Let's face it, going through a break up is never easy. At the same time, we, as guys, we can sometimes act like downright jerks. Maybe we don't mean to, or maybe it's just the kind of guy we have always been. That wouldn't really be a problem, but now you are at a point where you want to reconnect with your ex and you need to know how to get a woman back.
While you won't have to completely change who you are as a person, there are some things you will have to do. Here are some tips on how to get a woman back even if you acted like a jerk.
1. Change how you think about women. Even though it's a minority, far too many men think of women as objects or as property. That doesn't work. Women are people, and deserve your complete respect. To be blunt, you are the one looking for advice on how to get back with an ex, so that's a big clue right there. You can only love somebody if you respect them first.
2. Change how you treat women. It's one thing to say you think of women differently, but what really counts is the way you put those thoughts into action. Act like a gentleman when you're around all women, not just the one you're interested in getting back together with. Not only is it good practice, it's also the right thing to do. Besides, if she happens to see you treating another woman poorly, she will notice and your chances to get her back will be shot.
3. Be humble. You don't have to act macho all the time, or try to one-up everybody you come into contact with. This doesn't mean you should be a pushover, but you should be able to demonstrate restraint and humility whenever it's called for.
4. Admit you were a jerk. Being self-aware, and admitting your faults is one of the keys to how to get a woman back. If she's quick to tell you just how much of a jerk you were, don't get mad about it. Instead, just agree with her and tell her you understand that now.
5. Give her the time and space she needs. You have gone through a break up, and you will both need some time to work things on your own. Now is not the time to act like a jerk again and try to force her to talk to you. Remember, it's about respect, and that means you also have to respect her need for some privacy.
6. Show her that you have changed. As soon as she is ready to talk to you, you need to start showing her that you are no longer a jerk. Yes, you could just tell her, but that doesn't really mean much. As the old saying goes, "actions speak louder than words", and that applies here.
Some of these changes will be easier than others, but each one is necessary for how to get a woman back even if you acted like a jerk.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
How To Win Back An Ex Boyfriend From A New Girlfriend
Oh yes, life is filled with more than its fair share of ups and downs. Being in a happy relationship is definitely one of the ups. You and your boyfriend are getting along so well, and you just feel so good when you're with him. But then something happens, and you are all of sudden finding out that you're breaking up. This is a prime example of one of the downs. To make it even worse, your former boyfriend is now with another woman, and seems to be happy. Regardless of what happened, you now realize that you want to know how to win back an ex boyfriend.
Before you make a move of any kind you need to do two things. First, you need to take a deep look at yourself and ask if you really want him back. Don't answer too quickly. There s always a chance that you only think you want him back. Is it possible that you only want to get back together because he's with somebody else? Only you can answer that question. Second, if you really do want him back, you need to know that it won't always be easy, but it is entirely possible.
One of the best moves you can make is to give him some time. There's a good chance that he is only with "her" because he is on the rebound. He doesn't care for her as much as he thinks he does. However, it takes time for guys to realize they don't care for the new woman they are with. This means that if you move too quickly, you will catch him at the point in his new relationship where he feels the strongest towards "her". By giving it time, you are giving him time to come to his senses.
Now, there is something that is going to complicate the issue of how to win back an ex boyfriend. And that is his new girlfriend. While you may be able to get back together with him if you are able to talk to him alone, there's a good chance that she's not going to let that happen. But that's not bad news, and you can use it to your advantage. All you need to do is show that you are more mature than she is. Whatever you do, do not get involved in a feud with her; even if you think you can win, you will lose in the long run.
Whenever you do get a chance to talk to him, do it on a friendly level. Don't start spilling your guts about how sorry you are and how much you want him back. You may want to do that, but resist that temptation. Remain upbeat and positive, and simply ask how he is doing. Do not say bad things about his new girlfriend, as that will only make him get defensive.
Giving it time and doing the right things are the keys to how to win back an ex boyfriend. Remember, it won't always be easy, but it is possible, and if you love him it will be worthwhile.
Before you make a move of any kind you need to do two things. First, you need to take a deep look at yourself and ask if you really want him back. Don't answer too quickly. There s always a chance that you only think you want him back. Is it possible that you only want to get back together because he's with somebody else? Only you can answer that question. Second, if you really do want him back, you need to know that it won't always be easy, but it is entirely possible.
One of the best moves you can make is to give him some time. There's a good chance that he is only with "her" because he is on the rebound. He doesn't care for her as much as he thinks he does. However, it takes time for guys to realize they don't care for the new woman they are with. This means that if you move too quickly, you will catch him at the point in his new relationship where he feels the strongest towards "her". By giving it time, you are giving him time to come to his senses.
Now, there is something that is going to complicate the issue of how to win back an ex boyfriend. And that is his new girlfriend. While you may be able to get back together with him if you are able to talk to him alone, there's a good chance that she's not going to let that happen. But that's not bad news, and you can use it to your advantage. All you need to do is show that you are more mature than she is. Whatever you do, do not get involved in a feud with her; even if you think you can win, you will lose in the long run.
Whenever you do get a chance to talk to him, do it on a friendly level. Don't start spilling your guts about how sorry you are and how much you want him back. You may want to do that, but resist that temptation. Remain upbeat and positive, and simply ask how he is doing. Do not say bad things about his new girlfriend, as that will only make him get defensive.
Giving it time and doing the right things are the keys to how to win back an ex boyfriend. Remember, it won't always be easy, but it is possible, and if you love him it will be worthwhile.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
How To Get An Ex Back The Sneaky Way
If you want to get an ex back, then it may be time for you to get a little sneaky. Let's face it, even though the only thing you can think about is patching things up, the last thing your ex may want right now is to get back together. Therefore, it stands to reason that you will have to be clever and less obvious any time you are dealing with your ex. Otherwise there's a good chance that they will know what you are up to.
It is typical for the person that didn't want (or had no idea it was going to end) the relationship to be over to try to figure out different ways to get an ex back. Just about every break up will leave one of the two people hanging. It may be glaringly apparent to the partner who wishes to move on that the other one wasn't ready to and now wants to get an ex back.
A good start to being sneaky is to behave as though you really are ready to move on, and that you're not doing anything to get back together with your ex. Go ahead, have some fun! Have a good time with your friends and socialize. Now, don't do this to make your ex feel bad about themselves; it's not nice and will only work against you. Just let yourself hang loose and word will get back to your ex that you are moving on. This will allow them to see that you are well-adjusted, and it's at that point that they are most likely to start thinking about getting you back.
Whenever the both of you are having a conversation, be sure that you do not let on about what you are doing. That would be a big mistake, and would quickly ensure that you will be broken up for good. Instead, give them the impression you are doing fine, and are happy even though you are not together. Be careful. Most people will just blurt out that they are happy, but the sneaky way is to never say you are happy, but rather convey that message in other ways. Remember, the vast majority of communication is non-verbal. So, hold your head up, look them in the, smile and carry yourself with confidence. They will notice how stable you are and will start being drawn to you again.
They say time heals all wounds. That may be true, but time also gives your ex a chance to start remembering things as being better than they were, and to start missing what you had (or what they think you had). You will still have to work to do things right if you want to get an ex back, but if a little time gives them a reason to open the door to trying again, then go ahead and give them that time. Being sneaky can be fun, but make sure you are only doing it for the right reasons.
It is typical for the person that didn't want (or had no idea it was going to end) the relationship to be over to try to figure out different ways to get an ex back. Just about every break up will leave one of the two people hanging. It may be glaringly apparent to the partner who wishes to move on that the other one wasn't ready to and now wants to get an ex back.
A good start to being sneaky is to behave as though you really are ready to move on, and that you're not doing anything to get back together with your ex. Go ahead, have some fun! Have a good time with your friends and socialize. Now, don't do this to make your ex feel bad about themselves; it's not nice and will only work against you. Just let yourself hang loose and word will get back to your ex that you are moving on. This will allow them to see that you are well-adjusted, and it's at that point that they are most likely to start thinking about getting you back.
Whenever the both of you are having a conversation, be sure that you do not let on about what you are doing. That would be a big mistake, and would quickly ensure that you will be broken up for good. Instead, give them the impression you are doing fine, and are happy even though you are not together. Be careful. Most people will just blurt out that they are happy, but the sneaky way is to never say you are happy, but rather convey that message in other ways. Remember, the vast majority of communication is non-verbal. So, hold your head up, look them in the, smile and carry yourself with confidence. They will notice how stable you are and will start being drawn to you again.
They say time heals all wounds. That may be true, but time also gives your ex a chance to start remembering things as being better than they were, and to start missing what you had (or what they think you had). You will still have to work to do things right if you want to get an ex back, but if a little time gives them a reason to open the door to trying again, then go ahead and give them that time. Being sneaky can be fun, but make sure you are only doing it for the right reasons.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Can You Win Back Lost Love - Maybe - Maybe Not
Time for a bit of straight talk. Trying to get back together can be a very difficult task for anybody wishing to win back lost love. If you're looking back, and wishing you would have stayed with somebody you broke up with, then you should know that you are not alone. Maybe you broke up because you thought things would be so much better of you went your separate ways, but over time, you came to realize that you made a mistake. There is no guarantee that you will be able to make a new connection, but the following thoughts will help increase your chances of success.
For starters, remember that you still have your own life to live and that you shouldn't be missing out on it. Perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your past was that you passed by on the opportunities that had presented themselves to you. Avoid making the same mistake. This includes trying to win back lost love. You can look back and think about what could have been, but do so in a healthy manner, and use it as a way to encourage yourself to take advantage of more opportunities as they come up.
Of course, this also means that you need to move forward slowly if you are wanting to get out of a current relationship in the hopes of getting back with an old flame. You need to examine your present situation carefully to see if there are underlying issues that are artificially making the past more attractive.
After that, you need to keep in mind that your former love is likely to have moved on. Now, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try, but at the same time, you should be realistic about what may or may not happen. There's a better than average chance that they haven't thought of you at all over the years, and are living an entirely new life. You have to at least talk to them to see where they're at, but be ready to accept whatever happens.
