Relationships are funny things. Sometimes they go great, other times they are maddeningly difficult. Even worse, the causes for the good times and the bad times can be hard to spot, and it is nearly impossible to predict what will happen in a relationship. How else can you explain those couples who seem to be deeply in love one day, then file for a divorce the next?
What it all comes down to is psychology. Does that mean a psychologist can save any relationship? Not necessarily, but there are some interesting things to consider. Perhaps having some simple insights into what people are thinking will help keep your current relationship that much stronger.
The National Institute of Mental Health paid for a study that the majority of young couples (18 to 21 years of age) avoided being overly intimate--in the deepest sense of the word--with one another and tried to remain as independent as possible. At the same time, there was strong evidence that they were worried about abandonment and rejection. However, those with higher self-esteem didn't worry as much.
Generally speaking, older couples do not show as strong of a tendency for this type of behavior. This is most likely because they have more life experience and that they do not tie their sense of worth to what somebody else thinks of them. To put it another way, they don't worry as much about breaking up. The interesting thing is that this attitude actually makes it less likely that they will break up. That's not to say that break ups only happen to young couples. They can happen at any age.
There have also been differences recorded between men and women. For example, women tend to try to steer a conversation, while men tend to react to conversations as they happen. It's easy to see how this can lead to a source of conflict. Different styles of communication means that what you mean to say often isn't the way it is heard. However, once you understand these differences are there, you can take that into account whenever you are talking to each other.
These are only a few basic observations on the psychology of relationships, but there are many more. While it can be fascinating to explore the differences between how men and women think, this alone isn't always enough to keep a relationship humming along nicely. What it really takes is work and commitment.
If you find things could be going better, keep the above information in mind. It's a good start. However, you should also consider seeing a marriage counselor. They have a firm grasp of the psychology of relationships. Even better, they will take the time to get to know and be able to show you how to apply that psychology and be a happier couple.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
Your Relationship Rescue Plan
It's safe to assume that everybody would agree that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. To be fair, there are plenty of couples that get along really, really well, but perfection simply isn't attainable. On the other hand, there are relationships that are so far from perfect that they are on the verge of collapse. If that hits a bit too close to home, then you may be in need of some relationship rescue.
While there are no perfect relationships, it's a good idea to keep striving for perfection; to keep trying to improve your relationship. This is important because it puts the focus on the relationship. Couples need to understand that being happy together doesn't just happen automatically. Good relationships take work. So, if you want to rescue a relationship that's not doing well, then you need to be willing to do whatever it takes to make it succeed.
Let's be blunt. It won't be easy. It's hard enough keeping a good relationship running smoothly, and if yours is in trouble, it's going to be that much harder. But, as they say, all good things are worth fighting for. Get ready. Roll up your sleeves. Let's get started!
The first thing you need to do is take a step back and try to look at things as though you were an outside observer. How would you describe what's going on? How are you at fault? What could you do better? What things are going well enough to keep you together for now? The goal of questions like these is to help you see things as they really are.
Once you have an idea of what's really going on, you need to talk to your partner. This can be very difficult. The key here is to remain calm, honest, rational and respectful. Do not let things get out of hand. You want to avoid arguing at all costs. All you are really doing is presenting the facts as you understand them. You may be surprised to find out that your partner has been feeling the same way.
Now that you have talked to each other, it's time to start making a plan for relationship rescue. The plan you make will depend on your specific situation. Every person is different and every couple is different. While there isn't one plan that will work for everybody, there are some good resources available that will be able to help you. There are websites, books, guides, counseling and other things out there. However, none of them will do a thing unless you actually take action on what you learn.
You need to commit to whatever plan you agree to. It takes time and it takes work, but as your relationship starts improving, it will seem easier. It's so much nicer once you start seeing results. Results are a great motivator. Once you get a taste of how well your relationship rescue plan is working, you will want to improve even more.
While there are no perfect relationships, it's a good idea to keep striving for perfection; to keep trying to improve your relationship. This is important because it puts the focus on the relationship. Couples need to understand that being happy together doesn't just happen automatically. Good relationships take work. So, if you want to rescue a relationship that's not doing well, then you need to be willing to do whatever it takes to make it succeed.
Let's be blunt. It won't be easy. It's hard enough keeping a good relationship running smoothly, and if yours is in trouble, it's going to be that much harder. But, as they say, all good things are worth fighting for. Get ready. Roll up your sleeves. Let's get started!
