus on the things that irritate them or annoy them or make them mad.
Regrettably, focusing on all the negative aspects of your partner could often bring about a feeling of resentment, which can lead to arguments and eventually the destruction of the relationship.
It is important to try and find things in your partner that you appreciate. You may appreciate their kindness or their sense of humor or their intelligence or whatever attribute attracted you to them to begin with.
2. Awareness
Live every day of your relationship as if it was the last day you have with your partner. Accidents happen when we least expect them. While this does not mean it is going to happen to you, consider how you would feel if something did happen and today truly was the final day you had together.
What would you regret most? What would you wish you'd said or done or changed if you never had the opportunity to do them again?
Your answers to those questions should be the very same things you need to be doing with your partner each and every day. When you live each day as if it was your last, the romance will return almost at once.
3. Communication
Your partner can not read your mind. Sitting in silence letting a problem brew until you are at bursting point will not make your partner see problems any more clearly and it could compound the negative emotions inside you.
It is important to communicate with your partner about your expectations, your needs, your goals and ambitions, your disappointment and anger. Communication is about letting the other person know what you are feeling in a clear, non-blaming manner so that you are able to both make sure you are on the same page.
Relationship rescue is all about finding ways to be sure you understand and appreciate the little things you do for each other instead of focusing on the negatives. If you are able to communicate clearly and find ways to appreciate and support your partner, then your relationship rescue attempts will be rewarded.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Signs Your Ex Wants You Back
Many people find that once the relationship has broken up, there may still be some signs that your ex wants you back. Sometimes people end relationships for the wrong reasons. This could be because of an argument that led to them saying something they didn't really mean, or it could be because they ended up taking the relationship for granted.
If your relationship has ended and you're wondering if those signals you're receiving are signs your ex wants you back, then there are some things you should think about. There are some men who only want to keep in touch so they can get what they need from you when they want it. However, there are some specific signs that your ex wants you back instead of just wanting to get what he can get.
It's important that you distinguish between real signs and things you hope to see. Some women love their partners so much their imagination helps them to visualize their partner making positive signals to get them back. While it's easy to see the positive in anything he does when you're wanting him back, you must remember that some signals will be him just trying to get whatever he can get from you, while there will be definite clear signals that tell you he really wants to fix the relationship and start over.
Signs Your Ex Wants You Back
Maybe the biggest sign your ex wants you back is when he starts trying to communicate with you often. You begin to notice you are getting calls or text messages and e-mails more regularly and he seems to want to just keep in touch. This is frequently a good sign that he wants to test the waters to see if you are still angry or if you are willing to talk.
If you notice during conversations with him that he keeps telling you about things he's doing that are new or different, these may be signs that he's trying to impress you by improving himself. In his mind, he had to be thinking he was not good enough to make the relationship work last time, so working to find ways to impress you, such as joining a gym or taking self-help classes or aiming at a new promotion at work or trying to earn more money may be ways for him to try and prove to you that he's a better catch now.
Another way to recognize signs your ex wants you back could be listening carefully to the questions he asks you when you catch up again. If he seems to be really interested in what you are doing and who you spend your time with, then he still has some interest in you. He's testing the waters to be sure you do not have a new guy on the scene.
The biggest possible signs your ex wants you back are unmistakable, yet many women miss them! When he says to you 'I miss you and I want you back', this is an absolutely sure sign he really wants to come back. It is surprising how many men tell their ex-girlfriends this, yet the emotionally worried woman simply does not hear it – or worse, she does not believe it. She thinks it is a trick or that there's a catch.
The truth is, if he looks you in the eye and tells you he wants to come back, then do not quiz him or accuse him or be doubtful about his signs. Smile. Be the happy, confident person he fell in love with and that he enjoys spending time with. After all, it is the positive signs your ex wants you back that you should be looking for.
If your relationship has ended and you're wondering if those signals you're receiving are signs your ex wants you back, then there are some things you should think about. There are some men who only want to keep in touch so they can get what they need from you when they want it. However, there are some specific signs that your ex wants you back instead of just wanting to get what he can get.
It's important that you distinguish between real signs and things you hope to see. Some women love their partners so much their imagination helps them to visualize their partner making positive signals to get them back. While it's easy to see the positive in anything he does when you're wanting him back, you must remember that some signals will be him just trying to get whatever he can get from you, while there will be definite clear signals that tell you he really wants to fix the relationship and start over.
