Ah yes, your wedding day. A day that's supposed to be one of the happiest in your life. The two of you were so happy at first, but then reality set in. You stopped getting along so well, and the arguments seemed to get worse. Or, maybe the problem is that there was no arguing at all. Maybe one of you just didn't care enough to even bother. Whatever the case may be, you are now at the point where you want to know how to stop a divorce. For the record, it won't always be easy, but it can be done if you go about it the right way.
Before you start taking action, you need to be sure a divorce is on the horizon. If you have been served with divorce papers, then you already know the answer. But if it's only a general feeling you have, or one of you blurted out the threat of divorce during a heated argument, then take a closer look before making any assumptions one way or the other.
Okay, so there is no doubt that a divorce is about to happen, what can you do? the next steps depend if it was you or your spouse who initiated it. If it was you, then you have to start doing some damage control. Explain to your spouse why you wanted a divorce, but then follow that up by explaining why that is no longer the case. Your ex may not react the way you expect, but do your best to remain calm as you give your reasons for calling off the divorce.
If it was your spouse, then you have to use different tactics to stop a divorce. You can start by agreeing that things aren't going well. What normally happens is we try to defend ourselves and explain that things really aren't that bad. But if your spouse has asked for a divorce, then they obviously think things are bad. By agreeing with them on that point, you will be able to start a better conversation. A conversation that will put you on the right track to saving your marriage.
Sometimes a few conversations aren't enough. That's okay, it happens. However, you don;t have to give up yet. Do whatever you can to go see a marriage counselor. Don't be too pushy about it, but do your best to get your spouse to agree to it. If they don't want to go, then try to find out why. Don't be judgmental, you're just trying to find out what their objections are. Once you know those, you can put their mind at ease. A lot of people see marriage counselors. Some wait until they have to stop a divorce, and others go throughout the course of their marriage. Either way, they can work wonders in not only keeping your marriage together, but also making it a happier one.
Showing posts with label Stop My Divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stop My Divorce. Show all posts
Monday, February 14, 2011
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Stop My Divorce
Divorces are at an all time high. Some of the times it appears that it is easier to get a divorce than to get married.
People get hurt in divorce. The parties are forever scarred. Kids, if there are any, never get over the hurt. Knowing this, you might be wondering “How do I stop my divorce?”
There are 3 steps to stopping a divorce.
The first thing that you have to recognize is that saying you have changed doesn't mean you actually have changed. If you're the person who's at fault in the relationship, it is not enough to give lip service to the idea of change.
If you've been having affairs, for example, it's going to take time for your partner to believe that you're no longer going back to your wandering ways. It's not enough to tell your partner that you are not stepping out any longer. You'll have to take concrete actions. As an example, you might need to allow your partner to “monitor” your activities by checking in with him or her on a frequent basis. If your job requires you to travel, you might have to seek a new job that keeps you close to home.
Other things besides affairs can mess up a relationship. For example, if the wife’s spending habits are causing money troubles which weaken the marriage, she might have to commit to cutting up the credit cards and living on a cash allowance. If the husband’s work habits keep him away from home too frequently, he might have to commit to being home by 6:30 nightly regardless what. At the crux of this step is what is the most important thing in your life? If it's your marriage, you'll make the necessary changes. But do not just give lip service to them. Actions speak louder than words.
The next step is to avoid using emotional blackmail if you want to stop your divorce. Recognize that love is NOT enough to save your marriage. Telling your partner, “but I love you” in the heat of an argument won't win you any points. When you say “I love you” at inappropriate times, your partner is forced to say “I love you, BUT…” this weakens the emotional tie that love has between you.
Use the powerful “I love you” message when your wounds are mended, not at the heat of an argument.
You can not use logic or guilt to change your partner’s mind. Arguing like this will only involve a spiraling argument. If you feel you must win, then you'll lose.
Finally, do not think that you are able to win an argument. Some people like to use their superior logic or argumentative skills to “prove” they're right and their partner is wrong. This might work in a officially scored debate, but in a marriage (which is scored on emotions not facts) it is certain to fail. Rather than arguing, solve the problem. If your spouse brings up a fault in you, talk about possible solutions rather than argue back.
Are you wondering how to “stop my divorce?” Begin by following the “stop my divorce” advice I have laid out in this article.
People get hurt in divorce. The parties are forever scarred. Kids, if there are any, never get over the hurt. Knowing this, you might be wondering “How do I stop my divorce?”
There are 3 steps to stopping a divorce.
The first thing that you have to recognize is that saying you have changed doesn't mean you actually have changed. If you're the person who's at fault in the relationship, it is not enough to give lip service to the idea of change.
If you've been having affairs, for example, it's going to take time for your partner to believe that you're no longer going back to your wandering ways. It's not enough to tell your partner that you are not stepping out any longer. You'll have to take concrete actions. As an example, you might need to allow your partner to “monitor” your activities by checking in with him or her on a frequent basis. If your job requires you to travel, you might have to seek a new job that keeps you close to home.
Other things besides affairs can mess up a relationship. For example, if the wife’s spending habits are causing money troubles which weaken the marriage, she might have to commit to cutting up the credit cards and living on a cash allowance. If the husband’s work habits keep him away from home too frequently, he might have to commit to being home by 6:30 nightly regardless what. At the crux of this step is what is the most important thing in your life? If it's your marriage, you'll make the necessary changes. But do not just give lip service to them. Actions speak louder than words.
