Showing posts with label Save My Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Save My Marriage. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

How To Save Your Marriage - Be A Partner

If you really want to know how to save your marriage, you need to figure out what the heck being married is all about. Being married is not about remaining independent and doing things only for yourself. It is about sharing everything in your life with that one special person you chose to spend your life with.

Too often people get married and then immediately start to think they are in trouble or feel trapped and do not know how to handle these feelings. Then they start to feel guilty because they are having these feelings and mistakenly assume that when you get married you should automatically know how to be married.

If you think about it that is just the silliest thing you could do. Question: Did you know how to ride that bike before someone taught you? How about walking and talking? You had to learn that too right? So, what makes you think that you know how to be married? Who taught you how?

Oh sure, your parents can be a role model for you but if their relationship wasn't good and they didn't know how to be married, what have they taught you? Not much of anything except how to do it all wrong.

If this is the case then learning how to save your marriage is of utmost importance. Where do you start? Start by talking to each other. Remember when you first met? You used to talk about anything and everything. What happened? What changed? The only thing that changed is the fact that the two of you got married.

Why should this be a problem? You love each other right? Well, of course you do. That is never the problem. The problem is the high standards you or your partner has that neither one of you can live up to. Marriage is all about making compromises and learning to become a partnership.

The best way to become a partnership is to talk things out all the time. Do not make the mistake of assuming you know what your partner is thinking or how they will react in any given situation. Ask them. Never take them or how they feel for granted. This will only cause more problems.

If you have just recently been married and you have encountered these problems already or you have been married for several years and are old hats at these problems, you can still help yourselves and make things right. Make a commitment to each other that you both will try harder to communicate better.

I know sometimes I forget that my partner is a human being and has thoughts and feelings and perceptions of their own and that I am not the only person in the relationship. I also know that we do communicate effectively most of the time but when one of us decides we know best that makes it difficult to make decisions together especially if the one who thinks they know the best will not listen to reason.

If you love each other but do not like each other much these days, you need to start nurturing your relationship and treating each other with respect. You need to get back to the point where your relationship comes first and the two of you feel connected. Clearing up any misunderstandings and hurt feelings is good advice on how to save your marriage.





Thursday, February 10, 2011

Can I Save My Marriage Before It Ends

There is an oft-quoted statistic that says more than 50% of marriages end in divorce in the United States. While there is some evidence that that number is actually lower, there is no doubt that divorce is a problem. After all, who gets married with the idea of getting a divorce? No one. But yet it happens far too often. The sad thing isn't so much the economic impact it has, but rather the emotional impact it has on all parties involved. Perhaps that's why the question of "can I save my marriage" is so common when people sense they are headed for trouble.

The most important thing you should know is that it is quite possible to save all but the most troubled of marriages. You have to be willing to seek good advice, follow through on it, and be willing to whatever it takes to make things work. But just knowing it's possible can you plenty of motivation and inner strength as you go through the process of saving your marriage.

You need to assess just how close you are to really getting a divorce, as that will determine what you need to do. For example, if your spouse has just served you with divorce papers, and you had no idea it was about to happen, then you need to pull out all the stops and go into "emergency mode". On the other hand, if you recently had a heated argument and you feel like things aren't as good as they used to be, then you probably have a bit more time and can take a long view approach.

One thing you should keep in mind is that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. So don't feel bad if it's not going as well as it could be; that's absolutely normal. There isn't anybody in the world who is perfect, and a marriage is comprised of two imperfect people. Therefore, it only makes sense that there will be some problems.

If things are getting to be more than you can handle alone, then seeking help from a marriage counselor can help a great deal. They can help each of you to see things from a different point of view. Even more importantly, they will be able to give you advice on how to get along better and communicate more effectively.

When you learn how to communicate with each other, you will notice a huge improvement in your relationship. Good communication needs honesty, openness and respect. A spirit of compromise will also go a long way in keeping things running smoothly.