The first thing you need to do is take a step back and try to look at things as though you were an outside observer. How would you describe what's going on? How are you at fault? What could you do better? What things are going well enough to keep you together for now? The goal of questions like these is to help you see things as they really are.
Once you have an idea of what's really going on, you need to talk to your partner. This can be very difficult. The key here is to remain calm, honest, rational and respectful. Do not let things get out of hand. You want to avoid arguing at all costs. All you are really doing is presenting the facts as you understand them. You may be surprised to find out that your partner has been feeling the same way.
Now that you have talked to each other, it's time to start making a plan for relationship rescue. The plan you make will depend on your specific situation. Every person is different and every couple is different. While there isn't one plan that will work for everybody, there are some good resources available that will be able to help you. There are websites, books, guides, counseling and other things out there. However, none of them will do a thing unless you actually take action on what you learn.
You need to commit to whatever plan you agree to. It takes time and it takes work, but as your relationship starts improving, it will seem easier. It's so much nicer once you start seeing results. Results are a great motivator. Once you get a taste of how well your relationship rescue plan is working, you will want to improve even more.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Easy Breaking Up Advice
Breaking up is never a fun thing to do, yet there are times when it just has to be done. However, that doesn't mean you have to be a jerk about it. Accept the fact that things are coming to an end, and do your best to handle the break up with some class. With that in mind, here is some breaking up advice to help things go more smoothly.
1. Make sure that you're sure. We're all human and that means we make mistakes. Perhaps you think you want to break up, but do you really? Maybe you're just frustrated and don't know how to handle it, or maybe there is something else going on that is making you think you want to break up. Whatever the case may be, be sure you want to break up before you start following through. After all, it's much easier to never start the process of breaking up than it is to try to undo it once the idea has been expressed.
2. Don't be slow. This one can be tricky. Telling somebody that you want to break up with them is a hard thing to do. You don't want to be with them any more, but you don't want to hurt their feelings either. But it's best to break up as quickly as you can, otherwise you will feel trapped in a relationship you can't wait to get out of.
3. Be ready. Before you tell the other person that you want to break up, you need to make sure that you have thought things through. Be prepared to give your real reasons, then stick to them. You need to be prepared for them to beg you to stay, and you also need to be prepared for them to get angry. You should also give consideration to how and where you will tell them.
4. Do it in person. If you want to break up, then you need to do it in person. This is not the kind of thing you should handle over the phone or via e-mail. The only exception is if you are trying to get out of an abusive relationship. If that's the case, then the less time you are around them, the better.
5. Wrap up the loose ends. Breaking up often entails more than just going your separate ways. If you have been together for a while then there may be bills, debts and property to take care of. Do your best to be fair, but don't be a pushover just because you want it to be over. It's a good idea to get any agreements in writing, just to be on the safe side.
6. Be nice. You want to break up, but there is no reason to be mean about it. You are simply moving on to a new chapter in your life. Do not try to hurt the other person. Treat them with dignity and respect, not matter how undeserving you think they are.
1. Make sure that you're sure. We're all human and that means we make mistakes. Perhaps you think you want to break up, but do you really? Maybe you're just frustrated and don't know how to handle it, or maybe there is something else going on that is making you think you want to break up. Whatever the case may be, be sure you want to break up before you start following through. After all, it's much easier to never start the process of breaking up than it is to try to undo it once the idea has been expressed.
2. Don't be slow. This one can be tricky. Telling somebody that you want to break up with them is a hard thing to do. You don't want to be with them any more, but you don't want to hurt their feelings either. But it's best to break up as quickly as you can, otherwise you will feel trapped in a relationship you can't wait to get out of.
3. Be ready. Before you tell the other person that you want to break up, you need to make sure that you have thought things through. Be prepared to give your real reasons, then stick to them. You need to be prepared for them to beg you to stay, and you also need to be prepared for them to get angry. You should also give consideration to how and where you will tell them.
4. Do it in person. If you want to break up, then you need to do it in person. This is not the kind of thing you should handle over the phone or via e-mail. The only exception is if you are trying to get out of an abusive relationship. If that's the case, then the less time you are around them, the better.
5. Wrap up the loose ends. Breaking up often entails more than just going your separate ways. If you have been together for a while then there may be bills, debts and property to take care of. Do your best to be fair, but don't be a pushover just because you want it to be over. It's a good idea to get any agreements in writing, just to be on the safe side.
6. Be nice. You want to break up, but there is no reason to be mean about it. You are simply moving on to a new chapter in your life. Do not try to hurt the other person. Treat them with dignity and respect, not matter how undeserving you think they are.
