Evaluating Your Relationship With Your Partner-List Of Thoughts To Keep In Mind

Anybody that tells you being in a relationship is easy has never been in a real relationship. In fact, a trip to your local library will give you some idea of how many people need help for their relationships. You can use books or anything else when evaluating your relationship with your partner, but how you do it isn't as important as just doing it. Here are some things to keep in mind as you take a closer look at your relationship.

You have to be willing to accept the facts when you uncover them. While you will most likely discover a lot of good things about your relationship, you will also find a few things that need improvement. Do not ignore the bad stuff, and do not try to justify it away. You need to face the facts, and then do what needs to be done to make things better. After all, the purpose of evaluating your relationship with your partner is to learn more about that relationship; not liking the answers is not a reason to ignore those answers.

The tricky part of the evaluation is going in without any expectations about the results. For example, if you go in asking something like "are we going to stay together," then that will skew your results. You are aiming for a true evaluation, and not trying to verify a suspicion. Be open-minded and honest as you go through the process and you will get a more accurate result.

Here are a few unbiased questions that you can ask:

1. What do you want from your relationship? Don't worry about being selfish and answer this question honestly and thoroughly. It doesn't matter if you want financial security, emotional comfort, a partner to have fun with, or anything else; what matters is that you identify what is you want your relationship to provide.

2. What does your partner want? The other side of the coin is finding out what your partner wants from the relationship. Don't be judgmental and do your best to foster an atmosphere of openness. Some of the things they say may surprise or upset you, and that's okay because you are only in the discovery stage.

3. What do you like best about your partner and your relationship? Try to think of all the different aspects of your relationship and look for as much good stuff as you can.

4. What do you like least? No person is perfect, and no relationship is perfect, but you can't fix something unless you know it's a problem.

5. Where is your relationship in comparison to where you want it to be? This is the final step of evaluating your relationship with your partner. You know what you both want from your relationship, what you like, and what you don't. Now you have to take everything you have discovered and see how close to the mark you are. How much work needs to be done will depend upon many factors, but at least you now have a good idea of what to do.

Does Love Help You Live Longer-Studies Show It Is Possible

Studies have shown that married people live, on average, about five years longer than people who are not married. These statistics lead to the question: does love help you live longer? While the numbers would seem to suggest love lengthens lifespan, it is a subjective emotion and nearly impossible to quantify. On the other hand, the data does suggest a link between marriage and longevity, so there must be a link of some kind.

Take a moment to think about the people that you love. Now take another moment to think about the people who love you. Okay, how do you feel? Most people will feel better when thinking about their loved ones, and that may be one of the reasons why people in a loving relationship live longer.

While researchers aren't completely sure, it seems that being in love helps to reduce stress. There is a growing amount of research showing how damaging stress can be on the body. It used to be believed that stress only caused mental distress, but now it has been shown to negatively impact the body on a cellular level.

Having somebody to blow off steam to will help you to get rid of life-shortening stress. However, this only works if you have complete trust in the person you love. Sometimes trust isn't easy, especially if you have been lied to in previous relationships, but developing mutual trust is the key to having a happy relationship.

Perhaps being in love also gives you a reason to live. Again, this isn't the kind of thing that can be quantified by science, but ask anybody who has been in love, and they will tell you that their life has a purpose.

The cynics among us may say that love extends the lifespan because there is somebody always telling us what not to do. Imagine somebody yelling at their spouse to stop drinking, stop hanging out with their "loser" friends, or to drive better. Sure, those things may help you to live longer, but a nagging spouse will only add to your stress level.

Does love help you live longer is really only part of the equation. See, it's not only how long you live, it's how much you enjoy it. The need for companionship is a strong survival instinct, and it can be a driving force that makes life worth living. There are few things sadder than the image of a lonely, elderly person staring blankly into space--no friends come to visit, no family, nobody special to keep them company. It's depressing. Now imagine the same person, but this time they are sitting in a cozy chair next to their spouse of 50 years; one is knitting and the other watching the evening news. All of sudden they stop doing what they're doing, they look at each other and smile lovingly, then they go back to what they were doing. Which scene makes you happier?

Does love help you live longer? The research suggests that it may, and experience says that love makes us happier as we get older.