Signs Your Ex Wants You Back
Maybe the biggest sign your ex wants you back is when he starts trying to communicate with you often. You begin to notice you are getting calls or text messages and e-mails more regularly and he seems to want to just keep in touch. This is frequently a good sign that he wants to test the waters to see if you are still angry or if you are willing to talk.
If you notice during conversations with him that he keeps telling you about things he's doing that are new or different, these may be signs that he's trying to impress you by improving himself. In his mind, he had to be thinking he was not good enough to make the relationship work last time, so working to find ways to impress you, such as joining a gym or taking self-help classes or aiming at a new promotion at work or trying to earn more money may be ways for him to try and prove to you that he's a better catch now.
Another way to recognize signs your ex wants you back could be listening carefully to the questions he asks you when you catch up again. If he seems to be really interested in what you are doing and who you spend your time with, then he still has some interest in you. He's testing the waters to be sure you do not have a new guy on the scene.
The biggest possible signs your ex wants you back are unmistakable, yet many women miss them! When he says to you 'I miss you and I want you back', this is an absolutely sure sign he really wants to come back. It is surprising how many men tell their ex-girlfriends this, yet the emotionally worried woman simply does not hear it – or worse, she does not believe it. She thinks it is a trick or that there's a catch.
The truth is, if he looks you in the eye and tells you he wants to come back, then do not quiz him or accuse him or be doubtful about his signs. Smile. Be the happy, confident person he fell in love with and that he enjoys spending time with. After all, it is the positive signs your ex wants you back that you should be looking for.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
How To Stop A Divorce
Are you worried that you may not be able to find ways how to stop a divorce? If you are like most people, you would have tried everything you are able to think of in an effort to keep your relationship and stop it from falling apart.
Regrettably, if you are also like most people, some of those things you have been doing to try and figure out how to stop a divorce are actually pushing your partner further away.
Here are a couple of the things most people do when they think they know how to stop a divorce.
1. Reassurance
Most people try hard to tell their partner that they will change. They reassure them that if they stay in the relationship, things will be different. If you have been pleading with your partner to stay and reassuring him that everything will be better, then you may be pushing him further away.
2. Desperation
The majority of women trying to stop a divorce tell their partner over and over again 'I love you'. They want him to see how much they care in the hope that it will make him stay. Trying to make your partner understand how much you love him and how much you need him is almost certain to make him want to pull away. After all, if you keep telling him that you can not live without him and he's the only one who can make you happy, then he's seeing that act of desperation as coming from a person who no longer has the confidence of the woman he originally fell in love with.
3. Talking
Many women spend endless hours talking, arguing, reasoning, analyzing and trying to fix a failing relationship. This tactic never works. As a matter of fact, it merely reinforces to a man that the relationship must be in serious trouble if it requires this much arguing and analyzing, so why keep trying? Nobody wants to be married to somebody who constantly wants to focus on the negative aspects of everything that's going on.
While these things are almost normal instinctive behaviors for a lot of women, they do not actually work when it comes to finding ways how to stop a divorce. What works is taking a step back and looking at your relationship a little differently. It is time to remove the emotion for just a moment and work on the dynamics of how you and your partner connected to begin with.
Think about when you first met. You would both have been happy and confident and cheerful. It was just fun to be in each others company. You would have been quite happy to accept your partner for who he was and you would have both made an effort to be sure to compromise on some things so you were both happy. Your partner would have fallen madly in love with you because you made him feel happy when you were together.
In order to find a real way how to stop a divorce, you need to work out how to get back that happy, confident woman your husband fell in love with in the first place. This isn't the same thing as getting a make-over. Your physical appearance isn't going to change a person's emotions. You will need to stop focusing on the negative aspects of what's going on and work on your own inner happiness. When you are happy and confident on the inside, you suddenly become more like the person your partner loves and respects. That's the woman he enjoys spending time with and that will also be the woman he will stop pulling away from.
When you can raise your confidence levels to that point and avoid all the usual triggers that push men away, you'll have learned the easiest way of how to stop a divorce.
Regrettably, if you are also like most people, some of those things you have been doing to try and figure out how to stop a divorce are actually pushing your partner further away.
Here are a couple of the things most people do when they think they know how to stop a divorce.
1. Reassurance
Most people try hard to tell their partner that they will change. They reassure them that if they stay in the relationship, things will be different. If you have been pleading with your partner to stay and reassuring him that everything will be better, then you may be pushing him further away.