On a related note, you need to also consider the fact that people change over time. Even if you want to win back lost love, and they have thought of you over the same years, they may not be the same person you remember. That's okay, you can still fall in love with each other again. The key is to look forward to the future and how happy you can be, as opposed to solely focusing on the past and trying to recreate whatever magic you once had.
While you both may be excited, don't move ahead too quickly. Take some time to catch up with one another, but don't assume everything will run smoothly. You both need to get to know each other again and that will take some time.
Finally, as long as you are being realistic, trying to win back lost love can be a wonderful thing. You two could just hit it off all over again and have a very happy future together.
For starters, remember that you still have your own life to live and that you shouldn't be missing out on it. Perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your past was that you passed by on the opportunities that had presented themselves to you. Avoid making the same mistake. This includes trying to win back lost love. You can look back and think about what could have been, but do so in a healthy manner, and use it as a way to encourage yourself to take advantage of more opportunities as they come up.
Of course, this also means that you need to move forward slowly if you are wanting to get out of a current relationship in the hopes of getting back with an old flame. You need to examine your present situation carefully to see if there are underlying issues that are artificially making the past more attractive.
After that, you need to keep in mind that your former love is likely to have moved on. Now, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try, but at the same time, you should be realistic about what may or may not happen. There's a better than average chance that they haven't thought of you at all over the years, and are living an entirely new life. You have to at least talk to them to see where they're at, but be ready to accept whatever happens.
On a related note, you need to also consider the fact that people change over time. Even if you want to win back lost love, and they have thought of you over the same years, they may not be the same person you remember. That's okay, you can still fall in love with each other again. The key is to look forward to the future and how happy you can be, as opposed to solely focusing on the past and trying to recreate whatever magic you once had.
While you both may be excited, don't move ahead too quickly. Take some time to catch up with one another, but don't assume everything will run smoothly. You both need to get to know each other again and that will take some time.
Finally, as long as you are being realistic, trying to win back lost love can be a wonderful thing. You two could just hit it off all over again and have a very happy future together.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Is Your Marriage In Trouble - Find Out Now
Getting married is supposed to be one of the happiest days of a person's life. The truth is that the day itself can be a wonderful experience, but then that happiness has a way of wearing off over time. While statistics vary, the number of marriages that end in divorce is far too high. This doesn't mean you are doomed to split up just because you said your vows, but it does raise the question "is you marriage in trouble?"
With the modern state of marriage, the chances are good that your marriage is facing some sort of trouble. However, being in trouble is not the same as saying that it is over. The sooner you can identify the warning signs, the better the odds are that you can save your marriage. With that in mind, here some signs of a troubled marriage.
Sign of a Troubled Marriage #1 - Apathy
When you stop caring about what happens to your spouse, or to your marriage, it is a clear sign of trouble. If you have stopped arguing because nothing really matters then that's not good. That's not to say that arguments are enjoyable, because they're not. But at least when you are arguing it shows that you are upset, and you can only be upset when you care. Perhaps the opposite of love is hate, but apathy ranks right up there.
Sign of a Troubled Marriage #2 - Spending Less Time Together
This should come as no surprise, but the less time you spend together, the worse it is for a healthy relationship. to be fair, there are some couples who rarely spend any time with each other, and they say that's the key to a happy marriage. But that's not a real marriage, that's two people trying to avoid getting on one another's nerves. There's nothing wrong with having free time and spending time away from each other, but if it gets out of hand, then your marriage may be in trouble.
Sign of a Troubled Marriage #3 - Decrease in Physical Intimacy
There may be any number of reasons for a lack of intimacy. You need to look for a sudden lack of interest and then see what the underlying causes are. This could be a result of a medical condition or stress. On the other hand, it could be a sign of a troubled marriage, but don't assume until you find out the root of the problem.
Sign of a Troubled Marriage #4 - Communication Breakdown
While this is usually one of the earlier signs, it can be hard to spot. Why? Because you're not communicating with each other. The reason this can lead to trouble is that it turns small problems into bigger ones. You need to be able to talk about things, and do so in a reasonable and adult manner.
Is your marriage in trouble? By answering the above questions, you will have a better idea of where your relationship stands. The sooner you are aware of these trouble spots, the sooner you can work to fix them.
With the modern state of marriage, the chances are good that your marriage is facing some sort of trouble. However, being in trouble is not the same as saying that it is over. The sooner you can identify the warning signs, the better the odds are that you can save your marriage. With that in mind, here some signs of a troubled marriage.
Sign of a Troubled Marriage #1 - Apathy
When you stop caring about what happens to your spouse, or to your marriage, it is a clear sign of trouble. If you have stopped arguing because nothing really matters then that's not good. That's not to say that arguments are enjoyable, because they're not. But at least when you are arguing it shows that you are upset, and you can only be upset when you care. Perhaps the opposite of love is hate, but apathy ranks right up there.
Sign of a Troubled Marriage #2 - Spending Less Time Together
This should come as no surprise, but the less time you spend together, the worse it is for a healthy relationship. to be fair, there are some couples who rarely spend any time with each other, and they say that's the key to a happy marriage. But that's not a real marriage, that's two people trying to avoid getting on one another's nerves. There's nothing wrong with having free time and spending time away from each other, but if it gets out of hand, then your marriage may be in trouble.
Sign of a Troubled Marriage #3 - Decrease in Physical Intimacy
There may be any number of reasons for a lack of intimacy. You need to look for a sudden lack of interest and then see what the underlying causes are. This could be a result of a medical condition or stress. On the other hand, it could be a sign of a troubled marriage, but don't assume until you find out the root of the problem.
Sign of a Troubled Marriage #4 - Communication Breakdown
While this is usually one of the earlier signs, it can be hard to spot. Why? Because you're not communicating with each other. The reason this can lead to trouble is that it turns small problems into bigger ones. You need to be able to talk about things, and do so in a reasonable and adult manner.
Is your marriage in trouble? By answering the above questions, you will have a better idea of where your relationship stands. The sooner you are aware of these trouble spots, the sooner you can work to fix them.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Marriage Retreats For Better Relationships
If you have a perfect marriage and there is absolutely nothing that would make it better, then this article isn't for you. On the other hand, if you are a normal couple that sees room for improvement in you relationship then read on. What we are talking about is marriage retreats. These may be just what you need to have an even better marriage than you have now, regardless of what shape it's currently in.
Just what are these marriage retreats? They are basically a weekend or week away from home, where you spend time with other couples and relationship experts to work towards a better marriage. There will normally be some structured time along with periods of free time where you can reconnect with one another in a more personal setting.
One of the things that makes a marriage retreat so different is that it is held outside of your home. This location helps you to focus on the things you need to focus on. You are too entrenched in your daily routine when you are at home. Life has a nasty habit of getting in the way of the things that really matter. This can distract you from looking at your relationship to the extent that it is worthy of.
By getting away from it all, you can slow down and focus on the one thing you are at the retreat for, and that is to improve your marriage. The one thing you won't be doing is taking your relationship for granted. The truth is that a fair portion of the couples at the retreat have been taking each other for granted to some degree.
Another thing you should know is that marriage retreats are not only for those whose marriages are in deep trouble. They will certainly help the tougher cases, but they will also make good marriages even better. By going to a retreat you are showing each other that you are making the commitment to have a better relationship. This means you are already starting off on the right foot before the retreat even begins.
While you may normally have difficulty talking to each other about your marriage, you will quickly learn ho to feel at ease at a retreat. Yes, it may take a little bit of time to warm up to the idea, but it will happen. The people running the retreat are experts at getting couples to communicate. You can also be sure that they have seen situations like yours (or worse) many, many times before.
The whole key to getting the most out of marriage retreats is to participate as fully as you can. You will most likely feel awkward at first, but that's normal. Just keep doing your best and you will get up to speed in no time. It's okay to feel uncomfortable. After all, you are going to the retreat for a reason (as is every other couple that's there), so you may as well make the most of it.
Just what are these marriage retreats? They are basically a weekend or week away from home, where you spend time with other couples and relationship experts to work towards a better marriage. There will normally be some structured time along with periods of free time where you can reconnect with one another in a more personal setting.
One of the things that makes a marriage retreat so different is that it is held outside of your home. This location helps you to focus on the things you need to focus on. You are too entrenched in your daily routine when you are at home. Life has a nasty habit of getting in the way of the things that really matter. This can distract you from looking at your relationship to the extent that it is worthy of.
By getting away from it all, you can slow down and focus on the one thing you are at the retreat for, and that is to improve your marriage. The one thing you won't be doing is taking your relationship for granted. The truth is that a fair portion of the couples at the retreat have been taking each other for granted to some degree.
Another thing you should know is that marriage retreats are not only for those whose marriages are in deep trouble. They will certainly help the tougher cases, but they will also make good marriages even better. By going to a retreat you are showing each other that you are making the commitment to have a better relationship. This means you are already starting off on the right foot before the retreat even begins.
While you may normally have difficulty talking to each other about your marriage, you will quickly learn ho to feel at ease at a retreat. Yes, it may take a little bit of time to warm up to the idea, but it will happen. The people running the retreat are experts at getting couples to communicate. You can also be sure that they have seen situations like yours (or worse) many, many times before.
The whole key to getting the most out of marriage retreats is to participate as fully as you can. You will most likely feel awkward at first, but that's normal. Just keep doing your best and you will get up to speed in no time. It's okay to feel uncomfortable. After all, you are going to the retreat for a reason (as is every other couple that's there), so you may as well make the most of it.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Do Books On Marriage Really Help
Marriage is meant to be a wonderful thing, and it usually is at the beginning. But the honeymoon phase doesn't last forever. It's at this stage that most couples start noticing little problems that they had never noticed before. Perhaps they head over to the relationship section of the bookstore looking for books on marriage.
They may feel somewhat embarrassed, but at least they are doing something. On the other hand, some people will choose to pretend none of these things are happening, or they will ignore them in the hopes they will go away on their own; the last thing they want to do is confront their spouse.
That's one of the great things about books on marriage. They can help you to make your marriage better, but you can also read them privately. This means you can do things to improve your situation without necessarily having to confront your spouse.