Simple Tips For Easing The Pain Of A Breakup

"There are plenty of fish in the sea."

It seem that everybody feels the need to share that old saying with you after you have ended a relationship. I know it's their way of trying to ease the pain of a breakup, it never has the desired effect. The good news is that there are some things you can do to start feeling better and move on with your life.

Face the truth. When breaking up, feelings get hurt, tears flow, anger surges and the thought of ever loving again seems like it will never happen again. I mention this because it's important to know that this flow of feelings after breaking up are normal.

Another saying you are not going to want to here is it takes time. The only thing that will heal the hurt is accepting things for what they are. Once you can do this, easing the pain of a breakup becomes nearly automatic. However, it may take a while before you get to that stage. Read below for a few ideas you can do to feel better in the meantime.

Get out: Hiding yourself away is detrimental to the healing process. Go ahead and take a little time to be alone, but don't overdo it. Get out of the house as soon as you can and re-discover the things life has to offer. In the beginning it's a good idea to avoid the old haunts you used to frequent with your ex. Other than that, have a ball!

Stay busy: While you shouldn't try to completely ignore what you are going through, it's also not a good idea to dwell on it. Participate in positive or productive activities to give your heart and mind a rest. Clean the house, play games, go to the gym, or anything else that requires movement and some level of thought.

Laugh: It may seem impossible, you may even feel guilty about it, but go ahead and laugh. It is believed that laughter releases certain "feel good" chemicals in the brain. The more you laugh, the better you will feel. Easing the pain of a breakup is never a simple thing to do, but if you can smile and laugh you are well on the way to better days.

Seek help: What if everything you do to feel better just doesn't seem to work? When this happens get help from a qualified therapist, counselor or psychiatrist. They are there to help. More importantly, they are trained to do one thing better than the average person. What is that thing? Listening. Sometimes having a non-judgmental ear is all you need to start moving on.

Nobody likes to part ways with someone that's close to them. Even if you knew things were getting worse for quite some time, the actual split can be difficult to handle. There is nothing wrong with feeling down, but only to a certain degree. At some point you be proactive in easing the pain of a breakup.The sooner you start the better off your be.

Breakup Signals To Watch Out For-Dont Be Blind Sided By Love

The sad truth is that people break up with one another all the time. If that fact makes you nervous, then you are probably concerned that your relationship could be headed for trouble. You may not always know where you stand until you hear it directly from your partner (one way or the other). With that in mind, here are a few breakup signals to watch out for.

You need to know your partner very well before you can pick up on their signals. The biggest thing to watch out for is a change in behavior. However, you need to have a firm understanding of what their normal behavior is like; otherwise you won't be able to detect subtle changes that could be signs of trouble.

If the two of you used to have deep conversations about important things, but now your partner doesn't want to talk to you at all, then that's an issue that needs to be addressed. If they are suddenly being overly-romantic, when they weren't before, then they may be compensating for feelings of guilt. If they get moody and cranky at the slightest thing, then there's a reason for it. While there could be any number of reasons for a change in behavior, such a change is one of the most common breakup signals.

Emotional coldness is another warning sign. This is the opposite of having strong emotions. If your partner seems distant and unfeeling, it may be an attempt to start pulling away from you. They don't laugh or cry; they don't get mad or argue; and they don't express any feelings of affection. It's as if they are a zombie when they are around you. The catch is that they may not even be aware of what they are doing, so you will have to approach the subject carefully.

Not wanting to spend time with you is also something to watch out for. There are many ways to show love for somebody, and spending time together is one of them. Time apart is an easier breakup signal to notice, but that doesn't mean it's an easier signal to endure. The sad part is that you still want to be together, but your partner seems to be spending less and less time with you.

Another important signal to watch out for is what your gut tells you. In other words, if things just don't feel right, then trust those feelings. At the very least, use those feelings as a wake up call that your relationship isn't perfect.

Being aware of these breakup signals is one thing, and dealing with them is quite another. If you see any of these signs (or any signs for that matter), then you need to take the next step and do what you need to do to save your relationship. There may be a few roadblocks up ahead, but having awareness and a good game plan will get you past them with ease.