2. Desperation
The majority of women trying to stop a divorce tell their partner over and over again 'I love you'. They want him to see how much they care in the hope that it will make him stay. Trying to make your partner understand how much you love him and how much you need him is almost certain to make him want to pull away. After all, if you keep telling him that you can not live without him and he's the only one who can make you happy, then he's seeing that act of desperation as coming from a person who no longer has the confidence of the woman he originally fell in love with.
3. Talking
Many women spend endless hours talking, arguing, reasoning, analyzing and trying to fix a failing relationship. This tactic never works. As a matter of fact, it merely reinforces to a man that the relationship must be in serious trouble if it requires this much arguing and analyzing, so why keep trying? Nobody wants to be married to somebody who constantly wants to focus on the negative aspects of everything that's going on.
While these things are almost normal instinctive behaviors for a lot of women, they do not actually work when it comes to finding ways how to stop a divorce. What works is taking a step back and looking at your relationship a little differently. It is time to remove the emotion for just a moment and work on the dynamics of how you and your partner connected to begin with.
Think about when you first met. You would both have been happy and confident and cheerful. It was just fun to be in each others company. You would have been quite happy to accept your partner for who he was and you would have both made an effort to be sure to compromise on some things so you were both happy. Your partner would have fallen madly in love with you because you made him feel happy when you were together.
In order to find a real way how to stop a divorce, you need to work out how to get back that happy, confident woman your husband fell in love with in the first place. This isn't the same thing as getting a make-over. Your physical appearance isn't going to change a person's emotions. You will need to stop focusing on the negative aspects of what's going on and work on your own inner happiness. When you are happy and confident on the inside, you suddenly become more like the person your partner loves and respects. That's the woman he enjoys spending time with and that will also be the woman he will stop pulling away from.
When you can raise your confidence levels to that point and avoid all the usual triggers that push men away, you'll have learned the easiest way of how to stop a divorce.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
How To Win Love Back
It is easy to fall into routines and habits in relationships where we all end up taking what we have for granted. We merely expect the other person to be there until one day the relationship comes crumbling down around you. Luckily learning how to win love back is easier than most people believe.
The problem with most 'how to win love back' tactics is that they do not take into consideration the primary differences between the way men and women think. Women will try really hard to make their man understand how much they love him and need him, while men view actions as speaking louder than any words you are able to say.
If you are serious about learning how to win love back, then you will need to spend a bit of time removing the words from your relationship's memories and having a look at what your actions were saying.
Most women can think of times when they were trying hard to tell their man that they love him and want him to stay. You know the words you said, but what did your actions say? To a man, you would have been showing him how upset you were and how hurt you were. In his mind, he would have been thinking that he's the cause of all your misery, so you would be better off if he just broke up with you. This means all your reassurances of how much you love him actually pushed him away!
Think about all the times where you both argued and got angry. Your words may have been trying to make him see reason and understand your point of view, but your actions were telling him something very different. Your man would not have heard the words you shouted at him. He would only have seen a really unhappy woman who truly was not happy with the man before her. His mind would instantly have thought he was the cause of your misery and he's believe it is easier to break up with you instead of keep making you so unhappy. The same thing is true if you give him the silent treatment.
When you are learning how to win back love, you have to recognize that your actions will speak far louder than any words you are able to say. Your partner wants you to be happy. He also wants to believe you are happy when you are spending time with him. The best possible way to show him that he's the right man for you is to go out and work on your own self-confidence levels.
When you feel happy within yourself and you are confident and brimming with life, you are irresistible to the man who fell in love with you. After all, when the relationship was still new and exciting, you were both bubbly and happy and pleased to spend time with each other. This is the version of you your partner fell in love with.
Spend some time working on things that make you happy. Hang out with friends or take a walk to clear your unhappy thoughts. Watch a fun movie and then suggest that you catch up with your man over a friendly cup of coffee. Your actions will show that you are a more pleasant person to be with and his feelings will begin to re-kindle as though by magic.
The problem with most 'how to win love back' tactics is that they do not take into consideration the primary differences between the way men and women think. Women will try really hard to make their man understand how much they love him and need him, while men view actions as speaking louder than any words you are able to say.
If you are serious about learning how to win love back, then you will need to spend a bit of time removing the words from your relationship's memories and having a look at what your actions were saying.