Okay, that's all well and good, but at some point you are going to have to discuss your problems. Again, marriage books can be a wonderful resource. They can show you how to talk about the tough subjects. And if you want to make it even easier, you can give your spouse the same book to read, and then let them know you would be interested in hearing their thoughts about it. This is a great way to break the ice, and is also a non-threatening way to do it.
When you read a book on marriage, take what you can from it. You may not agree with all of the ideas, or they may not fit your specific situation. No problem. Just use the parts of the book that will help. Nobody will hold it against you, trust me. What counts is that you are willing to at least do something.
If you have sent any time looking for books on marriage, you have probably noticed that there is a nearly endless number of titles available. However, not all titles are created equally. The first thing you should look for is that the author has a good reputation. You want to be sure the person giving you advice on something as important as your marriage is qualified to do so.
When considering books on marriage read the back cover and inside flaps to get an idea of the author's credentials. You will also want to try to get a feel for their writing style to see if it will resonate with you. Another thing you can do is go online and read reviews of any marriage books you are thinking about getting. However, don't read the professional reviews, instead, look for reviews written by normal people. They will tell it like it is, and often share stories about how the book worked for them.
If your marriage could use some improvement, then you are not alone. The good news is that there are plenty of books on marriage and there is at least one that will be able to help you.
They may feel somewhat embarrassed, but at least they are doing something. On the other hand, some people will choose to pretend none of these things are happening, or they will ignore them in the hopes they will go away on their own; the last thing they want to do is confront their spouse.
That's one of the great things about books on marriage. They can help you to make your marriage better, but you can also read them privately. This means you can do things to improve your situation without necessarily having to confront your spouse.
Okay, that's all well and good, but at some point you are going to have to discuss your problems. Again, marriage books can be a wonderful resource. They can show you how to talk about the tough subjects. And if you want to make it even easier, you can give your spouse the same book to read, and then let them know you would be interested in hearing their thoughts about it. This is a great way to break the ice, and is also a non-threatening way to do it.
When you read a book on marriage, take what you can from it. You may not agree with all of the ideas, or they may not fit your specific situation. No problem. Just use the parts of the book that will help. Nobody will hold it against you, trust me. What counts is that you are willing to at least do something.
If you have sent any time looking for books on marriage, you have probably noticed that there is a nearly endless number of titles available. However, not all titles are created equally. The first thing you should look for is that the author has a good reputation. You want to be sure the person giving you advice on something as important as your marriage is qualified to do so.
When considering books on marriage read the back cover and inside flaps to get an idea of the author's credentials. You will also want to try to get a feel for their writing style to see if it will resonate with you. Another thing you can do is go online and read reviews of any marriage books you are thinking about getting. However, don't read the professional reviews, instead, look for reviews written by normal people. They will tell it like it is, and often share stories about how the book worked for them.
If your marriage could use some improvement, then you are not alone. The good news is that there are plenty of books on marriage and there is at least one that will be able to help you.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Marriage Requirements For A Happy Union
Perhaps it's a sad commentary on our society that the legal requirements for marriage are relatively simple. The main things the law wants to be assured of is that both parties are old enough, not related and that they pay to file the marriage license. Let's face it, that's a pretty low bar to get over. This lack of more marriage requirements must also be one of the root causes for the high divorce rate in this country. But as you will see, that doesn't have to be the case.
Those are only the legal marriage requirements though. Virtually any couple that wants to get married can do so. It's easy; maybe too easy. However, the other prerequisites are much more meaningful and have a bigger impact on how happy a couple will be. What these requirements all basically boil down to are compatibility.
But what about the concept of "opposites attract"? The truth is that it is more of a romantic notion than true reality. Study after study has shown that even if opposites do attract, they very rarely stay together. this is because there is too little common ground on which to build a relationship. While it can be appealing to meet somebody that is so different from you, the novelty soon wears off. That doesn't mean you should each be carbon copies of one another, far from from it. But you should have a few things in common. Of course, these are all things you should know before you even start thinking about getting married.
There are three main requirements for marriage. If you find that any of these are missing, that's okay. Just being aware of them gives you a chance to make them a part of your relationship or improve on them if needed.
Good Communication. You have to be able to talk to each other, not at each other. The secret to this is listening. That's much more than hearing what your spouse is saying, you also have to pay attention and try to really understand. If you are unable to communicate with one another, then your marriage is headed for trouble. The good news is that better communication techniques can always be learned. That being said, communication will only work if you meet the next prerequisite.
Respect. Everything derives from respect. You take each other seriously (in a good way) and are accepting of you each are. Don't talk down to each other. While you may each have different roles within the marriage, neither one of you is more important than the other.
Love. As the old saying goes, "Love conquers all". When you have love, you can live with the other things not being what they should be. However, there can be a problem when only one of you are in love. This puts things too far out of balance, and means it will be harder to work things out. But as long as the feelings of love are mutual, there are no other requirements of marriage that really matter.
Those are only the legal marriage requirements though. Virtually any couple that wants to get married can do so. It's easy; maybe too easy. However, the other prerequisites are much more meaningful and have a bigger impact on how happy a couple will be. What these requirements all basically boil down to are compatibility.
But what about the concept of "opposites attract"? The truth is that it is more of a romantic notion than true reality. Study after study has shown that even if opposites do attract, they very rarely stay together. this is because there is too little common ground on which to build a relationship. While it can be appealing to meet somebody that is so different from you, the novelty soon wears off. That doesn't mean you should each be carbon copies of one another, far from from it. But you should have a few things in common. Of course, these are all things you should know before you even start thinking about getting married.
There are three main requirements for marriage. If you find that any of these are missing, that's okay. Just being aware of them gives you a chance to make them a part of your relationship or improve on them if needed.
Good Communication. You have to be able to talk to each other, not at each other. The secret to this is listening. That's much more than hearing what your spouse is saying, you also have to pay attention and try to really understand. If you are unable to communicate with one another, then your marriage is headed for trouble. The good news is that better communication techniques can always be learned. That being said, communication will only work if you meet the next prerequisite.
Respect. Everything derives from respect. You take each other seriously (in a good way) and are accepting of you each are. Don't talk down to each other. While you may each have different roles within the marriage, neither one of you is more important than the other.
Love. As the old saying goes, "Love conquers all". When you have love, you can live with the other things not being what they should be. However, there can be a problem when only one of you are in love. This puts things too far out of balance, and means it will be harder to work things out. But as long as the feelings of love are mutual, there are no other requirements of marriage that really matter.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Stop Playing Games With Your Marriage
As hard as it is to understand, couples still play games with each other after they're married. To be blunt, this game playing is hazardous to the health of the marriage relationship and should be avoided at all costs. There simply is no place for it in a happy marriage.
Aha! Maybe that's the point. If you or your spouse are always playing games, then it could be taken as a sign that your marriage isn't as happy as it could be. Or, perhaps the situation is worse and your marriage is in real trouble. Even if it is humming along nicely, the very fact that mind games are being played means there is room for improvement.
Of course we are talking about mind games up to this point. This may be referred to as manipulation, deceit, laying guilt trips or otherwise being dishonest about what's really going on. however, there are other types of marriage games that you can play. What we are talking about here are more purposeful games that both of you play together. There isn't anything sneaky about them, and they are designed to help strengthen your relationship.
"Why I love you." This game is just like it sounds. You look each other in the eye, then each spouse takes turns mentioning one reason why they love the other one. The first few times you play this it may be difficult to name more than a few things, that's okay. You both have to agree to not take the game personally f the other one is having a hard time. The more you play, the more fun you will have.
"What you mean to me." This game is played the same as the "Why I love you" game, but you each take turns saying what you mean to the other. Just imagine how much better you will make each other feel as you get better at rattling off your lists of why you love and appreciate each other.
"Silence is golden." They say the vast majority of our communication is non-verbal. You can put this to the test and work on having a better relationship at the same time. Go for a preset amount of time where you will agree to talk to each other without using any words. If possible, try doing it for an entire day. Also, choose a block of time where you will be together for most of it, otherwise it won't have the same effect. You may be amazed at just how much you can say without using any words at all.
While there are some games you shouldn't play when you are married (like mind games), there are marriage games that will help you grow closer as a couple. The three games above are a good start, but there is no reason you can't make up games of your own, or find other games people have created for the purpose of a happier marriage.
Aha! Maybe that's the point. If you or your spouse are always playing games, then it could be taken as a sign that your marriage isn't as happy as it could be. Or, perhaps the situation is worse and your marriage is in real trouble. Even if it is humming along nicely, the very fact that mind games are being played means there is room for improvement.
Of course we are talking about mind games up to this point. This may be referred to as manipulation, deceit, laying guilt trips or otherwise being dishonest about what's really going on. however, there are other types of marriage games that you can play. What we are talking about here are more purposeful games that both of you play together. There isn't anything sneaky about them, and they are designed to help strengthen your relationship.
"Why I love you." This game is just like it sounds. You look each other in the eye, then each spouse takes turns mentioning one reason why they love the other one. The first few times you play this it may be difficult to name more than a few things, that's okay. You both have to agree to not take the game personally f the other one is having a hard time. The more you play, the more fun you will have.
"What you mean to me." This game is played the same as the "Why I love you" game, but you each take turns saying what you mean to the other. Just imagine how much better you will make each other feel as you get better at rattling off your lists of why you love and appreciate each other.
"Silence is golden." They say the vast majority of our communication is non-verbal. You can put this to the test and work on having a better relationship at the same time. Go for a preset amount of time where you will agree to talk to each other without using any words. If possible, try doing it for an entire day. Also, choose a block of time where you will be together for most of it, otherwise it won't have the same effect. You may be amazed at just how much you can say without using any words at all.
While there are some games you shouldn't play when you are married (like mind games), there are marriage games that will help you grow closer as a couple. The three games above are a good start, but there is no reason you can't make up games of your own, or find other games people have created for the purpose of a happier marriage.
Monday, October 18, 2010
The Real Marriage Test
If you have ever thumbed through a magazine that regularly discusses relationships, whether it be a men's or women's magazine, chances are you have seen various types of quizzes. One of the more common quizzes is the marriage test. You answer a few silly questions, and then check your answers to get some supposedly deep insight into you relationship.