Easing The Pain Of A Breakup-Heal At Your Own Pace

Easing the pain of a breakup is never easy, but it seems as though family and friends are always quick to share their advice. They will say things like "it just wasn't meant to be" or "don't worry, the right person will come along." Yes, they mean well, but their words don't do anything to make you feel better. Good intentions are nice, but they don't mean much. What you need are some actual methods to start easing your pain.

Let's be blunt. There are plenty of negative emotions that come to the surface after a breakup. Everything from anger to sadness, and from guilt to uncertainty all mix together to make you feel awful. And those feelings don't even begin to cover the feelings of loss and heartbreak.

There is one thing that will ease the pain more than anything else, and that is time. You may have heard that "time heals all wounds", but it has also been said that "absence makes the heart grow fonder". These two sayings seem to contradict each other, but you have to trust that time will eventually heal the pain in your heart. Even if it doesn't seem like it's possible right now, you have to believe that it will be possible to feel better in the future.

The problem with waiting for time is that it, well, takes time. That all sounds good in theory, but you don't have time to wait. You want to start feeling better now. The good news is that you can.

Live your life - One of the hardest things to do after a breakup is living your life as if nothing happened. You need to go to work, pay your bills, and talk to your friends and family. The more familiarity you can keep in your life, the faster you will start to feel better.

Laugh - You may not feel like laughing right now, and that's okay. However, laughter causes the brain to release chemicals that not only make you feel better but also kill pain. Guilt can prevent you from wanting to fun, but giving yourself permission to laugh will help you to enjoy life more. Put in a funny movie, go to a comedy club, or watch funny videos online, whatever it takes to make you laugh.

Be realistic - Some people make the mistake of thinking that a breakup won't affect them negatively at all. The problem with this sort of thinking is that it doesn't let you deal with the situation. Instead, look at things realistically, and stop living in a fantasy world. You may have to confront some bad feelings when easing the pain of a breakup, but it's a necessary step to feeling better.

Seek help - If, despite your best efforts, you just can't seem to feel better, then getting help from an outside source is the answer. That source could be your higher power, a counselor, or a book on easing the pain of a breakup.

Relationships With Your Exs New Love

Breaking up with someone you love is a very painful process, especially when they are the one breaking up with you. This pain can only be compounded when your ex turns around and finds someone else. You can feel abandoned and worthless when they seemingly find someone new so easily. So having any kind of decent Relationships with Your Ex's New Love can be quite the challenge to say the least.

In a lot of situations this will simply not be an issue for you. In most break ups, both parties go their own separate ways and that is that. But sometimes you are first to co-exist to some degree. This is mostly when you share similar circles of friends or family. In situations like this it can be very tough to deal with your ex and their new lover. To help you through such troubling times are a few tips you could follow.

1. Accepting. Acceptance is a huge part of any break up. You need to accept that they have moved on and are no longer with you. But above that, you have to accept that they have found someone new to have in their life. Regardless of how painful this may be, it is just the way it is. So you need to be the bigger person and accept it and act properly.

While having a decent Relationships with Your Ex's New Love can be trying, it is up to you to keep civil and polite. The last thing you want to do is come off as a fool and hurt your own position.

2. Better yourself. A lot of times when we are hurt we want to lash out and get back at those who hurt us. But when it comes to break ups, this really is not an option if we want to retain our dignity. But while you can not go and slash their car tires, there are things you can do to get back at your ex. Bettering yourself is the key way.

There is a saying: "Living well is the best revenge", and it is true. Live your life happily, get in better shape, make yourself look nice and show your ex what they are missing out on.

3. Avoid the friendship trap. We have all heard the usual line "we can still be friends, right?" This comes from both men and women, and it is something you will want to avoid. Your ex may have good intentions but the worst thing they could possibly do is drop this line on you. It just adds salt to the wound. So while you may feel hopeful if they say this, understand that it will do you no good.

As painful as it may be, it is simply best to cut as many ties with your ex is possible so that you can move on with your life. This is even more important if they have gotten someone new in their life and you are forced to have some kind of Relationships with Your Ex's New Love.

Five Normal Emotional Stages Of A Relationship Breakup

The following emotional stages of a relationship breakup are only guidelines to help you cope through a difficult time to a happier ending. What's important to understand is that even though they are painful, each of the feelings are normal.