Relationship Advice Online - What You Need To Know
Whether you are dating or married, there's a good chance that you would like to be getting along better with your partner. That's a perfectly normal thing to think. Most people, even in very good relationships, wish that their lives together could be better than they are right now. Not all that long ago, the only choice they had was to ask people they know, read a book, or go to a counselor. To be fair, all of those are still reasonable options. However, more and more people are looking for relationship advice online. If this sounds like you, then there are a few things you need to consider first.
More than anything else, you need to know that there is some excellent relationship advice online, but there is also really bad advice as well. Why does this matter? If you follow bad advice, your relationship will end up being even worse. Don't just assume that the advice is good just because it's online. There is no authority that oversees how effective online advice is. This applies to any advice, including that which pertains to relationships.
To further complicate things, you can't judge how good the advice is by how much you have to pay for it. some of the absolute best relationship advice online is quite affordable (especially when you consider that it can make you happier). So, that leads to the next question...
How can you tell whether or not the advice you are about to get is any good or not? One of the good things about the internet is that it's fairly easy to find reviews of just about anything. Therefore, be sure to check your favorite search engine to see if anybody has written a review of whatever relationship advice site or product you are considering. However, be warned that you need to read as many reviews as you can to get a good idea of how good (or bad) it really is.
Another you should do is check into the credentials of anybody you are seeking advice from. Ask yourself what makes them qualified to give you advice about your relationship. That doesn't mean they have to be a professional, but they should be able to demonstrate that they can produce results.
Some good things about relationship advice online is that the internet never closes. If you are going to download a guide, you can do it any time of the day. Another plus is that the internet is anonymous, so you may feel more comfortable discussing your problems than if you were talking to a counselor face-to-face.
Whatever advice you decide to go with, what really matters is that you want to be happier together and that you are willing to do something about it. The internet gives you tons of resources and there is sure to be relationship advice online that will be able to help you.
More than anything else, you need to know that there is some excellent relationship advice online, but there is also really bad advice as well. Why does this matter? If you follow bad advice, your relationship will end up being even worse. Don't just assume that the advice is good just because it's online. There is no authority that oversees how effective online advice is. This applies to any advice, including that which pertains to relationships.
To further complicate things, you can't judge how good the advice is by how much you have to pay for it. some of the absolute best relationship advice online is quite affordable (especially when you consider that it can make you happier). So, that leads to the next question...
How can you tell whether or not the advice you are about to get is any good or not? One of the good things about the internet is that it's fairly easy to find reviews of just about anything. Therefore, be sure to check your favorite search engine to see if anybody has written a review of whatever relationship advice site or product you are considering. However, be warned that you need to read as many reviews as you can to get a good idea of how good (or bad) it really is.
Another you should do is check into the credentials of anybody you are seeking advice from. Ask yourself what makes them qualified to give you advice about your relationship. That doesn't mean they have to be a professional, but they should be able to demonstrate that they can produce results.
Some good things about relationship advice online is that the internet never closes. If you are going to download a guide, you can do it any time of the day. Another plus is that the internet is anonymous, so you may feel more comfortable discussing your problems than if you were talking to a counselor face-to-face.
Whatever advice you decide to go with, what really matters is that you want to be happier together and that you are willing to do something about it. The internet gives you tons of resources and there is sure to be relationship advice online that will be able to help you.
Is Saving Your Relationship Worth It
It's a fact of life, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Sure, some of them may be wonderful, but perfection is a myth. Now that doesn't mean you shouldn't strive for perfection; for constant improvement, because you should. However, there are also those relationships that are in so much trouble that you have to wonder is saving a relationship worth it.
Maybe you are in such a situation yourself. You have tried reading books about making your relationship better. You have been to a counselor. You have been to a retreat that promised results. You have done all of those things but yet you're wondering if saving the relationship is worth it, or if it's even possible at all.
Don't worry if you are thinking that way, it happens a lot more often than you think. It doesn't make you a bad person. Some people may question whether or not the even care, but here's the thing: the very fact that you are asking such questions is proof that your relationship can be saved, and that it may be worth it.
Before you get too excited, however, you need to talk to your partner. This will take some preparation. You need to know why you want to turn things around for the better, and be able to explain your feelings in a calm and rational way. It won't be easy, but it will give you the best chance of success.
If things are really bad, your partner may not be interested in saving the relationship. Can you blame them? After all, what they don't want to save is a bad relationship. In other words, they don't want to save the relationship in the state it's currently in. That makes sense, doesn't it?