There is nothing wrong with such quizzes, and they can be a fun way to pass some while waiting for a doctor's appointment. As long as you only take them for what they are--a source of entertainment--then there is no real harm in taking them. Besides, if you have ever taken them, you have probably noticed one or two things. First, the explanation of your score is so far off that it's downright laughable. Second, the explanations are so general that they could apply to virtually any relationship you have ever been in; good or bad.
It is probably a safe assumption that no marriage test in a magazine has ever saved a marriage. They are fun and have their place, but fixing a relationship isn't it; no matter what the maker of the quiz claims. However, there is a test you can use to help make your marriage stronger. You won't find it any magazine, but not to worry, the questions of this marriage test are below.
Before you take the test, you need to decide which way works best for you. Will each of you take it separately with a pen and paper, or will you discuss the answers as you take the test? Either way, the main goal is to spark a good discussion about your marriage. This is important because good communication is one of the foundations of a healthy marriage.
1. How do you envision our future? This is a good question because it will show if you have drifted apart, or if you are still together in the things you want from the relationship. It's far better to know where each of you stands instead of making assumptions. But, as long as you both seeing you being together, then it's possible to work out the details.
2. What do you want from the marriage and life? The purpose of this question is to not only see what the ideal marriage means to each other, but to also see what the bigger life questions mean. Over the years people change, so you may be surprised to learn how your spouse answers this question, and vice-versa.
3. What's the one thing you would change? By asking this you will get an idea of where the problem areas of your marriage are. Don't take it personally, but be happy that you get a chance to learn where you can make improvements.
4. What could I do better? Be careful here. You need to make sure there is enough respect before you ask this question. The one answer you don't want to hear is "nothing". The truth is that none of us are perfect, and that means there is always room to do better. Your spouse should feel comfortable enough to tell you the truth, and you should feel confident enough to hear it.
There is nothing wrong with such quizzes, and they can be a fun way to pass some while waiting for a doctor's appointment. As long as you only take them for what they are--a source of entertainment--then there is no real harm in taking them. Besides, if you have ever taken them, you have probably noticed one or two things. First, the explanation of your score is so far off that it's downright laughable. Second, the explanations are so general that they could apply to virtually any relationship you have ever been in; good or bad.
It is probably a safe assumption that no marriage test in a magazine has ever saved a marriage. They are fun and have their place, but fixing a relationship isn't it; no matter what the maker of the quiz claims. However, there is a test you can use to help make your marriage stronger. You won't find it any magazine, but not to worry, the questions of this marriage test are below.
Before you take the test, you need to decide which way works best for you. Will each of you take it separately with a pen and paper, or will you discuss the answers as you take the test? Either way, the main goal is to spark a good discussion about your marriage. This is important because good communication is one of the foundations of a healthy marriage.
1. How do you envision our future? This is a good question because it will show if you have drifted apart, or if you are still together in the things you want from the relationship. It's far better to know where each of you stands instead of making assumptions. But, as long as you both seeing you being together, then it's possible to work out the details.
2. What do you want from the marriage and life? The purpose of this question is to not only see what the ideal marriage means to each other, but to also see what the bigger life questions mean. Over the years people change, so you may be surprised to learn how your spouse answers this question, and vice-versa.
3. What's the one thing you would change? By asking this you will get an idea of where the problem areas of your marriage are. Don't take it personally, but be happy that you get a chance to learn where you can make improvements.
4. What could I do better? Be careful here. You need to make sure there is enough respect before you ask this question. The one answer you don't want to hear is "nothing". The truth is that none of us are perfect, and that means there is always room to do better. Your spouse should feel comfortable enough to tell you the truth, and you should feel confident enough to hear it.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Can This Marriage Be Saved - Perhaps
If you find that your relationship with your spouse is in a lot of trouble, you have probably asked yourself "can this marriage be saved?" No matter how bad it may seem, the answer is that it most likely can be saved. Even though the divorce rate is far too high, virtually every marriage can be salvaged, as long as the couple is willing to do whatever it takes.
However, there may be some marriages that are not worth saving, at least not in their current state. If you are in a marriage that is mentally or physically abusive, then asking if it can be saved is not the right question. Then you need to ask if you can be saved from the relationship. It's not easy, but it is critical that you get out. Perhaps your spouse will change, but you need to make sure, and see solid proof before you give them a second chance. Luckily, such exceptions make up only a small fraction of all marriages.
So, back to the question of whether or not your marriage can be saved. Well, it can only be saved if you want it to be saved. And, the fact that you are reading this is a good sign. However, take some time to seriously reflect upon whether or not you really want it to be saved. It's okay to answer no, so long as you answer honestly and after plenty of thought. Either way, something as important as a marriage shouldn't be taken lightly.
Now, if you have given it enough thought, and decided that you still love your spouse, and that you would like to stay married, then you are already on the right path to making it work. And it will take work. It's better to be up front about it, than it is to give you false pretenses and say it will be easy. It will take commitment and effort, but most things worthwhile do.
The first thing you have to do is talk to your spouse. You need to let them know that you think your marriage is in trouble. They will either agree, or have no idea whatsoever. But you need to open the lines of communication on the issue if you want to move forward.
Note your spouse's reaction as you bring up the subject. Are they shocked, sad, angry, hurt or confused? Whichever it is, respond accordingly. This will be your first opportunity to show you care about your spouse and keeping your marriage together. You have to remember that you are most likely catching your spouse off guard so try to be understanding of their feelings.
The next step is to commit to making things work out. You will also need to have your spouse's commitment to do the same thing. Granted, you may have to explain your reasons for why you're asking can this marriage be saved, and let them know you would like it to be saved.
However, there may be some marriages that are not worth saving, at least not in their current state. If you are in a marriage that is mentally or physically abusive, then asking if it can be saved is not the right question. Then you need to ask if you can be saved from the relationship. It's not easy, but it is critical that you get out. Perhaps your spouse will change, but you need to make sure, and see solid proof before you give them a second chance. Luckily, such exceptions make up only a small fraction of all marriages.
So, back to the question of whether or not your marriage can be saved. Well, it can only be saved if you want it to be saved. And, the fact that you are reading this is a good sign. However, take some time to seriously reflect upon whether or not you really want it to be saved. It's okay to answer no, so long as you answer honestly and after plenty of thought. Either way, something as important as a marriage shouldn't be taken lightly.
Now, if you have given it enough thought, and decided that you still love your spouse, and that you would like to stay married, then you are already on the right path to making it work. And it will take work. It's better to be up front about it, than it is to give you false pretenses and say it will be easy. It will take commitment and effort, but most things worthwhile do.
The first thing you have to do is talk to your spouse. You need to let them know that you think your marriage is in trouble. They will either agree, or have no idea whatsoever. But you need to open the lines of communication on the issue if you want to move forward.
Note your spouse's reaction as you bring up the subject. Are they shocked, sad, angry, hurt or confused? Whichever it is, respond accordingly. This will be your first opportunity to show you care about your spouse and keeping your marriage together. You have to remember that you are most likely catching your spouse off guard so try to be understanding of their feelings.
The next step is to commit to making things work out. You will also need to have your spouse's commitment to do the same thing. Granted, you may have to explain your reasons for why you're asking can this marriage be saved, and let them know you would like it to be saved.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
What Does Marriage Really Mean To You and I
Most people would count their wedding day as one of the happiest days in their lives. Marriage is often defined as "two people taking a voluntary vow to remain together for life". That's a fair definition of marriage, but it isn't going to do much for keeping you happy. So, that leads to the question of what marriage really means.
Perhaps the better solution is to define what marriage means to you. Then ask your spouse (or soon to be spouse) what their definition is as well. This will give each of you a better idea of what the relationship is all about. It can also give you interesting insights into what your partner thinks about being married, and lead to a meaningful conversation about the subject.
It is often said that 50% of marriages in America end in divorce. The truth is that that statistic is questionable at best, but even if the real number is closer to 30% it means the odds of splitting up are far too high. That doesn't mean a divorce is in your future and that you are doomed from the start, far from it. However, it is a good reason to make sure you practice communicating with one another. And if you have the same ideas and expectations about what does marriage really mean, then you will further increase your odds of staying happily together.
As mentioned, each of you will probably have a different definition of what being married means to you. There is nothing wrong with that, you are both individuals. However, it is a worthwhile exercise to create a common definition of marriage as well. One that you can both agree with, and the one that will be what your marriage is about. You can both keep your own definitions, of course, but they should be in harmony with your agreed up definition.
Let's face it, most couples will never take the time to do this. That's a shame because it helps to bring you even close together. It helps build good communication. On top of that, you will both have a much clearer idea of what your marriage means to you. Besides, it doesn't really take all that much time when you consider the impact it has on a lifetime of happiness.
Once you have decided what marriage means, you can both then work to protect it. Can you imagine the positive impact this can have on your relationship? How wonderful! There is no second guessing what the other person really thinks, and you will both be made stronger because of it. It doesn't seem too far-fetched to say that if every couple did this, then the divorce rate would be much lower than it is now.
Finally, you will notice that we are talking about coming up with your own personal definition of what marriage means to you as a couple. Sure, the dictionary and legal definitions are important to know, but they can't compare to coming up with your answer to what does marriage really mean.
Perhaps the better solution is to define what marriage means to you. Then ask your spouse (or soon to be spouse) what their definition is as well. This will give each of you a better idea of what the relationship is all about. It can also give you interesting insights into what your partner thinks about being married, and lead to a meaningful conversation about the subject.
It is often said that 50% of marriages in America end in divorce. The truth is that that statistic is questionable at best, but even if the real number is closer to 30% it means the odds of splitting up are far too high. That doesn't mean a divorce is in your future and that you are doomed from the start, far from it. However, it is a good reason to make sure you practice communicating with one another. And if you have the same ideas and expectations about what does marriage really mean, then you will further increase your odds of staying happily together.
As mentioned, each of you will probably have a different definition of what being married means to you. There is nothing wrong with that, you are both individuals. However, it is a worthwhile exercise to create a common definition of marriage as well. One that you can both agree with, and the one that will be what your marriage is about. You can both keep your own definitions, of course, but they should be in harmony with your agreed up definition.