Most women can think of times when they were trying hard to tell their man that they love him and want him to stay. You know the words you said, but what did your actions say? To a man, you would have been showing him how upset you were and how hurt you were. In his mind, he would have been thinking that he's the cause of all your misery, so you would be better off if he just broke up with you. This means all your reassurances of how much you love him actually pushed him away!
Think about all the times where you both argued and got angry. Your words may have been trying to make him see reason and understand your point of view, but your actions were telling him something very different. Your man would not have heard the words you shouted at him. He would only have seen a really unhappy woman who truly was not happy with the man before her. His mind would instantly have thought he was the cause of your misery and he's believe it is easier to break up with you instead of keep making you so unhappy. The same thing is true if you give him the silent treatment.
When you are learning how to win back love, you have to recognize that your actions will speak far louder than any words you are able to say. Your partner wants you to be happy. He also wants to believe you are happy when you are spending time with him. The best possible way to show him that he's the right man for you is to go out and work on your own self-confidence levels.
When you feel happy within yourself and you are confident and brimming with life, you are irresistible to the man who fell in love with you. After all, when the relationship was still new and exciting, you were both bubbly and happy and pleased to spend time with each other. This is the version of you your partner fell in love with.
Spend some time working on things that make you happy. Hang out with friends or take a walk to clear your unhappy thoughts. Watch a fun movie and then suggest that you catch up with your man over a friendly cup of coffee. Your actions will show that you are a more pleasant person to be with and his feelings will begin to re-kindle as though by magic.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Still In Love With My Ex Girlfriend - How To Get Her Back
A lot of men tell me 'I am still in love with my ex girlfriend.' They want to know if there's anything they can do to get her back. The very first question to ask men who think they want their ex back is to ask what they have already tried.
A man who's serious about getting his ex girlfriend back will generally say he's repeatedly tried to tell her how much he loves her and needs her. He's reassured her that he will change and the relationship will be different if she gives him a second chance. This sort of begging and pleading merely shows a woman that you are desperate and frequently drives them even further away.
Some men will try the opposite maneuver to pleading and they will turn to bribery. Buying her costly gifts or taking her to fancy restaurants in an attempt to impress her will not work either. She might accept your tokens, but bribery Is not the way to win back love.
The vast majority of women want to be in a relationship with a man who will listen to what she has to say. Even if she's just making small talk, it is important to her that she's heard. This does not mean you have to agree with everything she says. You just need to hear.
When asked if they are willing to listen to their ex girlfriends, men who are trying hard to get back their ex frequently say 'I have tried to listen, but she does not listen to a word I say.' Sometimes when men think they are listening, what they are actually doing is hearing the problem and then immediately talking back to offer a solution to fix whatever problem his girlfriend is having. He believes because she does not hear a word he says that she's not listening.
However, only hearing the parts of the conversation you think you are able to help her with and then trying to make her listen to you first isn't the same as YOU listening to your girlfriend's needs. Women appreciate men who listen to them. Regrettably, men communicate in slightly different ways, which could probably have been a contributing factor to your break up to begin with.
If you are still thinking 'I'm still in love with my ex-girlfriend and want to get her back', then practice listening. Ask her a question and then listen to what she says intently. Make a comment about her response or ask another question relating to her response, but do not try to fix it or dismiss it as unimportant. Simply listen to her.
Women assume that a man who listens to her truly cares. It tells you that you understand and that you are truly interested. The next time you receive an opportunity to get together with your ex, take some time to establish eye contact and really listen intently to what she says.
At first, you may find your ex-girlfriend is a little confused or guarded about your sudden change, but when she realizes that you are interested in what she's saying she will start to relax and realize that you do care. She will immediately begin wondering why her feelings for you went away and they should come rushing back when she understands that you really do still love your ex and really do want her back.
A man who's serious about getting his ex girlfriend back will generally say he's repeatedly tried to tell her how much he loves her and needs her. He's reassured her that he will change and the relationship will be different if she gives him a second chance. This sort of begging and pleading merely shows a woman that you are desperate and frequently drives them even further away.
Some men will try the opposite maneuver to pleading and they will turn to bribery. Buying her costly gifts or taking her to fancy restaurants in an attempt to impress her will not work either. She might accept your tokens, but bribery Is not the way to win back love.
The vast majority of women want to be in a relationship with a man who will listen to what she has to say. Even if she's just making small talk, it is important to her that she's heard. This does not mean you have to agree with everything she says. You just need to hear.