So, it stands to reason that the relationship needs to change into one that is worth saving. You already know that it is, but you need to show your partner that that's the case, too. You can't do this through promises, you can't do it through force; you can only do it by making real changes. Remember, the only person you can change is yourself, so that's where you will have to start.
Once you have started changing yourself, it's time to work on the relationship. This will also take work. You need to treat the relationship with the care and respect it's worthy of. Look for the problem areas and work to get rid of them. Ignoring the problems won't work, so be willing to face them head on.
Make changes for the positive, and over time your partner will notice. They won't change right away. They may also want to see if the changes you are making are for real, so do your best to stick to them. Do all of these things and the next time you ask if saving your relationship is worth it, you can answer with a great big "Yes!"
Maybe you are in such a situation yourself. You have tried reading books about making your relationship better. You have been to a counselor. You have been to a retreat that promised results. You have done all of those things but yet you're wondering if saving the relationship is worth it, or if it's even possible at all.
Don't worry if you are thinking that way, it happens a lot more often than you think. It doesn't make you a bad person. Some people may question whether or not the even care, but here's the thing: the very fact that you are asking such questions is proof that your relationship can be saved, and that it may be worth it.
Before you get too excited, however, you need to talk to your partner. This will take some preparation. You need to know why you want to turn things around for the better, and be able to explain your feelings in a calm and rational way. It won't be easy, but it will give you the best chance of success.
If things are really bad, your partner may not be interested in saving the relationship. Can you blame them? After all, what they don't want to save is a bad relationship. In other words, they don't want to save the relationship in the state it's currently in. That makes sense, doesn't it?
So, it stands to reason that the relationship needs to change into one that is worth saving. You already know that it is, but you need to show your partner that that's the case, too. You can't do this through promises, you can't do it through force; you can only do it by making real changes. Remember, the only person you can change is yourself, so that's where you will have to start.
Once you have started changing yourself, it's time to work on the relationship. This will also take work. You need to treat the relationship with the care and respect it's worthy of. Look for the problem areas and work to get rid of them. Ignoring the problems won't work, so be willing to face them head on.
Make changes for the positive, and over time your partner will notice. They won't change right away. They may also want to see if the changes you are making are for real, so do your best to stick to them. Do all of these things and the next time you ask if saving your relationship is worth it, you can answer with a great big "Yes!"
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
How To Stop A Divorce
A break up is a tough thing to go through when you are dating. But when you are married, a break up is much more than just a break up...it's a divorce. When this happens it's quite common for one of the spouses to want to know how to stop a divorce. With that in mind, here some things to help you do that.
Before you actually try to stop your divorce, you need to ask yourself if it's really the right thing to do. Perhaps you still love your spouse and you would like to make things work. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. However, it's in your best interest to take plenty of time to think things through. Why do you really want to stop the divorce? Is it because you are in love, or is it because you feel more secure being married? The main thing is to be honest with yourself, regardless of where that honesty leads.
From here on we will assume that you have the right motivations for wanting to stop your divorce. If you have only been threatened with divorce, try to find out how serious the threat is. That's not to downplay it as an idle threat. Any time the D-word is brought up, it should be taken seriously. At the same time, sometimes people get frustrated in the heat of an argument and say they want a divorce. But deep down, what they really men is that they don't know what else to say and they just want to be away from you until you both calm down.
So, take some time to find out what's really going on. If your spouse still says they want a divorce even when you are not mad at each other, then you need to start taking action right away. Whatever you do, don't get mad. Treat it in as calm of a manner as possible and find out what is at the root of them wanting to be separated.
Once you know why they want a divorce, you will be in a better position to stop a divorce from happening. However, you also need to ask yourself what changes will have to be made to make things work, and if you will be willing and able to make those changes.
Now, what if your spouse has already seen a lawyer to start divorce proceedings against you? This will make things that much harder, but it's still possible to stop a divorce even after the papers have been filed. You will need to be at the top of your game and ready to do some serious work. However, if you really want to be with your spouse and restore your marriage, then doing whatever it takes is what you'll have to do.
These things are never easy, but don't lose hope. Total honesty, being open and making the needed changes will give you the best chance to stop a divorce.
Before you actually try to stop your divorce, you need to ask yourself if it's really the right thing to do. Perhaps you still love your spouse and you would like to make things work. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. However, it's in your best interest to take plenty of time to think things through. Why do you really want to stop the divorce? Is it because you are in love, or is it because you feel more secure being married? The main thing is to be honest with yourself, regardless of where that honesty leads.