Let's face it, most couples will never take the time to do this. That's a shame because it helps to bring you even close together. It helps build good communication. On top of that, you will both have a much clearer idea of what your marriage means to you. Besides, it doesn't really take all that much time when you consider the impact it has on a lifetime of happiness.
Once you have decided what marriage means, you can both then work to protect it. Can you imagine the positive impact this can have on your relationship? How wonderful! There is no second guessing what the other person really thinks, and you will both be made stronger because of it. It doesn't seem too far-fetched to say that if every couple did this, then the divorce rate would be much lower than it is now.
Finally, you will notice that we are talking about coming up with your own personal definition of what marriage means to you as a couple. Sure, the dictionary and legal definitions are important to know, but they can't compare to coming up with your answer to what does marriage really mean.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Can A Marriage Quiz Help
If you read magazines or surf the internet, then you have probably seen a marriage quiz or two. They promise to tell you about the health of your marriage or how to improve it, and all you have to do is answer a handful of questions. But the real question whether or not such quizzes can have any kind of real impact on your relationship. When it comes down to it, it's better to have more information about your marriage than less, yet you should remain cautious when you look at the results of any marriage quiz you take.
There is no doubt that these types of quizzes are popular. That's why they seem to turn up as often as they do; the people who publish them know they will attract more people to their magazine or website. And it's no wonder when you consider that no marriage is perfect, which makes for a compelling reason for people to take such quizzes.
While marriage quizzes may be fun to take, there are times when they may do more harm than good. The problem is brief or incomplete quizzes can't really give you a real picture of where your relationship stands. The potential then exists for getting the wrong idea, and that can lead to unnecessary stress and insecurity. That's why you should think of most marriage quizzes as nothing more than a form of entertainment.
Let's face it, you can't determine how healthy your marriage is by selecting your favorite food, color or television show. Decent marriages are not based on any of these things, and neither are decent marriage quizzes. Again, you can take any of these quizzes you like, just remember to not take them too seriously. But even the least insightful quiz may have some value.
While the majority of marriage quizzes lack substance, you can still use them to improve your marriage. How can you do this? By using them as a means of starting a conversation. Let your spouse know you just took the quiz and then tell them how useless or stupid you think it was (or whatever other commentary you would like to make). You can then suggest they take it too, then compare your assessment of the quiz. This is a very non-threatening way to start talking about deeper issues. That's because you will be discussing the quiz itself, but because the topic is really marriage, it will be easy to steer the conversation in that direction.
There is one type of marriage quiz that could be quite useful for most couples. What we're referring to is a quiz that both spouses write together. You each write ten questions or so, and then combine them into one quiz. Then both of you take the quiz and compare answers when you're done. The questions you put on your quiz are entirely up to you. Don't worry about getting the answers right or wrong. The whole purpose is to get both of you talking about your marriage, and if a little quiz can do that, then it's worth taking it.
There is no doubt that these types of quizzes are popular. That's why they seem to turn up as often as they do; the people who publish them know they will attract more people to their magazine or website. And it's no wonder when you consider that no marriage is perfect, which makes for a compelling reason for people to take such quizzes.
While marriage quizzes may be fun to take, there are times when they may do more harm than good. The problem is brief or incomplete quizzes can't really give you a real picture of where your relationship stands. The potential then exists for getting the wrong idea, and that can lead to unnecessary stress and insecurity. That's why you should think of most marriage quizzes as nothing more than a form of entertainment.
Let's face it, you can't determine how healthy your marriage is by selecting your favorite food, color or television show. Decent marriages are not based on any of these things, and neither are decent marriage quizzes. Again, you can take any of these quizzes you like, just remember to not take them too seriously. But even the least insightful quiz may have some value.
While the majority of marriage quizzes lack substance, you can still use them to improve your marriage. How can you do this? By using them as a means of starting a conversation. Let your spouse know you just took the quiz and then tell them how useless or stupid you think it was (or whatever other commentary you would like to make). You can then suggest they take it too, then compare your assessment of the quiz. This is a very non-threatening way to start talking about deeper issues. That's because you will be discussing the quiz itself, but because the topic is really marriage, it will be easy to steer the conversation in that direction.
There is one type of marriage quiz that could be quite useful for most couples. What we're referring to is a quiz that both spouses write together. You each write ten questions or so, and then combine them into one quiz. Then both of you take the quiz and compare answers when you're done. The questions you put on your quiz are entirely up to you. Don't worry about getting the answers right or wrong. The whole purpose is to get both of you talking about your marriage, and if a little quiz can do that, then it's worth taking it.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Are Marriage Seminars Right For You
One of the happiest moments in life is the day you get married. At some point though, reality sets in. You still love each other, but you have to admit that you would like to get along better. Don't worry, what you're going through is perfectly normal. However, if you feel things are getting worse, or would simply like to recapture some of those original feelings you had for each other, then marriage seminars may be just the thing you need.
If you are not familiar with the concept of a marriage seminar, it is basically where experts share their advice and expertise on the subject of marriage. This may be one expert or several, and the seminar may last for one evening or run for the course of several days. Generally speaking, most marriage seminars will last for a weekend, but if that's too long for you, you can either go for one day out of that weekend, or search for shorter seminars. Many seminars are based around religion, so be sure you know the angle of the seminar before you go to avoid any surprises.
Marriage seminars, for the most part, give you the same basic benefits. You not only get a chance to review your marriage but you will also have a chance to get away from your daily routine. This is a bigger benefit than most people realize because it gives you a new setting in which to take a fresh look at how your marriage is really going.
Not being involved in the drudgery of daily life, even if for a few hours, gives you an entirely different perspective on things. This is a good thing. you will also be there with many other couples, most of which have problems that are very similar to yours. However, you don't have to have any major problems to attend marriage seminars. You can go just for the sole purpose of strengthening your marriage. Regardless of why you are there, the seminar is sure to help in some way.
The experts at marriage seminars have a different way of looking at things. That's great, but a different viewpoint isn't enough to improve your level of wedded bliss. What really counts is that they are able to give you insights about your relationship.
If you are a bit hesitant about attending your first marriage seminar, then you are not a lone. Almost every couple is anxious about their first seminar. They may feel self-conscious and unsure of what to expect. However, as they go through it, they start to notice how much it is helping. By the end of the seminar most couples have a deeper love and respect for each other. In fact, it's quite common for couples to start attending marriage seminars whenever they can.
So, what's the catch? Well, these seminars, as helpful as they are still require you to do the actual work of building a better marriage. There are also costs involved, but if you are still in love, or want to fall back in love, then marriage seminars are for you, and the cost is small when compared to your happiness.
If you are not familiar with the concept of a marriage seminar, it is basically where experts share their advice and expertise on the subject of marriage. This may be one expert or several, and the seminar may last for one evening or run for the course of several days. Generally speaking, most marriage seminars will last for a weekend, but if that's too long for you, you can either go for one day out of that weekend, or search for shorter seminars. Many seminars are based around religion, so be sure you know the angle of the seminar before you go to avoid any surprises.
Marriage seminars, for the most part, give you the same basic benefits. You not only get a chance to review your marriage but you will also have a chance to get away from your daily routine. This is a bigger benefit than most people realize because it gives you a new setting in which to take a fresh look at how your marriage is really going.
Not being involved in the drudgery of daily life, even if for a few hours, gives you an entirely different perspective on things. This is a good thing. you will also be there with many other couples, most of which have problems that are very similar to yours. However, you don't have to have any major problems to attend marriage seminars. You can go just for the sole purpose of strengthening your marriage. Regardless of why you are there, the seminar is sure to help in some way.
The experts at marriage seminars have a different way of looking at things. That's great, but a different viewpoint isn't enough to improve your level of wedded bliss. What really counts is that they are able to give you insights about your relationship.
If you are a bit hesitant about attending your first marriage seminar, then you are not a lone. Almost every couple is anxious about their first seminar. They may feel self-conscious and unsure of what to expect. However, as they go through it, they start to notice how much it is helping. By the end of the seminar most couples have a deeper love and respect for each other. In fact, it's quite common for couples to start attending marriage seminars whenever they can.
So, what's the catch? Well, these seminars, as helpful as they are still require you to do the actual work of building a better marriage. There are also costs involved, but if you are still in love, or want to fall back in love, then marriage seminars are for you, and the cost is small when compared to your happiness.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Free Advice On How To Get Your Ex Back - Does It Work
Free advice on how to get your ex back is abundant online, but how do you know if the advice your getting is any good? Who can you trust? I would recommend you trust yourself. Find some advice, read it and listen with your heart not your head. If the advice 'seems' right, it probably is. If you really want to get back with your ex your heart is the one tool you should be using the most anyway, start there.
I don't know you, I don't know why you and your ex are through,and I don't know how long you've been apart. What I do know is that no matter how the problems show up there is almost always one main cause...not being able to communicate. You've probably heard that yourself over and over again. You may even be sick of hearing it. But it's true and until you and your partner learn how to truly listen to each other you will continue to struggle, even after you've gotten back together.
Don't make it hard, it's really not. It's just so easy to fall into bad habits. Learn how to identify those habits and you can change them. That way you can be happier in all areas of your life, not just your romantic relationships. The best way to change bad communication habits, believe it or not, is to take a good long look at the type of person you are.
Try to pinpoint areas of insecurity and doubt. These are the parts of you that make it difficult for you to truly feel worthy and these are the parts of you that make it easy for you to treat your partner with less than stellar care. You might not really feel worthy of being loved so subconsciously you push away the person who loves you. You may feel (deep down inside) that you need to push them away before they leave you. If you are doing this you probably don't realize it. Accepting this and getting help for it can make a huge difference in your relationships and the change can be obvious to your ex, that is great free advice on how to get your ex back.
Please don't dismiss any of this advice just becomes it seems too simple. In reality it's not simple to change deep seated habits. It will take time, attention, and a strong desire. But acknowledging these bad habits and making an effort to fix them will allow you to become a much better person.