When asked if they are willing to listen to their ex girlfriends, men who are trying hard to get back their ex frequently say 'I have tried to listen, but she does not listen to a word I say.' Sometimes when men think they are listening, what they are actually doing is hearing the problem and then immediately talking back to offer a solution to fix whatever problem his girlfriend is having. He believes because she does not hear a word he says that she's not listening.
However, only hearing the parts of the conversation you think you are able to help her with and then trying to make her listen to you first isn't the same as YOU listening to your girlfriend's needs. Women appreciate men who listen to them. Regrettably, men communicate in slightly different ways, which could probably have been a contributing factor to your break up to begin with.
If you are still thinking 'I'm still in love with my ex-girlfriend and want to get her back', then practice listening. Ask her a question and then listen to what she says intently. Make a comment about her response or ask another question relating to her response, but do not try to fix it or dismiss it as unimportant. Simply listen to her.
Women assume that a man who listens to her truly cares. It tells you that you understand and that you are truly interested. The next time you receive an opportunity to get together with your ex, take some time to establish eye contact and really listen intently to what she says.
At first, you may find your ex-girlfriend is a little confused or guarded about your sudden change, but when she realizes that you are interested in what she's saying she will start to relax and realize that you do care. She will immediately begin wondering why her feelings for you went away and they should come rushing back when she understands that you really do still love your ex and really do want her back.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
How To Save A Relationship - Take Baby Steps
Well the good news is that if both of you are agreeable, the actual process of how to save a relationship is reasonably easy. If both of you still want to be life partners then you know that you love one another; but for some reason are finding it difficult to communicate right now.
Life gets in the way of relationships. There's no two ways around that. Regrettably we are all guilty of taking our loved ones for granted. We could spend time sorting out our kids problems, our friends problems perhaps even those of our work colleagues only to arrive home in a heap worn out. We frequently assume that our partner can read our mind and know that we love and care about them.
But no matter how secure somebody is, if they constantly feel or are made feel that they belong at the bottom of a really long list of priorities, they might leave. Feelings of resentment could grow over time and become rather like a snowball - small to start but soon takes on large proportions.
The first step would be to arrange a night where both of you are free to concentrate 100% on your relationship. Get a babysitter for the children and head out someplace for the evening. If you pick a public place, you're less likely to let your resentments boil over into an argument.
Agree that both of you want this relationship to work and reassure one another that you're committed to your partnership. Arrange a series of date nights - these nights are for you two as a couple. You could each write out a list of what you would like to try in the relationship be it a night at the Opera or a particular technique in the bedroom. Then alternate trying to fulfil the other person's wishes.
Likewise the lists of treats you would like, you also should make a list of all that you enjoy about the relationship and then a list of the problem areas as you each see them.
Spending time together away from the hassles of real life will help you to rediscover the magic that brought you together. Sharing the above lists will help you to recognize what you have and what you need to work on.
Now it may be easy for one party to become offended at what is written down. You both need to know that this exercise has been done exclusively to increase the satisfaction level in your relationship not to knock the other person's confidence or blame them for the problems. Try not to become defensive but listen to both the good parts and the bad. Try not to go to bed on an argument as unresolved conflict could cause more bitterness. Showing love and appreciation goes a long way believe me.
By encouraging open communication and time for each other you should find that your commitment to each other becomes stronger and your friends will soon be asking you for advice on how to save a relationship.
Life gets in the way of relationships. There's no two ways around that. Regrettably we are all guilty of taking our loved ones for granted. We could spend time sorting out our kids problems, our friends problems perhaps even those of our work colleagues only to arrive home in a heap worn out. We frequently assume that our partner can read our mind and know that we love and care about them.
But no matter how secure somebody is, if they constantly feel or are made feel that they belong at the bottom of a really long list of priorities, they might leave. Feelings of resentment could grow over time and become rather like a snowball - small to start but soon takes on large proportions.
The first step would be to arrange a night where both of you are free to concentrate 100% on your relationship. Get a babysitter for the children and head out someplace for the evening. If you pick a public place, you're less likely to let your resentments boil over into an argument.
Agree that both of you want this relationship to work and reassure one another that you're committed to your partnership. Arrange a series of date nights - these nights are for you two as a couple. You could each write out a list of what you would like to try in the relationship be it a night at the Opera or a particular technique in the bedroom. Then alternate trying to fulfil the other person's wishes.