From here on we will assume that you have the right motivations for wanting to stop your divorce. If you have only been threatened with divorce, try to find out how serious the threat is. That's not to downplay it as an idle threat. Any time the D-word is brought up, it should be taken seriously. At the same time, sometimes people get frustrated in the heat of an argument and say they want a divorce. But deep down, what they really men is that they don't know what else to say and they just want to be away from you until you both calm down.
So, take some time to find out what's really going on. If your spouse still says they want a divorce even when you are not mad at each other, then you need to start taking action right away. Whatever you do, don't get mad. Treat it in as calm of a manner as possible and find out what is at the root of them wanting to be separated.
Once you know why they want a divorce, you will be in a better position to stop a divorce from happening. However, you also need to ask yourself what changes will have to be made to make things work, and if you will be willing and able to make those changes.
Now, what if your spouse has already seen a lawyer to start divorce proceedings against you? This will make things that much harder, but it's still possible to stop a divorce even after the papers have been filed. You will need to be at the top of your game and ready to do some serious work. However, if you really want to be with your spouse and restore your marriage, then doing whatever it takes is what you'll have to do.
These things are never easy, but don't lose hope. Total honesty, being open and making the needed changes will give you the best chance to stop a divorce.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Dealing With Relationship Break Up - Regroup And Sort It Out
Yuck, one of the worst things to have to go through is the loss of a relationship. It may not seem like you'll ever feel like you again. In most cases it will take time to get back to the 'normal' life you had before. The longer and more intense the relationship the longer it usually takes dealing with relationship break up.
There are no hard and fast rules about how long it should take to move on after a breakup. Everyone is different. Sometimes friends and family may mean well when they tell you to 'get back out there' but in reality, they may be depriving you of the opportunity to get your head around everything that has happened.
This time to regroup and sort everything out is very important, if it's done right. It's not about wallowing in 'what if's' or stalking your ex, or spending weeks on the couch convinced that your life is over. If you spend this time analyzing the relationship, good and bad, try to figure out honestly where you went wrong, you'll stand a much better chance of being able to move on with minimal baggage.
Now, no one is saying that you'll be able to look at things logically and clearly in a few weeks. In most cases it will take a month, or months, to get enough distance to be able to start deconstructing where the relationship went wrong, and that is one of the reasons you don't need to rush the 'moving on' stage.
On the other hand, you should be making at least small, consistent strides forward after a month or so. If not, you may need some extra help. If you're just not moving on, even in baby steps, you should seek help. The same thing holds true if you find yourself engaging in self destructive behavior such as having sex with anyone you can find or drinking too much.
Don't think of this as being a sign of weakness, as a matter of fact, nothing could be further from the truth. It takes enormous amounts of strength and courage to admit you have a problem and ask for help.
If you are doing o.k. on your own than one of the things you should be doing is spending time doing positive things with positive people. Most of us have that one friend who seems to be able to make us laugh no matter what is going on in our world. Spend time with that person.
It's also a good idea to rediscover yourself, those parts you put on hold when you were with your partner. Those things you like to do but didn't do because your partner didn't want to do them. Now is the time to re acquaint yourself with those activities.
Breakups suck, I'm sorry but there's just no polite way to say it. The nice thing is that if you approach it the right way, you can find constructive ways of dealing with relationship break up that might not only help you move on a little more quickly, but that also might help you out in your next relationship.
There are no hard and fast rules about how long it should take to move on after a breakup. Everyone is different. Sometimes friends and family may mean well when they tell you to 'get back out there' but in reality, they may be depriving you of the opportunity to get your head around everything that has happened.
This time to regroup and sort everything out is very important, if it's done right. It's not about wallowing in 'what if's' or stalking your ex, or spending weeks on the couch convinced that your life is over. If you spend this time analyzing the relationship, good and bad, try to figure out honestly where you went wrong, you'll stand a much better chance of being able to move on with minimal baggage.
Now, no one is saying that you'll be able to look at things logically and clearly in a few weeks. In most cases it will take a month, or months, to get enough distance to be able to start deconstructing where the relationship went wrong, and that is one of the reasons you don't need to rush the 'moving on' stage.
On the other hand, you should be making at least small, consistent strides forward after a month or so. If not, you may need some extra help. If you're just not moving on, even in baby steps, you should seek help. The same thing holds true if you find yourself engaging in self destructive behavior such as having sex with anyone you can find or drinking too much.
