If the time has come to start thinking about ending a relationship there are some things you need to know to do it in style. Even if the trust and respect between the two of you has been long gone, you need to summon it back up and deal with the break up with some class. You will feel better about yourself for doing this much.
Ask them to meet you in a public place for coffee or whatever and when the time comes to end the relationship just say it and get it out on the table. There may be some discussion as to why you want to break up but if the relationship has been on the skids for some time it may not come as a surprise to your soon to be ex.
Never think that ending a relationship by email, text, or over the phone is a good idea. It isn't. The only time this is acceptable is if you think there will be violence then, by all means, do what you have to do to stay safe.
If you know for certain that your soon to be ex will not get violent then have enough respect for yourself to break up with them in person. You will know that you handled the break up with dignity and when they calm down they will respect you for it also.
There really is no way to let someone down easy. The best thing you can do is get it all out on the table so it can be dealt with. Do not prolong the issue. Say what needs to be said, excuse yourself then leave. This is best for both of you. There is no need to stick around and get caught up in a fight.
Do not place the blame on them even if it belongs there. Tell them that you just do not think that the relationship is working out and that you would like to move on. Break ups are hard for all concerned. You may breathe a sigh of relief when it is all over but you will also have some grieving to do even if you are the one initiating the break up. Especially if the two of you have been seeing each other for some time.
Tell them that after the break up you will adopt a no contact policy and if they try to contact you do not pick up the phone or answer any emails or texts. If they continue to try to get in touch with you you may have to consider changing your number. Remove them from all of your contact lists and continue to live your life.
Ending a relationship that is no longer working is really the best thing you can do. You owe it to yourself to be happy. It is time to stop making excuses and start living your life the way you were meant to. When your ex sees the difference then they will see that breaking up was the best thing that could have happened for the both of you.
Showing posts with label ending a relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ending a relationship. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Ending A Relationship Is A Challange
Ending a relationship is a challenge. It's so easy to second guess yourself and wonder if you're making a horrible mistake. Then comes the guilt you'll feel by causing someone you used to love, and maybe still do, all that pain. Where should you have 'the talk'? When? What will you say? What should you make sure not to say? It's never easy to break up, but with some forethought you can lessen the pain and awkwardness a little bit.
Do yourself a favor and think long and hard about it before you actually do it. It's very hard, sometimes impossible, to get back with someone after a breakup so you want to make sure that you're sure this is the best thing to do...before you do it. Don't go off in a huff because the two of you just had a fight. You don't want to have to swallow your pride and eat your words if you've jumped the gun and then had a change of heart.
Of course, if you're being abused, don't allow yourself to be talked out of it. This is the one time that you have got to stand your ground. Other than that, though, take your time while making your decision, no matter what you may think, the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. Make sure you're really ready for all that will happen after the breakup. Don't expect that you'll go out and start dating everyone within a 50 mile radius. It's easy to be a little bored in a relationship and convince yourself that you can do better, but can you? Really? You better be sure.
If after all this soul searching you're still convinced that a breakup is the best way to go, than plan out the best way to go about it. Even though you want out of the relationship that's no reason to be mean and callous to your soon- to- be ex. Try to figure out the kindest and gentlest way to end the relationship. Oh, and don't be a schmuck and breakup with someone right before a major holiday or their birthday. You've waited this long you can wait a few days more. No need to tarnish their big day with memories of a painful breakup.
When it comes time to talk to them, pick a quiet place and take your time. Don't lie to them, be as honest as possible (though if you're already seeing someone else you may want to spare them that detail) but don't back down. You've given this a lot of thought and you're sure this is the right thing to do, so do it. They may cry, threaten and plead but you have to stand firm otherwise you' ll just be repeating the whole scene in a few days or weeks, and who wants to go through that?
Once you've done it and the two of you are through, don't give into temptation and call them, and don't take their calls if they call you either. You both have to move on and since you're the one who ended the relationship it's up to you to be the 'strong' one and cut off all contact. You may be tempted to talk to them, especially if the whole dating everyone within 50 miles thing hasn't worked out quite the way you planned, but don't. Make a clean break.
You can't take away all the pain and make things better for your ex when it comes to
ending a relationship, but you can handle the situation with thought and compassion to make things as easy as possible. And you should, because karma can be a witch.
Do yourself a favor and think long and hard about it before you actually do it. It's very hard, sometimes impossible, to get back with someone after a breakup so you want to make sure that you're sure this is the best thing to do...before you do it. Don't go off in a huff because the two of you just had a fight. You don't want to have to swallow your pride and eat your words if you've jumped the gun and then had a change of heart.
Of course, if you're being abused, don't allow yourself to be talked out of it. This is the one time that you have got to stand your ground. Other than that, though, take your time while making your decision, no matter what you may think, the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. Make sure you're really ready for all that will happen after the breakup. Don't expect that you'll go out and start dating everyone within a 50 mile radius. It's easy to be a little bored in a relationship and convince yourself that you can do better, but can you? Really? You better be sure.