The next step is to avoid using emotional blackmail if you want to stop your divorce. Recognize that love is NOT enough to save your marriage. Telling your partner, “but I love you” in the heat of an argument won't win you any points. When you say “I love you” at inappropriate times, your partner is forced to say “I love you, BUT…” this weakens the emotional tie that love has between you.
Use the powerful “I love you” message when your wounds are mended, not at the heat of an argument.
You can not use logic or guilt to change your partner’s mind. Arguing like this will only involve a spiraling argument. If you feel you must win, then you'll lose.
Finally, do not think that you are able to win an argument. Some people like to use their superior logic or argumentative skills to “prove” they're right and their partner is wrong. This might work in a officially scored debate, but in a marriage (which is scored on emotions not facts) it is certain to fail. Rather than arguing, solve the problem. If your spouse brings up a fault in you, talk about possible solutions rather than argue back.
Are you wondering how to “stop my divorce?” Begin by following the “stop my divorce” advice I have laid out in this article.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Can I Stop My Divorce
Can I stop my divorce? Have you been asking yourself that question of late? It is a difficult question to answer because every situation is so different. In a lot of cases, “Can I stop my divorce?” can be answered, “Yes, for at least a while.”
Divorce lawyers do a booming business. Over one-half of marriages end in divorce. Have you ever questioned why that number is so high? Is it because too many couples get married too quickly before they truly know what they are getting into? Are they asking, “Can I stop my divorce?” practically before the last piece of wedding cake is wrapped?
Are people marrying too young? These things may seem like pat answers, but when you consider that many couples who have been married for 20, 30 and 40 years are getting divorced also, that seems to eliminate the more frivolous marriages and divorces like those we see among starlets and stars.
No, generally when you wonder, “Can I stop my divorce?” It isn't because you married too young or because you are in a marriage that was doomed from the beginning. It is just that you have grown apart from your spouse.
On the one hand that’s good. It means you have grown, and normally a married person needs to be in a caring, nurturing marriage to grow. On the other hand it is all too easy to grow in such a way that we feel a little isolated from our spouse, as if they do not know a certain part of us that we may like to keep private.
When one spouse grows and takes on new interests, it could cause that disconnect between the spouses. Occasionally there is jealousy and envy that a spouse is succeeding while the other feels inadequate or cheated in some manner. Marriage counseling is the suggested treatment for such feelings.
Until or rather than counseling, though, you are able to try to take an interest in something that your spouse does apart from you. You will quickly discover if the gap between your activities is the trouble. If your partner Is not thrilled about your interest, then let it go. He or she considers that particularly activity to be me time for them.
Then again, if your partner seems very enthusiastic about you getting involved, perhaps that was part of the problem all along. He or she wanted to include you but did not know how to go about it, or did not think you'd be interested.
Show genuine interest and ask questions without overdoing it unless you're truly excited by the topic. Engage your spouse in conversation about the interest. Be affectionate as you are talking by putting a hand on his/her arm or shoulder.
Since you’re wondering, “Can I stop my divorce?” You are going to want to do everything you are able to get to things on your side. You are in rescue mode, so regardless how disinterested you may be in your partners hobby, do not let it show.
And while you are wondering, “Can I stop my divorce?” Do not forget that your spouse may turn around and ask you about your hobby, also.
Divorce lawyers do a booming business. Over one-half of marriages end in divorce. Have you ever questioned why that number is so high? Is it because too many couples get married too quickly before they truly know what they are getting into? Are they asking, “Can I stop my divorce?” practically before the last piece of wedding cake is wrapped?
Are people marrying too young? These things may seem like pat answers, but when you consider that many couples who have been married for 20, 30 and 40 years are getting divorced also, that seems to eliminate the more frivolous marriages and divorces like those we see among starlets and stars.
No, generally when you wonder, “Can I stop my divorce?” It isn't because you married too young or because you are in a marriage that was doomed from the beginning. It is just that you have grown apart from your spouse.
On the one hand that’s good. It means you have grown, and normally a married person needs to be in a caring, nurturing marriage to grow. On the other hand it is all too easy to grow in such a way that we feel a little isolated from our spouse, as if they do not know a certain part of us that we may like to keep private.
When one spouse grows and takes on new interests, it could cause that disconnect between the spouses. Occasionally there is jealousy and envy that a spouse is succeeding while the other feels inadequate or cheated in some manner. Marriage counseling is the suggested treatment for such feelings.
Until or rather than counseling, though, you are able to try to take an interest in something that your spouse does apart from you. You will quickly discover if the gap between your activities is the trouble. If your partner Is not thrilled about your interest, then let it go. He or she considers that particularly activity to be me time for them.
Then again, if your partner seems very enthusiastic about you getting involved, perhaps that was part of the problem all along. He or she wanted to include you but did not know how to go about it, or did not think you'd be interested.
Show genuine interest and ask questions without overdoing it unless you're truly excited by the topic. Engage your spouse in conversation about the interest. Be affectionate as you are talking by putting a hand on his/her arm or shoulder.
Since you’re wondering, “Can I stop my divorce?” You are going to want to do everything you are able to get to things on your side. You are in rescue mode, so regardless how disinterested you may be in your partners hobby, do not let it show.
And while you are wondering, “Can I stop my divorce?” Do not forget that your spouse may turn around and ask you about your hobby, also.
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