Good luck on your quest to get your ex back. No matter what the problems were before, or how long the two of you have been apart it's never too late to take control and make things work out the way you really want them to be. It really is possible to do if you're willing to use this free advice on how to get your ex back, don't dismiss it just because it seems too simple.
I don't know you, I don't know why you and your ex are through,and I don't know how long you've been apart. What I do know is that no matter how the problems show up there is almost always one main cause...not being able to communicate. You've probably heard that yourself over and over again. You may even be sick of hearing it. But it's true and until you and your partner learn how to truly listen to each other you will continue to struggle, even after you've gotten back together.
Don't make it hard, it's really not. It's just so easy to fall into bad habits. Learn how to identify those habits and you can change them. That way you can be happier in all areas of your life, not just your romantic relationships. The best way to change bad communication habits, believe it or not, is to take a good long look at the type of person you are.
Try to pinpoint areas of insecurity and doubt. These are the parts of you that make it difficult for you to truly feel worthy and these are the parts of you that make it easy for you to treat your partner with less than stellar care. You might not really feel worthy of being loved so subconsciously you push away the person who loves you. You may feel (deep down inside) that you need to push them away before they leave you. If you are doing this you probably don't realize it. Accepting this and getting help for it can make a huge difference in your relationships and the change can be obvious to your ex, that is great free advice on how to get your ex back.
Please don't dismiss any of this advice just becomes it seems too simple. In reality it's not simple to change deep seated habits. It will take time, attention, and a strong desire. But acknowledging these bad habits and making an effort to fix them will allow you to become a much better person.
Good luck on your quest to get your ex back. No matter what the problems were before, or how long the two of you have been apart it's never too late to take control and make things work out the way you really want them to be. It really is possible to do if you're willing to use this free advice on how to get your ex back, don't dismiss it just because it seems too simple.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Been Dumped - Feel Lost - Find Yourself
If you have recently been dumped you may feel a little lost right now. If you spend your days just walking around in a fog and nothing seems to go right you need to learn how to fix it, especially if you want to try to get your ex back. There are specific steps you can take to help you do this.
First, you need you back. If you want to try to get your ex back you need to be confident and self assured. So, work through your pain and anger before contacting your ex. Otherwise they will feel they need to be on the defensive and you will do nothing more than alienate them further.
If you have been dumped it may take a while for the pain and anger to subside. Take as much time as you need to feel your feelings and deal with them as they surface. Then decide what it is you want and go for it. If what you want is to get your ex back then do it. Be careful though, like I said make sure you have you back and you are in a good frame of mind or else anything you try will not work and may even backfire.
when you are ready, call your ex on the phone and ask if they would like to meet you for coffee and a talk. If they are willing to meet you, you need to have planned out what you want to say. This isn't the time to fly by the seat of your pants. It's also important that you don't start off by asking them, or begging them, to get back together. Now is the time to try and reconnect and remind them how much fun the two of you used to have.
Hopefully by this point you have addressed the issues you had, or whatever it was that caused problems in your relationship in the past. If so, this meeting could be a great time to let your ex see these improvements with their own two eyes.
Of course, if the two of you are going to make things work for the long haul both of you will most likely need to assess your habits and attitudes and make some changes. Now isn't the time to worry about that though, the only person you can change is you. For now, let that be your focus. Than when the two of you get back togeher and you are trying to keep things strong you can work on other issues that may be driving a wedge between you and creating difficulty in your relationship.
There is hope. No matter how much the two of you have been through you can still find a way to get back together and make things work out much better the second time. Even if you've been dumped there is still hope for a much better future.
First, you need you back. If you want to try to get your ex back you need to be confident and self assured. So, work through your pain and anger before contacting your ex. Otherwise they will feel they need to be on the defensive and you will do nothing more than alienate them further.
If you have been dumped it may take a while for the pain and anger to subside. Take as much time as you need to feel your feelings and deal with them as they surface. Then decide what it is you want and go for it. If what you want is to get your ex back then do it. Be careful though, like I said make sure you have you back and you are in a good frame of mind or else anything you try will not work and may even backfire.
when you are ready, call your ex on the phone and ask if they would like to meet you for coffee and a talk. If they are willing to meet you, you need to have planned out what you want to say. This isn't the time to fly by the seat of your pants. It's also important that you don't start off by asking them, or begging them, to get back together. Now is the time to try and reconnect and remind them how much fun the two of you used to have.
Hopefully by this point you have addressed the issues you had, or whatever it was that caused problems in your relationship in the past. If so, this meeting could be a great time to let your ex see these improvements with their own two eyes.
Of course, if the two of you are going to make things work for the long haul both of you will most likely need to assess your habits and attitudes and make some changes. Now isn't the time to worry about that though, the only person you can change is you. For now, let that be your focus. Than when the two of you get back togeher and you are trying to keep things strong you can work on other issues that may be driving a wedge between you and creating difficulty in your relationship.
There is hope. No matter how much the two of you have been through you can still find a way to get back together and make things work out much better the second time. Even if you've been dumped there is still hope for a much better future.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Breaking Up Getting Back Together - Do It
After breaking up getting back together will not be an easy thing to do. Forgiving and forgetting past mistakes will take some effort and maybe even some counseling. Before we get to that point let's talk about things you can do on your own and together that may bring you back together first.
If whatever caused you to break up in the first place was relatively minor all it might take to get back together is a sincere apology. Saying you are sorry and meaning it can go a long way toward healing the hurt you caused. If he/she accepts your apology then everything is not lost and you can probably work your way back to being a happy couple.
Do not rush things, however, be careful not to make things worse by appearing desperate and demanding that they take you back. After breaking up getting back together and making it work the second time around is a process that cannot be rushed.
When you both have had enough time to calm down and let the hurt subside, then give your ex a call and ask to meet. If they agree to meet you, do not be late. Show them the respect they deserve and show up on time. Talk about the good times you had and keep things light. Do not get into any heavy conversation on this first meeting. There will be enough time for that later.
If all goes well on this first meeting then ask them to go with you to dinner or a movie. Afterward suggest a walk in the park and broach the subject of how you are feeling and the possibility of getting back together. They may tell you that they feel the same way you do or they may say they need more time to think. Respect their decision and back off for a while.
You can take away from the second meeting the knowledge that you planted the seed and gave them something to think about. Give them a couple of days to mull it over and then call them to just talk. Let them steer the conversation at this point and just be a good listener. You have stated your case and now the ball is in their court and you must be patient. If you get angry or seem desperate then the whole thing will blow up in your face.
If they do not give you an answer right away, plan a fun date like going to an amusement park or something. Do not treat it like you would a normal date. Tell them when you are going and that you have an extra ticket if they want to go along. If they agree to go, just have fun, do not talk about getting back together. This will be a good opportunity to show them how you have changed.
Keep in mind that after breaking up getting back together can be a whole new beginning for the two of you. Live each day to the fullest and do not take each other for granted. Life is too short to be without the one you love.
If whatever caused you to break up in the first place was relatively minor all it might take to get back together is a sincere apology. Saying you are sorry and meaning it can go a long way toward healing the hurt you caused. If he/she accepts your apology then everything is not lost and you can probably work your way back to being a happy couple.
Do not rush things, however, be careful not to make things worse by appearing desperate and demanding that they take you back. After breaking up getting back together and making it work the second time around is a process that cannot be rushed.
When you both have had enough time to calm down and let the hurt subside, then give your ex a call and ask to meet. If they agree to meet you, do not be late. Show them the respect they deserve and show up on time. Talk about the good times you had and keep things light. Do not get into any heavy conversation on this first meeting. There will be enough time for that later.
If all goes well on this first meeting then ask them to go with you to dinner or a movie. Afterward suggest a walk in the park and broach the subject of how you are feeling and the possibility of getting back together. They may tell you that they feel the same way you do or they may say they need more time to think. Respect their decision and back off for a while.
You can take away from the second meeting the knowledge that you planted the seed and gave them something to think about. Give them a couple of days to mull it over and then call them to just talk. Let them steer the conversation at this point and just be a good listener. You have stated your case and now the ball is in their court and you must be patient. If you get angry or seem desperate then the whole thing will blow up in your face.
If they do not give you an answer right away, plan a fun date like going to an amusement park or something. Do not treat it like you would a normal date. Tell them when you are going and that you have an extra ticket if they want to go along. If they agree to go, just have fun, do not talk about getting back together. This will be a good opportunity to show them how you have changed.
Keep in mind that after breaking up getting back together can be a whole new beginning for the two of you. Live each day to the fullest and do not take each other for granted. Life is too short to be without the one you love.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Get Back Together With Your Ex - Timming Is Everything
Want to know how to get back together with your ex? You may think that it's impossible, but in most cases, it's not. It's always best to give your ex a little time before you talk to them. Let them cool off somewhat and spend some time alone. Many people want to rush right back in because they're afraid that if they give their ex too much time they will find someone else. And sometimes they do, but don't worry, rebound relationships rarely work out. Just give both of you some time to breathe.
Another thing to keep in mind is that unless you make some changes things will only work out the same way when the two of you do get back together. You don't want that do you? Of course not, no one wants to repeat a cycle where they cause pain for themselves and their partner. That's why it's a great idea to figure out what went wrong the first time. By doing this you can make some changes so you don't just repeat the same destructive cycle over and over again.
So, when trying to get back together with your ex, how do you figure out what went wrong? It will take some time and honesty. The best way is to think back about some of the arguments you and your ex had. What did you argue about? What did your ex complain to you about regarding your behavior? For example, if your ex says you never listen then that means, at least from their perspective, that you aren't really 'tuned' into them and their needs. Now, of course, this might just be their perception, but more often than not, there's some reason they believe this to be true. If you look honestly at yourself and your behavior you may see some of what they are talking about.
So, now that you have some ideas of what issues you've had, now what? Well, now you change. I know, I made that sound easy and it will take time but that's the next step. Once you are aware of the way you act, it's much, much easier to make changes. We tend to do (and act) in default mode most of the time. It's not until we actually, consciously, choose to monitor the way we act and the things we say that we can make real changes. It will take time and practice to make these changes, but you can do it if you want to badly enough.