If after all this soul searching you're still convinced that a breakup is the best way to go, than plan out the best way to go about it. Even though you want out of the relationship that's no reason to be mean and callous to your soon- to- be ex. Try to figure out the kindest and gentlest way to end the relationship. Oh, and don't be a schmuck and breakup with someone right before a major holiday or their birthday. You've waited this long you can wait a few days more. No need to tarnish their big day with memories of a painful breakup.
When it comes time to talk to them, pick a quiet place and take your time. Don't lie to them, be as honest as possible (though if you're already seeing someone else you may want to spare them that detail) but don't back down. You've given this a lot of thought and you're sure this is the right thing to do, so do it. They may cry, threaten and plead but you have to stand firm otherwise you' ll just be repeating the whole scene in a few days or weeks, and who wants to go through that?
Once you've done it and the two of you are through, don't give into temptation and call them, and don't take their calls if they call you either. You both have to move on and since you're the one who ended the relationship it's up to you to be the 'strong' one and cut off all contact. You may be tempted to talk to them, especially if the whole dating everyone within 50 miles thing hasn't worked out quite the way you planned, but don't. Make a clean break.
You can't take away all the pain and make things better for your ex when it comes to
ending a relationship, but you can handle the situation with thought and compassion to make things as easy as possible. And you should, because karma can be a witch.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
The Smart Way To Ending A Relationship
8:00 AM - Go to work
9:15 AM - Office meeting
1:30 PM - Sales presentation
6:00 PM - Break up with my significant other
Let's face it, for most of us, that kind of schedule looks pretty funny. While we may not schedule a break up that way, there are times when something needs to be done, and somebody needs to make the first move. A lot of relationships last much longer than they probably should for no other reason than breaking up isn't an easy thing to do.
Relationships typically end in a few basic ways. There is the dramatic break up. This type can be very sudden and usually involves strong words or actions. There is the mutual break up where both parties come to the realization that it's over, and do so at the same time. It's almost as if it happens by magic. It's also the most rare. Finally, there is the slow break up. This is characterized by things degrading over time. The sad thing is that neither party may even know they are headed for a break up until it's far too late.
So, how can you end a bad relationship without either party getting hurt?
The first step is to know why you want to break up. But don't assume that the first reason you come up with is the real reason. You need to find the underlying cause of wanting to break up. Having a clear and accurate idea of why you're breaking up will make the process go smoother for both parties. That's because you will be operating from a position of honesty, and that's key.
Set a time to discuss things that is convenient for both of you. If at all possible do this face-to-face. It's really not the kind of thing that should be handled via e-mail or over the phone. The only exception s for long-distance relationships where you won't be able to get together for a while. It's better to end things quickly, than it is to delay the inevitable.
Keeping things positive when ending a relationship is a smart move. Just because you are ending a romance doesn't mean you have to make an enemy. Be nice to each other and treat each other with respect. Don't get defensive, and don't make the other person defensive, either. If they start crying, be compassionate. At the same time, be aware that it may be an attempt to manipulate you. You can still be nice, but don't let them make you do something you don't really want to do.
Finally, at this stage, getting back together in the future is probably the last thing on your mind. However, it is always a possibility. By ending a relationship the right way, you will have a better chance of being together at a later time, should that be something you would like to do. Either way, breaking doesn't have to be hard to do. Follow the tips above and you can both move on and be happy that you did.
9:15 AM - Office meeting
1:30 PM - Sales presentation
6:00 PM - Break up with my significant other
Let's face it, for most of us, that kind of schedule looks pretty funny. While we may not schedule a break up that way, there are times when something needs to be done, and somebody needs to make the first move. A lot of relationships last much longer than they probably should for no other reason than breaking up isn't an easy thing to do.
Relationships typically end in a few basic ways. There is the dramatic break up. This type can be very sudden and usually involves strong words or actions. There is the mutual break up where both parties come to the realization that it's over, and do so at the same time. It's almost as if it happens by magic. It's also the most rare. Finally, there is the slow break up. This is characterized by things degrading over time. The sad thing is that neither party may even know they are headed for a break up until it's far too late.
So, how can you end a bad relationship without either party getting hurt?
The first step is to know why you want to break up. But don't assume that the first reason you come up with is the real reason. You need to find the underlying cause of wanting to break up. Having a clear and accurate idea of why you're breaking up will make the process go smoother for both parties. That's because you will be operating from a position of honesty, and that's key.
Set a time to discuss things that is convenient for both of you. If at all possible do this face-to-face. It's really not the kind of thing that should be handled via e-mail or over the phone. The only exception s for long-distance relationships where you won't be able to get together for a while. It's better to end things quickly, than it is to delay the inevitable.