Likewise the lists of treats you would like, you also should make a list of all that you enjoy about the relationship and then a list of the problem areas as you each see them.
Spending time together away from the hassles of real life will help you to rediscover the magic that brought you together. Sharing the above lists will help you to recognize what you have and what you need to work on.
Now it may be easy for one party to become offended at what is written down. You both need to know that this exercise has been done exclusively to increase the satisfaction level in your relationship not to knock the other person's confidence or blame them for the problems. Try not to become defensive but listen to both the good parts and the bad. Try not to go to bed on an argument as unresolved conflict could cause more bitterness. Showing love and appreciation goes a long way believe me.
By encouraging open communication and time for each other you should find that your commitment to each other becomes stronger and your friends will soon be asking you for advice on how to save a relationship.
Monday, August 24, 2009
How To Build Trust In A Relationship
Building trust in a relationship can be very difficult depending on the circumstances. If one partner had an affair, then it may take several years to build trust in a relationship. It can be done and marriages survive affairs but it will take time. The person who had the affair will need to apologize to his/her partner and then be prepared for that person to learn to trust them again.
But trust is something that needs to be built up in every partnership. After all you are going to share your life with this other person so you need to know that they share the same values as you do. If you are trying to build mutual reliance there are several ways of doing this:
1) Make sure your words and actions match. If you say you are going to be home at a certain time, then make sure you are or else phone in advance to explain why. It is the little gestures that define who we are.
2) Always tell the truth no matter how painful. Lies destroy every type of relationship from friendships through to marriage. Telling the truth isn't always the easy option but it is the safest. If your partner knows that you always tell the truth, they will trust you much quicker. If they hear you telling lies to others, even those that you dismiss as being small or white lies, they will have less belief in you.
3)Do not keep secrets when in a relationship. Now I don't mean that you have to tell your new boyfriend or girlfriend your deepest secrets but as soon as the relationship looks like it is becoming serious, it is a good time to make sure that any relevant history is out in the open.
4) You need to have faith in your partner before expecting them to return that trust. If you have to text them morning and night wondering where they are and who they are with, they are likely to think you have something to hide.
5) Don't be unrealistic. All relationships have issues even those that have been happily married for 50 years. You need to accept that being part of a couple means that you take the good times and the bad. If you bolt at the first sign of trouble, your partner is never likely to trust you.
6) Finally rely on yourself to do the right thing. You must first know yourself and trust in your ability to make the right choices before you can trust anyone else. You have to know what your own goals and aspirations are in life before you can share a meaningful existence with someone else. Somebody with a defined sense of values is more likely to trust another person as they will quickly recognize these similar values.
All good relationships are built on a number of factors so learn how to build trust in a relationship now to increase your chance of success.
But trust is something that needs to be built up in every partnership. After all you are going to share your life with this other person so you need to know that they share the same values as you do. If you are trying to build mutual reliance there are several ways of doing this:
1) Make sure your words and actions match. If you say you are going to be home at a certain time, then make sure you are or else phone in advance to explain why. It is the little gestures that define who we are.
2) Always tell the truth no matter how painful. Lies destroy every type of relationship from friendships through to marriage. Telling the truth isn't always the easy option but it is the safest. If your partner knows that you always tell the truth, they will trust you much quicker. If they hear you telling lies to others, even those that you dismiss as being small or white lies, they will have less belief in you.
3)Do not keep secrets when in a relationship. Now I don't mean that you have to tell your new boyfriend or girlfriend your deepest secrets but as soon as the relationship looks like it is becoming serious, it is a good time to make sure that any relevant history is out in the open.
4) You need to have faith in your partner before expecting them to return that trust. If you have to text them morning and night wondering where they are and who they are with, they are likely to think you have something to hide.
5) Don't be unrealistic. All relationships have issues even those that have been happily married for 50 years. You need to accept that being part of a couple means that you take the good times and the bad. If you bolt at the first sign of trouble, your partner is never likely to trust you.
6) Finally rely on yourself to do the right thing. You must first know yourself and trust in your ability to make the right choices before you can trust anyone else. You have to know what your own goals and aspirations are in life before you can share a meaningful existence with someone else. Somebody with a defined sense of values is more likely to trust another person as they will quickly recognize these similar values.
All good relationships are built on a number of factors so learn how to build trust in a relationship now to increase your chance of success.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