By following these tips you will be able to give a positive answer to the question of "can I save my marriage". Yes, it will take some work and commitment, but most of the good things in life do. These are only the first steps. You need to take action, and it's also a good idea to find more information to help the two of you work things out.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

How To Stop A Divorce Before Its To Late

If you're one of the millions of people who are heading for a divorce they don't want and you're asking how to stop a divorce, you'll be happy to know that it can still work out. Even though it might seem impossible and it might be an up hill climb, please don't give up hope. By using the right tactics you'll be surprised at how often people can pull their marriage back from the edge.

start with trying to talk to your spouse, and while this should be one of the easiest things to do in many cases, it's the hardest thing to do because of a long history of the two of you not being able to effectively communicate. That has become a habit in your relationship and it's not going to change all on it's own. So, to help accomplish this step, you might want to visit a therapist who can help you find better, more effective ways to talk to one another.

It sounds so stupid, and so easy to overcome, but communicating is not as easy as it seems like it should be. We are always bound by our own issues, whether we know it or not. We all have some insecurity about things and that insecurity can come across unexpectedly. For example, if you were told multiple times while growing up that you were dumb and your partner says something that seems to insult your intelligence, you're likely to be much more sensitive than you should be. You'll snap at them and they will get mad and wonder what the heck they did wrong, and a fight will erupt. Learning to overcome all of this can be a huge step towards learning how to stop a divorce.

Again, an impartial therapist can help you pinpoint these areas of weakness and learn to work around them. Figuring out the issue is only half of the battle, you also need to learn how to overcome the issues that cause you strife in your life. The truth is that these issues have caused you problems in all aspects of your life, not just your marriage. Getting them solved will make you a much happier person all the way around.

Also always try to put yourself in your partners shoes. It's not always easy to step outside of ourselves and see things from your partners perspective but learning how to do that will take some time and practice. If you can come out of your little world and see things from others point of view, then you will be a better person and a better partner. If you can both do it, than you will have a much fuller relationship not just with your partner but with everyone you see.

It's never easy to see a valued relationship fall apart slowly, but there are many things you can do to stop it. Just take some time to figure out where you and your partner are coming from and make every attempt to respect both of you. Doing this is the best way to learn how to stop a divorce.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Is It Possible To Save My Marriage?

Is it possible to save my marriage? If you're in what feels like a loveless marriage or you're already at the point of separation and/or divorce, you may very well be asking yourself this question. Often times, only one person in the marriage is thinking this question. The other either doesn't even realize there is something wrong, or just wants out altogether. If you are thinking that you need to start working on your marriage because it feels like it's in a downward plunge, or you want to get your marriage back, then here are a few tips you can use.
The first step in order to be able to answer your question of "Will I be able to save my marriage?", is to take a step back from it. Try to analyze your situation objectively, without all the emotions. This is hard, and it is probably harder if you are still in the marriage but do the best you can. Write things down. Try to figure out turning points, mistakes, what went wrong, and how you could have possibly avoided it. If you have already split with your husband or wife, minimize contact as much as possible so that you can have the time to get a more objective perspective. This is not about blaming, but rather about assessing the situation so try to do this without placing blame on yourself or on your spouse. When you are doing this, try to pick out the real reasons for problems, not the symptoms. For example, if one of you cheated, that is not really the problem, but the result of an underlying problem, or several of them. Of course, that just adds to all the problems because a relationship is based on trust, and cheating really violates that. But there were other issues that lead to the cheating as well. You may also want to see a counselor or therapist who can help you determine some of the problems and give you an unbiased viewpoint.
After the "assessment phase" comes the time for action. This is where you should speak to your spouse about what you've been analyzing. This is most likely not going to be fun so gear up for some opposition and prepare to be strong. You of course want to listen what he or she has to say, but make sure that your voice is heard too. Also be prepared to change your mind if your spouse brings up something that you hadn't realized or thought of. This is not particularly enjoyable, but at least you are communicating. And communication is the key to all relationships, whether it be marriage, friendship, work, etc. Continue to communicate. If it seems that you are continuously butting heads over every little point, and neither of you is willing to listen or give in, then the answer to the question of "Is it possible to save my marriage" might be no. But if you see even a little bit of progress, hold on to that and make it work.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Effective Tips On How To Save My Marriage

If your relationship between the two of you to the point of questioning how long you will be together, you may be asking how to save my marriage. Remember that a marriage is a union of two people, so finding solutions to your marriage problems together is essential. These problems cannot be solved by just one of you.