Don't think of this as being a sign of weakness, as a matter of fact, nothing could be further from the truth. It takes enormous amounts of strength and courage to admit you have a problem and ask for help.
If you are doing o.k. on your own than one of the things you should be doing is spending time doing positive things with positive people. Most of us have that one friend who seems to be able to make us laugh no matter what is going on in our world. Spend time with that person.
It's also a good idea to rediscover yourself, those parts you put on hold when you were with your partner. Those things you like to do but didn't do because your partner didn't want to do them. Now is the time to re acquaint yourself with those activities.
Breakups suck, I'm sorry but there's just no polite way to say it. The nice thing is that if you approach it the right way, you can find constructive ways of dealing with relationship break up that might not only help you move on a little more quickly, but that also might help you out in your next relationship.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
How Do I Save My Relationship - Very Carefully
How do I save my relationship? That is probably one of the most common questions you can find if you do a search for relationship advice online. It's a sad situation to be in. No one wants to stand idly by and watch their relationship crash and burn. You don't have to. There are many things you can do to not only save your relationship but to even improve it and maybe make it better than it ever was before.
One thing I always tell people is a good relationship starts with you. It may seem odd but most people look to their partner when they are trying to find or fix a relationship. If you start with you, you'll have a much better chance of having the kind of relationship we all dream of.
You see that nothing dooms a relationship, or dooms you to choosing the wrong person, more than being insecure. True, we all have insecurities but some of us have more, or deeper ones, than others.
If you want to find someone who is confidant and willing and able to treat their partner with love, respect and friendship than you have to be someone who is confidant and can treat your partner with love respect and friendship.
If you are insecure you will only attract insecure people to you. In this scenario it usually goes a little like this: you have a woman who doesn't feel really good about herself. Maybe she's a little overweight or maybe she's beautiful but has just had too many people undermine her sense of self so she doesn't believe it.
What kind of man do you think she will attract? A confidant successful man or an insecure buffoon who always acts like he has something to prove? You guessed it, the buffoon.
That's because a confidant man would get bored with her neediness and insecurities. Those aren't attractive traits. An insecure man, on the other hand, would love to have a beautiful woman on his arm that he can boss around. It makes him feel like a big man, he can brag to his friends, etc.
So if you want to have someone worthwhile in your life, you have to become someone confidant enough to 'demand' that. It might even take some counseling but it's worth investing the time in yourself.
Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. My first marriage was to an insecure man like I described above. I was unsure of myself and he took every opportunity he could find to reinforce my insecurities.
After that disaster ended I took some time for me. I became the woman I always wanted to be. And of course, I still have some insecurities, but they're minor and they don't rule who I am. Now I'm in a fantastic relationship and I can honestly say that my spouse truly is my best friend and always has my back.
So if you're asking: "how do I save my relationship?" you may just find that you have to save yourself first.
One thing I always tell people is a good relationship starts with you. It may seem odd but most people look to their partner when they are trying to find or fix a relationship. If you start with you, you'll have a much better chance of having the kind of relationship we all dream of.
You see that nothing dooms a relationship, or dooms you to choosing the wrong person, more than being insecure. True, we all have insecurities but some of us have more, or deeper ones, than others.
If you want to find someone who is confidant and willing and able to treat their partner with love, respect and friendship than you have to be someone who is confidant and can treat your partner with love respect and friendship.
If you are insecure you will only attract insecure people to you. In this scenario it usually goes a little like this: you have a woman who doesn't feel really good about herself. Maybe she's a little overweight or maybe she's beautiful but has just had too many people undermine her sense of self so she doesn't believe it.
What kind of man do you think she will attract? A confidant successful man or an insecure buffoon who always acts like he has something to prove? You guessed it, the buffoon.
That's because a confidant man would get bored with her neediness and insecurities. Those aren't attractive traits. An insecure man, on the other hand, would love to have a beautiful woman on his arm that he can boss around. It makes him feel like a big man, he can brag to his friends, etc.
So if you want to have someone worthwhile in your life, you have to become someone confidant enough to 'demand' that. It might even take some counseling but it's worth investing the time in yourself.
Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. My first marriage was to an insecure man like I described above. I was unsure of myself and he took every opportunity he could find to reinforce my insecurities.
After that disaster ended I took some time for me. I became the woman I always wanted to be. And of course, I still have some insecurities, but they're minor and they don't rule who I am. Now I'm in a fantastic relationship and I can honestly say that my spouse truly is my best friend and always has my back.
So if you're asking: "how do I save my relationship?" you may just find that you have to save yourself first.
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