Keeping things positive when ending a relationship is a smart move. Just because you are ending a romance doesn't mean you have to make an enemy. Be nice to each other and treat each other with respect. Don't get defensive, and don't make the other person defensive, either. If they start crying, be compassionate. At the same time, be aware that it may be an attempt to manipulate you. You can still be nice, but don't let them make you do something you don't really want to do.
Finally, at this stage, getting back together in the future is probably the last thing on your mind. However, it is always a possibility. By ending a relationship the right way, you will have a better chance of being together at a later time, should that be something you would like to do. Either way, breaking doesn't have to be hard to do. Follow the tips above and you can both move on and be happy that you did.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Ending A Relationship Know When To Stay And When To Go
When ending a relationship, it is important to know how to end a relationship the right way and whether you should be ending a relationship. Not every relationship that has troubles needs to end, and not every relationship that has ended needs to stay that way. The trick is having the knowledge to make the correct determination.
A few relationships genuinely do need to end. If your spouse is abusing you, you need to get out of the relationship as soon as possible. If you are on the other side, and you are having trouble controlling your temper, then you are obligated to break up with the other individual for both of your sakes.
Aside from the obvious, when should you consider ending a relationship? When it is clear to you that the two of you no longer want the same things in a relationship. If the other individual wants to get married and you do not, that's a sign. When you find yourself moved to cheat on them with somebody else, that's a sign.
Ending a relationship should not follow a big fight. This is how good relationships wind up being broken apart when there's no reason they had to. When considering breaking it off with the other individual, you need to have a clear head about the entire relationship.
Once you decided to break it off, you need to do it properly so that you can both move on. There are 3 basic guidelines you need to follow:
Do not Play Games - Nobody likes to break up with somebody. That's normal, but there's a temptation to try and make the other individual do the dirty work in ending a relationship. Mostly subconsciously, we pick fights and play games to try and antagonize the other individual into breaking up with us.
This is a trap you need to avoid. Be direct, be honest and be proactive; make certain you treat the other individual with respect. Trying to goad them into breaking up with you will merely make you both miserable.
Do it in Person - Breaking up is a very painful experience for both parties. It's very enticing to bring the relationship to the end by e-mail or telephone or, these days, text message. That way, you do not have to see the look on their face or if you leave a message, without even talking to him.
But plainly, this is no way to end a relationship. If you don't interact with the other individual whilst breaking up, you will not have any sort of closure. This defeats the entire point of making a clean break. Do both of you a favor and break up in the flesh in a relatively private place.
Be Honest - You need to tell the other individual precisely why you're ending the relationship. This Is not easy, because they'll have a tendency to try and talk you out of it, but the fact is that lying to them about the reasons does not help either of you. Be honest, even if they do not want to hear it.
If you follow these 3 tips, you'll find ending a relationship to be a much smoother, much more effective process. Be aware, though, that along the way, you may find that the troubles you have are repairable. If this is the case, you need to find some resources to help you mend and repair the relationship.
A few relationships genuinely do need to end. If your spouse is abusing you, you need to get out of the relationship as soon as possible. If you are on the other side, and you are having trouble controlling your temper, then you are obligated to break up with the other individual for both of your sakes.
Aside from the obvious, when should you consider ending a relationship? When it is clear to you that the two of you no longer want the same things in a relationship. If the other individual wants to get married and you do not, that's a sign. When you find yourself moved to cheat on them with somebody else, that's a sign.
Ending a relationship should not follow a big fight. This is how good relationships wind up being broken apart when there's no reason they had to. When considering breaking it off with the other individual, you need to have a clear head about the entire relationship.
Once you decided to break it off, you need to do it properly so that you can both move on. There are 3 basic guidelines you need to follow:
Do not Play Games - Nobody likes to break up with somebody. That's normal, but there's a temptation to try and make the other individual do the dirty work in ending a relationship. Mostly subconsciously, we pick fights and play games to try and antagonize the other individual into breaking up with us.
This is a trap you need to avoid. Be direct, be honest and be proactive; make certain you treat the other individual with respect. Trying to goad them into breaking up with you will merely make you both miserable.
Do it in Person - Breaking up is a very painful experience for both parties. It's very enticing to bring the relationship to the end by e-mail or telephone or, these days, text message. That way, you do not have to see the look on their face or if you leave a message, without even talking to him.
But plainly, this is no way to end a relationship. If you don't interact with the other individual whilst breaking up, you will not have any sort of closure. This defeats the entire point of making a clean break. Do both of you a favor and break up in the flesh in a relatively private place.
Be Honest - You need to tell the other individual precisely why you're ending the relationship. This Is not easy, because they'll have a tendency to try and talk you out of it, but the fact is that lying to them about the reasons does not help either of you. Be honest, even if they do not want to hear it.
If you follow these 3 tips, you'll find ending a relationship to be a much smoother, much more effective process. Be aware, though, that along the way, you may find that the troubles you have are repairable. If this is the case, you need to find some resources to help you mend and repair the relationship.
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