Here are some tips that can help bring you together and increase the chances of your marriage lasting:

- No marriage is perfect. Unlike fairy tales, typical marriages have their flaws just like each of us do. Do not expect perfection from each other. Accept that there will be lumps and bumps along the way.

- Marriage requires work. For your relationship to work, both of you need to realize that it takes work to make a marriage strong. The more work that you put into your marriage can result in an honest and happy relationship. If you do not take this seriously, it can be detrimental. The areas that typically need the most work involve trust and respect in one another . Without these things, your relationship will fall apart.

- Communicate and listen effectively. Create an environment where you can talk to each other without getting upset. Speak calmly and clearly about how you feel and allow your partner to do the same. Make sure to listen to what they have to say, regardless of what they say. Discuss how each of you feel and find common ground where both of you feel that you can find solutions for issues you are facing. The more open and honest you are with each other, the better.

- Do not dwell on past problems. Do not let past mistakes or misunderstandings determine the future of your marriage. While your past problems may be quite serious, dwelling on them will not help your marriage. Focus on the here and now and take each day as it comes.

- Be more giving to one another. Be considerate of each others needs and feelings. You can do caring gestures to simply show that you are thinking of them. If you are unsure as to what you should do for your spouse, ask them what you can do to make them happy. Doing something that will make them feel loved and special can go a long way towards strengthening your relationship. Sometimes doing the simplest things can mean the most to them.

If you have tried all of the above and still are asking how to save my marriage, a professional marriage counselor may be your best option. The decision to go to a counselor must be made by both of you as it will not work if you both do not participate fully.

If you are both truly committed to making changes to save your marriage, a counselor can offer unbiased advice to help you. By getting advice from counselor, it may help you see your problems in a different light and help you find solutions.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

How To Save My Marriage

Do you wonder “how to save my marriage?” This article tells you how to save your marriage.
First, you need to identify the trouble in your relationship. Some common troubles include:
· Money concerns· Child rearing difficulties· Lack of sex· Lack of communication· Loss of identity
And, of course, there are many others. You may discover that there is one main problem or you may identify several smaller problems that are eating away at your marriage.
When you identify the problem or problems that are at the root of your marriage troubles, you will be able to move on to the next step which is close, personal interaction.
In this step, you will need to be open to extensive conversation. If you have not had a lot of open communication during your marriage, you may want to consider counseling in order to facilitate the personal interaction that is key to this step.
If you really want to save your marriage, you will set aside time to work on your marriage issues every single day. You could set aside some time like after the children go to bed or you could decide to take a walk after dinner every day for just the two of you. But, you should plan to get back in touch with each other. A daily habit of quality time with your spouse is very important.
Take some “romantic time” each week. For some couples, this means reinstating a “date night” every week. On Tuesdays, for instance, you get a sitter and go out for a picnic or walk around the mall. As you can see, this doesn’t have to involve wine and roses every week, but a romantic time that you can look forward to all week is essential.
As you spend time together being romantic and discussing your problems, you must have an open mind toward what your partner is telling you. You need to understand that a lot of the problems in your marriage are caused by – get this – you! Until you really listen to your partner, you are not going to be able to effect the kind of personal change necessary to save your marriage.
You need to have faith in your partner. You need to give him or her the benefit of the doubt. You need to believe that the marriage still can and will work. You also need to believe that your partner is still essentially the same person he or she was when you married them. If you cannot have faith in your partner and in your marriage, you might as well give up now.
Finally, you have to be open to forgiveness. If your partner has made mistakes – even major ones – you must be able to forgive. If you insist that there are things that cannot be forgiven, there is no hope for your marriage.
Everyone makes mistakes. Some people make big mistakes. If that person makes a genuine apology – which includes acts of contrition and an effort to change – they deserve forgiveness.
This article gave you answers to that perplexing question, “how to save my marriage.”