The really neat thing about all of this, is that not only can you get your ex back and have a great relationship with them, but you'll also be a better person.
So, to recap, if you really want to find a way to get back together with your ex and making it last this time, your best bet is to face up to the problems and find ways to fix them. Accept the mistakes you've made and learn to improve on the person you are. Once you show this side to your ex they will probably be calling you and begging you to get back together. Cool huh?
Another thing to keep in mind is that unless you make some changes things will only work out the same way when the two of you do get back together. You don't want that do you? Of course not, no one wants to repeat a cycle where they cause pain for themselves and their partner. That's why it's a great idea to figure out what went wrong the first time. By doing this you can make some changes so you don't just repeat the same destructive cycle over and over again.
So, when trying to get back together with your ex, how do you figure out what went wrong? It will take some time and honesty. The best way is to think back about some of the arguments you and your ex had. What did you argue about? What did your ex complain to you about regarding your behavior? For example, if your ex says you never listen then that means, at least from their perspective, that you aren't really 'tuned' into them and their needs. Now, of course, this might just be their perception, but more often than not, there's some reason they believe this to be true. If you look honestly at yourself and your behavior you may see some of what they are talking about.
So, now that you have some ideas of what issues you've had, now what? Well, now you change. I know, I made that sound easy and it will take time but that's the next step. Once you are aware of the way you act, it's much, much easier to make changes. We tend to do (and act) in default mode most of the time. It's not until we actually, consciously, choose to monitor the way we act and the things we say that we can make real changes. It will take time and practice to make these changes, but you can do it if you want to badly enough.
The really neat thing about all of this, is that not only can you get your ex back and have a great relationship with them, but you'll also be a better person.
So, to recap, if you really want to find a way to get back together with your ex and making it last this time, your best bet is to face up to the problems and find ways to fix them. Accept the mistakes you've made and learn to improve on the person you are. Once you show this side to your ex they will probably be calling you and begging you to get back together. Cool huh?
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Break Up And Get Back Together Game
If the two of you are playing the break up and get back together game over and over and over again it is probably safe to say that there are issues that need to be addressed. One or both of you may have some type of commitment issues or maybe you just do not know how to communicate with each other effectively.
If you are tired of the game you can always just call it quits and try to move on or you can try to learn effective communication techniques and even learn to get over your commitment issues. There is someone for everyone and if you think you have found that someone then you need to figure out why you are playing these games.
Insecurities can play a big role in how we behave and my guess is that insecurities of some nature are behind the break up and get back together games that are being played.
Maybe you feel you are unlovable because of something that happened when you were young. Maybe he is trying to control you and keep you running back to him every time you break up. Maybe you both just like all the drama. Who knows, but if the games are getting tiresome and you want to stop and just have a normal relationship then my suggestion is, go see a couples counselor and get some help figuring out what the heck you two are doing to each other.
A good counselor can help you find the origin of the problem or problems that the two of you cannot seem to get around and help you work through them. If you really want to stay together you need to learn to break the old, hurtful dynamic of your relationship and form a new, more fulfilling one.
You have probably worn all your friends out trying to talk to them and asking for their help in figuring things out so much that when they see you coming they cringe in fear or run away screaming because the conversation always turns out to be all about you and the most recent break up.
Try talking to each other and try to agree to go see someone who can help on a professional basis. If you are all gung ho about learning how to have a better relationship and your mate is not then go by yourself. When they see the positive changes in you after you have been going for a while then they will probably give in and start going along with you. It is never too late to learn how to be a better partner in a relationship.
If you do decide to go together the counselor will probably give you couples homework. Exercises you can do at home together to strengthen your relationship and learn how to communicate on a different level. Trust will grow and insecurities will fade. They may not go away altogether but they will turn out to be so insignificant that they will no longer have a negative affect on your relationship. You will finally be able to stop playing the break up and get back together game and have a much more trusting, loving, fulfilling relationship.
If you are tired of the game you can always just call it quits and try to move on or you can try to learn effective communication techniques and even learn to get over your commitment issues. There is someone for everyone and if you think you have found that someone then you need to figure out why you are playing these games.
Insecurities can play a big role in how we behave and my guess is that insecurities of some nature are behind the break up and get back together games that are being played.
Maybe you feel you are unlovable because of something that happened when you were young. Maybe he is trying to control you and keep you running back to him every time you break up. Maybe you both just like all the drama. Who knows, but if the games are getting tiresome and you want to stop and just have a normal relationship then my suggestion is, go see a couples counselor and get some help figuring out what the heck you two are doing to each other.
A good counselor can help you find the origin of the problem or problems that the two of you cannot seem to get around and help you work through them. If you really want to stay together you need to learn to break the old, hurtful dynamic of your relationship and form a new, more fulfilling one.
You have probably worn all your friends out trying to talk to them and asking for their help in figuring things out so much that when they see you coming they cringe in fear or run away screaming because the conversation always turns out to be all about you and the most recent break up.
Try talking to each other and try to agree to go see someone who can help on a professional basis. If you are all gung ho about learning how to have a better relationship and your mate is not then go by yourself. When they see the positive changes in you after you have been going for a while then they will probably give in and start going along with you. It is never too late to learn how to be a better partner in a relationship.
If you do decide to go together the counselor will probably give you couples homework. Exercises you can do at home together to strengthen your relationship and learn how to communicate on a different level. Trust will grow and insecurities will fade. They may not go away altogether but they will turn out to be so insignificant that they will no longer have a negative affect on your relationship. You will finally be able to stop playing the break up and get back together game and have a much more trusting, loving, fulfilling relationship.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Best Friend In Rebound Relationship With Ex - Dont Despair
What do you do when you discover your best friend in rebound relationship with ex? You thought that the break up with your ex was only a temporary separation and you would soon work things out and get back together. Every relationship has it's problems, right?
Now you feel betrayed and all alone. You can't even talk to your best friend because your best friend is one of the people who has betrayed you. You are still in love with your ex and want them back. So what do you do?
You may feel confused, hurt, and angry. All of these feelings are normal and it is ok to feel them for as long as you need to but you need to learn how to handle them properly, especially if you want your ex back. Do not let the anger and hurt consume you. Keep yourself busy with other things to take your mind off everything.
If your best friend is in a rebound relationship with your ex, do not panic. Do not fly off the handle and confront them right away either. Rebound relationships are notorious for not lasting long. If you are patient you may just be able to play things right and get your ex back after the rebound relationship is over.
Stay calm and try to remain friends with your ex. Show them that they made a mistake by rebounding with your best friend. Best friend, yeah right. What kind of friend would intentionally betray someone they consider their best friend over a boyfriend or girlfriend? No one I want as a friend.
Anyway, if you still want your ex back, just be patient and let the rebound relationship run it's course. When the rebound relationship is all done and over, continue to be patient and take things slow. Do not expect to just pick up the relationship where you left off. You should treat this as a new relationship, take things slow and try to work on what went wrong in the first relationship.
Ask your ex to meet you for coffee and work your way up to dinner and a movie. Keep communication a priority and talk about everything. You have the advantage of knowing each other already so you can expand on that and truly learn how and what the other is thinking and feeling.
In trying to treat this as a new relationship, let all bygones be bygones and do not hold on to any grudges about past mistakes. Forgive and forget. If you find yourselves playing the blame game and holding on to grudges, your relationship will not last. The best thing you can do at this point is go talk to a counselor and try to work things out before your relationship ends for a second time.
So if your best friend in rebound relationship with ex and you want your ex back, the way to go about it is to be patient, take things slow, forget about past mistakes, learn to forgive one another, and see a counselor if you need to.
Now you feel betrayed and all alone. You can't even talk to your best friend because your best friend is one of the people who has betrayed you. You are still in love with your ex and want them back. So what do you do?
You may feel confused, hurt, and angry. All of these feelings are normal and it is ok to feel them for as long as you need to but you need to learn how to handle them properly, especially if you want your ex back. Do not let the anger and hurt consume you. Keep yourself busy with other things to take your mind off everything.
If your best friend is in a rebound relationship with your ex, do not panic. Do not fly off the handle and confront them right away either. Rebound relationships are notorious for not lasting long. If you are patient you may just be able to play things right and get your ex back after the rebound relationship is over.
Stay calm and try to remain friends with your ex. Show them that they made a mistake by rebounding with your best friend. Best friend, yeah right. What kind of friend would intentionally betray someone they consider their best friend over a boyfriend or girlfriend? No one I want as a friend.
Anyway, if you still want your ex back, just be patient and let the rebound relationship run it's course. When the rebound relationship is all done and over, continue to be patient and take things slow. Do not expect to just pick up the relationship where you left off. You should treat this as a new relationship, take things slow and try to work on what went wrong in the first relationship.
Ask your ex to meet you for coffee and work your way up to dinner and a movie. Keep communication a priority and talk about everything. You have the advantage of knowing each other already so you can expand on that and truly learn how and what the other is thinking and feeling.
In trying to treat this as a new relationship, let all bygones be bygones and do not hold on to any grudges about past mistakes. Forgive and forget. If you find yourselves playing the blame game and holding on to grudges, your relationship will not last. The best thing you can do at this point is go talk to a counselor and try to work things out before your relationship ends for a second time.
So if your best friend in rebound relationship with ex and you want your ex back, the way to go about it is to be patient, take things slow, forget about past mistakes, learn to forgive one another, and see a counselor if you need to.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Breakups - How To Get Him Back And Keep Him
No more breakups.. How to get him back and keep him? If you want the guy of your dreams to come back to you and what you have been doing has not worked, you need to change things up a bit and try a new strategy.
You want a relationship that makes you feel good about yourself and that you can feel good about. Having a person beside you for all the right reasons is a wonderful feeling. When you both complement each other and you realize you make a great team, nothing can stop you.
Then something happens and you find yourself on the receiving end of another one of many breakups.. how to get him back will take strength and perseverance. One of the best ways to get him to come back to you is to be sensitive to how he is feeling and to let him express how he is feeling in his way. Do not try to get him to do things he is not comfortable with. He will only resent you more.
