If your ex wants to get back together with you and you agree, there are certain things that you should do to make sure you will have a successful relationship the next time around.
Take your time when you are learning how to get back together, do not rush right back into the same old routine. It did not work the first time around and it surely will not work the second time around. The idea here is to make things better not repeat the same old mistakes.
Your best bet is to talk about everything that happened and led to the break up in the first place. Until you understand each other and how each one thinks, there will be no point in trying to get back together because your relationship will only end in disaster again. Do not play games or try to trick your ex into coming back to you. Doing this will only deepen the hurt and distrust.
Be friends before you two jump right back into being in a relationship. Date, hang out, have some fun, just learn to be together before things get serious again. Keeping things casual for the first few weeks will give you both time to readjust to the other person and let you ease back into a relationship.
Talking is not the only thing to be done in this type of situation, though. If your ex wants to get back together and they are serious about it, they should be willing to put their money where their mouth is and show you how serious they are about getting back together.
Ask them if they would be willing to go see a counselor with you to try to work things out. If they say no then you know you have your answer and the relationship should be over at this point. There really is nothing more to talk about. If they are not willing to work on the problems in your relationship, cut them loose.
If they say yes to the counselor then go ahead and make an appointment with someone you both trust. Agree that you both will be as open and honest about everything as you can. Seeing a counselor should be a healing thing for the two of you and not another source of stress and worry.
The counselor may want to see the two of you together or they may start out seeing each one separately and then bring you both together. Depends on the depth of the problems you have. A good counselor can help you work through everything and give you tools and homework to apply to your lives outside of the counselor's office to continue to become the couple you wanted to be in the first place.
The sooner you can get to the bottom of the problems you had in your first relationship, the better the second relationship will be. Having someone to love you is the most wonderful thing in the world and you will be thankful that your ex wants to get back together.
Showing posts with label ex wants to get back together. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ex wants to get back together. Show all posts
Monday, September 20, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
My Ex Wants To Get Back Together Are You Kidding Me
My ex wants to get back together? Is this your incredulous reaction when your ex calls you back after months of no contact? Perhaps he/she is the one who broke up with you or maybe you instigated the split. Either way, it might be somewhat of a surprise to have this person show up in your life again. And, if nothing else, it gets you thinking. . . what should you do?
Obviously, it all depends on the situation and circumstances and, especially, what state of mind you are in right now.
If your ex is the one that broke up with you and you've just finally started to settle into your new life without him/her, you might be temped to just tell him/her to leave you alone. This is perfectly natural and you'll probably feel good about it. Keep in mind that this might induce your ex to try even harder.
If you're still feeling the pain of your split and you still miss your ex, you may be relieved to have him/her asking you back. But be careful and tread slow here. Even if you feel like saying "Yes!" immediately, you might want to just ask him/her to call you back in a couple of days so you can think about it. If he/she does call you back, then they've earned a point. Try asking for a few more days. See how far it gets you and how far you want to take it.
But it's a good way to superficially test the sincerity of your ex. If you were the one who did the breaking up, you've got a whole different attitude and your feelings will probably be more readable; since you most likely went through them in your mind before breaking up.
Chances are that his/her first thought when your ex wants to get back together is that you will forgive him/her for breaking up with you in the first place or for causing you to want to break up. If you do plan to take him/her up on the offer, you need to forgive him/her in order to go on. Then, make sure that you know clearly and precisely what you want out of the relationship. And remember that you now are in the position to ask what you want and to also stipulate what you don't. Talk about it and see how your ex reacts.
Of course when you do decide to give the relationship a try, you also need to give your ex what he/she wants as well. Ask your ex to be specific about what he/she needs from you and then evaluate how well you will be able to fill them. Is there something that you just cannot do? If so, it's probably better to let the relationship go once again. Otherwise, you will be soon headed for your second break-up.
Hopefully this has helped you in your "my ex wants to get back together" situation.
Obviously, it all depends on the situation and circumstances and, especially, what state of mind you are in right now.
If your ex is the one that broke up with you and you've just finally started to settle into your new life without him/her, you might be temped to just tell him/her to leave you alone. This is perfectly natural and you'll probably feel good about it. Keep in mind that this might induce your ex to try even harder.
If you're still feeling the pain of your split and you still miss your ex, you may be relieved to have him/her asking you back. But be careful and tread slow here. Even if you feel like saying "Yes!" immediately, you might want to just ask him/her to call you back in a couple of days so you can think about it. If he/she does call you back, then they've earned a point. Try asking for a few more days. See how far it gets you and how far you want to take it.
But it's a good way to superficially test the sincerity of your ex. If you were the one who did the breaking up, you've got a whole different attitude and your feelings will probably be more readable; since you most likely went through them in your mind before breaking up.
Chances are that his/her first thought when your ex wants to get back together is that you will forgive him/her for breaking up with you in the first place or for causing you to want to break up. If you do plan to take him/her up on the offer, you need to forgive him/her in order to go on. Then, make sure that you know clearly and precisely what you want out of the relationship. And remember that you now are in the position to ask what you want and to also stipulate what you don't. Talk about it and see how your ex reacts.
Of course when you do decide to give the relationship a try, you also need to give your ex what he/she wants as well. Ask your ex to be specific about what he/she needs from you and then evaluate how well you will be able to fill them. Is there something that you just cannot do? If so, it's probably better to let the relationship go once again. Otherwise, you will be soon headed for your second break-up.
Hopefully this has helped you in your "my ex wants to get back together" situation.
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