Thursday, June 11, 2009

How To Save My Marriage 2 Secret Techniques

If you are wondering, “How to save my marriage?” then you only have to look around you to remember the things you did together when you were first married or first dating. Are you still doing those things today? If you are trying to work out, “How to save my marriage?” then chances are you are not.

Marriages get into trouble for a variety of different reasons. There are affairs, lies, boredom, changes people go through that make them more or less appealing to one another, moves, children, jobs . . . . All these things factor into a marriage and help determine whether it is healthy or whether you will end up asking, “How to save my marriage?”

If there has been affairs or serious betrayals and lies, then in all likelihood the best thing you are able to do if you would like to save the marriage is to go to counseling. This Is not one of the secret techniques, but it is in all likelihood the only one that could genuinely help once things like that have gone on.

Through marriage counseling, you might be able to get at the heart of why there was cheating, and find ways to make certain it does not happen once again. Counseling might also lead you to the painful decision that you do not want to remain in such a marriage where you may not be able to trust your spouse again (or yourself, if you are the one who cheated).

Occasionally marriage counseling is really painful while you are going, but once the painful things come out it is like a wound that has been cleaned out –now it could begin to mend.

The secret techniques aren’t actually secret either, but they may as well be since few people every try them and alternatively do the exact opposite.

The first thing you are able to do when you find yourself asking, “How to save my marriage?” is to merely leave your spouse alone. Enjoy some me time without your partner. It does not have to be for really long. It may be just a couple of days. Just make certain your partner knows that it Is not practice for splitting up, you are just giving him or her a little breathing room.

Occasionally marriages suffer because spouses spend too much time together. If that is the case in your marriage, some time apart could be a really good thing.

If the problem with the marriage is that you spend too much time separate already, then you are able to make a difference in your marriage by taking some initiative. Vow right now to make some alterations, and go and schedule a weekend getaway for you both. If that’s too expensive, plan an outing for the day. Or plan 3 hours of dinner and a movie where it is merely the two of you, on a private and surprise date.

You would be surprised how these 2 secret techniques, when used at the appropriate times, could feel so good they will take you from asking, “How to save my marriage?” to wondering why you had not been doing these things for several years.

Monday, April 13, 2009

What Can I Do To Save My Marriage You Ask

If you are searching around wondering “what can I do to save my marriage” then you are without doubt in a desperate situation as your marriage has hit difficult ground.

Without a doubt there needs to be a period of reflection before you are able to launch into a plan to answer your search, “what can I do to save my marriage?” Failure to stop and think and map out a plan means that you could very well end up going down dead ends and around and around in circles. So contemplate and get a plan.

If you have not already done so, you had better talk to your spouse. Ascertain what they think of the situation and if they believe there's anything worth saving of the marriage. With any luck you both agree that you both want to save your marriage and you decide to go forward together.

You're then faced with either trying to figure things out on your own, going for marriage counseling or searching online for one of the many ebooks that are available and that will answer your question “what can I do save my marriage?”

If you opt for marriage counseling you should consider that this process could be long, expensive and you truly have to be prepared to open yourself and your marriage up to an outside 3rd party. Not alone that, you've to be lucky enough to find a therapist who will gel with you and your spouse in order for the process to work really well.

You could both try to work things out between you on your own and some of the times this could work really well. However, you should be aware that you do run the chance of making things worse because you might not be completely sure what you are doing or how to go about it. Not only that, you and your partner will naturally take your corners and hold onto positions that you have, whether they're right or they're wrong. It's human nature to protect yourself and that may not always be the correct way for you to go forward to find ways “to save my marriage.”

The other choice is to use one of the many ebooks that are online. This could actually be a break through option for many couples since it generally involves going at your own pace, paying a one off fee and getting step by step practical counseling about how to really save the marriage.

Without a doubt it's always easier to have your spouse on side and the two of you rooting for the marriage, but choosing the right resource to save the union is also crucial!