What follows are often referred to as the "five emotional stages of grief". Each of the concepts apply just as easily to a relationship breakup. The major difference is that some of the stages can happen while the relationship is still in tact.

The first stage is denial. There are plenty of stories about spouses and significant others who justified the odd behavior of an ex before a breakup.

"Oh, he probably got lipstick on his collar when he accidentally bumped into someone."

"She didn't call to tell me she was going to be late because she was too busy with work."

Those are two rather blatant examples that may not apply, but how about this one? "We don't argue that much, we just like to discuss our problems." Open communication is great, but not when it's used as an excuse for calling each other names and saying hurtful things. You have to make an honest assessment of your relationship if you want it to succeed, denial prevents that from happening. If you are able to recognize and correct things at the denial stage, then you may not have to worry about the rest.

Anger and resentment may be the most common of the emotional stages of a relationship breakup. You broke up, and now you're mad at your ex. Even if deep down you know it was mostly your fault, you find reasons to be mad at them. You have to let go of the anger and resentment before you can move on. Plus, it is much better for your overall health when you're not carrying around so much anger.

Trying to patch things up is a worthy goal, but resorting to negotiation (the next stage) isn't the best way to go about it. Here you will say and do anything to get your ex back. You will change, make promises, and do "whatever it takes". But you're not really thinking them through. More than likely they do not fit in with your character and will be impossible for you to follow through on. When you notice you're using the word "if" a lot, it's a sure sign you are at this stage.

Depression as one of the emotional stages of a relationship breakup can really pop up at just about any time in the process. You may believe that you could never love somebody the same way again, or worse, that nobody will ever love you again. Regardless of when it occurs, be willing to seek professional help if you need it.

The final stage is acceptance. It's just like it sounds. You have come to terms with your relationship and accept whatever has happened. You start feeling better (not necessarily great, but better) and are ready to start being yourself again.

Remember, these five stages are just a guideline. You may not experience all of them, and they may be in a different order and vary in their intensity. If you are aware of the stages, it will be easier to get through it if you should find yourself in this situation.

Marriage Definition-Interpet As An Individual

I recently read a novel and I was impressed with something one of the main characters had to say. It had to do with helping people work on problems in their marriage and the marriage definition that would work for them.

The character, who was a priest, was telling someone about a couples counseling class he just got through with. He was disheartened because he saw so  plainly what many in the class did not; most of them married the wrong people.

He observed that since they were in a marriage with someone that they really weren't compatible with that they would never be truly fulfilled in that relationship.

He wanted to be able to tell them  that they should just move on, but of course being a priest, he could not.

I think that is a huge, and often overlooked, point. Too many people get married for the wrong reasons or they just each have their own unique marriage definition and aren't compatible with their partner.

If that is the case, and you and your partner have a really wide divide in your outlooks, it will be virtually impossible to have a happy and fulfilling marriage.

For anyone out there who is not married I urge you to move slowly before you decide to tie the knot. Really get to know your would be partner.

Don't turn a blind eye to the trouble signs that are right in front of you. Many times people will make excuses and ignore what is right in front of their face.

But, if you do that, you risk your future happiness. Now, no one is suggesting that you shouldn't get married until you meet someone perfect.

If perfection is your ultimate goal you will be single for a very long time. No, what I'm referring to  is simply finding someone who is perfect for you.

Someone who has a similar outlook on life, both with the big and little things.

Someone who won't require too much compromise on your part.

Being able, and willing, to compromise is an integral part of any type of relationship, romantic or otherwise.

But, if you find that you are constantly compromising and the two of you seem to almost never find common ground, that will get old very quickly.

If that is the case you must face the reality that the two of you simply are not compatible.

If you keep your eyes wide open from the start and don't let unrealistic romantic expectations cloud your judgement, you can avoid being hurt later on.

Instead of ignoring warning signs and allowing yourself to become involved, only to be miserable later and having to suffer or break it off, why not be aware and break things off early if it becomes apparent that you two aren't compatible?

Your marriage definition is basically what you think a marriage should be and what you think the roles of each partner should be. Make your life easier and marry someone with similar outlooks. That way you will have a much better chance of finding true happiness.