Encourage him to express his feelings openly and honestly. Let him vent his frustration about the things that caused the break up in the first place. After he vents his frustration he may feel better and then the lines of communication can open up again and you two can have a real conversation.
Making a relationship work takes both of you. You two must be committed to each other and the relationship or else it will not work. Relationships do not just happen.
Two people meet and find they have things in common or feel a mutual attraction and decide they want to have a relationship. So they move in together and everything is wonderful for the first ten minutes. What people do not realize is that everyone is different and you need to learn how to live together.
what I mean is, one day one of you is going to do something that will annoy the other, it is inevitable. So what do you do? Like most people, you probably get a little freaked out and then start looking for other things they do that annoy you. If all these things do not get discussed and resolved they end up building up and will eventually will knock the relationship down like a house of cards.
Men and women are completely different and when you get into a relationship you need to accept that person for who they are, foibles and all. If something comes up and it will, talk about it immediately. Do not make fun or make degrading remarks when you bring it up. Whatever you think is a problem is probably something they have done that way for their entire lives. If it is a behavior that really bothers you bring it up with dignity and respect and see if they are willing to try to change.
Be prepared though, you may do something in the future to annoy him, too, and he will ask for the same consideration you asked of him. Learn to be lenient and make compromises and there will be no more breakups.. how to get him back will be a thing of the past.
You want a relationship that makes you feel good about yourself and that you can feel good about. Having a person beside you for all the right reasons is a wonderful feeling. When you both complement each other and you realize you make a great team, nothing can stop you.
Then something happens and you find yourself on the receiving end of another one of many breakups.. how to get him back will take strength and perseverance. One of the best ways to get him to come back to you is to be sensitive to how he is feeling and to let him express how he is feeling in his way. Do not try to get him to do things he is not comfortable with. He will only resent you more.
Encourage him to express his feelings openly and honestly. Let him vent his frustration about the things that caused the break up in the first place. After he vents his frustration he may feel better and then the lines of communication can open up again and you two can have a real conversation.
Making a relationship work takes both of you. You two must be committed to each other and the relationship or else it will not work. Relationships do not just happen.
Two people meet and find they have things in common or feel a mutual attraction and decide they want to have a relationship. So they move in together and everything is wonderful for the first ten minutes. What people do not realize is that everyone is different and you need to learn how to live together.
what I mean is, one day one of you is going to do something that will annoy the other, it is inevitable. So what do you do? Like most people, you probably get a little freaked out and then start looking for other things they do that annoy you. If all these things do not get discussed and resolved they end up building up and will eventually will knock the relationship down like a house of cards.
Men and women are completely different and when you get into a relationship you need to accept that person for who they are, foibles and all. If something comes up and it will, talk about it immediately. Do not make fun or make degrading remarks when you bring it up. Whatever you think is a problem is probably something they have done that way for their entire lives. If it is a behavior that really bothers you bring it up with dignity and respect and see if they are willing to try to change.
Be prepared though, you may do something in the future to annoy him, too, and he will ask for the same consideration you asked of him. Learn to be lenient and make compromises and there will be no more breakups.. how to get him back will be a thing of the past.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Healing A Broken Heart From Love - Time Is Your Friend
Healing a broken heart from love gone bad? All country western songs titles aside, this is a hard thing to have to overcome. Take heart though, it really is possible to overcome the hurt, anger and resentment that you may feel after a breakup. It will take time and it will take a strong desire on your part to actually feel better and get back to living your life.
I know that last sentence may sound odd. You may be saying to yourself, 'Well that's stupid, of course I want to get over my pain'. In a way though many people actually hold on to their pain. They may not mean to and they may not realize they are doing it, but they do it nonetheless. If you do not realize that's what you're doing then it can be really hard to overcome.
Make sure that you are not so hurt that you simply are afraid to try again. If you are, you really should consider finding some help. Life is too short to live in fear of being hurt. You can never really be happy and fulfilled if you are not willing to open your heart up.
A therapist can help you work through all your hurt and pain and help you find ways to heal them so that some day you can move on and find love again.
While you are working on healing the hurt, make sure that you take the time to live. Now isn't a good time to think about dating but it is a great time to spend time with your friends doing the things that you used to enjoy doing. Remember when you were single? what types of things did you enjoy doing? Most of us put at least a little of ourselves on hold when we start dating someone else. It's just the way it works out. Our new person doesn't like to do something that we like to do so we stop doing it while we are with them. Now is the time to do those things. They will bring you peace and allow you to remember the person you used to be and that can really help when you are healing a broken heart from love gone bad.
Another thing you should be doing during this time is to work on the things that you have been meaning to do. Just like the things that we gave up doing when we were part of a couple, there are also things that we were meaning to do but just never got around to. Now is the time to do them. Have you been meaning to take a class, learn a new language, or just rearrange your living room? Now is the time for a new start. Go for it. Try to have some fun. You might not think that you can have any fun quite yet but when you start doing the things you have always wanted to do you might just be surprised at how good you will start to feel.
Finding ways of being happy is the best way I know of for healing a broken heart from love gone bad.
I know that last sentence may sound odd. You may be saying to yourself, 'Well that's stupid, of course I want to get over my pain'. In a way though many people actually hold on to their pain. They may not mean to and they may not realize they are doing it, but they do it nonetheless. If you do not realize that's what you're doing then it can be really hard to overcome.
Make sure that you are not so hurt that you simply are afraid to try again. If you are, you really should consider finding some help. Life is too short to live in fear of being hurt. You can never really be happy and fulfilled if you are not willing to open your heart up.
A therapist can help you work through all your hurt and pain and help you find ways to heal them so that some day you can move on and find love again.
While you are working on healing the hurt, make sure that you take the time to live. Now isn't a good time to think about dating but it is a great time to spend time with your friends doing the things that you used to enjoy doing. Remember when you were single? what types of things did you enjoy doing? Most of us put at least a little of ourselves on hold when we start dating someone else. It's just the way it works out. Our new person doesn't like to do something that we like to do so we stop doing it while we are with them. Now is the time to do those things. They will bring you peace and allow you to remember the person you used to be and that can really help when you are healing a broken heart from love gone bad.
Another thing you should be doing during this time is to work on the things that you have been meaning to do. Just like the things that we gave up doing when we were part of a couple, there are also things that we were meaning to do but just never got around to. Now is the time to do them. Have you been meaning to take a class, learn a new language, or just rearrange your living room? Now is the time for a new start. Go for it. Try to have some fun. You might not think that you can have any fun quite yet but when you start doing the things you have always wanted to do you might just be surprised at how good you will start to feel.
Finding ways of being happy is the best way I know of for healing a broken heart from love gone bad.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Cure For Break Up Pain - Your It
If you are looking for a cure for break up pain, keep in mind that there is no magic pill to cure what you are feeling and it may take a while to get over your relationship. You need to take one day at a time, maybe even one hour at a time in the beginning.
Do not let anyone talk you out of feeling what you need to feel. You may get to the point where you feel you are better off without your ex, but right now the hurt and anger is almost overwhelming.
Be careful that you do not let your emotions take over and end up doing something stupid. Stay close to home and if you do not think you can be alone with yourself, invite a good friend over and cry on their shoulder. If you need to hit something make it something soft like a pillow. Go ahead, beat the crap out of that pillow. You will probably feel better when you are done.
After a few weeks, when the pain has subsided somewhat and you feel like you can breathe again, get out of the house and go do something fun. Remind yourself that you have survived the worst of the pain and realize that you are still alive and life does go on.
Try to resist going to the places you went to with your ex. Revisiting all your old haunts is no cure for break up pain. They probably still go to those places and it is still way too soon to run into them. You need more time.
Do things to make yourself feel good. Go shopping and treat yourself to a new outfit, or make an appointment with your stylist and get a new hairstyle. Concentrate on you for a change and the pain will become less and less everyday.
It is best that you do not try to contact your ex in any way right after the break up. You do not need to give them the satisfaction of knowing you are not ok. Make them think you are getting over them and on with your life. Some part of them probably still cares about you and maybe even feels guilty for the hurt they caused. If they are made to think you are doing well without them they may get a little jealous and who knows, they may just come running back to you.
A great way to get your feelings out and deal with them in a healthy way is to write them down. Start keeping a journal and faithfully write in it everyday. You can safely express what you are feeling in your journal. You can even tell off your ex with no repercussions at all. Let your fingers do the yelling. It doesn't matter how you keep your journal, in a notebook or on your computer. Just start writing and before you know it you will have found that you are the cure for break up pain.
Do not let anyone talk you out of feeling what you need to feel. You may get to the point where you feel you are better off without your ex, but right now the hurt and anger is almost overwhelming.
Be careful that you do not let your emotions take over and end up doing something stupid. Stay close to home and if you do not think you can be alone with yourself, invite a good friend over and cry on their shoulder. If you need to hit something make it something soft like a pillow. Go ahead, beat the crap out of that pillow. You will probably feel better when you are done.
After a few weeks, when the pain has subsided somewhat and you feel like you can breathe again, get out of the house and go do something fun. Remind yourself that you have survived the worst of the pain and realize that you are still alive and life does go on.
Try to resist going to the places you went to with your ex. Revisiting all your old haunts is no cure for break up pain. They probably still go to those places and it is still way too soon to run into them. You need more time.
Do things to make yourself feel good. Go shopping and treat yourself to a new outfit, or make an appointment with your stylist and get a new hairstyle. Concentrate on you for a change and the pain will become less and less everyday.
It is best that you do not try to contact your ex in any way right after the break up. You do not need to give them the satisfaction of knowing you are not ok. Make them think you are getting over them and on with your life. Some part of them probably still cares about you and maybe even feels guilty for the hurt they caused. If they are made to think you are doing well without them they may get a little jealous and who knows, they may just come running back to you.
A great way to get your feelings out and deal with them in a healthy way is to write them down. Start keeping a journal and faithfully write in it everyday. You can safely express what you are feeling in your journal. You can even tell off your ex with no repercussions at all. Let your fingers do the yelling. It doesn't matter how you keep your journal, in a notebook or on your computer. Just start writing and before you know it you will have found that you are the cure for break up pain.
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